Front Yards on a Sunday Afternoon in the South…

My neighbor walked across the street to talk to me yesterday afternoon. I warily looked over Tracy’s car wondering what this was about. They never have been the neighborly types so this shocked me.

“I’ve got five cars that need to be washed,” he said with a big goofy grin and very congenially.

“Five?” I asked incredulously with an exhausted look on my face. “I give out at two.”

He laughed some more and told me to have a good day not before I could tell him I want a ride in his Camaro.

“Let me get it cleaned up and we will go for a ride,” he replied.

I finally found out his name and it was Tony.

I was washing both Tracy’s and my car. It’s a good feeling to look out the den window and see the fruits of my labor and to see them so clean with the tires slicked and wet looking. I went the extra mile a put a coat of Nu Finish car polish on Tracy’s car. It gave it that mirror finish look.

I was pooped when all was said and done. I came inside and collapsed in my recliner for a good hour not wanting to move. My back was giving me fits from all that bending over. (I am getting so very old!)

Papa and Charlie showed up at 9pm with our Sunday evening meal. You had never seen a more happy dog than Maggie. She really put on a grand show last night. She had all the people she most loved in one room all at one time. All this commotion sent Wheezy scurrying for cover, though. Maggie also knows that Charlie and Papa bring chicken strips and she eagerly awaited her meal after they had gone. She was underfoot before I could put them on a paper plate and place them on the floor.

Trouble Comes in Twos and Threes…

About 45 minutes after Tracy left for work, dad calls me.

“I’ve got a flat tire in the CR-V and I am parked in front of Radio Shack,” dad told me. “I have to get the pharmacy open in ten minutes. Could you come down here and help me?”

“I will leave you my car so you can head on to the pharmacy and I will change your tire,” I replied to my father. “I will be there in five or ten minutes.”

Dad was so very glad to see me pull up beside him.

“Have them replace the tire and don’t plug the leak,” dad directed me as he climbed into my car. “I’ve already called West Point Tire and Auto and they are expecting you soon.”

I got filthy changing dad’s tire, but I was soon underway to West Point Tire and Auto. It didn’t take but a twenty minute wait for Dave and crew to put on a new tire and put the spare and its cover back on the rear hatch of dad’s car.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Dad’s Honda CR-V wouldn’t crank this morning so obviously he calls me.

“I can’t get it out of gear to push it out of the garage so we can jump it off,” he told me sounding very cranky and worried.

I arrived at his house armed with a flat head screwdriver knowing what to do to get the transmission in neutral and got to work. We got it in neutral and pushed the car out of the garage and then I jumped his car off.

“You’re a genius,” dad told me very happily. “If I would’ve towed it to the shop, they would’ve told me I needed a new battery or possibly a new alternator.”

“That’s an Interstate battery,” I told him pointing to the glaringly bright green and white battery. “They are awesome batteries. It should last you through hell or high water.”

We got in the car and I immediately noticed what was draining the battery. Both of his map lights were on. I showed dad what was wrong and we turned them off.

We drove around town for a long time to charge the battery and just talked. I love the way my and my father’s relationship is now. It’s like we are just buddies shooting the shit like George and I used to.

We rode out to West Point Dam and they had all six flood gates open due to all the recent rain we have received.

“Let’s stop by the river house and check the river level,” dad told me.

Luckily, the river wasn’t over its banks, but the water was very swiftly flowing.  Dad took me on a tour of the river house and it is just gorgeous. I can see now why he wants to move there. It seemed much bigger than what my memory served me.

Charlie’s Got Gas!

Tracy and I were sitting in the den last night when a car pulled up. I was reading a book (Twilight Series) and Tracy was doing needlepoint while the television incessantly droned on. Maggie went absolutely nuts and bonkers so that meant it was either my father or Charlie or both. It was Charlie.

“Come on and ride with me to go get some gas,” Charlie said, feeling lonesome. “Then we will get us a drink off the dollar menu at McDonald’s.”

Charlie said hello to Tracy and turned his attentions to Maggie. Maggie was in ecstasy as Charlie rubbed and petted her. 

“Let me get my coat,” I said, jumping at this chance to spend some time with my friend.

I grabbed my coat off the bed in the computer room and headed to the front door.

“We’ll only be gone about an hour,” Charlie told Tracy. “I won’t keep him away from you for long.”

“Y’all go have some fun!” Tracy replied, smiling.

Well, the traveling fair is in town and Charlie slowed way down to look at it and all the pretty lights as we passed on highway 29. A car behind us got to impatiently honking their horn because we were going so slow. Charlie shot them the bird and said, “Go around me assholes!”. Charlie’s driving is mediocre at best and can scare you. He swerved in his lane during all the commotion and I grabbed the “oh shit!” bar as if my life depended upon it.

We stopped and got some gas for the Caprica, not before looking at a few stations for the best price on regular unleaded. Charlie and I got on the subject of my ex-wife as we stood by the pump.

“She wasn’t just Mrs. Perfect either,” Charlie said which made me feel better. “Tracy and you are a much better match! Rachel was just too high strung and wanted to control you.”

Next was McDonald’s just across the street from the gas station. Charlie and I both got us a large dollar diet Coke. Boy, did that Coke taste delicious. We then headed towards home.

“What did you and Tracy eat for supper?” Charlie asked as he drove.

“We had shrimp and broccoli fettuccini,” I replied. “It was pretty good.”

“Well, I had peas and cornbread!” Charlie replied. “I don’t eat shrimp and I don’t think I have ever had a fettuccini.”

“You got the better meal,” I told him honestly. “I would die for some peas and cornbread!”

Janice, Charlie’s wife, cooks like Helen always cooked for us.

It Takes Two to Tango…

I was up early and at ‘em this morning and Tracy remarked upon it.

“Where are you going so early this morning?” she asked, drying her hair with a towel.

“To the dreaded DMV!” I replied mournfully.

“I don’t envy you of that by any means,” she said sympathetically. “You will be there all morning.”

My commercial driver’s license had expired and I knew to be at the DMV as soon as they opened so I wouldn’t have to wait very long. I had so many frets, though. Will they ask for a Hazmat endorsement? Will I get fingerprinted again? Will they take my debit card? Will I have to retake my CDL driver’s exam? Everything went smoothly despite all my most deep seated fears. It only took ten minutes and I was on my way. All that worrying for nothing.  It cost $77 dollars, though, which I thought was highway robbery.

Dad finally turned over grocery buying to Tracy and I. Isn’t it about time? After all these years of going to the grocery store with me as my moderator. He didn’t go and supervise tonight which would have embarrassed me to be honest. He did call Tracy and told her to moderate me in his stead. We’ve already been to Kroger and bought our groceries for the week and then Tracy headed to her class at 7pm. We got lots of one skillet “meal kits” to make it easy for me to have a supper ready when Tracy gets off of work – lots of Chinese meal kits and Italian meal kits.

I also got my two bags of Mary B’s “thin” biscuits for breakfast. Dad got me on these and those things are delicious and taste like homemade. A little butter and a slice of sharp cheddar and you are in heaven.  Forget the cheese and add some strawberry preserves and you are in a state of nirvana.  The only drawback is they are 120 calories per biscuit and you want to eat six. 

Papa is Drunk Again…

I don’t know what to do with him. At least, he is an affectionate drunk wanting to hold my hand and telling me how much he loves me. I went to visit my father tonight and he was drunk as a Cooter. Charlie was just leaving and didn’t warn me as to what I may find. After all we’ve been through to keep me sober, he goes and drinks more and more frequently.

“You’re tipsy,” I told him tonight.

“I goddamn am not!” he exclaimed.

He kept going on and on about my learning to play the pipe organ and flying to Argentina.

“I’ll pay for lessons. You’re blessed with a gift I didn’t get!” he told me drunkenly.

He’s got the gene. All of his uncles on his mother’s side were notorious drunks. I stayed a little while until I couldn’t take it any longer. I am glad Tracy was in class when I went.

Charlie Proofing Your House…

I sometimes think Charlie was born to clean. He is always cleaning something over at his house. You can eat off of Charlie’s floors and counter tops. If he isn’t cleaning then he is doing some kind of busy work.

Every Sunday is the same routine. I have a good excuse to clean my house. About four in the afternoon, I get to cleaning the things Charlie would clean when he comes over. First and foremost is to see if Maggie’s food and water bowls are full to the brim. Secondly, I have to wash all my dishes and take out all the trash. Then comes sweeping the floors. Next, is the bathroom just in case someone has to use it. Charlie will spend 30 minutes cleaning it if it is in bad shape or the least bit dirty.

Speaking of the devil, Charlie just has called me to see what I wanted to eat tonight.

“Chicken sammich!” I exclaimed, laughing, which is a running joke between us. “Charlie, don’t forget to get Maggie a chicken sammich as well.”

Charlie says I am obsessed with chicken sandwiches these days.

“I wouldn’t forget Maggie for anything in the world,” Charlie told me and we got off the phone.

Watch the Water Just Bead and Roll Off…

It was another warm day – a day to get out and wax my car before the cold returns. It took me about hour and I was delighted at the results. My car now glistens in the sunlight with a mirror finish. Now, all I need are some of those Rain-X windshield wipers and my car will be in good shape.

The Wash-a-thon…

I told my dearest Tracy that if she brought her car by this afternoon that I would wash it. I washed mine as well and got it sparkling clean. They were both filthy after weeks and weeks of rain and cold weather. Tracy was very thankful as she stood in the yard as I put the finishing touches on her sporty, black Volkswagen Beetle turbo. I told her to stay out of any puddles and I would wax it next weekend.

“It will shine like glass,” I told her as I eagerly smiled.

I am going to wax mine tomorrow afternoon as the temperature climbs during the day. It got up to 65° degrees today and felt almost balmy. I keep telling myself that spring is about a month and a half away. Mid march will bring yellow daffodils and forsythias. 

Tonight, I took a long, wanton walk through the neighborhood. I used to walk all the time and could walk great distances. I feel hobbled with the foot I broke several years ago. It makes me have a lopsided gait. Still, I put in a good effort and walked about two miles tonight. I expect it will get easier the longer in time duration that I walk. My legs and feet felt good as I sat down in the den to rest upon my return home. Maggie gave me a good sniffing over and I know she wished she could’ve come. I walked yesterday evening as well. I am trying to make a habit of it as I need the regular exercise.

If I write about Maggie two more times, then I will have written about her a thousand times on the blog. I thought of doing a montage of pictures of her for the event – the event of a millennial Maggie.

Now, I am waiting on Father Brown to end and for the Saturday evening Britcoms to begin. I’ve already seen this episode of Father Brown.

Must Do’s This Week…

I have got to get Maggie to the Veterinarian and I need my father’s help. He is going to have to drive while I hold her in my lap. Her yeast infection on her chest is starting to return and she has been accursed with another ear infection. This is imperative! This is where I wholeheartedly miss my mother as she was a mover and a shaker when it comes to these kinds of things. We would be out there tomorrow afternoon for sure.

“What have you been feeding this dog?” I know Dr. Jerry is going to ask.

“We can drop her off and leave her overnight,” my father said. “And then you can pick her up when she is ready the next day.”

Dad’s and my car both need washing something terribly (something I usually do myself) after that week of rain that graced us. Dad said he is planning on doing all of this Wednesday. He has continuing education in Columbus all day Thursday. I pray we can get it all done.

We have also been seeing commercials for Rain-X wiper blades for our cars as well. We both want them on our cars so maybe we can swing by AutoZone or Advance Auto Wednesday as well. This may be pushing my luck.

An A For Effort…

“Your body is here, but I think you left your mind at home,” dad told me tonight chuckling as we stood in line at Kroger.

“When you called me, Maggie and I were sound asleep on the couch!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t think we would grocery shop until Monday night!”

Dad also remarked on the Hebrew National franks I had in my cart.

“I like just a regular hotdog myself,” he said. “The cheap kind. Those Hebrew Nationals are too Frou Frou.”

I balked, telling him how delicious Hebrew National franks were.

“Get me some diced onions and meaty chili and I am in heaven!”

I cringed when the final tally was told. I had spent over $80 dollars again. Dad just shrugged and said he was glad I was getting enough food. I thanked him for being so kind.

“A few weeks there you only got $40 dollars worth and it worried me,” he said.

I really was in la-la land tonight. When I got home and started to unload my groceries, I left my car’s stereo playing so I could listen to it while I brought my groceries inside. I had backed up in the front yard to the front door. When I finished, I couldn’t figure out why the key wouldn’t come out of the ignition. I had turned off the car with it still in reverse. Duh! I put the car in park and out came the key.

The Wiley Wills of My Father…

Last night, I needed gas. My low gas indicator was on and I don’t know what I would do without it. I’d probably run out of gas sooner or later. Dad called me at 9 pm ready to go.

“I will meet you at the Circle K on Gilmer avenue,” he told me.

He insists on putting my gas on his personal Visa for some reason. I braved the cold and soon my father came pulling into the gas station. We filled up both our cars and I had one more task to do.

“Let’s run inside and get Maggie a couple of bags of fried pork skins (chicharrones),” I told my father.

I used my allowance money to pay for them.

“Are you ready to go to the grocery store?” Old Fuss and Feathers then asked. “We can go ahead and get it done and over with.”

“Let’s put it off till tomorrow night,” I said feeling shaky last night.

The was a little coercion, but my father gave in and said alright. I don’t think he really wanted to do all that last night as well.

Well, I got home and dad called me and we ended up talking for another hour on the phone. Maggie just adored a bag of pork skins by the way. It is one of her favorite treats these days.

“We are going to get Charlie and Horsefly this week and ride around and look at all the Christmas lights,” dad said. “How does that sound?”

I told him that sounded like a fun adventure. I love to hear dad and Charlie banter and bicker back and forth. I can then poke Horsefly and make him laugh.

Andrew Almost Screwed Up Big Time…

We had bought my groceries and I needed gas after all my running around Opelika last night.

“Come on, we’ll do it now and then I will do my shopping,” Old Fuss and Feathers told me.

Dad insists on putting my gas on his Visa card.

I sped across the parking lot to Kroger’s gas station and swerved violently to the right to miss a light pole – tires screeching and everything. I just didn’t see it. My mirror barely tapped it and it didn’t do any damage except for just a little yellow paint that can be buffed off. I am just getting to where I can’t see to drive at night. My heart is still beating fast from that almost encounter which would have severely damaged my car. WHEW!

I spent a little more tonight at $59 dollars. I got a dual pack of JIF creamy peanut butter for $11 dollars and two $4.99 canisters of Mrs. Grissom’s chicken salad. A black lady remarked on my JIF purchase.

“Honey? You going to spend $11 on peanut butter?” she incredulously asked with a small child standing by her side.

“It’ll keep me from having to buy it again next week,” I replied. “And I save a dollar fifty.”

That’s what pushed my total up so high. No Jack of Speed trip tonight since I had to get gas. We left at 8:45 pm and I got back at half past nine. Forty five minutes was still a respectable time for driving to and fro and buying gas and groceries.

Earlier, Tuleana called me at eight. I got so excited when the phone rang thinking it was my father wanting to go early. What a let down! She just wanted to let me know she got her food stamps refilled and was all happy.

“I am happy for you too!” I told her.

She was putting out feelers to see if I could take them to buy groceries tomorrow. Out of gas was my excuse. They are persistent aren’t they? Tuleana doesn’t give up at all. That's the difference between a crazy person and a rational person.

You Should’ve Seen Jermaine Grin…

This afternoon was spent tuning up Jermaine’s big V-8 engine. I just love working on old cars. Jermaine wanted to do it yesterday afternoon, but I was too lazy and tired after volunteering.

There was a marked difference in the before and after. You could set a glass of water on Jermaine’s air cleaner and it wouldn’t vibrate off after I tuned it up. I was really proud of myself at how smooth the engine was running.

The hardest part was gapping and installing the new spark plugs. I had eight old plugs to uninstall and eight more to gap and install. Once that was done then it was smooth sailing after that.

It started to thunder and that was my cue to head on home and watch the weather as Jermaine climbed in his car to go fill it up with gas. He called me later telling me how much more powerful his engine was as well.

“Go easy on that old V-8,” I told him as I grinned and chuckled.

The Shade Tree Mechanic…

Jermaine called me today and said his engine is running really rough now. He can’t afford to take it to a real mechanic. They’d take Jermaine and his old car to the bank. I swung by his house and got $60 dollars from him. I then drove to AutoZone and ordered the parts we need to tune up his engine. I also got some carburetor cleaner as well.

“The parts will be here Monday,” I told him to his relief.

He about fell over himself thanking me. I spent some time spraying carburetor cleaner in his throttle body hoping that would lessen the rough idle. It helped some, but he desperately needs new spark plug wires. His were all cracked and frayed in sections. With new spark plugs, wires, and a cap and rotor, it should solve all his problems.  We can get that big old 402 cubic inch V-8 running smoothly again.

Mayfield's Birthday Cake Ice Cream…

That’s what I bought tonight at Kroger and it is delicious. Dad and I are just now getting around to buying groceries this week. I had a lot of food left from last week and we both kept putting it off despite my father giving me a lecture on how we need to stay on schedule. I was down to two Lean Cuisines this morning and told my father we better go tonight and he agreed. From the moment I left the house, to the moment I was putting up my groceries, only 30 minutes had elapsed. Now, that’s what I call some grocery shopping.

Waiting… Waiting… Waiting…

Today was my injection, but the pharmacy forgot to order it. I drove down there just to be turned around and sent home. They’ve got it coming with today’s order so I am waiting for the truck to arrive. Dad is going to call me and I am going to scurry back down there and hope things aren’t FUBAR when I arrive at the doctor’s office. This all makes poor Andrew a nervous wreck. It’s like when Horsefly doesn’t get his sausage biscuit every morning or misses a night of bowling.

Just a Motoring…

Dad asked me last night what I thought of my new car after driving it a few months. This is what I told him…

• The engine and transmission shift like butter.
• The car is whisper quiet on the road at any speed.
• The car feels much more powerful than just 127 horsepower.
• Thank god finally for windshield wipers that are reliable and actually work.
• The CD player/stereo sounds wonderful.

“What don’t you like about it?” he then asked.

“The car is so low I feel as if I am sitting on the ground and it scrapes the ground pulling out of my driveway,” I replied. “I would have picked a different color as well. Beige is so blah! An emerald blue car with that light tan interior would have looked gorgeous.”

Lincoln’s Back On the Road…

Well, I got Jermaine’s replacement radiator successfully installed this morning and he paid me $90 dollars so we’re even Steven. I was expecting the worse, but it was a pretty straight forward repair. “Drop and fit” as was advertised. I swung by AutoZone when they opened and picked up several gallons of 50/50 antifreeze, a couple of quarts of transmission fluid, and headed to Jermaine’s house about nine.

We have another project to tackle next weekend. His transmission fluid was brown and old when it should be a bright purple. I am going to replace his transmission fluid with fresh fluid and get that old stuff out. I swung by AutoZone again on my way home and ordered a new transmission pan gasket for a couple of dollars so we are all set as soon as AutoZone calls me when it arrives. I will most likely have to scrape the old gasket off to install the new one so I need a paint scraper as well. We’ll get that from Charlie.

Now that I have that $90 back, I can now look forward to heading to Opelika to purchase my new 29 gallon aquarium and stand. Old Fuss and Feathers says he is going to have to go with me and pay for it out of my computer parts money I have saved up. When will I ever get Johnny Otis to Walmart, though? And down in Opelika at that? Our Walmart doesn’t have it in stock and I shan’t dare have an aquarium delivered. It will most likely come cracked or broken as they aren’t packaged well for shipping – just a couple of pieces of Styrofoam on the edges.

Spaghetti Galore!

I managed to spend $72 dollars tonight. I thought I did pretty well with what I got. I got enough fixins to make spaghetti twice this week. I am just in the mood for it. Comfort food, ya know? I also got some Greek yogurt which I have never tried. I was trying to find a healthy snack with less calories. The Qui yogurt was great, but it was very expensive, in cumbersome glass, and you didn’t get much of a portion.

I will have a heaping plate of barbecue pork and all the holiday fixins brought to me on Wednesday night. I am looking forward to that. That will be the extent of my fourth of July plans and festivities.

“You’ve about got that car looking brand new,” Old Fuss and Feathers said tonight as we both loaded up our groceries into our cars. “Charlie said you would take good care of that car.”

“It is the closet thing I will get to a new car for possibly years and years,” I told my father while giving thanks. “I better appreciate it and make the best of it while I can.”

I told him of my grand aspirations to put new sporty looking and shiny new wheels on it and tinting the windows.

“Oh, and I want to add a tasteful spoiler on the tail as well,” I added.

I shut the trunk, buckled up, and headed home as soon as I was sure my father was cranked and rolling.

I feel I am cycling again as I periodically do. I am staying up later and later every night. Right now I am going to bed at midnight and waking up around nine in the morning. For months, I went to bed at eleven and woke up at eight or nine.

Dearest Father…

You don’t have to babysit me, ya know? I am 46 years old now. In my father’s eyes, I am still that shy, sensitive and timid teenager who needed help with everything decades ago.

I thought I would write a quick blog post while I wait on my chicken pot pies to cool down. They are always incredibly piping hot when they arrive. Yes, Charlie and Old Fuss and Feathers have just been by on this our KFC Sundays. Charlie had nothing to clean and actually pouted with me about it. I had cleaned the kitchen and taken out all the trash. There wasn’t a single solitary milk jug to throw away. I couldn’t do anything right tonight with either of the dynamic duo.

“I am going to run down and buy some gas when y’all leave,” I told my father as he sat on the couch with Charlie and Maggie. “I am going to put it on the debit card.”

The car was on half full when I got it and it has taken this long for me to need a fill up. I’ve put over 70 miles on that car so far. 

“We’ll follow you down there and I will put it on my credit card,” my father replied cautiously. “I am always afraid you are going to be tempted by beer when you go into the Circle K to get a drink.”

This is the same reason Old Fuss and Feathers gave me earlier today on why I can’t come to my sister’s barbecue on the 4th of July. Beer and mixed drinks will be flowing freely. I might put my hand in the proverbial cookie jar and open Pandora's box.

A Clean Car!

The machined aluminum wheels I am going to have put on my car in a few months of saving money. It costs $299 for a set of four rims that fit my car. I am hoping to reuse my current tires. I am also going to get my windows tinted.

Comment Replies…

Summer said...

Did your father give you your mother's car?

Andrew Replies…

No, Summer, he hasn’t. I’ve given up all hopes of ever getting that car. It is getting the title in my name that is holding us back. I will just have to make do with my ageing CR-V.

As the Dust Settles…

I was over at my father’s house yesterday. He was joking and laughing and that put me at ease. We were listening to the radio and the lady speaking had a sublime Southern accent. The topic was writing about obituaries. I’ve heard some of you remark on my accent as well – that slow Southern drawl us Southerners seem to have.

I finally put away my fears of my father paying all that money for my HVAC unit. I just told myself that it came out of my mother’s inheritance money and she would love to help me and pay for it. When my car got stolen Christmas day years ago and we finally retrieved it, mom paid over $500 to get the locks changed on that car and she did it gladly out of love.

The house is just now cooling down for the day as the clock passed midnight. I will go to bed about 2 AM which has become my custom these days. I usually sleep until 2 PM the next day. My sleeping habits have always been weird so this is nothing new. Horsefly sleeps from sun up to sun down like a vampire. He’s a member of our weird sleepers club as well. My father stays up to 1 AM most nights on the nights he doesn’t have to work.

“I like it when it is so quiet and lowkey. That damn phone isn’t ringing as well,” he told me the other day.