Med-Packs Via an Unreliable Courier…

I took my last dosage of medications yesterday evening. My med-pack was empty. Dad was supposed to have brought a new med-pack home from the pharmacy yesterday.

“I forgot to bring home your med-pack,” my father said sheepishly over the phone this morning.

“You, of all people, should be able to remember my medications you are so keen on them,” I told my father.

“I will get them to you this afternoon,” he told me.

“Call the pharmacy and tell them I am on my way to pick them up,” I told my father.

The thought of going that long after my prescribed time sent feelings of anxiety reeling within me. I took a shower and headed to the pharmacy a little before lunch. I came home and took my nine noon pills as soon as I walked into the door of my house. I know it is psychosomatic, but I immediately felt better – my anxiety melting away.

Two Thirds Capacity…

That’s right. We have twenty dogs in the kennels right now and it makes my job that much harder. I started cleaning at nine and didn’t finish until one. I had to work over today. I was pooped out by the time quitting time rolled around. I kept hoping for some adoptions today, but few people stopped by to look in the kennels. I want them all to find their forever home. We have a very mötley crüe in residence at the moment – all kinds of dogs. 

“Don’t forget to take your medications,” Tracy said when twelve arrived.

I like to see her play an active role in my recovery. I had them in a pill bottle in my pocket. I thanked her and went into the bathroom and poured me a cup of water. I began to feel much better on the drive home. Less fatigued and busy minded. My medications quiet the noise in my head. Tracy gave me a kiss goodbye and said she wished she could come home with me.

“We could nap all afternoon and laze in the bed,” she told me wistfully. “I really need a nap and a cuddle badly. I am so drowsy!”

Alas, Tracy had to stay on and work until six this evening. I hated to leave her, but I was ready to get home to my Magster. I was also starving and stopped by Wendy’s on my way back to mi casa and got Maggie and I a double/w cheese. Last night’s was so good I had to get another. Maggie will eat everything but the pickles.

Despite eating such fattening food lately (sparsely), I was able to fit back into my flannel scotch patterned pajamas last night. It was luxurious. I was overjoyed and Charlie remarked upon how much weight I have lost yesterday evening. I’ve been losing about one pound a week lately.

Old Fuss and Feathers Gives In…

I have an allowance now. I feel like some kind of child or a teenager to be honest, but I was glad to get it. Old Fuss and Feathers decided to give me $40 a week (after I begged him).

“The first sign of drinking and I am taking it away,” he told me last night very sternly.

“I won’t let you down,” I told him giddy with glee.

I feel as if I won the lottery to put it frankly. It was a big step for my father, but I have worked hard for it staying on the straight and narrow and religiously taking my medications. I told him I could find a way to drink if I wanted to money or not. Charlie was in my corner last night about it telling my father to trust me. This opens the door to Charlie giving me money from time to time again. I always vehemently refuse, but he insists. Before dad took control of my disability money, Charlie would always give me $20 when he saw me as a gift.

Careful You Must Be Young Padawan…

When it concerns my medications that is. Dad and Charlie just stopped by for a short visit and dad wanted to see my medications. I wasn’t expecting them at all. I already had my pajamas on and was dozing off in my recliner. One light was on in the room and the TV was off. Maggie was on the couch in her usual sleeping arrangements.

“It is after nine and you haven’t taken your nightly dose!” he sternly told me.

Maggie was barking so loudly I could barely hear my father talk. She was just so happy to see them.

“I was just about to take them before you two arrived tonight,” I said scrambling to save face.

“Are you having trouble remembering to take you medications?” Old Fuss and Feathers asked.

“No, not at all,” I replied explicitly. “You just caught me at the wrong moment.”

“Well, I trust you,” Old Fuss and Feathers told me as he studied my dose pack for any missed dosages.

I fearfully thought for a moment there he was going to try and take back my medications, and start making me take them all at night again.

“John, show some faith in him,” Charlie told my father as they were leaving. “He is doing better than he ever has.”

Charlie made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Thank you, Charlie, for that voice of support!

Far Out! Man!

For the most part, my medications are mostly benign. I’ve built up a tolerance to them over the years where they don’t effect me nearly as harshly as they used to do. Every now and then they will knock my socks off, though. I forth went lunch and took my medications on an empty stomach at noon. An hour rolled around and the room started to spin. I had this sense of giddiness and a fuzzy feeling in my head. I reclined in my Laz-E-Boy and felt like I was just going to completely melt into my chair. I love to feel extraordinary in a good way like I did today. That’s why I liked to drink all those years I was an alcoholic. I was just trying to feel better. Oh god, could I be a miserable little wretch at times. Get a six pack of Schlitz malt liquor in me and I was smiling. I realized now all these years later that I was just self medicating with alcohol instead of taking prescribed medications. So, here, I raise a pill bottle to you and say cheers!

Almost a Requiem for Risperdal...

I called my father to remind him my injection was due in the morning. He profusely thanked me for remembering.

"I forgot all about it," he said.

He pulled the next appointment card out of his wallet to make sure and it is in the morning.

"Call Angie and have her go ahead and fill the prescription today," I told my father. "That way I won't have to wait in the morning. I'll be ready to roll."

Dad said he would do that as soon as he got off the phone with me.

Dad then changed the subject to my medications.

"Are you taking your medications?" he asked.

"I take them everyday noon and nine," I replied.

"Let me have them back," dad said. "It is just worrying the shit out of me. You seem to be struggling."

"I cut out Benadryl," I told him. "I also cut my Cokes from six to two a day. I am also on a diet and you know how I love to eat. Certainly, I am struggling. I've got a lot on my plate right now."

"Well, I just worry about you. I just want to make sure you are okay," my father said acquiescing some. "You're sure you are taking your medications?"

I reassured him and hit home the point that I would be batshit crazy without them in a couple of weeks. That seemed to placate him for the time being. I was about at the point that I was going to tell him that if he took my medications out of my control that I wasn't going to take them anymore. Thankfully, it didn't come to that.

A Vignette in Darkness...

fine examples of Egyptian mummified cats

I arrived at my father's house late yesterday evening and the back door was open. "Well, this is inviting," I thought to myself. I made my way through the kitchen and my father was in the den sitting in his chair with his pajamas on.

"Why do you have it so dark in here?" I asked him intrigued.

I was also intrigued that his omnipresent television wasn't on.

"Shhh," my father replied softly. "My pussy is asleep on my lap."

A big grin formed on my face and I chuckled softly as I commandeered the recliner next to my father's.

I had to bring my medications which my father studied them to make sure I hadn't missed any dosages and that I am taking them as prescribed.

"I take the morning dosage at around 8 PM to 9 PM and the main dosage at midnight," I told him and he grumbled a little bit.

Yes, I am an animal, too!

I am still stuck in a nocturnal existence

"I never thought you could do it, but you seem to be handling your medications responsibly," he told me.

"I don't want to be crazy," I told my father sincerely, "My life falls into disarray without some help."

Speaking of cats, dad and I spoke for awhile about Egyptian dignitaries who would be entombed with their mummified cats. I had read an article about it in Archeology Today along with a fascinating article on whale fossils and their evolution.

I stood up to leave as it was now twilight outside and I dreaded driving home in the dark.

"Love you," my father said. "And don't forget your Cokes and smokes on the kitchen counter."

The Dam Broke and the Water Flowed Forth...

I finally got eight hours of uninterrupted sleep today. It was a true blessing. I feel like a hundred bucks tonight.

"I figured and prayed you getting that injection would knock you out," my father told me during his visit to deliver two of my essentials, Cokes and smokes.

I've been waking up with the most painful, stiff, and sore neck lately, though. Dad got ahold of me and massaged my neck painfully.

"Shit! That hurts!" I exclaimed loudly as my father massaged my neck forcefully as he laughed at my protests.

The Masochist! Dad was worried I had swollen lymph nodes in my neck. The pain subsides about an hour or so after I have awakened.

I have about 30 minutes until my "morning" medications to take effect and I hope I will feel even better then. Yeehaw!

I Don't Even Want to Hear a Pin Drop...

Papa has come and gone. I am in quiet mode tonight. I don't even want to listen to my omnipresent music. The only sounds are that of Maggie licking her paws on the floor beside me and the whisper quiet whir of the fans in my main computer next to me. I have about 45 minutes till my "morning" medications to take effect since I stay up all night. I will take my main dosage of psychiatric whoppers around midnight.

"The exterminator, Charles, is coming by around lunch tomorrow," my father told me. "He's going to put some rat poison under the basement."

Rats are the most clumsy and loudest of rodents. You hear stuff crash in the kitchen all throughout the night when you are in another room namely my computer room.

"Move your car tomorrow," Old Fuss and Feathers then told me tonight as he headed out the door. "I know your neighbors must wonder what you were doing."

I had backed up to my front steps to unload groceries in the deluge last night and forgot my car was out there. I wanted to say, "Yes, Hyacinth!" but I refrained.

A Cut Above...

Charlie gave me his best haircut yet tonight. I feel and look like a brand new man. Charlie then shampooed my hair and that is so luxurious to me. He massaged my scalp thoroughly. That means I don't have to hide my head and hair under the multitudes of baseball caps I own for awhile. At least for a couple of months in time for another haircut.

"I wish I still had hair," Charlie said wistfully with a chuckle. "You have pretty hair Andrew."

Dad sat on the couch with Maggie watching Forensic Files as Charlie snipped away (he couldn't figure out how to change the channels). They left and were soon back with Little Caesar's pizza for our usual Sunday night meal. Pizza was my request tonight as KFC has just gotten plain old. Charlie got me the chicken strip fill-up meal last week and I just fed them to Maggie -- my canine food disposal unit. I ate the mashed potatoes and gravy and my cookie.

Medications First...

To Skinny Minny and Glittermom, I have to be very careful about my medications and to not take their importance lightly. I goofed and ended up taking my noon dose about 6 PM the other day after sleeping the day away. That's not good and I am going to start taking them on a nighttime schedule until I cycle back to a diurnal existence. I am going to take my usual noon dosage at midnight tonight which will be in about 30 minutes. I probably need one of these devices that will alarm me to take my crazy meds at the correct time. I better not play too fast and loose with my medications or my father will take control of them again.

Eat Up For Tomorrow May Never Come...

Last night, Old Fuss and Feathers cooked supper and it was delicious. We had roast beef hash and a fresh pan of cornbread. One way I relish eating cornbread is with a large glass of milk to wash it all down with. That is just so delicious to me.

"You have your mother's ability and flair for cooking," I told my father last night with much sincerity.

Dad is only human and eats up such accolades. My grandmother was a most wonderful cook of the highest order.

"Was it good?" my father asked fishing for another compliment.

"It was delicious," I replied.

Still On For the Piggly Wiggly...

I am steadfastly resolved to do my grocery shopping at the Piggly Wiggly tomorrow night. Dad reaffirmed my resolve tonight saying it is up to me. He is going to meet me there at 9 PM which is around 9:30 PM Old Fuss and Feather time. I should be finished shopping by the time he arrives. The first thing that is going into my grocery cart is a big can of Poss' brunswick stew. You can't get that at Kroger.

It's Eating Old Fuss and Feathers Alive...

I called dad this afternoon wanting cigarette lighters. My last lighter had bitten the dust. I was lighting my cigarettes on my stove.

"I've got about twenty," my father said. "They give me two free lighters when I buy your cartons of cigarettes."

I sighed with relief. Thank you Circle K for being so generous.

"Bring your medication blister pack when you come," dad said. "I want to make sure you're taking your medications as prescribed."

Dad was worried I was taking out the Klonopin from other days to get a mellow "high". I have been super hyper vigilant and careful to take my medications as I am supposed to. These random spot checks keep me on my toes which I am sure dad intended.

Dad met me at the back door of his house when I pulled into the driveway. Samantha also went flying inside all wet and damp and parked herself in front of dad's space heater in the den and began giving herself a bath.

"You seem to be taking them like you are supposed to," dad said. "You are not throwing them out, are you?"

"Dad, you would see a marked deviation in my behavior if I weren't taking my medications," I told him.

My father agreed with me and told me to always come to him if I needed help in taking them. I told him not to worry and that things are fine.

A Worried Papas...

Dad just called. There was a little henpecking going on and a change in my medications. He had me bring my medications over yesterday so he could look at them.

"Did you take your noon meds?" he asked me.

He feels so out of control and it is driving him crazy leaving me exasperated.

"Yes, I did," I replied. "I told you I am not going to let myself or you down."

"Those three lithium in the noon dose need to be taken one at breakfast, one at lunch, and one at supper," my father told me. "I don't know why they are putting them all at noon."

"Charlie and I will be there tonight with your supper and I want to see you take your nightly dose," my father then furthered.

One of my most helpful medications I take lately is the Coreg. It is a beta blocker and it soothes my heart and lessens my anxiety. It also lowers my blood pressure making for a mild mannered Andrew.

On Tenuous Ground...

First and foremost, Skinny Minny and Jan, thank you so very much for your suggestions and help. You all gave me lots of great ideas and it took you two quite a while to write all that in those little comment boxes. I get my medications in a blister pack separated by the time and day as above. Dad gave me a half weeks supply to get me started.

Well, I woke up this morning and took my two Klonopin and my Coreg. All are for anxiety. At lunch, I will take another 1 mg Klonopin, another Coreg, three lithium, a Depakote, and a risperidone tablet. I will take two more Klonopin and a Coreg when the evening gets here.

I can't believe my father went for it. You should have seen the pained look on his face when he agreed and handed me the medications. I am going to have to be so very careful these first few weeks. Dad is so extremely afraid I will take out all the Klonopin and get supremely drunk. I have often called him the feel good police.

"If I get a whiff of any funny business," he said to me harshly. "Then we are going back to the way we were doing things."

So, I am on very tenuous ground to start. I kept hitting home the point that we need to be doing things that will improve the quality of my life and not what is just convenient to him.

I also take an over the counter medication to help me sleep and my father decided to keep them and give me my two nightly pills when he comes over every night. He was afraid I would abuse them as they are very addictive and habit forming.

The Dawn of Yawny...

Yes, my name is Yawny this foggy, overcast morning. The Magster and I have just gotten up and I am nursing a diet Coke hoping the caffeine will jolt me into life. I was very pleased this morning when I realized I had three left from last night. Conservation is my friend.

Maggie and I were sitting in the den waiting for my father to arrive with medications last evening until a car pulled up. We both grew very excited. It wasn't my father, though. It was actually Charlie. Maggie redoubled her barking efforts. Beta Dog!

"We are going to super clean every room of your house starting tonight," Charlie told me holding a big bucket full of cleaning supplies. "And you've got to do your part to keep it that way."

"Sir! Yes, Sir!" I replied in salute and in military fashion as Charlie chuckled.

I thought my bathroom was pretty clean, but Charlie worked on it for a good hour and a half. He was a sweaty mess when he finished. I couldn't complain, but it messed up my nightly after medication routines. I can be just a little anally retentive sometimes. Blame it on my mother.

Dad finally arrived on the scene and had returned from buying me cigarettes and picking Horsefly up from the bowling alley. He hung out until Charlie was finished after we had taken my medications. I had a house full last night. Horsefly was going back and forth to every room turning the lights on and off. One time, Horsefly left my father and I sitting in the dark to the harsh glow of the television.

I noticed Maggie sat out in the backyard and barked the whole time. Maggie, bless her nervous soul, can't take all that noise Charlie was making -- the scraping and the scrubbing. She was also worried she might get a bath as well which she hates. If you run the water to the tub, then she is out that dog door in a split second.

One Diamond, One Heart...

My current music fixation is the Smashing Pumpkin's Oceania. I have always been a big fan of the Smashing Pumpkins since the 90's. I have already listened to this album I bet twenty times. I didn't like their last album, Zeitgeist, nearly as well as this album. This album reminds me of the Smashing Pumpkin's eclectic album Siamese Dream.

Bjork also has an album called Oceania by the way. I remember it being strange sounding and avant garde as only Bjork can produce.

I jumped the gun...

I couldn't wait any longer and drove over to my father's house at 1:45 pm to get my medications. It amused my father and he told me I was just as impetuous as my dear departed mother.

Because He's My Main Man....

One of the worst feelings in the world. 

The head honcho himself has just left the premises.  We got Whoppers and onion rings for today's treat. We also got one hell of a gigantic coke much to my supreme delight.

Yes, it was Charlie. He had been painting his new house and his clothes had paint all over them. I rushed out to the car excited to greet him as Maggie barked fervently inside as well.

"Are you taking Horsefly to the movies?" I asked seeing the paint.

"I paid Mrs. Sandra to take him for me," Charlie replied.

Mrs. Sandra was my mother's best friend and she is getting my car when my father finally hands over the keys to mom's car which he says will be soon.

"Hey, Mr. Charles!" I loudly said smiling as he laughed.

One thing about Charlie is that he trusts me unlike my father. Charlie just put all my numerous medications in a Ziploc bag and handed them to me. He didn't come inside to make sure I took them.

It also makes me realize that I take a shit load of medications when you look at the bag. I didn't realize it, but I take five Klonopin every day. No wonder I get withdrawal symptoms when I don't get them in a timely manner every afternoon or evening.

"I just got a ticket driving Erin's car for having an expired tag," Charlie told me with a frown before he drove off. "I went over and got your daddy's car."

That explained why Charlie was in my father's Honda.

Someone Please Save this Poor Wretched Soul...

It happened again. I need my medications mid-afternoon instead of late in the evening when they are normally brought. I realize I am completely addicted to these psychiatric medications for my well being. Sometimes they leave my bloodstream faster than other days. I have that feeling of uneasiness like I am about to have an anxiety attack. It is a miserable, wretched feeling.

Well, I just called my father to ask if I can come and take my medications.

"I'm having trouble with the BMW and I'm at the dealership in Columbus," he told me sounding solemn.

It felt like someone stuck a dagger in my heart -- like a bolt of electricity surging through me.

"I will call you when I get home," he told me. "And you can come and take them."

That could be hours from now. My head is hung low in defeat.

Round and Round We Go -- The Seasons Melt Like Snow...

I am in a mood for giving thanks for all I have today. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Why not? It is the reason for the season.

I have so many things to be thankful for. Especially a family who loves me and wasn't going to let me be just another drunken mentally ill homeless statistic. Dad fought me both tooth and nail to get me on medications for my mental illness. He can have a bulldog like tenacity about such things. For many years, he has been coming by to give me my medications everyday. They got me stabilized and sober and my father then gave me a house and a car.

"The best thing you ever did for me was bringing Maggie into my life," I admirably told my father a moment ago sitting in his den as we took my medications.

I will never forget my father standing at my front door with a little flea ridden, whimpering puppy he had found in a trash can out at the rest area on the interstate.

"She's been a good companion to you," my father replied with a warm smile. "She certainly has a ton of personality."

My veterinarian says Maggie won the Georgia lottery when we adopted her as part of our family.

My Poor Dear Charlie and Dear Horsefly...

On the way to Horsefly's matinee, Charlie pulled up in front of my house this afternoon and it was taking him a long time to come inside. Maggie was having a fit at the chance of seeing Beta dog. I walked out to his car to see what was going on. My first thoughts were that he was just talking on his cellphone as my father often does in these delays.

"Dammit to hell," Charlie said harshly. "Horsefly blew chunks all over the back of my car."

Charlie was trying to clean it up with fast food napkins he had in his car. I ran inside and got a bucket of hot water with just a dash of Fabuloso. I got several wash cloths and a towel as well and I also grabbed a clean t-shirt for Horsefly.

"He wanted a regular Sprite so bad and I let him have one," Charlie said. "I should've known this was going to happen. That's why I only let him drink Sprite Zero. He can't take all that sugar in those regular sodas."

We got it cleaned up with a little elbow grease and spit and polish. Charlie came inside and we took my medications. He had also brought me a Big Mac value meal which I devoured after he left before the fries could get too cold. The extra large Coca-Cola was just icing on the cake. All's well that ends well as the old saying goes.

Before Charlie left, I asked him what he does those hours while Horsefly watches his movie.

"I hit all the antique shops around town looking for bargains," Charlie said. "Angela's Antiques is my favorite shop."

Yet Another Awesome Cavalry Arrival...

"I just know you wanted to go to the Auburn game, but you are stuck seeing about Horsefly and me," I told Charlie as he walked across my yard from the curb.

I hurried out to help him bring everything inside as Maggie barked from the grandstands. Maggie's like the greeter at Walmart.

"I don't think I have ever sat through a whole football game," Charlie said seriously.

"Andrew? And how are you?" Charlie asked as we took my medications.

"I am much better now that you are here," I told him with the utmost in honesty.

Charlie brought me a Zaxby's chicken finger dinner which was also what Horsefly had for lunch. He will have to eat KFC chicken strips once again down in Auburn after going to the cinema.

"How does Horsefly stay so slim?" I asked Charlie

"Bowling his ass off three nights a week," Charlie replied laughing. "He will be just soaking wet with sweat when he finishes. I always carry a clean towel when I leave the house."

Debit or Die Trying!

"Oh, by the way," I told my father sheepishly tonight as he handed me my medications, "I debited a lot of sandwich fixins at the Piggly Wiggly this afternoon."

"How much did you spend?" my father asked warily.

"I spent twenty dollars," I replied.

Not another word was said about it and here I thought we were going to get into one hell of a fuss.

The Piggly Wiggly branded "King" bread was some of the softest and freshest bread I've eaten in a long time. I also got some Kraft cheese singles and two packs of bologna that was on sale. The cheese was on sale as well so I got the last two packs.

Step Up! Step Down!

Mom used to have this little portable step for exercising. I brought it in the den to show my father what she would do with it. Then she would make me do it for 25 to 30 minutes because I was a little fat pudgy kid who needed to lose weight.  Dad laughed and laughed.

"Get back on it and show me how she did it again," dad said chocking back a another hearty laugh.

Maggie uses it to jump up on the computer room bed these days. My little furry daughter managed to learn this trick in record time. It was that or sleep on the chilly floor by the bed.

"What time is the ballgame tommorrow?" I then asked my father abruptly changing the subject.

"It starts at 3:30 pm our time," my father said.

"Is Charlie bringing me my medications?" I asked.

"Alright Martha," dad said laughing some more. "The devil is in the details and always was for you two."

"I'll talk to Charlie about it tonight," dad said as he was leaving. "He'll probably call me about it instead. He'll be worried about you."