Faux Spring...

It is a gorgeous day.  I sat for the longest time on my back deck in the sun smoking pipe after pipe of pungent pipe tobacco.  Maggie stayed right with me and got lots of attention. 

Maggie is pouting with me now, though.  I had to put on her anti-flea treatment and she hates it.  She will pout for about 2 or 3 days avoiding me.  You would think I did something as so drastic as to abuse her.  She is such a funny dog.

My mind is clear and bright today.  Not the usual dark and dingy mental illness pall that can befall me.  I pray for mornings like today when I get out of bed feeling rested and mentally healthy.  If you are of a sane mind then thank your maker. 

Professorial Moments

Last night I fell asleep in my tent dreaming of my homeless days. Cold and shivering – I struggled to keep warm in those disturbingly vibrant memories bouncing around in my head. I awoke suddenly and realized I was safe in my backyard with my home mere yards away. The night was warm and comforting with the smell of rain upon the air – a great juxtaposition from my dream. Through the deep silence, calmness enveloped me. “It’s okay,” I told myself as I unzipped my sleeping bag and sat up to light a cigar and my candle lantern in the dark black of the night. One of the few times in my life that I welcomed reality.

Treated myself to some hoop cheddar cheese and water crackers for supper - a cheese and cracker normally so expensive that I do not buy it. I felt spend thrifty yesterday evening during my weekly adventure to the grocery store. Also bought a loaf of expensive cinnamon raisin bread that will be a welcomed breakfast food slathered with creamy peanut butter and enjoyed along with a cold glass of milk and a ripe banana.

The cold snap of a few weeks past seems to be a distant memory these days. Tonight was so warm, evoking memories of southern summer nights. Soon, the katydids will start to call in earnest bringing forth a flourish of memories of sitting on my grandmother’s front porch on summer evenings as a child. I do so miss her dearly and I and my father were talking of her yesterday.

Yesterday was such a beautiful day. The sky was a summer blue – full of islands of silvery light, like pools of liquid mercury. Hard to be miserable on such a day and the beauty of it made me forget the harsh reality of my existence and that harsh mistress that is my constant companion, mental illness. Sat for the longest time in the backyard reading some of the books I checked out at the library as I smoked my pipe looking professorial. Pipe Tobacco would be proud and I thought of him as that pungent bluish tobacco smoke curled around my face as that warm and lit pipe was nestled in between my fingers.

The Still of the Night

I had just awoken from a deep sleep. A cold wind greeted me as I stepped outside to smoke my pipe. Far off, a neighbor’s dog barked at unforeseen threats in the distance. A beautiful half-moon was setting on the horizon accompanied by wispy clouds that glowed with its bright light. A myriad of stars adorned the night sky looking like little twinkling jewels hung on the tapestry of the deep dark. I lit my pipe and drew in that rich, aromatic smoke. I reveled in the stillness of the night. The cold night air enveloped me. The time was 3:00 AM.

Yesterday, I was overcome with exhaustion. I ended up laying in the bed all day in a delirious state; sleeping off and on as the radio on my bedside table played. I would awake every few hours to a different program playing. I would roll over and re-wrap myself in those soft and warm covers. I do not know why I was so tired yesterday as I had slept fitfully the night before. Now, the time is well after midnight and I am up with the creatures of the night; bright eyed and bushy tailed as they say.