Charlie the Great!

Charlie called me late this afternoon to congratulate me on the car. I was expecting my father when I answered the phone.

“It took long enough, didn't it?” Charlie said laughing.

“I had given up all hopes of ever getting that car,” I told Charlie laughing back. “I never even asked about it anymore.”

“Your mother would have been so proud,” Charlie said. “You always take such good care of your cars.”

“I’ve got a surprise for you so meet me at the curb. I am turning the corner down the street onto your street right now,” Charlie then said.

“Charlie’s here!” I said loudly to Maggie who quickly and alertly jumped up into the window.

Maggie squealed with glee when Charlie pulled up to the curb.

Charlie gave me a sack of ice cold leaded Coca-Colas and a big gigantic box of trash bags. I couldn’t thank him enough. Those Cokes sure would hit the spot. He had made my day. He had used my last trash bag last night taking out the trash on their KFC Sunday visit. This greatly increases my grocery budget tonight. It means I can afford that $10 worth of Mrs. Grissom’s gourmet chicken salad after all.

Me? Afraid of Poop? Pshaw!

“Tracy is going to be showing you what you will be doing,” Mrs. Barbara said not long after I arrived this morning. “Hon, do you want a cup of coffee?”

“No thank you, ma’am,” I told her.

“You’re not afraid of poop, are you?” Tracy asked me with a giggle as we entered the dog kennels. “We are going to be putting the dogs in the outside kennels and then you are going to power wash the inside kennels. Then we will bring them back in and feed and water them.”

“Sounds great to me,” I said chirpily and anxious to get started.

There were 30 kennels to clean which took me several hours. Tracy, a cute little lass, kept coming back to see how I was doing. She said she was emptying litter boxes where the cats are kept in a separate room. It seems to me that they were just glad to see a new face around the place.

My phone vibrated in my pocket while I was cleaning and it was my father. I turned the raucously loud power washer off.

“Call me when you get home,” he said. “We are going to get the insurance to your mother’s car in your name and I have a bill of sale drawn up along with the title. We’ll go by the courthouse and finalize everything about your mother’s car.”

This day was looking up by the minute.

I went into the bathroom around noon to take my crazy meds and hoped as all hell they didn’t make me woozy like they sometimes can do. I was taking them on an empty stomach. Normally, I would welcome the feeling. I forgot to pack a lunch not really knowing how long I would volunteer today.

“Honey,” Mrs. Barbara said. “That’s all you have to do today and we’ll need you to do it Wednesday as well if you don’t mind. I don’t want to put too much on you your first day. We appreciate your help.”

I told everyone goodbye and headed out for a rendezvous with my father after I called him on the phone and said I was leaving the Humane Society.

Dad met me at Progressive and we easily got mom’s car insurance in my name. It took all of five minutes. Our next rendezvous was at the courthouse annex just down the road. Charlie had handled all the paperwork and got it ready for my father. Everything went smoothly and I am the proud new owner of a Honda Civic LX.  They are going to mail me the new title for the car.

Dad and I are going to buy our groceries tonight and I am going to be one tired little puppy when I get home. I have just about zero groceries in this house.

Climbing the Rungs of the Ladder…

“I hated to do this,” my supervisor said this morning solemnly after she had arrived at seven. “But there is an opening for a nightshift associate in electronics.  Derrick and his supervisor both think you would be the perfect fit.  I recommended the position for you to my big boss this morning. I am going to miss you.  You have been a joy to work with.”

I didn’t know what to say.  I love my current job.  Thoughts started to cascade through my brain of all the extra responsibility and working with the public for a change.

“What are the details of the job?” I asked my supervisor wanting to know about hours, benefits and pay.

“Your first full night would be Sunday night working from 11pm to 7am in the morning.  They are going to train you during the day on Friday and Saturday.  You would be the sole person working the counter for the night.  It would mean several more dollars per hour as you will now be an associate.  You would now have full benefits and 401K.”

My supervisor could see I was very visibly conflicted about taking the job.

“I would love to see you stay with me, but I think it is the perfect opportunity for you.  You deserve it. You have worked very hard for me. Take the job. I started out as an associate and worked my way up to supervisor and you could too.”

I thought for a long moment before I told her I would take the job.  This is going to be very interesting.  I love electronics and spend all my free time at work hanging out there helping customers and talking to Derrick about all things gadget, cellphone, TV and computer related.  I know my stuff as far as the department goes.  I am excited and conflicted at the same time.  I am just going to do my best and not let this opportunity pass me by.  Social anxiety be damned!

Saying Goodbye to Digital Cable and HDTV…

I just don’t watch much TV these days and the channels I do watch are in the “basic” lineup offered by my cable company.  I thought I would enjoy HDTV, but it is just an expensive gimmick in my opinion.  I’ve been trying to get up the courage to call my cable company and cancel digital TV and take back my DVR and cable box, but my phone phobias have been getting the better of me these days.  I called dad last night and told him to cancel them for me as I just couldn’t do it myself.

“Thank you,” he said. “Your cable bill is running a $100 dollars a month and the pharmacy is paying for it.  I had your account on my business plan along with Charlie’s accounts and my home account.”

“I just don’t watch all those channels,” I told dad. “It is a waste of money.”

“I was going to say something to you about it, but I didn’t want to upset you.  I was keeping the peace.”

“Just put me on basic cable, tell them to come pick up the DVR and let me keep my fast Internet and I will be happy,” I replied.

“Sounds like a good plan,” dad said. “You are thinking good for a change.”

I will probably miss it once it is gone, but the only digital channel I watched was WeatherNow and it has been consistently broken for months now making it practically worthless.

Travels with Mom and Supper with Stacey…

I had one lawn to mow yesterday from a call I got the other day.  He was a very nice elderly man with a medium sized yard that only took me 30 minutes to mow.  He paid me and I loaded up my mower on my trailer and headed home to take a nap.  It would be awhile before Stacey would be off of work and I had time to kill before getting supper ready.  It was the perfect opportunity to curl up with my pups and grab some sleep. 

I hadn’t been asleep for long when there was a knock on the door.  It was mom wanting to go for our daily drive down through the Valley.  She had just been grocery shopping and to the hairdressers. 

“Let me see your face,” mom said worriedly of my abscessed molar as I turned to look at her. “Good! The swelling  has gone down.  I called your father to call the dentist to get you more antibiotics.  The dentist is going to start you on a Z-Pak and then wants to pull that wisdom tooth.”

I didn’t argue about getting the tooth pulled.  I just hope Medicare will pay for part of the cost.  Mom had been by dad’s pharmacy before she drove to my house and had two diet Cokes for me at the ready to drink as a treat.  These kinds of things mom will do, dad would never think of.  I appreciated it very much.  Mom always pays careful attention to the details.  We were on our way down through the Valley to talk and enjoy each other’s company.

I arrived home to find Stacey’s Eclipse parked out in front of my house.  I was excited to see her.

“Your home theater is entirely too complicated to operate,” she told me, throwing problems on me as soon as I walked in the door. “I can’t figure out how to turn on the sound to your TV!”

I walked over to my entertainment center and pushed the on button on my theater receiver and instantly there was surround sound. Stacey glared at me saying she had been trying for thirty minutes to figure out how to turn on the sound.

I then got supper started.  I put mom’s tangy chicken in the oven and started to steam some rice and broccoli on the stove. I also made homemade biscuits last night using Mrs. Florene’s recipe. They were delicious.

The evening ended as Stacey left to allow me to go to bed at 7:30pm.  I took my Ambien and a Klonopin at seven and was soon so sleepy I could barely stay awake.  I ate one more tangy chicken breast and a few biscuits and retired to bed thus ending my day.   

The Entrepreneur…

“A little nigger boy named Jerry usually cuts my grass, but I haven’t seen him in what seems like ages,” my elderly neighbor who lives the street over from mine told me this afternoon. “My yard is looking pretty bad. It’s growing embarrassing.  I was hoping he would show up any day now.  He cuts my grass for $10 dollars. I just can’t do it myself at my age. The heat gets to me when I try.  I thought I was going to have to hire one of those expensive yard services.”

I was riding around the neighborhood on my raucous riding lawn mower looking for work. That thing is so very loud and obnoxious – the muffler heavily rusted and corroded. I know my neighbors hate me now.  My first purchase for my new lawn care business will be a new muffler.   I saw her yard which was overgrown and stopped to ask if she would like for me to cut it.  It was the only promising looking yard after riding down several streets.  Why do my neighbors have to be so fastidious about mowing their lawns? lol  I wanted to see train wrecks in need of yard care and mowing.  I will head over to the poorer neighborhood a few blocks over tomorrow.  They tend to have messier yards, but probably less money.  I will give it a good shot and a try, though.

“How much are you asking?” she asked warily as she eyed me carefully at her front door. She kept having to try and keep her cats inside which tried their best to escape through the open door. It was kind of comical. I smiled.

“$15 dollars,” I replied not wanting to push my luck with $20 dollars. I was afraid she would say no and I really needed the money. Jerry had me undercut by 5 bucks.  Her yard was pretty small as well.  I never was a good business man unlike my brother or father. Dad would’ve gotten $20 dollars for the job with his charm, wit, and people skills.  “I just want ten dollars to eat out with tonight at Rodger’s Barbecue and five dollars for the gas I used today looking for work.”

“I’ll pay you when you finish,” she said with a nice, kind smile and shut the front door to escape back into the cool air conditioned confines of her home corralling her cats.  I could feel the cold air pouring out of her house as I stood on her front porch from the opened door as she spoke to me. It has been a hot and sultry July day.

I stood there planning my next course of action and watched mesmerized as the four cats sat in the front bay window of her house watching me intently as if I were some strange creature of great interest.  I then got busy cutting her grass – my only customer for the day after trying only part of the neighborhood. Most people I tried cut their own grass or they weren’t at home.  It was almost a disappointing endeavor if it hadn’t have been for this one kind elderly lady.  I should have ridden around longer and further afield, but I was worried about running out of gas and I didn’t have any money on me at the time to buy more.  I was pushing my luck gas-wise as each house proved fruitless. I had left my gas tank at home as well. I would never get that riding lawn mower back to my house by pushing it if it ran out of gas.  It is extremely heavy and cumbersome.

“Your John’s son!” she exclaimed with bright eyes of acknowledgement when I knocked on the door when I was finished.

“Yes ma’am,” I replied. “He’s my dad.”

“He’s a good man and a good pharmacist.  I used to trade with him for years and years.  My prescriptions are cheaper now at Wal-Mart, though.  I thought I recognized you. You worked down there for years I remember. I would always remember seeing you sweeping the front of the store.”

“Sweeping was one of my primary jobs,” I replied with a warm smile.

I certainly wouldn’t tell dad that about Wal-Mart! lol He grumbles about Wal-Mart’s pharmacy all the time stealing his business.  It is a small world and a small town, though. Dad knows everyone in the Valley. He is always well liked by everybody. I wasn’t surprised that she knew him. 

“Here’s your fifteen dollars,” the lady told me pulling the bills out of her well worn wallet. “It looks good. You did a good job. It didn’t take you very long either.”

“Thank you,” I replied relieved to have gotten paid at last with money in hand. “I really appreciate your business.  And thank you for being so kind.  You are treating me to a good meal tonight and gas to continue my business.”

“Well, you earned it dear.  Check back with me in a week or two, and if Jerry hasn’t come then I will let you cut it again.  I will probably feel more comfortable with you doing it anyway instead of Jerry since you’re John’s son.  I might want you to trim my shrubbery for $10 extra dollars as well. It needs shaping up badly.”

“Thank you! I will check back in a week!” I told her excitedly and got on my mower and drove down the street to home. I felt I had done enough for the day and didn’t want to push my luck as far as my anxiety is concerned.

I had the biggest, goofiest grin on my face as I drove down the street over the raucous din of my mower.  I looked like I had just won the lottery.  Persistence had paid off.  I had my first customer and I was going to get that barbeque plate at Rodger’s after all. 

I don’t know when Charlie is arriving tonight.  He works for a government agency in Dadeville and I am not sure if the government worked today or not.  If they did, then I probably won’t see him till eight or so.  I am looking forward to my peace inducing Klonopin after a very busy day. I want to take my medications and just meld into this Lazy Boy while I watch Bones in a medication induced stupor. My medications can make me feel so out of it at times for which I love feeling abnormal in a good way.  I will probably need to get my barbeque plate to-go just in case Charlie does come earlier.  Rodger’s closes at nine.  I plan on being there well before that. 

***** UPDATE *****

“Your uncle Charlie’s here!” Charlie said exuberantly after knocking on my door as he pushed what few hairs he has left on his head across his scalp as is his nervous habit to help cover his baldness. “I’ve brought you gifts!  Walk out to your dad’s truck and help me carry these boxes of magazines in.”

Charlie is constantly going to yard sales and estate sales.  He had been off work today after all.  At an estate sale, he had bought a complete collection of Model Railroader magazines from the 70’s and 80’s – all the magazines I had read in my youth.  I was overjoyed and so pleasantly surprised.  Charlie is such a kind and thoughtful soul.  I love him dearly.

“How much did this cost?” I asked worried. “Dad will pay you back out of my account.”

“I got them all for only $100 dollars,” Charlie said proud of his wheeling and dealing. “I saw them and just knew you would love them and had to have them.  They had more, but this was all I bought.  The elderly man who had owned the house had trains in his attic. I love trains as well when I don’t have to wait for them at crossings.”

Charlie burst out laughing at what he last said. I chuckled as well although I love to wait at crossings to watch a train. I consider it the only “sport” I care to watch.

“I will be reading for weeks!” I replied excitedly. “I already recognize some of these covers.  I wore these magazines out reading them when I was a kid.  I lost them all over the years or they just fell apart and mom threw them away.”

There must have been about ten boxes of magazines and we finally got them all inside my computer room on the floor.  My heart rate got increased from the heavy boxes and I told Charlie I had to take a break at one moment.  He brought me a cold diet Coke to calm me and I weakly laughed.  The last thing I needed when anxiety was at bay. Charlie just doesn’t understand how my anxiety works sometimes.  He means well, though. 

“We’re going to go get something to eat now,” Charlie said hugging me and urging me to the door. “Then we will take your medications when we get home and you can drink your diet Cokes for the night.  I know you have to have those diet Cokes.  That’s your favorite ritual.  You mother said to be sure you got them every night.  She about drove me crazy about them.”

Charlie and I drove to Arby’s and got our usual and favored #19 special.  We are both hooked on that meal. The sandwiches tonight were just packed with turkey and I could only eat half ever mindful of my bulimia.  Charlie and I laughed and laughed as we talked and ate our meals.  Charlie has such a dry, but good sense of humor.  His laughter was so contagious.  I will just have to save my Roger’s plate for tomorrow. 

“Are you going to watch Bones tonight?” I asked hoping he would.  I told him the times and the channel.  He has gotten hooked on the show along with dad.

“I will if you will,” he said.

“Then you are going to have to watch because I don’t miss an episode!”

We took my medications and now I have to wait about thirty minutes to an hour for them to take effect.  Charlie has left to go take care of a few things such as getting Horsefly’s nightly KFC chicken finger plate, then he is coming back over to watch Bones with me at eight. We have three episodes tonight and it will be a joy!  Charlie said he is only going to watch one episode, though, much to my chagrin.  He needs to go home before it gets too late. He really worries about Horsefly. I would really like the companionship tonight.  I don’t want him to go home.

Late Night Journeys…

I am slowly growing acclimated to staying up all night and sleeping in the afternoons. It has been a slow and gradual process as I still grow very sleepy in the evenings after taking my medications.  The urge to go to bed after dad leaves is very, very strong.  That 2mg of Klonopin no doubt the culprit as it can be such a sedative.  I love being a night owl though – a creature of the night.  I have missed this lifestyle so much loving the dark of the evenings and the quiet calm it imparts.  The world is asleep and I am up and about exploring the town and my little environment around me.  I feel this is the only way I can deal with that anxiety that haunts me every afternoon.  It is helping I believe.  As I’ve said before, early mornings are always bliss for me mentally.  I feel so well from about 8pm to noon the next day.  My unorthodox lifestyle allows me to do this. 

I drove over to get my diet Cokes around 1am. There were a lot of people out and about walking the streets tonight. My fellow night owls.  Mom had a care package of another little note of encouragement, toilet paper, paper towels, cigarettes, cigar lighters, and Maggie’s heartworm and flea medications on the porch.  I stuck the Cokes in the freezer to get cold when I arrived home.  I then shoved them in my backpack and set out for a walk down to the park in front of that dilapidated cotton mill as I listened to my little Sony weather band radio.  Tonight on Coast to Coast AM they were talking about space and the cosmos. They also had Major Ed Dames on for the last hour.  A remote viewer which makes me laugh as he never predicts anything concrete. He just waffles around the questions asked by the host.  It was an interesting show. More along the lines of which I like best.  Not all that fantastical end of the world 2012 and government conspiracy stuff.  I sat in the park drinking my ice cold diet Cokes smoking cigarette after cigarette as the katydids sang over the din of my radio. It was a moment of Zen.  I felt all was right in my world.  I was imbibing in all the things I love about life these days.

For some reason, I am finding myself unable just to sit at home content as I normally would be.  I usually tend to be agoraphobic – afraid to leave the house for fears of an anxiety attack.  I want to be out of the house finding my usual routines of months boring. Driving makes me nervous so I find myself walking everywhere I go.  I have this strong feeling of wanderlust – this strong urge to be out of doors and exploring.   It reminds me of my mother when she has trouble with her mental illness.  She will sit in the backyard in the swing until dad gets home from work saying she can’t go inside alone – that the walls are closing in around her.  I have walked more in the past few days than I have in months and my legs are sore to show for it.  Maybe the exercise is good for me – the release of endorphins that improve my usual dour moods. 

There was a previously unknown to me dollar in change in my backpack this morning.  I was exuberantly surprised.  On the way home early this morning after listening to my radio show, I stopped by the convenience store and bought a candy bar.  The sugar rush was pretty awesome as I walked home past the poor neighborhoods the line the street up from the convenience store. It was either that or a .99 cent can of Steel Reserve lager.  I felt laden with energy.  I felt strangely empowered.   I am finding myself laughing giddily in my own little world a lot these days.  A more gentle sign of my mental illness.  There is a mentally ill man who works in the hardware store next to dad’s pharmacy and he will laugh like this for no apparent reason. He is always grinning lost in his mental illness.   I feel a kinship with him these days as I know what he feels.  Laughter is good for the soul even if it is mentally ill induced.  I have these strong moments of laughter and excitement that are intoxicating they feel so good.  Dad would call these manic bipolar phases. 

I am not far from soon setting out for a morning of watching trains.  I have to stay up until 12pm and then I will come home and go to bed for the day – sleeping the afternoon away.  I wonder what strange creatures I will see on the tracks today?  I love people watching.   I will live vicariously as the patrons of Kroger walk by with their plastic sacks of groceries and twelve packs of beer – wondering what their lives are like. 

Another Night Owl Evening…

Dad left at ten after our medication ritual and Maggie’s food ritual.  He was kind of quiet tonight, but I didn’t take it personally.  “Tuesday’s are my hell day,” he said sitting on the couch as we watched the tail end of Hawthorne.  For years, we watched The Weather Channel during the medication ritual as dad waited for my medications to take effect.  The Weather Channel has fallen out of favor as far as our routines go.  We have both grown disgusted with their gross hyperbole and over-sensationalization of minor weather events.  I call it the death and destruction channel these days as they love to sensationalize disaster. Long gone are the days when meteorologists would report the weather in a sensible manner. And who in the hell wants to wake up with Al Roker?

“You have good taste in television,” dad told me complimenting me tonight. “You find interesting shows to watch.”

I took Maggie for a long walk through our neighborhood after dad left – grinning as I walked as I felt so calm and relaxed from my medications.  My limbs feeling like Jell-O.  My mind a serene marvel.  Maggie was just thrilled to death to go on this little late evening journey.  We walked all the way down to the elementary school and back taking the back roads to avoid the traffic on the main street that runs by my house.  I reveled in the katydids singing in earnest tonight – a signature sound of a Southern night.  It reminded me of all the times I would sit on my grandmother’s porch as the katydids sang before bed drinking iced sweet tea.  We would try to spot out of town license plates on busy highway 280 as a game as we talked about the day behind us. Dad’s mother was a very special lady who took life at her own special pace.  I still think my life would have turned out vastly different if she had lived longer and I lived with her on her farm in my late adolescence. 

I am about to sleep for two hours and then wake up so I can listen to tonight’s Coast to Coast AM.  I wonder what crazy shit they will talk about tonight?  God, I love that show.  It is so over the top and entertaining.  I am listening to last night’s show again right now.  They are discussing alien agendas and end of the world scenarios at the moment.  You should see the grin on my freshly shaven face. 

My Thoughts for the End of the Blogging Day…

My Heart Glows!

“I’ve got a lady named Beth reading my blog and she has a daughter with similar issues to me,” I told dad a moment ago. “She’s really opening my eyes to your side of the story and what parents go through.”

“She’s had it tough, hasn’t she?” dad said very intrigued as if he knew. 

“She doesn’t complain about her daughter,” I replied. “But I am getting glimpses of what it is like to be in your shoes.”

“I like I have an advocate on your blog now,” dad said. “You make me want to read again.”

Oh Lord! I don’t want dad reading my blog again, but I liked he showed some interest in it.  It is such an important aspect of my life.  I consider it therapy. 

Dad was in an awesome mood and so loving tonight which was irony coming on the heels of what I wrote about him today.  We cleaned off my porch so I could sit out there this spring and summer and listen to my radio shows on my iPod.

“I’m never going to let you go back to who you were,” dad told me when he was leaving.  “I am one determined son of a bitch and we are going to straighten you out.  Every time you fall, I am going to pick you back up!”

I was just glowing as dad got in the car and drove off.  I do so love him so very, very much.  I told him he was my Rock of Gibraltar. Dad really set the mood for the rest of the evening and I have just taken my medications to boot.  It is going to be a good night!