"Big S has a life," I told myself as I feverishly walked through my neighborhood a moment ago. "He has 'friends' and people to hang with."
Grass always greener... The story of my life.
I was walking to walk off a panic attack. I have found that to be the best means to stave one off. I am still struggling with those damned things. I fear my body is falling apart.
You could become a drunk again. You could rekindle the friendship with George.
"Nah," I thought. "That would make the panic attacks worse."
Be the best you can be at AA. Go to every meeting. Meet people. Get out and mingle. Become a pillar of the community.
Now that was starting to sound more pleasant and doable. I would like that. If only I could get over my social anxieties.
I arrived home and my mind was racing 3 miles a minute with such thoughts. There has got to be something fruitful to expend this life doing. I think I am just going to go get in the bed and lay there for the rest of the day.
Social anxiety sucks! I know exactly what you mean. I say the same things over and over to myself. (My shrink works hard for her money)
ReplyDeleteBut I know for me it is baby steps. Something new everyday - even if it is just saying hello to someone new.
You are doing well, keep it up.
I wish I could motivate myself to walk like that. I hate doing it by myself. I think it's great that you have a way with coping with the anxiety in a healthy manner!
ReplyDeleteC.A.
First off I can just speak for me but am sure that others of us blogger buddies do not get pissed at you or us at others when someone is having a bad day. We ALL have bad days even people who do not struggle with mental illnesses! I have been having more panic attacks myself lately. I try to remember that April tends to be a hard month due to lots of issues....bipolar people tend to have it worse in April...plus I have some bad memories in April...so as someone else said that I need to do and encourage you to take baby steps when and if you need to do so. I am glad that your mom and you had a good time togther.i really should drink more water and less pop and you encouraged me to do that when you wrote about it. I hope that you are taking great care of yourself. I think it would help me if I could take walks but since I cannot do it sometimes it helps me to just get out on my patio with Gracie just for a change. Please continue to write when you want to even if it is a bad day....remember your bloger buddies care good days and bad days happy and sad and even mad days.........
ReplyDeleteI am your friend.
ReplyDeleteneither here there near or far!
Baked Apple pie! :)
Always,
Elizabeth
Cheryl is a beautiful friend to forward that thing, she is truly genuine to me. :)