She Pulled My Heart Out and Stomped that Sucker Flat…

It supremely crushes my heart to see Wendy on Facebook. She is on there all the time – sometimes late, late into the night.  I want to delete her as a friend to spare myself the pain and heartbreak, but I keep hoping she will try and make contact with me once again.  I wish it were just a simple cooling off period.  I really had my heart set on this lady and I guess I was wrong.

“You can find someone much, much better than her if you try,” my father callously told me tonight.

The problem is that I don’t want to find anyone else.  I am tired of searching and I thought I had found the one.  The right one. I felt so connected to her.  We had this symbiosis thing going for us.  Our torrid relationship ended about as quick as it started. 

All Hallows Eve…

I didn’t get a lot of trick or treaters as I had planned.  My front lights were on and my pumpkin was brightly lit. They just didn’t show. 

My brother and my sister thankfully stopped by with a vanload of a nephew and nieces.  They each got a Snickers bar or a peanut butter cup. I am eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup as I write this. Yummy to my tummy. I should gain back all those pounds I lost when feeling so mentally ill. I have a lot of expensive candy left. 

A Good Day to You Darlin’…

This is a note I left Wendy today. I try to do this one positive thing everyday so she will know I am thinking of her.  Our chats keep growing longer and longer as we get to know each other more and more. I can just now hear the ice cracking. I’ve been taking a very forward kind of carpe diem approach to this relationship. 

I just wanted to say hello to one of Facebook's more awesome denizens.  I hope you are having a good day. I want to lie down and take a nap with Maggie, but I am afraid I will stay up all night.  I hope you have a super day with lots of cool things happening.  Take care of yourself, Andrew.

I keep waiting for her to make the next move and tell me when she wants to go out and have dinner one night, or maybe I should take the initiative and ask her point blank.  She told me she would let me know when she is ready.

A Most Enjoyable Experience…

Many mornings lately I have been leaving Wendy a little note of encouragement in her Facebook message inbox.  This is very forward of me and is also very out of character seeing how shy I am in my real life.  This afternoon we chatted for almost an hour.  It is fun getting to know someone you are interested in. She’s turning out to be a real class act and I very much want us to be at least good friends.  To date would just be the icing on the cake.

Tomorrow’s Date–Today’s Good Samaritan…

Everything is all set for my and Wendy’s lunch date tomorrow.  The only task I have left to do is wash my car and it is supposed to rain so I might not be able to do that today.  Rain is encroaching upon the Georgia/Alabama state line as I write this. 

I also withdrew $40 dollars for lunch.  A large pizza at Johnny’s New York Style Pizza will cost around $20 dollars.  I have some of my nicest casual clothes laundered, folded, and sitting on my dresser as well. I threw a few extra fabric softener sheets in the dryer to get my clothes smelling extra clean and fresh.

Wendy and I have been doing some chatting via Facebook and she seems like such a kind and caring soul.  She is taking a friend, Tina, whom we both went to high school with to Birmingham today to see the specialists at the Kirkland Clinic. That is a very long drive.  Our old classmate has a tumor in her sinuses.  They find out today if it is malignant or not.

“She is scared to death,” Wendy aptly wrote me this morning. “I am going to try to take her mind off such things.”

“Bless her dear heart,” I replied. “I hope it is benign.”

Wendy is taking her to Vulcan state park and out to eat somewhere nice.

Late Sunday Evening as Life Marches Ever Forward…

I have had the hardest time staying awake lately.  It seems all I want to do is sleep.  Laura suggested today that the depression side of my illness is coming out and making itself known.  I don’t feel depressed, but just sleepy all the time.  She doesn’t feel well today also – saying she feels nervous and jittery.  She’s got me a dozen questions to ask my father ,the pharmacist, tonight.

It is time for Sunday night fried chicken.  I think I am going with the chicken tenders this week.  The closer to seven I get, the more excited I will get.  I’m ready for some hardcore schizophrenia meds as we speak. Maybe they will make me feel better as they usually do.   All the Klonopin I take at night tends to settle my nerves and settles me down as well.

Laura and I had a long talk on the phone last night.  I told her some of my misgivings about her and she said I was taking things out of context.   We decided to both keep giving it a shot and go out next week.  There is another suitor in the midst and he is actively pursuing her as well.   She says he gets on her nerves which makes me chuckle.  He certainly is a determined and needy fellow on Facebook.  I’m the laid back one of the bunch.  You certainly won’t catch me groveling like Richard does.   Richard is probably one of the neediest fellows that I’ve come across in years.

Dating is Exhausting…

I am an total introvert in a relationship with an extremely outgoing extrovert.  Laura can talk on the phone for hours and multiple times a day.  My therapist would call this good therapy bless her little misguided soul.  I can’t really complain much as I needed an extrovert to kind of bring me out of my shell so to speak. Laura is leading in this little dance we are undertaking called dating and getting to know each other.

She wants to see my house so I better get to cleaning.  Her parent’s house is immaculate and in a very posh subdivision.  Ms. Maggie would like to find out the progenitor of all these strange smells on me lately as well.

Dad and my brother drove just over 5000 miles to reach Bama last week.  I am kind of glad I didn’t get recruited for that drive home.  They are still recovering and it has been over a week since they found their way home. 

Laura is a sweetheart and I do believe we have a future together.  She says she suffers from a mild form of Asperger’s syndrome which is mild form of autism. Her behavior would suggest otherwise.   I would diagnose her as being ADHD, but then again I am not a psychiatrist. She may just simply be an extrovert born into a busy world.

Photo Credit:   http://www.lifehacker.com.au/2013/07/how-introverts-and-extroverts-can-peacefully-coexist/

Treating Her Like a Lady…

Mom brought me Helen’s delicious dinner tonight.  I grow weary of telling you what we ate in that my father gets Helen to fix the same things over and over ad nauseum.  If it were up to me, I would let Helen get adventurous with her cooking and we could all see what she puts together.  There is more to Southern cookin’ than just peas and cornbread.  We had cube steak and gravy tonight with the aforementioned peas and cornbread.  I like to mash up my soupy peas and cornbread.  It is almost like a hearty poor man’s soup.

My preparations for my date are coming together.  I just drove to AutoZone to get polish and shine for the interior and dash of my car – the exterior now clean.  Mom was with me and sat out in the car. I got a really nice, new shirt at Old Navy today and mom and I got me a better pair of new tennis shoes. I am hoping my comfortable pair of blue jeans still fit me without having to buy another pair.

Mom and I were down in Auburn this morning picking up her more books.  We stopped by Sonic on our way home and got a small chocolate shake shared between us.

Laura and I are talking on the phone now often for up to an hour or two at the time which leaves me exhausted.  I don’t know how to get off the phone nicely.  Tonight, I just had to tell her Charlie was here.  The phone never was my forte, but Laura keeps the conversation moving thankfully – no awkward or odd silences which drive me batty.  My hands were shaking the first time she told me she was going to call me as I waited by the phone after sending the number via Facebook’s Messenger.  I know I had to sound so nervous, but her sultry voice put me at ease.  She kind of purrs like a kitten.    

Ok, Charlie will soon arrive with my medications. It is 10pm and  I am ready to take them, and then I will head to bed shortly once they kick in.  It has been a long, busy day.  Lately, he has been bringing me a giant Coke every night and it has been such a treat before bed even if I do have to get up and pee around midnight. lol

Her Name is Laura…

I was talking to Laura last night – my new relationship interest.  I told her I was going to get up the courage to ask her out for a dinner date once my foot is better and when I get up the courage to actually ask.  She told me just to let her know and that she is excited about it.  I am going to get some flowers to give her on our first date as well.  I also wrote to her last night to tell me her favorite restaurant in Lagrange.  I expect her to get online this morning and tell me that.  Mom and I are going tomorrow to get me some new tennis shoes and a nice shirt for me to wear.  The pieces of the puzzle are falling into place.  My chariot of love is cleaner than it has been in years thanks to Charlie’s help with a good wax job and a thorough vacuuming.

I also take mom to Books-a-Million in Auburn tomorrow.  She has called me ten times fretting I may not be able to take her.  I told her to quit worrying so much – I can still get around pretty good.  I am just going to sit in the car while she does her business.  We will go to Best Buy if I feel up to it tomorrow.  I am dying for a new corded computer mouse.

Guten Morgen…

My ex-wife and I still fight fervently and viciously in my dreams.  We were having a knock down, drag out fight when Maggie abruptly woke me this morning whining or whinging as the British say. I guess it is my penance to pay for the downhill spiral that was our marriage.

“What’s wrong, girl?” I sleepily asked the Maggins who stood by the bed furiously wagging her tail.

She led me into the laundry room and I had forgotten to open her dog door this morning.  She got to barking around midnight last night and I got her in with the promise of bologna and quickly locked the door for my neighbor’s sake.  I didn’t fall asleep until almost 3am last night as Maggie “cough barked” by my side.  Maggie went tearing out that dog door when I opened it this morning.  I tell ya when ya gotta go ya gotta go.  Maggie secretively made sure no one was looking and did her business.

Ace in the Hole…

I realized I am just a trifle when it comes to Laura whom I am chatting with on the internet.  She has hopes of moving back in with her long time boyfriend Richard and I am just plan B or C.  She wrote on Facebook yesterday that they are having talks about it.  If all else fails, then she can turn to me.  Her long time boyfriend wrote “Miss You!” on her Facebook homepage yesterday.  I am probably just going to ignore her chat requests today.  I am getting too old and way too jaded for games such as these and she does so with this childlike innocence – kind of simple minded.  I’m worth more than that and deserve better. Hell, I don’t need to be dating anyway with my social anxiety the way it is these days.

I Really Like Her, But…

I am chatting with this sweet Southern lady on Facebook.  She lives in LaGrange just 25 minutes away from me.  We’ve had some really good chats and are getting to know each other, but the relationship is progressing painfully slow.  My mother taught her in school and has fond memories of her – that she was a good student.  The only warning signs are that she is 42 and still lives with her parents.  She has also been married 3 times.  I am willing to overlook all of that as I’ve had a failed marriage as well and am coddled by my parents also.  I guess she is waiting for me to ask her out.  I really want to lose another 10 pounds before we meet.  I sent her a picture of myself today taken in my bathroom mirror and she said I looked very handsome.  Oh, I am really just not good at this sort of thing at all.  It gets my social anxieties all in a twist.