My grandmother and her two elderly sisters used to get this cheese from the Department of Agriculture when I was a child. It was due to a farm subsidy. They also got bricks of butter as well.
We always thought it was a real treat as it made the best cheese toast and grilled cheese sandwiches I had ever eaten bar none. I’d give my eyetooth for a box of this cheese right now. We didn’t feel poor as the caption suggests. We felt blessed.
“A few weeks ago you only spent $58 dollars and you always spend between $60 and $70 so it all comes out in the wash,” my father told me with a heartwarming smile as he patted me on the back as we walked to our cars. “We’ll try to do better next time.”
My father is a wildcard as you never know how he is going to react in these situations. I sighed with relief as Dad then helped me load my numerous groceries into the rear hatch of my Honda. My heart was pounding 100 miles an hour in my chest, though. My old nemesis, anxiety, was making its presence very well known at that moment.
“Don’t forget that I had to buy dog food as well,” I reminded my father to soften the blow.
Photo Credit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/09/sugar-in-tuna-salad_n_7028186.html
2nd Photo Credit: http://www.krogerkrazy.com/2014/09/free-cookies-kroger-mega-sale/
In a clandestine trip to the refrigerator for a diet Coke, I stealthily looked out my kitchen window this morning. I didn’t want my neighbor to see me glaring at him from inside my house. I saw my neighbor take a very long draught of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, light a cigarette, and he then returned to his game of solitaire on a table that has now joined his entourage. He will sit there all day, and not go inside unless he needs a potty break. He also drives somewhere every morning and at lunch which I assume is to get a bite to eat. He just left right now as I write this. I think he goes to the Waffle House.
Dad didn’t know what claustrophobia was so I had to explain it to him.
“He’s afraid of enclosed spaces,” I told my father the pharmacist. “You will feel as if the walls of your house are closing in around you and you will panic.”
“Your mother went through something similar years ago before she was diagnosed as schizophrenic,” dad told me. “She wouldn’t come inside the house unless I was home and would sit in the backyard for hours until I got off from work.”
Photo credit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/19/pbr-russian_n_5849262.html
All the ingredients that make for a crazy and discombobulated Andrew.
“Don’t you dare tell your mother that we didn’t go or she will obsess about it and drive me absolutely crazy,” my father replied. “You’ve got to completely promise me you won’t tell the secretary. She will think you are starving to death.”
“I promise,” I honestly said. “I think I am going to bed early tonight. That will thrill the Magster’s soul. I still have plenty of soup left from last Monday so there’s no chance of me starving. I even have some bologna and honey wheat bread in the freezer.”
Dad said he was going to Kroger anyway to look for some good ribeye steaks hoping to get them at a good price. I told him to hurry as it was going start raining heavily in the next 30 minutes or so. I pulled up the radar on my computer in the den so he could see how far the rain had progressed northwards out of the Gulf of Mexico.
Photo Credit: http://www.food-fire.com/index.php/2013/11/20/grilled-ribeyes-steak-butter/
I never did hear from Wendy, so late in the day I felt kind of defeated and decided to treat myself and ordered an ex-large “the works” Papa John’s pizza on the internet and drove down to Fob James drive to pick it up. It was $19.80 for the pizza and it was money very well spent. I love Papa John’s pizza and rarely get the chance to eat it. I’ve had pizza for supper, breakfast, and lunch these past few days.
I determinedly decided yesterday that all the good women are taken by the time you reach my semi-elderly age of 43. I’m withdrawing from any more attempts at dating. I have really and extremely been pushing the envelope as far as my social anxieties go. It is almost a miracle that I would even attempt to date and call a member of the opposite sex that I wasn’t already socially acclimated with.
Another Monday has graced us with its presence once again. That will mean a trip to the grocery store around 9:30pm. Let’s hope I don’t run over anymore animals tonight. My heart can’t take it. I am going to continue with the chunky soup plan I have been using these past few weeks. The soup has been filling and inexpensive. The only drawback is that it has a lot of sodium in it. I still have three large cans of Progresso soup left from last Monday.
Last night was fried chicken Sundays. Of course, Charlie spent his tenure here cleaning and taking out my trash. Dad and I were sitting on my couch doing the medication ritual as Charlie whizzed by headed for the trashcan outside.
“He can’t sit down for 3 minutes,” my father told me.
I forth went fried chicken last night as I had a ton of pizza left. Charlie did bring me Horsefly’s Coke, though, which was a treat.
Photo Credit: http://imagestack.co/12781149-circle-o.html
Wendy said…
I have just seen your message. Well I will not bite you. I am not beautiful or fancy I am a redheaded nut so come on I am ready. I had not even checked my phone today
It's ok I am not all that anyway and was nothing to be nervous about. I am on disability I don't have a career or anything. I used to be a train wreck now I live right. I don't smoke or use drugs. I am sorry you changed your mind.
My worst fears were realized when Wendy deleted her Facebook account yesterday. It took me about an hour of fretting and pacing the floor until I finally got up the courage to call her to apologize for screwing up our date. She really appreciated me doing that.
Tomorrow afternoon I am going to call her and see if she wants to get a milkshake at Sonic – something simple and easily doable other than an elaborate meal. My intent is on us getting to know each other better and to get to feeling comfortable around each other as well.
Well, Charlie didn’t stay long as he had to get Horsefly to the movies down in Auburn pronto. I asked Charlie what Horsefly wanted to watch this weekend and he replied about the movie Everest which got good ratings. Horsefly really just enjoys the atmosphere and ambience more than the movies, though.
Photo Credit: https://littlebittybakes.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/levain-bakery-chocolate-chip-walnut-cookies/
10pm rolled around last night and my father still hadn’t arrived with my medications. I was reluctant to call him as he says I am like my mother trying to meddle in his business, but I was certainly growing concerned. My father finally arrived at 11pm and I sighed with relief when that black CR-V pulled up to the curb. Maggie squealed with joy and started to bark in earnest. I let Dixie out the front door to give him a grand welcoming up at the street. It’s akin to letting a greyhound out of the gate at the dog tracks.
I normally go to bed about 11pm these days, but I had to wait an hour for my medications to take effect so it was after midnight when I turned off all my lights in my house and Maggie and I went to bed. Dixie usually sleeps on the couch these days. Dad always remarks that my couch looks like a small animal had exploded on it with all of Dixie’s dog hair covering the cushions.
“I am so very sorry son,” he then told me apologetically as he stepped inside last night. “I was on my computer and lost track of the time.”
I can certainly understand that and I was just genuinely glad to see him and didn’t complain. I got Dixie back inside and we took my medications. I always worry my father is going to get a driving under the influence charge when things like this happen.
My father pulled up to the curb last night about 9pm and I let Dixie out the front door to stretch her legs and to go greet my father at the curb. She has quickly learned this is a special event the way Maggie carries on about such visits. Dixie is a totally cool dog as she won’t leave the yard and will come right back inside when called. I could never do this with Maggie. Maggie would be booking it to Timbuktu if let her out the front door.
“Let me have access to your Facebook account and I’ll read the message,” my father told me last night as we sat on my couch and I was fretting over a certain matter. “I know you want to know what she wrote.”
We were in the middle of the medication ritual and I had just taken my last handful of medications. Dearest Wendy had sent one last message after I cancelled our date and I was too cowardly to read it. You know how the old saying goes. “Ignorance is bliss.”
“Maybe tomorrow night,” I told my father to get him off my back and to placate him somewhat.
We then fed and watered Maggie and Dixie as both dogs looked on hungrily. Dixie eats her kibble as if it were her last meal. My father complained about our cost of dog food. We’ve been having to buy the jumbo bags of Purina One.
My father says the reason he doesn’t use Facebook is that he would be inundated with messages that he would feel obligated to reply to which is pretty honest. He has just recently learned to use email due to his cousins’ urgings which I thought was quite a big step for him. He has also recently learned how to text on his iPhone.
“We are having a fried ham steak, cornbread, creamed potatoes, pear salad, black eyed peas, and fried okra,” my father told me.
Beggars can’t be choosers as I often say, but my father is completely unimaginative with these meals. I would be getting Helen to cook interesting items like casseroles, lasagna and spaghetti with meat sauce – let her spread her wings a bit and fly unfettered. Dad did tell me that we were going to have meatloaf and mac and cheese next week – my favorite meal that Helen cooks.
Photo Credit: http://oz.wikia.com/wiki/Bert_Lahr
Photo Credit #2: http://www.thekitchn.com/ingredient-spotlight-ham-steak-70973
Adia, my nurse, was asking me a lot of questions about how my mental illness affects me. I told her it effects my behavior for the most part. I regaled her in the tale of when one time I got a extreme delusion and thought Emeril Lagasse was going to fly me to New York for one of his restaurant’s grand openings. I got dressed to the nines that night and woke my parents up at 4am in the morning.
“Emeril’s limousine will pick me up in a moment,” I can vaguely remember telling my father as he urged me to go get in the bed.
As usual, I arrived home and experienced a wonderful moment of total bliss and euphoria and I then grew so drowsy I could barely keep my eyes open. Maggie and I crawled into the bed of my very chilly bedroom and slept for 4 hours. I woke up with dog butt in my face and pushed Maggie to the side with a chuckle.
Photo Credit: http://www.post-gazette.com/life/dining/2015/03/25/Emeril-Lagasse-marks-25-years-in-New-Orleans/stories/201503250029
Well, my computer in the den would just inexplicably and randomly cut off the past few days. I narrowed the problem down to a stick of RAM that was going bad and I had to replace it. Luckily, I had two extra sticks of Corsair 8 Gigabyte DDR3 2400 MHz RAM on the shelf in my computer room. I replaced the sticks and the computer booted up fine and dandy. I sighed with relief as I put the case cover back on and screwed it securely to the chassis. I danced with the devil and got away with it once again.
Photo Credit: http://www.overclock.net/products/corsair-vengeance-pro-16gb-2-x-8gb-240-pin-ddr3-sdram-ddr3-2400-pc3-19200-desktop-memory
“What’s wrong?” Wendy asked me over the phone. “I was so looking forward to seeing you. I haven’t seen you since high school.”
“I have severe social anxiety and things such as this are extremely hard for me to do,” I replied honestly. “I do better some days, but today is just not one of those days.”
I then called my father for his advice.
“You made me feel better,” my father said on the phone a moment ago. “You can’t do all that and keep your mental health. I’ve been so worried about you trying too hard to find a social life.”
“And don’t you feel badly about it either,” my father then told me. “You have to do what you have to do to keep on an even keel.”
I feel terrible about it all anyway, but the most oppressive and uncomfortable butterflies I’ve been experiencing in years have gone away. I feel at peace now and it is a wonderful feeling.
Photo credit: http://fcaaonline.com/events/10th-annual-poker-run/
Dad says I have a very unique insight into how my mother is doing and what she is thinking. Like minds think alike as the old saying goes.
“She’s coming down from her very lofty high,” I told my father. “She slept most of today away. She sounded like she had awoken from a deep sleep when she called me earlier.”
“I wish we could find her a balance and be even keeled,” my father told me in reply. “I am afraid to change her medications, though. She’s is like a totally different person taking her Zyprexa. You can actually reason with her for a change.”
Photo Credit: http://blogs.wsj.com/health/2009/01/15/justice-department-beats-chest-over-zyprexa-settlement/
“Who is it girl?” I asked Maggie enthusiastically as I walked to the front door.
It was Charlie and he had a replacement air filter for my heating and air conditioning unit. He had checked it last Sunday night when he was over here and had said I needed a new one. Charlie also brought a large beige trashcan to put next to my computer desk for my empty soda cans.
“I’m not here at a bad time, am I?” Charlie asked, always the sensitive soul.
“Anytime is a good time for Charlie time,” I replied with a welcoming smile.
“Your daddy will be here in about an hour,” Charlie told me as nighttime approached. “They just closed the pharmacy.”
Charlie changed the filter and then spent some time with Maggie on the sofa. Maggie was in ecstasy at the attention garnered upon her. Charlie is beta dog and highly revered in our pack hierarchy. Maggie is the alpha female and matriarch of our little pack.
Photo credit: http://pompanobeachairconditioner-repair.com/your-homes-air-quality/
I also withdrew $40 dollars for lunch. A large pizza at Johnny’s New York Style Pizza will cost around $20 dollars. I have some of my nicest casual clothes laundered, folded, and sitting on my dresser as well. I threw a few extra fabric softener sheets in the dryer to get my clothes smelling extra clean and fresh.
Wendy and I have been doing some chatting via Facebook and she seems like such a kind and caring soul. She is taking a friend, Tina, whom we both went to high school with to Birmingham today to see the specialists at the Kirkland Clinic. That is a very long drive. Our old classmate has a tumor in her sinuses. They find out today if it is malignant or not.
“She is scared to death,” Wendy aptly wrote me this morning. “I am going to try to take her mind off such things.”
“Bless her dear heart,” I replied. “I hope it is benign.”
Wendy is taking her to Vulcan state park and out to eat somewhere nice.
I ran over a medium sized dog on my drive home from the grocery store tonight. It looked like a miniature Doberman pincher. I was only going about 10 to 15 miles per hour by the elementary school where the lighting is poor when it ran quickly out in front of me. I didn’t even have time to apply the brakes. I bumped its hip with my left front tire and there was a loud yelp. I hope it is okay, but it just devastates my heart that I might have killed it.
My new soup plan is working out really well. I will get more chunky soup tonight except the Progresso brand is better than Campbell’s I have learned. They have more traditional chunky soups to choose from. I tried some of Campbell’s “pizza” soup and it was interesting and weird to say the least. I will not buy that again. I do not want Jimmy crack corn chowder. I just want some simple creamy and chunky chicken noodle soup – soup you can eat with a fork.
Photo credit: http://www.helloken.com/2015_01_01_archive.html
“Your daddy's had some wine and he is asleep in his recliner,” mom told me. “That darn NPR is on the radio. We never get to listen to what I want to.”
That never bodes promising for a 9:00pm egress to the grocery store.
“Go over there and poke him,” I told my mother.
“You come over here and poke him,” my mother replied balking and laughing.
Now, my father drinking wine is a relatively new phenomenon that his frou frou cousins taught him to do. Last year, I don’t ever remember him drinking wine. He drinks the wine in these little plastic cups to meter it out so as not to drink too much. He never seems drunk, but I can still smell it on his breath many nights.
Photo credit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/thrillist/ranking-the-top-5-bum-win_b_4610498.html
“You can take your car to that carwash in Valley,” mom told me. “It is just $6.99 and they vacuum your interior, too.”
I was trying to borrow one of dad’s garden hoses to wash my car.
“Those automatic carwashes are terrible for and will scratch your paintjob,” I told my mother. “Thanks anyway for the suggestion.”
Well, I couldn’t get my father on his cellphone so I just drove over and stuck a garden hose in the back of my car. I have the spray nozzle, sponge, and a bucket thankfully.
There’s lots of rain on the radar so I better wait until tomorrow to do the deed I think.
photo credit: http://www.referenceforbusiness.com/business-plans/Business-Plans-Volume-01/Car-Wash.html
Maggie eats one large bowl of Purina One lamb and rice every night. It has to be fresh out of the bag or she will not eat it. She will look on with keen anticipation as I get her fresh water and dad gives her fresh kibble.
“Thank you,” I then told Charlie. “You can clean in ten minutes what would take me two hours to do.”
Charlie even emptied my ashtray with all my half smoked cigars in it. Dad says by me smoking those cigars that I am on the gateway to becoming a cigarette smoker again. He did love how it made my house smell, though, as I had just smoked one before their arrival. He said it reminded him of his father who also copiously smoked cigars.
“Cigarette smokers smell like ashtrays,” dad said with a blech!
“Kentucky Fried Chicken okay tonight?” my father then asked me.
“I am just glad to see the both of you no matter what you brought,” I told my father. “I’ve been lonely today.”
“You? Lonely?” my father said with a scoff.
Photo Credit: http://genius.com/130939
My crazy biological clock got me up at 5am after only five hours of sleep. I am wondering if I should just stay up and wait for Charlie and our Sunday morning breakfast. He will probably be here around 9am. The last time he couldn’t get me to the door, he left my sausage biscuits on the front porch and ants got into them. What a terrible waste of two perfectly edible sausage biscuits.
Tonight, with my therapist in mind, I straightforwardly asked an old high school friend, Wendy, out for lunch Wednesday. She agreed and I told her I would pick her up at noon. We are going to eat at Johnny’s New York Style Pizza in downtown West Point. My treat! The last time I had their pizza it was exceptionally good.
I already have butterflies in my stomach, and they will only intensify as noon Wednesday approaches. “Breathe deep, relax, and have fun,” Barbara, my therapist, would tell me.
Photo credit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdSo4CYudD8
“Are you going to leave your car running?” I worrisomely asked Charlie looking out my front door.
“If somebody steals that car with Horsefly in it, then they are in for a world of hurt and trouble,” Charlie said with a chuckle. “They'd bring it right back.”
“Let’s get your kitchen cleaned up,” he told me rallying the troops after we took my medications.
It really wasn’t that dirty, but I polished my glass stovetop as Charlie cleaned my sinks and countertops. Charlie then took out all my trash and the numerous soda cans that had accumulated by my computer desk forming a pyramid.
“You need to put a trashcan by your computer,” he told me. “I’ll get you one tomorrow.”
Photo credit: http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=109184
“No beans?” I asked of the dip.
“You know we don’t like beans in our chili,” my father replied.
I immediately thought of my friend, Jennifer.
I reached into my parent’s refrigerator to grab my Helen to-go plates. They were very heavy which bode promising that there was a lot of leftover food. I was especially keen on getting more of that glow in the dark yellow saffron rice Helen cooks to perfection.
“Charlie’s bringing your medications at 4pm before he takes Horsefly to the movies,” my father told me as I was leaving.
No sweeter words could have been spoken by anybody in recent memory. I nervously thought it would be 10pm or 11pm tonight before I would get my medications because of football which takes precedence over such things in my world.
Photo credit: http://www.the-girl-who-ate-everything.com/2010/02/chili-cream-cheese-dip-or-ghetto-dip.html
Somehow, I did not get the football/gladiator gene and can think of a thousand more pleasing things to do than watch a leather ball thrown about a field by men in tights. Do I sound bitter? Actually, it is just that I do not care and I just can’t understand the fervor heaped upon these games.
Photo Credit: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1759633-auburn-football-ellis-johnsons-4-2-5-defense-is-a-game-changer-for-tigers
“I am proud of all you’ve been able to accomplish these past few years,” he told me in a a very rare moment of praise. “You are acting like a grown man should act. I can trust you again.”
Dad got to laughing hysterically when I told him how Maggie handled Dixie and the nagging bark she makes when she does so.
“Maggie’s not taking any shit off that big dog,” I told my father after mimicking Maggie’s snappish and scolding bark. “She’s still the boss dog around here.”
Photo credit: http://coachingmetaphoria.com/archives/286
Photo credit: http://footee.ie/2014/12/19/thank-you/
“I want an Asus AMD Radeon R9 390X video card,” I replied.
“What the hell is that and what does it cost?” my father asked cautiously.
“It’s a video card for my computer and the one I want is $449 dollars,” I replied.
“My whole Dell computer didn’t cost but $300 and that included the screen,” my father scoffed. “Matt, my computer guy at the pharmacy, says you are computer gaming and that is why you need such fast and expensive computers.”
“He’s right!” I responded. “I want to stay ahead of the curve so to speak.”
photo credit: http://vr-zone.com/articles/asus-introduces-radeon-r9-390-390x-strix-graphics-card/93961.html
Today we had a fried pork cutlet, yellow saffron rice, Brussels's sprouts, steamed cabbage, turnip greens, and cornbread.
“You thought I was going to get you up something to do, didn’t you?” I asked him, laughing loudly.
“Well, it is my first day off in many a day,” he replied with a chuckle. “I just want to drink my wine and listen to National Public Radio.”
“I just want you to set my sodas out on the porch,” I told him before driving over. “That’s all I want.”
I was glad we are now out of Sprite Zeros and mom has started serving the diet Cokes. Mom will gather dozens of 12 packs of sodas and keep them in the garage stacked up against the wall. It’s obsessive, but that is how my mother’s mind works.
Helen will be over around noon to start cooking our Friday meal. I was amiss by not asking my father what she was cooking today. Mom will call me around 3pm to come and pick up my plate.
I asked an old high school friend out to lunch today via Facebook’s messenger. She keeps “poking” me for a reaction (so does her sister). She still has her original last name so I think she is still single. We will find out soon enough when she gets the note and messages me back.
Photo Credit: http://www.seriouseats.com/2010/06/weekend-mini-poll-do-you-prefer-regular-or-di.html
One time, eons ago when I was married, I told my then wife, Rachel, that I was giving out full size candy bars for Halloween. She balked, but the kids all loved it. It was what I would want to get as a child as far as candy goes. I saw this cartoon and just fell in love with it.
“Your daddy says I need to slow down some,” my mother told me after rolling down her window.
“Well, you are pretty hyper,” I replied. “We’re worried you will fall or have an accident in your car.”
She will also drive my father crazy with worries, obsessions, and problems as soon as he pulls into the garage. Normally, she is always quietly reading a book in the den when my father gets off of work.
“I got you the steak fajitas tonight,” mom said gleefully. “I know that’s your favorite.”
“Well, thank you,” I said very appreciatively.
Usually, I get the $6.99 #9 ground beef burrito and refried beans. Mom was feeling pretty generous tonight. My father would call this grandiosity. Me? Hey, I am just rolling with the punches for the moment praying that mom cycles to a more even tone of mind.
Photo Credit: http://www.novyranches.com/recipes/?p=193
“Oh, I am allergic to alcohol,” I told him waving him off which is not far from the truth.
He got a quizzical look on his face.
“You sure you don’t want a Pabst?” he asked.
I shook my head firmly no. Alcohol makes me do stupid things like trying to super overclock my computer and destroying it without regards to the consequences. It completely and absolutely removes any and all of my inhibitions. I also know deep down in my heart that a few beers would entice me into driving down to the Circle K to buy cigarettes. Those two are like bedfellows to me.
“My music doesn’t bother you, does it?” I then used this opportunity to ask my neighbor.
“What music?” he replied. “I never hear any music.”
I have a home theater that can raise the dead. That made me feel better as he has been such a courteous neighbor to me. I am sure he would soon grow tired of Lisa Loeb’s Greatest Hits as much as I listen to that album.
Photo Credit: http://www.whitemysteryband.com/2013/05/08/pabst-blue-ribbon/
Right now, she is worried about and obsessing over my arm and the very painful arthritis I am experiencing in my shoulder. Mom can accomplish great things when she gets like this, but she can also get things in a tangled mess of doctor’s appointments, medications and rehabilitation.
“Do you want to go see Dr. Martin and get a different kind of pain medication?” Mom, the secretary, asked me tonight over the phone.
Dad was sitting on my couch when I told my mother I couldn’t take all those pain medications. They trigger my addictions. Dad frowned and looked very sour at our exchange.
“Your mother is on a high,” he told me with another grimace. “I’ve seen it coming.”
Mom has also been over at my house today three times, when sometimes I can go a few weeks and her not come over at all. The first visit was to bring me some Naproxen Sodium. The second visit was to bring me some Tums antacid, and the third was a plate of baked pork chops my father had cooked the night before.
Photo Credit: http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/the-bible-does-not-speak-to-that
“Our internet is down,” he said frantically. “And we’ve been on the phone with WOW! tech support for thirty minutes. We can’t run insurance. We can’t run anything.”
I dressed as nicely as my wardrobe allowed and stepped out my front door to embrace all that what may come. I arrived at the pharmacy as fast as I could and checked the simplest things first. Was the data server on? Were all the computers plugged up and running? Then I restarted all their computers and the several cable modems and Ethernet switch.
“We’re back on!!!” my father hollered very excitedly from the next room. “What did you do?”
Dad gave me $20 dollars and told me to go get a good lunch – that I had earned it. I stopped at Little Caesar's just up the road and got two large pepperoni pizzas with extra sauce and cheese to go.
Photo Credit: http://www.amazon.com/ARRIS-SURFboard-SB6121-DOCSIS-Cable/dp/B004XC6GJ0
http://www.fromaway.com/observations/america-presents-little-caesars-hot-n-ready-pepperoni-pizza
“I’ll put you some Aleve and an icepack in with your sodas,” my mother told me over the phone. “I hate it that you are hurting.”
“I slept on it wrong,” I replied to my mother. “And Dixie keeps nuzzling it very forcibly compounding the pain and the problem.”
“I still have your hydrocodone from when you broke your foot,” mom then told me dangling a most delicious carrot. “Your daddy filled the prescription.”
“I will take too many of them,” I replied to my mother very honestly after a pause for sanity to return. “You hang on to those.”
Pain pills and me: Oh lordy, I could write an essay!
Like I had predicted in my last post, I went back to bed at 7am and slept until noon. I was dead to the world until Dixie’s barking woke me up at lunchtime.
Photo credit: http://www.exercisesforshoulderpain.com/blog/
I always find a nice rejuvenating hot shower and some music tends to relax me. I am listening to some Sufjan Stevens Seven Swans “If I am alive this time next year…” and I’ve got the water in the tub running for a hot shower or bath. Maggie’s already hightailed it outside sitting in the cold on the back deck thinking she is getting a bath. lol I’ve never seen a dog this adverse to water. Dixie is walking in her sleep and snoring on the couch.
Photo credit: https://graceschmidt.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/the-clouds-veil-2/
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Dad’s previous obligations got cancelled and he was able to accompany me to the grocery store tonight.
I did get a helluva lot of food for $68 dollars. I also got a lot of comfort items as well like cream cheese and chives crackers, oatmeal and raisin cookies and Oreo cookies – stuff I normally wouldn’t get as it is so expensive and frivolous. That’s were buying store brand comes in handy. I also stuck with my Campbell’s soup plan getting 8 cans of chunky soup and I also got 10 cans of assorted Chef Boyardee. They were on sale at 10 for $10. I only got six frozen meals tonight and the sharp cheddar cheese to spruce them up and make them more palatable.
“I see you finally got your tea,” my father told me as he watched me load up my groceries into my car. “I complained to the manager on duty about it last Wednesday night. They were losing sales.”
“Yep,” I replied. “I got 5 gallons of Milo’s famous sweet tea.”
I gave dad a hug and then we both headed our separate ways. I had a trunk of groceries to unload and put away – my most abhorred thing about grocery night.
Barbecue. I was overjoyed as I really can’t afford to eat the delicious fare there. A barbecue plate is $8.99. That’s a lot of double cheeseburgers from Mickey D’s.
“I wish you would just let me open another tab with them so you could get a good meal with vegetables everyday,” he told me. “They have the best sweet tea as well.”
“Dad, I would weigh 300 pounds plus in a few short months eating at Roger’s everyday,” I haughtily replied, but I did tell my father thank you for the offer.
Dad brought my medications as well for which I was overjoyed. He has an obligation tonight that he can’t get out of. I think it is continuing education for pharmacists down in Auburn. Charlie is going grocery shopping with me.
I am busily adding music to the computer in my den – all 146 Gigabytes I have on my iPod. I have no love for Apple’s iTunes and avoid installing it. I don’t want to have to jump through hoops to listen to and buy my music. iTunes was telling me I had too many computers authorized to use it and I immediately uninstalled it.
Another blessing happened this morning when I realized I had six diet Sunkist sodas in my fridge that I had forgotten about. Charlie brought them last night. They taste so much better than Sprite Zero I have been drinking. I cracked open a can, took a big drink, and a big smile formed on my face. Now, if I only had a cigarette, it would be a moment of bliss. I guess I can have a Swisher Sweet cigar instead. I love the way those cigars taste and smell. Ah, the aroma and taste of cherry!
Today is another grocery day. If you can believe it, I still have one meal left from last week and it is a sweet and sour chicken microwave meal. I did so much better on conserving my groceries this week than from previous weeks. It helps that I haven’t had much of an appetite lately as well.
My saving grace was all the Progresso chunky soup I bought that was inexpensive and filling. I plan to carry on that new tradition tonight. The chicken corn chowder I purchased was most excellent. We are going to try Campbell’s chunky soup this week and see if it is better.
Photo credit: http://nerdist.com/llamas-asses-to-go-unwhipped-as-winamp-shuts-down/
“Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry,” my mother said when she called me after getting my message. “We can’t hear the phones out on the back porch.”
To hear this was much consolation for my mind. My anxiety melted away. I am known for my numerous social gaffes and I was worried I had committed another causing my parents to spurn me.
Papa and Charlie have just left after delivering much needed medications and Popeye’s chicken. They had to go through three drive-thru’s tonight with mom wanting a Burger King Whopper, Horsefly wanting KFC chicken tenders, and my father, Charlie, Janice, and I wanting Popeye’s chicken. Maggie and I both jumped for joy at the arrival of Charlie’s Chevy Caprica in front of my house. Dixie was already outside the front door and ran to the road to greet them.
photo credit: http://forums.imore.com/politics/332110-trump-2016-a.html
Normally, Sunday night around 7pm is when Charlie rallies the troops and him and my father do fried chicken Sundays for Horsefly and us all along with my medications. I wonder if Charlie is going to do that alone tonight? I hate when our schedules get off kilter like they are doing tonight. It makes my anxiety go off the charts. Sunday nights are always nice because I don’t have to wait until late to get my medications. At least I know one thing: Horsefly will have to get his chicken fingers meal come hell or high water.
Oh, I am just crazy as a fruit bat today so don’t mind me. Paranoia, anxiety and worry is the name of the game for me at the moment.
Photo credit: http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-images-paranoia-paranoid-paranoid-mental-anxiety-as-concept-image31422984
I spent most of my morning moving one of my computers into the den via a wireless internet connection that came integrated with my motherboard. I was afraid the connection speeds would be paltry, but I am downloading and browsing as fast as can be. I am getting four bars out of five signal strength on the other end of the house. Now I can use a computer out of that dark dungeon that was my computer room. It is so bright and airy here in the den.
Charlie has arrived with breakfast. Dixie flew out the door to go greet him at the road. Maggie safely and jubilantly barked from the other side of the screened in door. Charlie was congenial, but in a hurry to finish all his deliveries while the biscuits were still fresh and hot.
“I’m headed to Polly’s,” he said of his sister as he left in a flash.
Charlie left me with a feeling of loneliness and I never get lonely for the most part. Boredom is always my greatest nemesis sitting in this old house of mine.
Laura texted me yesterday at noon…
“Can I call you?”
I texted back that my father was soon to arrive with my medications and asked nicely if she could call back later. I think I pissed her off as she never called. I kept wondering all day if the honeymoon between her and Wayne was over. She has told me in the past that she is calling me to come get her if things don’t work out. Man, that’s a long ass drive.
Today was the first day of the fall season I turned on my heat. My comfort range is around 78° to 80° degrees and it was 74° degrees in this house when I woke up this morning. I wore a jacket and long pants and finally relented when it grew uncomfortable and set the heat to 78°.
My father has just left after administering my medications. I was so very glad when I heard that knock on the door and the dogs went wild at his arrival. Dixie has learned, too, that Papa’s arrival is a special time around this household. She gets just as excited as Maggie does. I always just let her out the front door to go greet my father and she stays outside the front door so dad can spend some time with Maggie. I then call her and she comes right back inside.
Dad had to work all morning opening and closing the pharmacy at noon. Now, he has a wedding to attend this afternoon. It seems his responsibilities continually get heaped upon him.
I’ve got to get down to Wal-Mart today and get Maggie some nail clippers pronto having misplaced my pair. When her nails get too long then she starts to slightly and then increasingly limp. It is pitiful and painful to see her hobble about the house. Her nails grow faster than any dog I have ever owned. I guess it is because she never goes outside except to use the bathroom.
Photo credit: http://www.ukmix.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=109569&p=5746879
photo credit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_pill_and_blue_pill
Helen was just leaving as I pulled into the driveway from the rear of the house. Mom had the garage door up which worried me to a degree. That is unlike her. She said it was for the heating/cooling guy who was supposed to arrive soon.
Mom hasn’t been feeling very well lately. She says she has a bladder infection and if it is anything like the urinary tract infection I had then I know she’s got to be feeling terrible. She keeps saying she is going to the doctor if she doesn’t get to feeling better soon. The doctor did call into my father some antibiotics.
“Is there something I can go get you to make you feel better?” I asked my mother who was laying on the couch. “Do you want me to go get you a Butterfinger blast?”
“I’m fine,” she said. “I just need to rest. Go eat your meal while it is still hot.”
I reluctantly locked the back door and headed to my car worried about her.
I awoke about 7am as dawn arrived this morning and looked out into the predawn dark through the kitchen window and there he was already in his comfy chair for his day with the carport light lighting the way.
“There is something very strange about your neighbor,” Charlie told me last Sunday night. “I don’t think he is right in the head.”
“I know,” I replied. “I try not to gawk and I mind my own business. He always waves hello and I reciprocate. He seems to be a nice guy. He is quiet as a church mouse thankfully.”
“He must have agoraphobia,” my father chimed in forever the armchair psychiatrist.
It seems I am on a much more normal sleeping schedule now. I went to bed at 11pm last night and woke up at around 7am this morning. That’s a good eight hours of sleep and much more aligned with what normal people do. Whatever normal is.
photo credit: http://amhistory.si.edu/militaryhistory/collection/object.asp?ID=80
