Front Yards on a Sunday Afternoon in the South…

My neighbor walked across the street to talk to me yesterday afternoon. I warily looked over Tracy’s car wondering what this was about. They never have been the neighborly types so this shocked me.

“I’ve got five cars that need to be washed,” he said with a big goofy grin and very congenially.

“Five?” I asked incredulously with an exhausted look on my face. “I give out at two.”

He laughed some more and told me to have a good day not before I could tell him I want a ride in his Camaro.

“Let me get it cleaned up and we will go for a ride,” he replied.

I finally found out his name and it was Tony.

I was washing both Tracy’s and my car. It’s a good feeling to look out the den window and see the fruits of my labor and to see them so clean with the tires slicked and wet looking. I went the extra mile a put a coat of Nu Finish car polish on Tracy’s car. It gave it that mirror finish look.

I was pooped when all was said and done. I came inside and collapsed in my recliner for a good hour not wanting to move. My back was giving me fits from all that bending over. (I am getting so very old!)

Papa and Charlie showed up at 9pm with our Sunday evening meal. You had never seen a more happy dog than Maggie. She really put on a grand show last night. She had all the people she most loved in one room all at one time. All this commotion sent Wheezy scurrying for cover, though. Maggie also knows that Charlie and Papa bring chicken strips and she eagerly awaited her meal after they had gone. She was underfoot before I could put them on a paper plate and place them on the floor.

Situational Saturdays…

I have brand new neighbors across the street. I walked over today and talked to the wife of the familial unit.

“I just wanted to welcome y’all into the neighborhood and let me know if you need any help moving,” I told her as I shook her hand.

She seemed very friendly and waved goodbye as I walked off back to my house. Dad marveled that I did that considering my social anxieties.

“You’ve come a long way, son,” he told me.

Culinarily Frou Frou…

Dad and I watched our GPTV cooking shows this afternoon. We have both grown to enjoy this Saturday event very much. Some of the cooking can be way over the top, though. A guy was barbecuing saffron infused cheese and bacon stuffed chicken breasts over old growth grapevine wood which gave it a “sweet, succulent taste”. Dad just looked at me and we both rolled our eyes.

“Now, where in the hell are you going to find old growth grapevine wood around here?” dad asked me facetiously.

Every time I heard grapevine, I thought of that monthly publication put out about Alcoholics Anonymous.

That Irascible George…

George was standing at the edge of his carport when I pulled into my driveway this afternoon.

“I love your new car,” he said he wanted to tell me. “How many miles did you say it had on it?”

“It has around 42,000 miles on the clock,” I told George.

“Mine has 97,000 on the clock,” George said. “I am afraid it will be the last car I will ever own.”

Well, that was awful sanguine and morbid I thought of George’s comment.

“Honda’s are a good, reliable car,” he then told me. 

“Come on over and have a beer with me and let’s sit on the carport and talk,” George urged me pointing to the two chairs in the corner.

I know George has to get so lonesome as he never gets any visitors and he had imbibed a few beers and was very chatty as well. Oh, how I wanted nothing more than to sit with George, have a few Miller High Life beers, and shoot the shit as we say in the South.

“I have lunch cooking on the stove,” I replied to George with a weak and a lack of a better excuse.

That George is going to be the death of me yet before long.

“It is always good talking to you George,” I told him sincerely and then bid him adieu and escaped inside my humble abode.

George and the Wild, Wild Internet...

George knocked on my door this afternoon which surprised me. We seem to keep a comfortable distance these days. He had the iPad I had given to him in his hands. I opened the door and invited him inside.

"I can't get online anymore," George said frustrated and gruffly as he sat down on my couch. "It says connection not available."

I noticed George reeked of cigarettes and beer. I could almost get a buzz from his fumes. I inhaled deeply and wanted to ask George for a couple of beers so badly. If so, I might as well just put a gun to my head and pull the trigger.

I turned the wireless networking off and then back on and my new wireless connection (Google OnHub) instantly showed up on the menu. I entered the password and George was back online.

"This new connection should be much faster and much stronger," I told George. "My new Google OnHub sports 13 high-performance wireless antennas."

"The battery is about gone on that iPad," George then told me. "It only lasts about 30 minutes. I keep it plugged up to use it."

I was just immeasurably surprised George was still using the thing or using it at all. He doesn't seem like the internet type.

It is a long shot, but I am going to ask for a new iPad from Walmart for my birthday in April. Hopefully, the prices have come down some over the years. I will give George my current iPad and let him trade up so to speak.

You Can Set Your Clock By George...

I am being the consummate nosey neighbor early today. This morning at 6 AM I heard George crank his Dodge Caravan and pull out of the driveway headed to the Waffle House. He does this every morning at the very same time. I bet he gets the same thing to eat every time as well. Probably the two porkchop breakfast that he told me one time he likes.

Dad was over here for awhile the other night when George turned on his porch light and preceded to crank his car and just sit out there. He does this all day long probably ten or more times a day.

"What is he doing?" my father asked intrigued looking out my porch door.

My father can be very nosey himself.

"It is his version of drinking and driving without doing any actual driving," I told my father. "He does it all day and he is going to wear his starter motor out on that engine."

Since I built a new computer and placed it on the kitchen table, I have been better able to see what George is doing out the kitchen window near me. He sits out there drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette while he listens to the radio with the car cranked. The temperature or weather are no deterrent.

"I often did the same thing," I told my father. "I would go sit out in the car, listen to the radio, and drink a beer and smoke years ago. There is something cathartic about it."

A Stymied Charlie...

Craving the Monster...

Yes, I had the most incredible beer cravings last night. More than I have had in years. I don't know what got into me, but I am sure glad I didn't drink. The last thing I needed this morning was a hangover or that wasted feeling you get after drinking a six pack the night before. I chalked it up to being vestigial in nature -- the old action packed alcoholic gene acting up.

What Are We Going to Do About Our George?

George, my neighbor, is in and out of his carport door all day loudly slamming it then locking it. It starts to wear on your nerves after awhile. He will then check to see if his alarm is engaged on his car. I hear that bleep of the horn all throughout the day as well. He seems like a man possessed. I think he is drinking a beer, having a smoke, and then going back inside.

Vittles at Ten and at One...

Charlie was here about on time with breakfast biscuits at 10 am this morning. Maggie was on the bed when I hollered Charlie was here! I saw him pull up as I sat at this computer. She came bolting off the bed and ran into the den barking up a storm. We were all glad to see him.

"At least, someone is glad to see me!" Charlie said laughing as I opened the front door.

"You're special," I reminded Charlie. "You are the beta dog -- second in command to Maggie's dynasty."

Charlie told me he would bring a lunch of Captain D's jumbo fish platter around 1 pm. I innocently asked if we could go ahead and take my medications and it sort of flustered Charlie which was not my intent. I didn't know my father would be back tonight.

"You don't want to wait until your daddy gets back?" Charlie asked a stymied me as well. "He gets back tonight."

"That might be 10 pm tonight," I replied sounding kind of pitiful and extremely worried.

"We'll talk about it when I bring your lunch," Charlie told me scratching his head in thought.

I told Charlie not to worry about it and that I was imposing on him, but he seemed intent on giving them to me before he left after lunch and our short discussion.

Attack of the Brewskis...

It has been several years since I drank a simple beer. I remember the last one I drank gave me a vicious and pounding headache. George had given me a six pack. My neighbor, George, is outside drinking beer as we speak in this heat. I hear the characteristic sound of beer cans being periodically cracked open. I can amazingly hear it from this back computer room.

I sat here a  moment ago and noted to myself that an ice cold beer would suit me just fine at that moment (danger! boredom was setting in). That's all it takes to start back drinking. I counted the cash in my wallet and I had $24 dollars to spend.  And then I thought of that last beer I drank many years ago and the vicious headache that resulted. "Maybe, I won't have that beer," I said to myself. There was a collective sigh heard echoing throughout the ethos at that moment. One of them being me. I dodged the proverbial bullet once again. If I were smart, I would call right now for my medications, but my father probably wouldn't answer.

Meandering Little Tempests...

We've had some good turbulent thunderstorms this morning. One thunderstorm would rain itself out and another one would pop up in its place. Well, that just thrills me to death. I tried to get a video of the thunder, rain, and skies, but it didn't turn out very well. We will try again later in the afternoon as I do believe we will have more storms.

My neighbor George has become accustomed again to sitting on his carport these days drinking his Miller Highlife. It increases the chances of us talking exponentially. Every time I go out to my car, I get caught by George. I don't see how he can sit outside in this heat for so long.

"Hey Fella!" he will say to me.

"Do you still use that iPad I gave to you?" I asked George today.

"The battery won't hold a charge and the wireless signal is too weak," George replied to me.

The signal is my fault for moving my wireless router into the computer room on the other end of my house.  Also, that is typical for a battery in a 1st generation iPad. That iPad had got to be pushing 5 years gone.

Let's Build Some Wealth...

"Dad?" I asked my father this afternoon. "Put aside $50 dollars out of my monthly allotments so I will have some computer part purchasing power come this Christmas. With your $250 you give me then that will give me almost $500 dollars to spend this Christmas."

"We'll talk about tonight when I bring your medications," he told me and abruptly got off the phone.

I thought it was a rather reasonable request.

This going to be a computer audio-themed Christmas. I am getting two sets of 200-watt speakers and two Soundblaster sound cards.

It Was Definitely The Charlie Thing to Do...

I headed to Fred's Super Dollar after lunch and got a quart of motor oil for my lawn mower. It has sat in the basement for several summers and needed some TLC.

Fred's was in a state of bedlam as their delivery truck was there which left one person to manage the front of the store including the cash register. I noticed Fred's uses a conveyor belt system similar to Dollar General's to unload their wares.

I then got a gallon of fresh gas at Circle K. I would never get my lawn mower to crank with that old gas that was in it. I was going to try and display the better angels of my nature.

My other neighbor besides George is just dirt poor. I think she rents her house and she busts her ass to make ends meet and she has to work all the time. She can't cut her grass due to her age and she can't afford to have somebody to come cut it as well. I thought I would surprise her today and cut her grass this afternoon. Her yard is not much bigger than a postage stamp and it was really grown up with knee high weeds.

Well? I learned one thing today from all of this. I am so out of shape it is pitiful and to think I cut my grass and Joyce's (my deceased neighbor) as well many years ago. When I started to have my severe anxiety attacks, Charlie took over cutting my grass then. Now we get Lopez Landscaping to manicure Charlie's several yards, my father's several yards and my yard.

Where the Red Fern Grows...

Where the Red Fern Grows was such a melancholy and sad book to read when I was a child. I remember shedding a few tears at the end of the book. I was very verklempt.

That said, I just bought me a really pretty fern to hang out on the screened in porch this morning (I've just got to remember to water it). George was standing on his carport, cigarette dangling from his mouth when he asked me where I got it.

"There are some very pretty ones left at the Piggly Wiggly," I told George. "You ought to go get you one!"

Oddly enough, my father doesn't get on to me or get angry for purchases such as this. He would be just as excited about the fern as I was. He goes nuts when I spend around a hundred dollars shopping on Newegg, though.

The Countdown Begins...

It is after lunch and I expect Charlie dropping by any moment now. He has to take Horsefly to the Saturday matinee as he does every weekend. I wonder what he will bring to eat? It will be fast food for sure, but I will enjoy it none-the-less. Charlie's got his hands full with me as he has to bring my medications and my sodas as well.

There's Christmas on the Wind...

http://www.homedit.com/

It was so very cold last night which means it is just frigid in the South  -- so cold I clamored to get all my groceries inside to shut the door to the inside behind me. Wait! Wasn't that a Inuit? An Eskimo?

One after another, I brought the bags inside and put them on my kitchen countertops -- four gallons of milk can get very heavy at almost 8 pounds for 1 gallon.

"Merry Christmas!" a female voice said in the darkness as I unloaded more groceries from my car last night.

It caught me off guard. A dog then barked very loudly and very closely which sent my Maggie into a barking tirade in the den.

I can't see well on a good day so I stepped out from under the light on my porch to see her better. My pupils dilated due to the dark and the person came into view.

"Merry Christmas to you, too!" I then fired back to the now known person.

It turned out to by my next door neighbor, Patty, giving her dog a potty break. We don't see each other much as a line of trees has grown up between our houses in just a matter of a few short years. It was good to see her, though.

Nosy Neighborhood Neighbors...

http://www.usaonrace.com/

Dad asked me last night what my neighbors had been doing lately. He would be just like the neighbor in the photo to the left.

"The neighbors across the street are selling their house after only living there for a few months," I told my father.

"Selling it so soon?" he asked incredulously. "That certainly is interesting."

"I found it almost unbelievable myself until they put a for sale sign in their front yard."

"I also call them the RV people or recreational vehicle people," I told my father. "Big boys with big toys like four wheelers, jet skis, boats, RVs, campers, and motorcycles."

"What about George?" dad then asked eagerly. "I am going to get that iPad back from him. I am going to tell him it was mine and not yours to give."

"Be my guest," I replied to my father. "I doubt he has used the iPad much anyway."

"What if he is looking at kiddie porn on your wireless connection?" my father asked worrisomely. "You would be the one who is liable."

Now, that is something I had never thought of! I am too trusting and naive some times. Leave it to my father to find the worst case scenario. I am going to change the wireless password on my wireless router in a moment.

"George is George," I then replied to my father. "The month he was gone didn't slow him down any. He stays on the road busily driving around in his van. Where he goes I never know. He was sitting on the porch early this morning in the cold and smoking a cigarette. He goes to the Waffle House every morning between 5 am and 6 am for breakfast. He says he likes the pork chop breakfast deal."

4:00 AM Features Pizza and a Barking Pup...

http://forthemommas.com/

Maggie had a case of the barkies something fierce tonight. She was going bonkers in the backyard. Thankfully she doesn't do this often -- maybe once a month. I liked to have never gotten her inside. I had to finally use a ruse and trickery on Maggie by crying wolf and I hate to that. I don't want to squander Maggie's trust in me.

"Maggie?" I hollered as I stood on the back deck. "Charlie's here!"

Her favorite member of her pack and my father is a close third.

Maggie came flying through the dog door to greet Charlie and I quickly locked it tightly behind her. Maggie spent the next hour doing her cough-bark routine. You could almost hear a collective sigh of relief across the neighborhood as Maggie's voice fell silent or should I say muted.

Let's Visit the Pizzeria!

Yes, we have a pizza in the oven -- a supreme pizza to be exact. We will be eating in just about 20 minutes. Do you like your crust to be crunchy or soft baked?  I usually try to cook my pizzas to where the dough will rise, but will not get too crunchy. This is the last of my pizza so I will have to make the best of it till next Monday night.

Dogs Just Gotta Bark...

It is what they do. Fish gotta swim and birds got a fly and all that. Maggie's got a taste of the barkies tonight. Something in the backyard spooked her or either she just feels insecure. I worry about my neighbors when she does this. It is rare, but it does happen. I just now realized that all of the neighborhood dogs have their panties in a twist. Deer in the backyard spooks Maggie the most.

To get her back in, I will have to pull out the big guns which is people food. She can't resist it. She will get a strawberry Pop-Tart if she is a good girl and I will unlock the dog door in the morning at dawn.

Who Stole My Mojo?

http://www.jasoncouponking.com/

Gah, I feel like something the cat threw up twice. This is not one of my better days. I feel a bad headache coming on and I am ravishingly hungry -- trying not to eat before taking my crazy meds which were last taken 24 hours or so ago. I assume my father is going to bring my fried catfish plate when he arrives for the medication ritual. He never called me about it. Please let there not be anything good or decent on television tonight. It will hurry his arrival.

Change of Plans and A Change of Venue...

http://www.mcdonalds.ca/

My mother usually calls me to tell me my father is on the way with my medications. It is a very nice courtesy of hers and I try to reciprocate when I can. It takes about 5 to 10 minutes to drive to my house.

Well, mom called me tonight and said my father would arrive shortly. She saw his car pull out of the driveway headed for my humble abode.

I waited and waited and there was no Papa. Dad had gotten stuck in a crazy backed-up McDonald's drive-thru trying to get me up a little supper. He brought a double quarter pounder with cheese, a large fries, and an extra large Coke.

"I never got around to going to Roger's," my father said apologetically. "I thought I would get you your favorite hamburger."

I gave the old geezer a big hug while Maggie vied for his attention as well. Dad was still admonishing Maggie for escaping from our fence.

Something is Stirring Next Door... Hope and a Homecoming?

Some workmen were cleaning up George's carport and laundry room late today. They carried the broken laundry room door out to the side of the road to be picked up by the city and then they straitened the laundry rooms walls. George's ex-wife came and got his Dodge van and parking her dilapidated car to the side of the driveway. City utilities came and turned off the water as well until it can be fixed.

My Day Begins Early...

https://www.ispot.tv

I woke up at 4am with every dog in the neighborhood going bat shiat crazy including my dearest busybody, the Magster. Maggie and the local dogs (the gang as I affectionately call them) aren't going to let too many shenanigans go on in the neighborhood without them noticing and they are hyper-vigilant at night. It is almost like a canine grapevine in which news passes extremely fast.

"Let's stay on up," my feeble mind told itself now fully awake with every outside light on to deter mischief. "You have a mountain of laundry to do with nothing to wear to the hospital this morning."

I've had terrible trouble with my whites being dingy even after I washed them. Mom brought me some Oxi-Clean "white revive" packets to put in my wash. We will soon see if they are worth their merit and salt.

The Breakfast of Champions...

"You will not like this so you can't have any of it," I told Maggie adamantly as she sat on the floor next to me wagging her tail vigilantly hoping for some handouts. I was eating a breakfast of pineapple rings and cottage cheese -- a nice change of pace for me which I enjoy sometimes. A man can't live on eggs and bacon alone..

For the Sake of George...

http://www.bbc.com/

I walked out on the back deck this morning to an even more enhanced and alarming hissing sound coming from George's water meter. You need a special t-shaped tool to turn the water on and off to the house. Alas, I don't have one of those tools.

Well, the water meter now looks as if it is going to explode -- water spraying everywhere. I am going to call the city utilities department this morning after I take mom to the hospital. I am hoping they will send out someone to cut the water off.  George is going to have a $1000 water bill himself like I did a few months ago with my water heater went kaput.

It's Time to Get Mobile Again...

You don't know how much you rely on your car until the one you own no longer works. I usually fix these kinds of things myself, but I am shamefully being lazy and also being kind of perplexed about this whole dilemma -- my mind a mish mash of directions of where to go. Call me indecision.

Bob from West Point Tire and Auto got busy yesterday at his garage and never couldn't make it out to my house which left me without a car for one more day.

The last time I took my car to Bob he mentioned to my mother how dusty my engine was. It really got to me and embarrassed me. He will be surprised when he opens my hood today. You can eat off my engine.

My father wants me to call him when I get up and going.  We are going to jump my car off and drive it to the shop which is just a few miles away across the river into West Point.

"Now, take a shower and put on some nice clothes," my father told me over the phone.

"We are just going to drop my car off at the mechanics," I replied to my father flabbergasted.

It shouldn't be expensive, but those are often my famous last words.

EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! Canine On the Loose!

 

Moments after writing the above post, I was sitting at this computer and I looked out into the front yard as I heard a commotion and Maggie's bark. The meter reader (I assume) left both gates open this morning and Maggie was sitting in my front yard without a care in the world just a couple hundred yards from super busy Gilmer Avenue -- the busiest road in the neighborhood. I couldn't get her back into the fence for nothing -- not even for one of her favorite treats. She would bark at me and run like this was all some kind of crazy game.

"Dad? Are you dressed? Get yourself over here pronto. Maggie is out of her fence," I exclaimed over the phone.

She minds my father much better than she does me. I am only Zeta dog and my father is Theta dog.

"Let me get dressed and I am on my way," my father urgently replied.

It took three of us to get Maggie back in the fence. Myself, my father, and my next door neighbor.

"I don't know what I would do without my babies," my good neighbor to the right of my house told me and my father about her two dogs.

Once we got Maggie back in the fence, my father and I took this opportunity to get my car fixed. It was a simple fix and only took the mechanic 5 minutes. He said he a had a Honda come in every other week or so with the same problem..

Old Twinkle Toes...

https://www.reddit.com

"Let me show you something very interesting," I told my ever inquisitive father after grabbing my flashlight off my entertainment center last night. "Maggie and I were in the backyard earlier this afternoon when I heard a loud hissing."

We walked over into George's pitch black backyard with my little flashlight guiding our way.

"There is water running out of George's laundry room which he hit with his car, and it has been running for days apparently," I told my father. "And I also haven't seen him in over a week."

"He must be in some kind of treatment center right now," my inquisitive fathered added.

"I hope it is that simple," I told my father. "Let's hope he's not in jail."

Dad said he didn't have any clue what was happening either.

"I do know he is going to have to get that leak fixed, or he is going to have one hell of a utility bill."

Dangerous Liaisons...

"Come outside and look at this crazy shit," my father told me before the medication ritual tonight.

They say that alcoholism is the very definition of insanity -- trying the same thing over and over and expecting difference results to no avail.

I had been asleep for most of the day in my recliner and was jarred awake by a very loud knock on my door. My father had snuck up on me and my proximity alarm (Magster) as well. We weren't expecting him for another hour.

Apparently, George had driven into his laundry room on the carport today. The door frame was dented to hell and the laundry room door was sitting on the ground. Bricks lay scattered everywhere about. There was also some very noticeable damage to the front end of his Dodge Caravan. Dad gave me a lecture as to the fact I was headed down the same road as George before I got sober.

Never Fear! For Andrew is Here!

https://www.amazon.com

Every time my father buys a few packs of cigars across the river, they have been giving him a free cigarette lighter. I have about ten saved up now. They came in handy last night when George knocked on my door and he desperately asked for a light. He said he had too much beer to drive and could I please light a cigarette for him. I was already winding down towards bed.

George was certainly jonesing and looked and acted agitated. I didn't tell him this, but if your are desperate and out of a lighter, then you light a cigarette on your stove.

"Hold on a minute, man!" I told George as I hurriedly stepped into my computer room after inviting him inside.

I came walking back into the den and gave him two cigarette lighters. George was ecstatic. I told him dad gets them for free with any large tobacco purchase at the Circle K across the Chattahoochee. George said he was going to make a mental note of that.

The Cornucopia Floweth Forth...

Have I told you how nice it is to have a pantry and fridge full of food? The Magster and I had just a simple breakfast of buttery cheese and bacon biscuits this morning and I felt like I was eating at a 5 star restaurant. We are having a microwaved bourbon chicken Asian meal for lunch.