Let Tracy’s Voice Be Heard! She’s the Breadwinner!

The poor soul – missing all her favorite TV shows this week. She is scrambling and trying to catch up online.

“What are you going to do when another big truck passes down our street?” Tracy asked me this morning getting ready for work. “You know it is going to happen again. It is just a matter of time.”

She is always the consummate worrier and rightly so. I can understand now what she’s thinking after all we’ve gone through since last Friday and the other outage as well earlier in the month.

“I’ve got a pad and pencil on the piano by the front door and I am going to write down their license plate of the offending truck and call the police.” I told her. “We are going to start filing a police report every time it happens.”

“We always have plan B as well,” I then told her. “Charlie is big buddies with the mayor of our fair third world city, Kyle McCoy, and we are going to get semis in residential areas outlawed and off limits.”

“Who DON”T your dad and Charlie know in this town?” Tracy replied laughing. 

Tracy heartily laughed some more.

“Savory or sweet?” I then asked her changing the subject which is our custom every morning.

“Let’s try sweet this morning,” Tracy replied. “Let’s have some of those cream cheese Danishes we bought the other night in Kroger’s deli.”

This makes breakfast easier on me. I popped two Danishes in the microwave on a plate and breakfast was served.

Let’s Try Again Tomorrow…

Well, for starters, they (WOW!) are knocking off half our cable bill next month. Tracy will be delighted. We’ve had no joy with regards to getting my internet back up and running, though. I saw the WOW! guy drive by the house and he didn’t stop. He was looking for downed lines on my street. Just one of the many mix-ups we’ve had this past week. Why he didn’t just stop and look at how things are at my address I cannot fathom.

Flimflam Man…

I am still without my usual source of internet. I had the bright idea to piggyback off of an unsecured wireless connection in the neighborhood. The connection is slow as molasses, though. Hopefully, I will be back up and running soon. Be thankful for your internet service if they are reliable. WOW! is a joke. Dads already been out to their office once and they said they would send somebody out to look at it and they never came. I hope dad goes back out there this afternoon and raises a little hell. Thank y’all for putting up with my whining or whinging as the British would say.

The problem is semi trucks keep coming through my neighborhood and knocking down the cable drop to my house. Friday, I saw a Southeastern Van Lines truck passing down my street and I said to myself, “There goes my internet.” It was exactly as I foretold. My internet was soon down.

“Be proactive when they come,” my father told me the other day. “Tell them all about your cable drop and these big trucks.”

Life Sans Internet…

Monday morning, a big rig drove down our street and took down our cable drop line to the house (low clearance). The police came out and moved the line out of the road and filed a report (I wonder who called the police?). I called that dastardly WOW! and the lady said someone would be out here that afternoon. No one ever came. Dad and Tracy called next to no avail over the next few subsequent days. Each time, the WOW! representative said someone would be out here soon. Thursday rolled around and Tracy and I still didn’t have cable TV and internet. Tracy and I both were at our wit’s end.

“I am driving out to their office and pulling some strings,” my father told me when he stopped by the house to survey the damage yesterday.

Within twenty minutes of my father saying that, two WOW! vans were parked in front of my house and working to restore my service. I am not exaggerating. It took them about another 20 minutes to do so and we were back online.

“How did you do that?” I asked my father over the phone astonishingly grinning ear to ear and laughing jubilantly.

“The receptionist traded with me at the pharmacy for twenty years,” he told me smugly.

I keep telling my father he could make the consummate small town politician. He knows everyone in town.

It was so nice to wake up this morning and look at the weather forecast and radar. I had really missed doing that. You really don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

In the Waiting Line...

I live in my very own version of the Department of Motor Vehicles -- the often maligned DMV and rightly so. I just called Charlie about those televisions and he stalled and balked.

"They are hooking up the cable at my new house today," Charlie said. "So my hands are tied. I might need you today to help me get that flatscreen TV off the wall, though. Plan for tomorrow."

I just wish they wouldn't tell me this stuff and get my hopes up only to be let down harshly.

Salutations From a Very Wet Alabama...

There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank my father for my new Gigabit Internet connection. I haven't enjoyed something so much in years. Everything is so fast as far as downloading and uploading go. He smiles and tells me thank you almost a little bashfully.

It has been pouring rain all morning. I woke up to a brightly lit radar. There was a short break in the rain last hour and I hurried over to my father's house to get my daily pack of cigarettes and two Diet Cokes. Poor Sam. She was sitting on the back porch looking pitifully wet.

"I'd let you inside sweetheart, but I don't know the alarm code," I told her as I let her curl up in my lap for a few minutes.

She is the loudest purring cat and let me know she appreciated this warm respite very much. I then grabbed my giant and wet Ziploc bag of goodies and headed out just as the rain was starting to pick up again. I was glad to be back in my warm and dry home with my warm and content Maggie. I put my two lukewarm drinks in the freezer and set the timer on my stove for 45 minutes. I will absolutely relish those two ice cold sodas in just a few.

There was something missing in my grits this morning and it was butter. I just seasoned them with salt and pepper and they were still mediocre.  I also warmed a raisin bagel and ate it with the cream cheese I purchased last night. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was so hungry I could've eaten Maggie's Purina One.

Welcome to Gigatopia Andrew...

Before...

After...

Giddy Up and Go!

Maggie sighed loudly when I got up at 4 AM. She immediately got in the warm spot I left on the bed. My thermostat read 75 degrees, but it felt quite chilly in the house this morning. I went around the house and shut all my windows. We're having a heat wave here in the Southland. Maggie didn't get up until the smell of frying bacon began to waft into the bedroom. She lay on the floor at my feet in the kitchen as I prepared breakfast catching a few more winks.

Breakfast was very simple this morning. I scrambled six cheese eggs, fried bacon, and made some buttery toast. I put Maggie's paper plate of food on the floor and she wolfed it down and then wanted mine. More dog logic. Yours tastes better than mine according to Maggie.

The reason I am up so early is that I am so excited about my Internet and couldn't sleep any longer. I am hoping WOW! will get here around 8 AM. My appointment window is between 8 AM and 10 AM. How fast is my Internet going to be? Will I be able to download my coveted games in mere seconds instead of hours? Will websites load in a blink? How fast will my photos upload? I am so giddy with glee! It is Christmas morning here at Andrew's house. We're just waiting for Santa to arrive.

I thoroughly cleaned my computer room yesterday afternoon polishing and dusting everything computer and noncomputer related. It really looks nice in here after a little spit and polish and I am ready for their arrival. I will just stand at the door and marvel at my handiwork for quite some time. Everything looks so good and shiny. The only thing I can't fix is the musty odor of dog and smoldering cigarettes. I should have run by Kroger yesterday and bought some Febreeze.

WOW! Speed Test

This is my speed this morning. I will test again on Friday and we will see how much of a difference there is. 

Tread Carefully, Andrew...

"Dad? Can I come to the pharmacy and get two sodas?" I asked my father over the phone this afternoon. "I need some caffeine and sugar."

I had to call to see what kind of mood he was in.

"Now, dress up some," my father replied. "Don't come down here in a t-shirt and your pajama bottoms."

I chuckled loudly. I wanted to say, "Yes Hyacinth!"

"I've got news for you and you are going to be thrilled," dad told me. "They are coming Friday to install your new Gigabit internet service. I went ahead and got you the highest speed they offer. I signed the papers today."

Well, I just started gushing. It was Christmas in February. I almost couldn't believe it.

"I am going to give you a big kiss on the cheek tonight," I told my father as he laughed.

"Now, clean up your computer room before they come," dad told me naggingly. "And don't get so excited you get in a wreck on the way down here."

I will be going from 30 Mbps to 1000 Mbps.

A Wonderful Bounty Was Had Tonight...

No bland KFC fried chicken tonight folks. My cup floweth over. Charlie grilled steaks this afternoon and my father has just left after delivering a wealth of goodies.

I got steak for Maggie and me. Two slices of Charlie's chocolate pie. Salad and blue cheese dressing. A butter and sour cream infused baked potato. Two big slices of buttered and toasted barbecue bread. Charlie also sent me two leaded regular Cokes to compliment my usual six diet Cokes. Dad then checked my medications and Maggie's food and water.

"Your house looks nice tonight," my father told me which made me beam with pride.

I put some effort into getting the chaos back in order this afternoon. The icing on the cake was that he noticed. I was even washing clothes when my father arrived. I am sticking to my New Year's resolution of dressing nicely every day -- taking some pride in myself as my father calls it.

"Darrell is still setting up my internet this week?" I asked my father with a gleam in my eye after it took an hour to download a video of Starfox 64 game footage this afternoon.

It would have taken seconds on my new internet connection.

"I hope so," dad said. "He said he was going to do it this week."

If my mother was handling this, I would have had this internet service back in November. The week before Thanksgiving when this all started with a trip out to WOW!'s local office. Mom would have driven them absolutely crazy until it got installed.

I am so excited I just about can't stand it. I mentioned Gigabit internet and the debut of the service last week and Old Fuss and Feathers gave me a glaring look and shook his head. We then both broke out in laughter at my impetuousness and the glare and headshake from my father.

To the Pig We Shall Go...

"Are you still up for the Piggly Wiggly?" dad asked me over the phone this afternoon. "Do they have those Marie Callender meals?"

I chuckled. He's absolutely obsessed with those meals.

"I am sure they do," I replied. "Or they will have something similar or equivalent like Stouffer's."

I had just woken up so I sounded kind of dopey. My father remarked upon this.

"You need to get you some meals tonight. Get the ones with vegetables in them."

Vegetables just swimming in a creamy alfredo sauce most likely. Yeah, that's healthy.

I just looked out the window and it is just pouring down rain here and the radar doesn't look like it is going to let up anytime soon. This will complicate matters. At least it is relatively balmy here today being 47°F or 8°C.

"Did you call the WOW! guy?" I then asked my father with much anticipation and hope.

I had told him to call last night and he said he would.

"I called him, but he hasn't called me back," my father replied.

My hopes were deflated. How hard can this get? It makes me want to act ugly with my father and the WOW! guy, but then I will never get the much faster internet being an asshole. I just have to smile, grin, bear it, and hope for the best.

I'm in Love With My Computer...

I'm sorry I haven't written more lately. It was a quiet holiday this year and that is always nice for someone with my disposition. Charlie brought me a bunch of leftovers last night and Maggie and I gorged ourselves on black eye peas, turnip greens, cherry congealed salad, cornbread, creamed potatoes, and pork loin. He left about as quick as he came after checking Maggie's food and water.

I spend much of my time on the computer lately. I watch a lot of videos on YouTube. Lots of Paramore (check out the album Brand New Eyes) and Smashing Pumpkins with a dash of Zero 7 thrown in for good measure.

The cold has also kept me a homebody. It has barely been getting above freezing so that leaves me ensconced in the warm confines of my humble home. Even Maggie refrains from going outside. Her visits to use the bathroom have been of the short duration.

I just called my father at work urging him to call WOW! yet once again -- that inept bunch of bastards. I am tired of waiting and their customer service has been abysmal. Dad snapped at me saying he wasn't doing all that today -- that the pharmacy was busy after being closed so much over these past few weeks. Harumph! I no longer worry about upsetting him which is a big step for me. I used to fear him as so much of my life is controlled by him. Come what may is my new attitude.

I've got to buy groceries tonight and I dread getting out in this cold. I am very cold natured and it can be almost painful for me to get out in this weather. I bet it will be back down to 25° degrees by the time we arrive at Kroger tonight around 9 pm.

Oh, I got in the bed at 2 am last night instead of my usual 4 am. I got up at 9 am this morning feeling completely rested with 7 hours of sleep so maybe I am cycling back to a diurnal existence. It certainly was a good start.

A New Day Dawns on Papa...

I winced when my father answered the phone.

"So, are you feeling better today?" I asked my father with great trepidation this morning.

"I was downright mean last night, wasn't I?" my father replied apologizing with a chuckle. "We had some of the most aggravating customers come into the pharmacy yesterday! I was on my last nerve when I arrived at your house."

"You were mean as a rattlesnake!" I told him. "You almost ruined my good mood."

"I forget you are like your mother and internalize other people's feelings," he said.

"I can't help it. It is in my genes -- my Achilles heel," I replied.

"Is the WOW! truck coming today?" I then asked hopefully.

I sometimes feel like I am in the Army -- hurry up and wait!

"I honestly, really don't know," my father replied. "Keep an eye out for them."

One of my New Year's resolutions is to dress more nicely every day instead of my standard fare of sweatpants and t-shirts. I thought my father (Hyacinth Bucket) would be overjoyed at this revelation. I also told him we were going to sell my car and not buy computer parts, but instead get my teeth fixed with that money. He didn't act enthused at all last night and it deeply disappointed me. I thought he would be extremely overjoyed at this sudden turn of rational thinking.

"We could use my Christmas money to buy nice clothes," I then told him.

"I've already ordered your computer parts!" he snapped at me.

Hurumph!

Ode to a Klonopin...

I am sitting here waiting for my diet Cokes to get cold in the freezer when my nighttime medications hit me suddenly. I felt as if I was going to melt into this computer chair. Such a soothing and calming feeling readying me for bed.

Papa just has left and he was a sourpuss tonight -- all grouchy and full of news and conversations I didn't want to hear. I was excitedly telling him of my New Year's resolutions -- very modest of course. He didn't act excited and it hurt my feelings. He huffily stood up and left after telling Mags goodnight.

"Don't lollygag around and miss the WOW! people tomorrow," were his grumpy last words to me as I loudly shut the door and said good riddance.

We Have a Go for Launch!

My father just has called me from the pharmacy. They've got everything set up with WOW! Here is what I am getting...

• 12 basic cable channels including The Weather Channel
• Phone with no long distance.
• 500 Mbps download and 50 Mbps upload internet.

I was so overjoyed that it spilled over onto the phone. I told dad I was going to send Tuleana down there to give him a big smacker on the lips! He burst out in laughter. He could hear my exuberance over the phone and said it was contagious.

"Now be sure to keep your house tidy and clean," my father (Hyacinth) told me in closing. "They are coming to install a new dot 3 oh modem."

We Have a Go for Fast Internet...

Dad called me at noon. Maggie and I hadn't been long out of the bed. We slept in this morning. Maggie and I were both feeling our oats this morning in other words we were feeling good -- such a long and restful sleep last night.

"Dave (the WOW! guy) came in the pharmacy the other day and he said they think they have something worked out for you," my father told me. "I just have to call out at the Valley office."

"Please do call dad," I replied urgently. "I have been waiting for this moment since before Thanksgiving."

I was so excited and dad could hear it in my voice.  He chuckled some at my exuberance. I told him what good is having a fast computer with a slow internet connection.

"What you want is going to save us $80 a month as well," he said. "Are you sure you can live without cable TV?"

"I never even turn the TV on," I replied. "I just want the 500 Mbps internet."

"Well, let me finish up my Christmas decorating and I will probably give them a call," dad told me.

"Please do, dad! Please do!" I replied very excitedly as we got off the phone.

It is funny, as in weird, how my mental illness affects me at times. I got to feeling shaky (my mind was busy) from all that excitement and had to sit down and be quiet for about an hour to calm down. I got to feeling panicky as well.

Running the Gamut of My Mental Illness...

"What is the biggest way your mental illness affects you?" my nurse, Rebecca, asked me this morning in a moment of candidness.

"I am constantly scared of being in mental misery and anguish," I told her. "That's is why I am so keen on and aggravating to my father about my medications."

"Blunted emotions and empathy, too!" I then blurted out and added. "I couldn't cry when my own mother died."

My injection was extremely painful this morning, but I didn't show it. I gritted my teeth and smiled -- stiff upper lip as the British would say. It would've worried Rebecca to death if I told her. I hugged her goodbye as Dee Dee met me at the door with my next appointment card. They take really good care of me at Kamath Medical.

"Can we beat Georgia twice?" Dee Dee asked of the SEC championship game.

"I'm already nervous," I told her faining interest.

I was also riding solo this morning. Dad was off of work by a fluke change of plans and left me to handle the injection on my own. I showed up at his house with the next appointment card and the receipt for the injection and he was so ecstatic about my being able to handle all of that on my own accord.

"You've come a damn long way, son," he told me as I stood at his back door.

"Medications at 1 pm or 2 pm?" I asked unabashedly and my father said that was okay.

I also urged him to call WOW! and see what the holdup is. That's been going on for a month now and I am tired of waiting. He said he would give them a call this afternoon.

A Shot in the Dark...

My father has this incredible and insatiable need to stay in control. I think it comes from running a pharmacy for 47 years. I am going to ask him to let me keep my medications and have him stop by every day to see if I am taking them as prescribed. That way I can take my morning and noon medications, and nightly medications as intended.  I know it is a shot in the dark, but I am going to give it the good college try. If I could just explain to him and convince him that it would increase the quality of my life tenfold.

The Chuck-Wagon Rolled into Town or Simply Bacon Beckons...

I started a pot of coffee this morning, but didn't drink a drop. I just like the smell of it mingled with the smell of frying bacon. It reminds me so much of my grandmother and the summers I would spend with her on her farm.

Maggie wasn't about to miss a chance at bacon and she was underfoot the whole time I was cooking. I also made a big pot of bubbly, buttery grits. I think those Spanish folks call it polenta.

I am anxiously awaiting news from my father and WOW! I just looked up my modem's specs on the web and it is DOCSIS 2.0 compliant. That means to obtain the internet speed I want, then they will have to upgrade my modem to the DOCSIS 3.0 standard. WOW! touts that they have award winning customer service. So far it has been lackluster for me. We got the ball rolling Wednesday and dad and I have yet to hear one peep out of them. The next step they will most likely take is making an appointment to swap out my cable modem.

A Feeling of Impending Doom...

"Why are you so nervous and fidgety?" dad asked me as we pulled out of my neighborhood for the short jaunt to WOW!.

"Something is going to go wrong," I told him. "Nothing's never easy when concerning these cable TV and internet providers."

"Well, hope for the best," dad told me turning his gaze back to the road.

"What can I help you with gentlemen?" the receptionist asked as we stepped into an empty lobby.

"Yes, I want to change my plan," I explained, "I want to get the 500 Mbps internet, drop my cable, and keep my phone."

The lady got on the computer and started to furiously type away.

"You can only have the 110 Mbps internet on your plan," she told me with a guarded smile.

"Well, let's change plans then," I told her sternly.

The lady said she had to talk to her supervisor and would call us back. Dad gave her his cellphone number.

"I'll work hard to get you what you want," she said and then my father and I left to drive home.

"I told you so," I said to my father as I climbed into his car. "I told you it wouldn't be easy."