My father works all the time and we rarely get time to just talk and spend time with each other. I had gone to the grocery store to buy my weekly supply of groceries and was sitting in front of the gas pumps at Fat Albert’s pumping gas when my father pulled up next to me just by coincidence.
“Hey son,” He said as he rolled down his window to his Honda CR-V.
“Hey dad,” I said surprised to see him.
“Let me park. You pay for your gas and let’s go for a long ride and talk some,” He replied.
Dad parked his car in front of Fat Albert’s and I paid for my $31 dollars in gas with my Visa debit card and we headed out to the outskirts of town near the dam on the Chattahoochee.
“How have you been doing son?” He asked. “I don’t get to see you much these days. Work has been hell with the holidays approaching. I have been working fourteen hour days.”
“Oh, I am okay other than feeling slow and over medicated,” I replied.
“You worry me when you think and talk like that,” He said. “Your medication is supposed to calm you down and make you ‘slow.’”
I didn’t argue with him and just played along.
“You are probably going to get mad at me, but I spent $98 dollars at the grocery store tonight.” I told him.
“What did you buy? Steaks?” Dad asked half laughing.
“The food was only $58 dollars. I bought a battery charger and eight rechargeable nickel metal hydride AA batteries for my camera for Christmas,” I replied. “Those things are expensive.”
“Oh well, you deserve to buy something sometimes,” He said. “You really are extremely frugal and never spend much money.”
We turned around at the dam over the river and headed back. I and dad talked some more as we listened to the AM radio station out of New Orleans. I brought him back to his car and we both drove home. It was nice spending some time with my father without him being so judgmental and harsh with me. My father can be so overbearing sometimes and last night he was laid back and relaxed to deal with. Usually, I am a nervous wreck after being around him. I much prefer the company of my mother.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Large Hi-Res Photo of Spectacular and Rare 'Aurora' Occurrence over Iowa
Alerted to conditions ripe for aurora, photographer Stan Richard recorded this apparition over Saylorville Lake, near Des Moines, Iowa, USA. While the colorful rays seem to end just above the water, they are actually at altitudes of 100 kilometers or more. Courtesy of NASA.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Bright Sunlight chases away the Dark Shadows in my Den…
I awoke this morning at 5 AM to find Maggie and Bunny in the bed with me. Maggie had been chewing on bunny all night in her affectionate way and she was a slimy dog saliva encrusted mess when I went to grab her and throw her on the floor.
“Yuk Maggie!” I exclaimed as I held Bunny gingerly up with two fingers and cast her from the bed.
Maggie jumped up and chased after her. She is obsessed with that little stuffed animal.
I donned my robe and walked into the kitchen to open the fridge to survey its contents. It is time to go shopping again as Tuesday nights is traditionally my grocery shopping night. I am out of eggs, bacon, cheddar cheese, and fresh bread. I had to improvise this morning and cooked four sausage patties and four pieces of toast from a loaf of bread I had frozen in the freezer. I missed my usual fare of scrambled eggs, cheddar, bacon, and toast.
After breakfast, I set out for a good morning hike. I walked around the neighborhood block many times for one hour. One hour of walking at 3 mph is 3 miles or around 400 calories burned. I will set out later in the day possibly after lunch for the rest of my hike out spring road or down to the tracks.
This morning as I walked the sun had yet to rise and was just a muted glow on the horizon. All my neighbors still had their outdoor Christmas decorations lit. Most use timers these days. It brought such a warm feeling to my soul to see these sights of Christmas cheer. It brought back fond memories of being a child when dad would corral all us kids into the car and we would ride around town looking at all the Christmas lights, Christmas decorations, and Christmas trees in the front windows of homes. Those were magical times during my youth.
It seems I will be spending Christmas alone this year. My parents are driving up to my sister’s house in Birmingham for Christmas Eve and Christmas day and then flying to San Diego to spend Christmas with my brother. I will have a nice, quiet Christmas spent alone at home. I asked my father not to try and cajole me into going and he agreed. I have been through so much lately because of my illness and just need some quiet time this holiday. Dad is going to arrange with a friend to bring me a home cooked holiday meal on Christmas day.
I bet Abbagirl will be pleased to know I saw Dumpster Diving Dan yesterday. He was digging in the dumpster behind the shopping center late yesterday afternoon when I was on the last leg of my daily hike. I was eager to get home as I was dying to use the bathroom. I waved vigorously hello and he waved back. He seemed to be doing well. I hated I couldn’t stop and talk to him. I hadn’t seen him in days. It was odd to see him dumpster diving so late in the day though. The sun had just begun to set. I guess Dan was running late yesterday. I will try and catch up with him before Christmas. I have a pantry full of Chef Boyardee to give him as he hasn’t been by lately to pick it up.
“Yuk Maggie!” I exclaimed as I held Bunny gingerly up with two fingers and cast her from the bed.
Maggie jumped up and chased after her. She is obsessed with that little stuffed animal.
I donned my robe and walked into the kitchen to open the fridge to survey its contents. It is time to go shopping again as Tuesday nights is traditionally my grocery shopping night. I am out of eggs, bacon, cheddar cheese, and fresh bread. I had to improvise this morning and cooked four sausage patties and four pieces of toast from a loaf of bread I had frozen in the freezer. I missed my usual fare of scrambled eggs, cheddar, bacon, and toast.
After breakfast, I set out for a good morning hike. I walked around the neighborhood block many times for one hour. One hour of walking at 3 mph is 3 miles or around 400 calories burned. I will set out later in the day possibly after lunch for the rest of my hike out spring road or down to the tracks.
This morning as I walked the sun had yet to rise and was just a muted glow on the horizon. All my neighbors still had their outdoor Christmas decorations lit. Most use timers these days. It brought such a warm feeling to my soul to see these sights of Christmas cheer. It brought back fond memories of being a child when dad would corral all us kids into the car and we would ride around town looking at all the Christmas lights, Christmas decorations, and Christmas trees in the front windows of homes. Those were magical times during my youth.
It seems I will be spending Christmas alone this year. My parents are driving up to my sister’s house in Birmingham for Christmas Eve and Christmas day and then flying to San Diego to spend Christmas with my brother. I will have a nice, quiet Christmas spent alone at home. I asked my father not to try and cajole me into going and he agreed. I have been through so much lately because of my illness and just need some quiet time this holiday. Dad is going to arrange with a friend to bring me a home cooked holiday meal on Christmas day.
I bet Abbagirl will be pleased to know I saw Dumpster Diving Dan yesterday. He was digging in the dumpster behind the shopping center late yesterday afternoon when I was on the last leg of my daily hike. I was eager to get home as I was dying to use the bathroom. I waved vigorously hello and he waved back. He seemed to be doing well. I hated I couldn’t stop and talk to him. I hadn’t seen him in days. It was odd to see him dumpster diving so late in the day though. The sun had just begun to set. I guess Dan was running late yesterday. I will try and catch up with him before Christmas. I have a pantry full of Chef Boyardee to give him as he hasn’t been by lately to pick it up.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Stars on a Country Night…
Yesterday evening found my tent set up in the backyard. I crawled into it around 8 PM and read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by candle lantern for what seemed like hours. I finally went to sleep to a cool night and awoke hours later soaking wet from sweat. My sleeping bag was just too hot for the mild weather we are having. I trudged inside and started a pot of coffee and am sitting here in the wee hours of the morning writing waiting on sunrise and a hearty breakfast.
It was a beautiful night though tonight. Our recent usual after midnight fog had yet to roll in off of the Chattahoochee River and a thousand myriad stars greeted me upon the night sky as I stuck my head out of my tent. It is times like that I most want to light up a cigarette. I actually fumbled for my pack in my shirt pocket out of habit. Ursa Major (The big dipper) greeted me as one of the more recognizable constellations. I breathed in deeply the cool night air with what are now free breathing lungs as my eyes gathered in the pale light from a starlit country night sky. The muted orange glow of the lights of the city shone on the horizon.
I ate supper over at my parent’s house yesterday. Dad had cooked a wonderful pot of vegetable beef soup. I sat at the kitchen table as mom asked me a thousand questions about my various doctor’s appointments as dad lay on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. Their two cats were stretched out in front of their gas heater in some hypnotic like trance that the heater seems to induce upon them.“That heater is like kitty crack,” I told my father of their two cats.
He laughed heartily.
“Can you believe it has been two weeks since I last had a cigarette?” I then asked my father.
“That’s amazing,” He replied. “I bet your food tastes better and your sense of smell is returning.”
I nodded in agreement as I ate another spoonful of delicious vegetable soup followed by a hearty bite of cornbread dipped in the broth of that soup.
I did hike six miles yesterday. I walked the tracks looking for photo opportunities. I am like a child again in anticipation of getting my digital camera. I want to do a photo essay of my daily hike downtown upon the tracks a few days after Christmas. I think that will be my first project. I also want to do a video of me and Maggie in the backyard interacting.
Well, let me go get some breakfast started. I don’t think I can wait until sunrise. I am starving and my stomach is grumbling.
Stunning hi-res photo of the shuttle crew's most recent space walk....
I believe that is New Zealand below the Astronauts as they repair and configure the ISS. How is that for a breathtaking view? Courtesy of NASA.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...
Just a few more days and it will be picture time on The 4th Avenue Blues...
Things begin to look up…
I feel much better this morning after getting a three mile hike in. I headed out spring road and walked half way to the end and turned around and walked back. It was a beautiful albeit cool morning this morning. I got to experience my first magical hour in a long time as dawn arrived. The magical hour in winter is so subdued compared to summer though.
Yesterday evening, I did manage to hike 7 ½ miles before dusk. I just feel better if I get out of the house for my daily walks. I just cannot escape the paranoia that I am being watched though. As I walked into downtown towards the train tracks yesterday evening, I came upon a little black man who cussed when he saw me come around the corner at the furniture store. I think I scared him as I was walking very fast. I just think I look weird and he was cussing at seeing me. God, I am so crazy. A little occurrence like yesterday sends me into a tailspin. It was all I could think of for the rest of the day.
Today marks two weeks cigarette smoke free. I think I am in shock at being able to stay away from cigarettes for so long. I was such a heavy smoker. I am very proud of myself for hanging in there. Yesterday was hard though. I wanted a cigarette very badly yesterday afternoon. Smoking always helped pass the time for what can be very long days for me.
It is hard to believe it is December. The temperatures have been getting into the mid seventies everyday this week and will do so well into next week. Our little Indian summer has proved a welcome respite from the doldrums of winter. I wish Mother Nature would make up her mind though. It has been years since we have gotten any snow here and I was hoping for at least one winter weather occurrence this winter season. The weather in the winter South can be so boring most years.
Yesterday evening, I did manage to hike 7 ½ miles before dusk. I just feel better if I get out of the house for my daily walks. I just cannot escape the paranoia that I am being watched though. As I walked into downtown towards the train tracks yesterday evening, I came upon a little black man who cussed when he saw me come around the corner at the furniture store. I think I scared him as I was walking very fast. I just think I look weird and he was cussing at seeing me. God, I am so crazy. A little occurrence like yesterday sends me into a tailspin. It was all I could think of for the rest of the day.
Today marks two weeks cigarette smoke free. I think I am in shock at being able to stay away from cigarettes for so long. I was such a heavy smoker. I am very proud of myself for hanging in there. Yesterday was hard though. I wanted a cigarette very badly yesterday afternoon. Smoking always helped pass the time for what can be very long days for me.
It is hard to believe it is December. The temperatures have been getting into the mid seventies everyday this week and will do so well into next week. Our little Indian summer has proved a welcome respite from the doldrums of winter. I wish Mother Nature would make up her mind though. It has been years since we have gotten any snow here and I was hoping for at least one winter weather occurrence this winter season. The weather in the winter South can be so boring most years.
Buzz Aldrin Talks About UFO during Apollo 11
Apollo 11 is the mission that put man on the moon. About halfway into the trip, the astronauts spotted a strange object. Buzz Aldrin talks about what they did and having to hide it from NASA to stop any panic. We hear conspiracy theorists talk about UFOs all the time, but hearing someone as famous as the 2nd person on the moon is slightly different.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Maggie’s New Toy
I bought Maggie a new toy yesterday and she is enamored with it. It is a little pink, stuffed bunny. Maggie carries it around and plays with it. I woke up this morning to daylight to find her and the bunny both in the bed with me.
My father called me this morning about my medications. I take so many medications that my father’s pharmacy packages them in a bubble pack where all I have to do is push the pills through the foil and take them at the correct time.
“Dad, I feel so slow mentally,” I told him.
“You need to feel slow,” Dad replied. “You were on a high for awhile there until we got your medications right. You need to slow down.”
“Did you bring home next week’s medications?” I then asked.
“Yes,” He replied. “They are on the back porch.”
“I will walk over to get them,” I then said as I hung up the phone.
“Slow, my ass,” I thought as I walked across their backyard. “This is not normal. I would rather deal with schizophrenia and be crazy.”
I started out for today’s hike just a moment ago and got down to the end of the neighborhood street and turned around and walked back home. I just didn’t feel like hiking today.
My father called me this morning about my medications. I take so many medications that my father’s pharmacy packages them in a bubble pack where all I have to do is push the pills through the foil and take them at the correct time.
“Dad, I feel so slow mentally,” I told him.
“You need to feel slow,” Dad replied. “You were on a high for awhile there until we got your medications right. You need to slow down.”
“Did you bring home next week’s medications?” I then asked.
“Yes,” He replied. “They are on the back porch.”
“I will walk over to get them,” I then said as I hung up the phone.
“Slow, my ass,” I thought as I walked across their backyard. “This is not normal. I would rather deal with schizophrenia and be crazy.”
I started out for today’s hike just a moment ago and got down to the end of the neighborhood street and turned around and walked back home. I just didn’t feel like hiking today.
The Good, the Bad, and the Funny of Neurological Medications...
Welcome to Crazy Meds, your one-stop information portal for the mentally interesting. More or less. We offer a fourth way diverging from the unfortunate majority of consumer-oriented sites one finds on the Internet.
- Couch-jumping, fear-mongering, sometimes glib sites that condemn all neurological medications as tools of the devil with ever-lasting side effects that will cripple or kill you; while the people who prescribe them one or more of idiots, sadists, sorcerers and/or members of the global conspiracy out to get the people involved. The only solution to your problems is a regimen of vitamins, herbs, exercise, exorcism and bitching about doctors and drugs.
- Pharmaceutical company sites who offer up their drugs as panaceas with few mild-to-moderate side effects. Little is mentioned about the cost to the uninsured. Actual side effects are buried in doctor-speak and no real idea is presented about the chances of their happening, how long they last or if they will go away during the course of your taking the medication. The same goes for if the drug will work for you or not.
- Support group sites that offer tea and sympathy when it comes to medications. They are great for living with whatever it is you have, but far too often will just enable bad choices in not taking your meds or trying to take the wrong drugs for the wrong reasons.
Amazing old pictures in color...
Before the Autochrome process was perfected in France, this photograph of a landscape in Southern France was taken. No, it is not hand-tinted. This is a color-photograph. (Note: It was published in a Time/Life Book entitled "Color" in 1972, "courtesey of George Eastman House, Paulus Lesser.") You are looking at the birth of color photography seven years after the American Civil War. 130 years ago this view of Angouleme, France, was created by a "subtractive" method. This is the basis for all color photography, even today. It was taken by Louis Ducos du Hauron who proposed the method in 1869. It was not until the 1930's that this method was perfected for commercial use.
Read more and view more early color photographs...
Friday, December 15, 2006
Andy Mckee - Drifting
Amazing talent with a guitar. I loved this being a big fan of acoustic guitar.
Over Medicated…
Carolyn and I were talking last night how variable my life can be with my mental illness. Last week, I had trouble functioning and was in the hospital. This week, I am much more stable. I am over medicated though and I think that is why I am having trouble writing. My head feels fuzzy and slow all the time. The only thing I seem to do well is hike and hike long distances at that as it requires little thought. I just point myself in a direction and start walking.
“You seem slow,” Carolyn told me last night as we sat in my den.
“Have you noticed how I am slurring my words when I talk?” I asked her.
“I know,” She said. “I thought you had been drinking or taken something the other day.”
“No. No drinking,” I replied. “It is just all the medications I am currently taking. They have doubled up on my anti-psychotic. I doesn’t help that I am not sleeping at all as well.”
Last night found me up and out of the bed at 1 AM. I cracked open a diet Coke and caught up on my favorite blogs. All the blogs I read are rather slow these days as well. I guess everyone is busy with the holidays.
I finally managed to get back to bed early this morning and awoke at 7 AM. I got up and fixed my usual breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, grits, toast, sliced cheddar, and a banana. I then took my vitamins and my morning medications. My head started feeling fuzzy more than ever this morning after my meds kicked in. It is hard to write this. I sometimes wonder what’s worse; living with the symptoms of schizophrenia or the dullness of the mind my medicines cause me. It is so frustrating and a catch-22.
These are the medications I am taking these days:
“You seem slow,” Carolyn told me last night as we sat in my den.
“Have you noticed how I am slurring my words when I talk?” I asked her.
“I know,” She said. “I thought you had been drinking or taken something the other day.”
“No. No drinking,” I replied. “It is just all the medications I am currently taking. They have doubled up on my anti-psychotic. I doesn’t help that I am not sleeping at all as well.”
Last night found me up and out of the bed at 1 AM. I cracked open a diet Coke and caught up on my favorite blogs. All the blogs I read are rather slow these days as well. I guess everyone is busy with the holidays.
I finally managed to get back to bed early this morning and awoke at 7 AM. I got up and fixed my usual breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, grits, toast, sliced cheddar, and a banana. I then took my vitamins and my morning medications. My head started feeling fuzzy more than ever this morning after my meds kicked in. It is hard to write this. I sometimes wonder what’s worse; living with the symptoms of schizophrenia or the dullness of the mind my medicines cause me. It is so frustrating and a catch-22.
These are the medications I am taking these days:
Morning:
50 mg Risperdal Consta every two weeks.
20 mg Lexapro
50 mg Luvox
15 mg Buspar
333 mg Campral
Lunch:
333 mg Campral
Afternoon:
15 mg Buspar
333 mg Campral
3 mg Risperdal in pill form
Spring for Christmas...
It looks like my hopes for a one in a million white Christmas for the South have been dashed. We are having record warmth these days. I am not complaining mind you.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
George Cleans Up…
Oddly, George has been behaving himself lately. George came over last night with a medium Papa John’s pizza to share and was sober.
“Is it the calm before the storm?” I asked him as we sat eating pizza in my den in front of my television as CNN headline news was showing their usual depressing, macabre news.
“I’ve just been broke and haven’t been able to afford something to drink,” George replied.
“Good,” I muttered with a mouthful of delicious crust, cheese, and pepperoni. It is a good sign when he spends his money on pizza instead of beer or cheap wine.
George was steadily smoking on cigars though and they smelled so good. It was tempting to ask for one, but I was afraid it would re-stir that old nicotine addiction within me. Quitting smoking cigarettes has been one of the hardest things I have ever done and I didn’t want to take any chances.
Midnight found me at the end of spring road stargazing and drinking coffee last night in the cool, damp night air. I saw five meteors in one minute at one point last night and wasn’t disappointed by the show. A thick fog started to roll in after midnight finally obscuring the night sky so I made my way on home and went to bed.
This morning, I had my injection of my Risperdal for schizophrenia. They were Johnny on the spot this morning and I got called back as soon as I sat down in the waiting room. The nurse injected the solution into my butt muscle and I was on my way. I needed some razors and swung by my father’s pharmacy on the way home to get them and a case of diet Cokes and some vitamins.
I arrived home and started my walk for the day. I once again gravitated down to the rails for 3 miles of today’s hike. Another train was sitting on that passing siding again. The engineer gave me a hearty wave as I walked by the idling engine whose diesel engine throbbed with the deep pulsating sound of combustion. You could almost feel it as you walked by that huge locomotive. I walked on down the tracks to the end of that train as I heard another train horn far off in the distance. I was standing beside Hardley creek and sat down upon the bank to watch this northbound freight pass. It was a mixed freight pulled by three Electro Motive Division SD50-2s. This engineer waved as well assuaging any worries of getting arrested for trespassing today. Luckily, the bulls seem to stay in the larger rail yards these days and leave the one downtown bereft of their presence.
Well, let me change clothes and head over to Rodger’s for lunch. I am getting mighty hungry as each minute passes and need to go fill up my empty gullet. The apple I just ate didn’t even phase my hunger at all. Later.
“Is it the calm before the storm?” I asked him as we sat eating pizza in my den in front of my television as CNN headline news was showing their usual depressing, macabre news.
“I’ve just been broke and haven’t been able to afford something to drink,” George replied.
“Good,” I muttered with a mouthful of delicious crust, cheese, and pepperoni. It is a good sign when he spends his money on pizza instead of beer or cheap wine.
George was steadily smoking on cigars though and they smelled so good. It was tempting to ask for one, but I was afraid it would re-stir that old nicotine addiction within me. Quitting smoking cigarettes has been one of the hardest things I have ever done and I didn’t want to take any chances.
Midnight found me at the end of spring road stargazing and drinking coffee last night in the cool, damp night air. I saw five meteors in one minute at one point last night and wasn’t disappointed by the show. A thick fog started to roll in after midnight finally obscuring the night sky so I made my way on home and went to bed.
This morning, I had my injection of my Risperdal for schizophrenia. They were Johnny on the spot this morning and I got called back as soon as I sat down in the waiting room. The nurse injected the solution into my butt muscle and I was on my way. I needed some razors and swung by my father’s pharmacy on the way home to get them and a case of diet Cokes and some vitamins.
I arrived home and started my walk for the day. I once again gravitated down to the rails for 3 miles of today’s hike. Another train was sitting on that passing siding again. The engineer gave me a hearty wave as I walked by the idling engine whose diesel engine throbbed with the deep pulsating sound of combustion. You could almost feel it as you walked by that huge locomotive. I walked on down the tracks to the end of that train as I heard another train horn far off in the distance. I was standing beside Hardley creek and sat down upon the bank to watch this northbound freight pass. It was a mixed freight pulled by three Electro Motive Division SD50-2s. This engineer waved as well assuaging any worries of getting arrested for trespassing today. Luckily, the bulls seem to stay in the larger rail yards these days and leave the one downtown bereft of their presence.
Well, let me change clothes and head over to Rodger’s for lunch. I am getting mighty hungry as each minute passes and need to go fill up my empty gullet. The apple I just ate didn’t even phase my hunger at all. Later.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Geminid Meteor Shower Tonight
The best meteor shower of the year is on the way tonight.
From the folks at NASA:
From the folks at NASA:
The first Geminids appeared suddenly in 1862, surprising onlookers who saw dozens of meteors shoot out of the constellation Gemini. (That's how the shower gets its name, the Geminids.)
Astronomers immediately began looking for a comet. Meteor showers result from debris that boils off a comet when it passes close to the Sun. When Earth passes through the debris, we see a meteor shower.
For more than a hundred years astronomers searched in vain for the parent comet. Finally, in 1983, NASA's Infra-Red Astronomy Satellite (IRAS) spotted something. It was several kilometers wide and moved in about the same orbit as the Geminid meteoroids. Scientists named it 3200 Phaethon.
Just one problem: Meteor showers are supposed to come from comets, but 3200 Phaethon seems to be an asteroid. It is rocky (not icy, like a comet) and has no obvious tail. Officially, 3200 Phaethon is catalogued as a "PHA"—a potentially hazardous asteroid whose path misses Earth's orbit by only 2 million miles.
A Journey's End...
I had a delicious lunch today. Rodger’s served meat loaf, black-eyed peas, fried okra, potato salad, and corn bread. I went to eat when the restaurant first opened at 11 AM and it was deserted as far as customers go. It is so nice to go sit down and have a southern style cooked meal prepared everyday. It is so hard just cooking for one most of the time.
After lunch, I just hiked and hiked while I listened to the radio. Up to the end of the cotton mill back to my house is three miles. I hiked it twice for a total of six miles today. A train of hopper cars was sitting on the passing siding track behind the mill when I walked back behind there waiting on a north bound freight to pass. Within moments, the signal down the tracks turned from green, to yellow, and then red as the lights of the locomotive emerged around the curve. I stood off to the side to gain some distance between me and the rails as the grand freight flew by with a roar and then proceeded with today’s journey. It was another beautifully warm day and I hiked in a t-shirt and shorts.
After lunch, I just hiked and hiked while I listened to the radio. Up to the end of the cotton mill back to my house is three miles. I hiked it twice for a total of six miles today. A train of hopper cars was sitting on the passing siding track behind the mill when I walked back behind there waiting on a north bound freight to pass. Within moments, the signal down the tracks turned from green, to yellow, and then red as the lights of the locomotive emerged around the curve. I stood off to the side to gain some distance between me and the rails as the grand freight flew by with a roar and then proceeded with today’s journey. It was another beautifully warm day and I hiked in a t-shirt and shorts.
Feeling Blah…
I sometimes wonder if I have come to a dead end as far as this blog is concerned. For most of my blogging career it wasn’t a chore. Lately, I have a hard time coming up with something to say. My anonymous commenter seems to think I make this stuff up. I could have come up with a thousand more interesting things to write about yesterday than my early morning hiking trip to the pond if that is what I do with this blog. I am hoping that when I get my digital camera Christmas day that it will reinvigorate my blog. The camera is wrapped and under my parent’s Christmas tree.
My days have been very uninteresting lately. I get up really early due to insomnia and try to hike at least two hours for six miles every morning. My hiking time is my time to organize my thoughts and to make me feel grounded. I do so enjoy those long walks. I actually look forward to getting up and heading out. I may suffer from a mental disability, but fortunately, my physical body is sound and functioning well.
Well, let me get a shower and head over to Rodger’s barbeque for lunch. I think I will have the hamburger platter today. See ya later.
My days have been very uninteresting lately. I get up really early due to insomnia and try to hike at least two hours for six miles every morning. My hiking time is my time to organize my thoughts and to make me feel grounded. I do so enjoy those long walks. I actually look forward to getting up and heading out. I may suffer from a mental disability, but fortunately, my physical body is sound and functioning well.
Well, let me get a shower and head over to Rodger’s barbeque for lunch. I think I will have the hamburger platter today. See ya later.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Creek side I bide my Time
This morning found me out at the pond on spring road tossing small pebbles into the water. It was a bright and beautiful morning with just a hint of chilliness in the air. Ducks quacked nosily as they floated aimlessly upon the water. A few ventured close enough out of curiosity for me to get a good look at them. I sat in the damp dew laden grass until I had drunk all the hot coffee from my thermos. I then walked on around the pond to the creek that feeds it and sat by the softly babbling water. I saw a lone crayfish work its way up the creek bed against the current. It reminded me of all the times as a child I spent down at the local creek capturing such crayfish for my aquarium at home.
I found myself walking up my driveway around 9 AM after another six mile day. I started well before dawn and the sun had risen quite a bit over the horizon when I had arrived home. This morning’s sunrise was glorious. The horizon was awash in bright hues of orange before the first bright sliver of the sun peeked over the tree tops. Wispy cirrus clouds in bright colors curled across the sky like pulled puffs of cotton in the predawn light.
My arrival at home found me standing over the stove cooking my usual breakfast of cheese eggs, thick sliced bacon, grits, and toast. I have gotten breakfast down to a fine art now and it only takes a moment to prepare everything. I was voraciously hungry this morning and could have eaten another plate, but was far too lazy to mess the kitchen up once again after my first foray into cooking for the day.
Pipe Tobacco had asked if I am still smoking my pipe. If you are a long time reader then you know I am an all or nothing kind of fellow. I can’t do anything in moderation it seems. I have set aside my pipe as well for the time being. I didn’t want to take a chance on restirring the old monster that is nicotine addiction. The first few days of quitting smoking cigarettes are hard enough without me compounding the problem. I had gotten were I didn’t smoke my pipe much anyways.
I found myself walking up my driveway around 9 AM after another six mile day. I started well before dawn and the sun had risen quite a bit over the horizon when I had arrived home. This morning’s sunrise was glorious. The horizon was awash in bright hues of orange before the first bright sliver of the sun peeked over the tree tops. Wispy cirrus clouds in bright colors curled across the sky like pulled puffs of cotton in the predawn light.
My arrival at home found me standing over the stove cooking my usual breakfast of cheese eggs, thick sliced bacon, grits, and toast. I have gotten breakfast down to a fine art now and it only takes a moment to prepare everything. I was voraciously hungry this morning and could have eaten another plate, but was far too lazy to mess the kitchen up once again after my first foray into cooking for the day.
Pipe Tobacco had asked if I am still smoking my pipe. If you are a long time reader then you know I am an all or nothing kind of fellow. I can’t do anything in moderation it seems. I have set aside my pipe as well for the time being. I didn’t want to take a chance on restirring the old monster that is nicotine addiction. The first few days of quitting smoking cigarettes are hard enough without me compounding the problem. I had gotten were I didn’t smoke my pipe much anyways.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Juxtaposition of times…
It is hard to believe that only a week ago I was in the hospital. What a juxtaposition and contrasting times seven days can bring. I feel much better these days and am enjoying a simple, direct way of life. I get up early every morning, make breakfast, and then head out for my daily hike. I hiked an additional three miles this morning making for another nine mile day.
This afternoon found me down at the train tracks reading a book. I have picked Tolstoy’s War and Peace back up again and I am going to try to slog through it once more. I found it hard to concentrate though to read as many a train passed and caught my attention. I longed to hop aboard a slow freight and see where I ended up at the end of the day. I would love to have been perched upon the stoop of a hopper car riding into that big rail yard in Atlanta following adventure at every step. I have hopped freights before in my younger days and may just take an adventure soon. Wanderlust is really overtaking me these days. It didn’t help that it was just an absolutely gorgeous, spring like day today.
My father called me around lunch time to meet him at Rodger’s Barbeque to set up my tab. I now have a running tab at the restaurant and can eat lunch everyday free of charge. The restaurant will bill my father monthly depending on what I eat everyday. Today’s meal was turkey and dressing, candied sweet potatoes, turnip greens with ham hocks, cornbread, banana pudding, and sweet tea. It was delicious. I very much look forward to having a southern style meal cooked for me everyday. My father is a swell man for doing such a thing for me and paying for it. Maybe, I will gain some weight as is his reason for doing this. He worries I don’t get three squares a day. I usually do pretty well in making sure I eat three good meals a day with lots of nutritious food such as fruit. I am currently hooked on Granny Smith apples and bananas.
I trudged home from the tracks with a smile on my face this afternoon. All was right in my world for the day. I did long for a cigarette, but resisted the urge. Today marks day nine without a cigarette. I was such a heavy smoker since the age of sixteen that is it still hard to believe that I am smoke free these days. I actually don’t miss it all that much. It is nice not having cigarettes dictate to me what I do with my day. It is also nice to take my long hikes everyday without having to stop every few miles to fumble for my pack of cigarettes and to light up. I still have a nagging cough though and have coughed up my fair share of phlegm. Hopefully, in a few weeks this shall pass.
I am still struggling with insomnia despite taking a sleep aid prescribed by my doctor. This morning found me awake well before 3 AM and I just got on up and left Carolyn to fend for herself. She has no trouble sleeping for twelve hours at a time. My natural circadian rhythms are all amiss. Luckily, I haven’t felt all that tired and have caught a few cat naps during the day of a few minutes here and there. I am hoping I will sleep tonight though. I would love to melt into my warm covers only to awake at the dawning of a new sun. These dark nights and short days tend to get to me. I don’t relish being nocturnal these days.
Evening arrived and found me parked out at the end of spring road to watch the sunset. I stood next to my car as I poured myself a mug of coffee from the thermos I had prepared. I watched as the sun disappeared below the horizon to end the light of another day. I am so lucky to have the time to enjoy such slow days and such time consuming experiences. The world truly is my playground most days when I am feeling well. I take such pleasure in the natural beauty of this Earth we live upon. I wish I could end each day with a glorious sunset like I did today.
Well, let me quit rambling. I just felt like writing tonight and capturing my day in words. I realize these types of long winded posts are death knells for the readership of a blog. I hope you will allow my indulgence in such a post tonight. I have written far too much for just one blog post and must quit. Good night and may the winds of good fortune blow your way as another day dawns tomorrow.
This afternoon found me down at the train tracks reading a book. I have picked Tolstoy’s War and Peace back up again and I am going to try to slog through it once more. I found it hard to concentrate though to read as many a train passed and caught my attention. I longed to hop aboard a slow freight and see where I ended up at the end of the day. I would love to have been perched upon the stoop of a hopper car riding into that big rail yard in Atlanta following adventure at every step. I have hopped freights before in my younger days and may just take an adventure soon. Wanderlust is really overtaking me these days. It didn’t help that it was just an absolutely gorgeous, spring like day today.
My father called me around lunch time to meet him at Rodger’s Barbeque to set up my tab. I now have a running tab at the restaurant and can eat lunch everyday free of charge. The restaurant will bill my father monthly depending on what I eat everyday. Today’s meal was turkey and dressing, candied sweet potatoes, turnip greens with ham hocks, cornbread, banana pudding, and sweet tea. It was delicious. I very much look forward to having a southern style meal cooked for me everyday. My father is a swell man for doing such a thing for me and paying for it. Maybe, I will gain some weight as is his reason for doing this. He worries I don’t get three squares a day. I usually do pretty well in making sure I eat three good meals a day with lots of nutritious food such as fruit. I am currently hooked on Granny Smith apples and bananas.
I trudged home from the tracks with a smile on my face this afternoon. All was right in my world for the day. I did long for a cigarette, but resisted the urge. Today marks day nine without a cigarette. I was such a heavy smoker since the age of sixteen that is it still hard to believe that I am smoke free these days. I actually don’t miss it all that much. It is nice not having cigarettes dictate to me what I do with my day. It is also nice to take my long hikes everyday without having to stop every few miles to fumble for my pack of cigarettes and to light up. I still have a nagging cough though and have coughed up my fair share of phlegm. Hopefully, in a few weeks this shall pass.
I am still struggling with insomnia despite taking a sleep aid prescribed by my doctor. This morning found me awake well before 3 AM and I just got on up and left Carolyn to fend for herself. She has no trouble sleeping for twelve hours at a time. My natural circadian rhythms are all amiss. Luckily, I haven’t felt all that tired and have caught a few cat naps during the day of a few minutes here and there. I am hoping I will sleep tonight though. I would love to melt into my warm covers only to awake at the dawning of a new sun. These dark nights and short days tend to get to me. I don’t relish being nocturnal these days.
Evening arrived and found me parked out at the end of spring road to watch the sunset. I stood next to my car as I poured myself a mug of coffee from the thermos I had prepared. I watched as the sun disappeared below the horizon to end the light of another day. I am so lucky to have the time to enjoy such slow days and such time consuming experiences. The world truly is my playground most days when I am feeling well. I take such pleasure in the natural beauty of this Earth we live upon. I wish I could end each day with a glorious sunset like I did today.
Well, let me quit rambling. I just felt like writing tonight and capturing my day in words. I realize these types of long winded posts are death knells for the readership of a blog. I hope you will allow my indulgence in such a post tonight. I have written far too much for just one blog post and must quit. Good night and may the winds of good fortune blow your way as another day dawns tomorrow.
Beer Boxes in the Night…
I couldn’t sleep early this morning and hiked two hours for 6 miles before dawn. It was a cold, chilly, and damp start to the day. I once again hiked out to the end of spring road and back. The waning gibbous moon was obscured by thick clouds so it made for a spooky dark hike where I had trouble making out the road in front of me. I was fumbling for ecstasy in the dark.
At one point, there was a very dark form lying upon the middle of the road in front of me. At first, I thought it was either an animal or road kill. I walked upon it with trepidations only to find some drinking fool had thrown out the box to a case of beer. I picked it up and threw it off into the woods to the side of the road. It wouldn’t fit into my backpack to carry it home to the garbage can to throw it away. The cardboard will biodegrade.
I arrived home and took a long, hot shower and fixed a breakfast of cheese eggs, thick sliced bacon, grits, toast, and orange juice. Carolyn was still in the bed and I couldn’t get her up to come to kitchen to eat. She is off of work today and is sleeping in. My early morning rising aggravates her most days. She moaned and rolled over when I asked her if she was hungry. It was around 5 AM. She wishes I would stay in the bed as well.
I and Carolyn had a small argument over George last night.
“I wish you would tell him not to come over,” She told me. “I don’t like him. He is a drunk.”
“George is my friend and he has really cut down his drinking habit these days,” I replied.
“It won’t last for long,” Carolyn replied. “He will be back to his old ways.”
“I can’t help my friends aren’t perfect,” I said defensively.
“You should pick your friends more wisely,” Carolyn replied.
I let it go at that as I turned back to the boxcar I was airbrushing and weathering. Carolyn returned to watching the television. She almost started to reopen the argument, but I let it be plainly known that I had enough of that conversation by not participating any longer. Carolyn finally let it drop.
At one point, there was a very dark form lying upon the middle of the road in front of me. At first, I thought it was either an animal or road kill. I walked upon it with trepidations only to find some drinking fool had thrown out the box to a case of beer. I picked it up and threw it off into the woods to the side of the road. It wouldn’t fit into my backpack to carry it home to the garbage can to throw it away. The cardboard will biodegrade.
I arrived home and took a long, hot shower and fixed a breakfast of cheese eggs, thick sliced bacon, grits, toast, and orange juice. Carolyn was still in the bed and I couldn’t get her up to come to kitchen to eat. She is off of work today and is sleeping in. My early morning rising aggravates her most days. She moaned and rolled over when I asked her if she was hungry. It was around 5 AM. She wishes I would stay in the bed as well.
I and Carolyn had a small argument over George last night.
“I wish you would tell him not to come over,” She told me. “I don’t like him. He is a drunk.”
“George is my friend and he has really cut down his drinking habit these days,” I replied.
“It won’t last for long,” Carolyn replied. “He will be back to his old ways.”
“I can’t help my friends aren’t perfect,” I said defensively.
“You should pick your friends more wisely,” Carolyn replied.
I let it go at that as I turned back to the boxcar I was airbrushing and weathering. Carolyn returned to watching the television. She almost started to reopen the argument, but I let it be plainly known that I had enough of that conversation by not participating any longer. Carolyn finally let it drop.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Hark goes the Health Nut…
Well, I just managed to hike nine miles in a little over three hours. I had about given out by the time I walked up my driveway to home. I hiked out to the end of spring road and a mile and a half out the dirt road it turns into and walked back. It was just a gorgeous day today. Pastures full of green winter grass and black and white cows greeted me as I walked. The day had grown very warm and the birds seemed to be rejoicing in the tepid temperatures after such a cold week. I, myself, managed to hike most of it in just some sweat pants and a t-shirt with my daypack slung over my shoulder. It felt almost balmy although it was in the high forties Fahrenheit. At the halfway point in my hike today, I sat and had a meal of two fried chicken breast sandwiches, two hard boiled eggs, and a thermos of whole milk.
Yesterday evening marked one whole week of quitting smoking cigarettes. I am now officially over the physical addiction and must now just break the habit of lighting up. Certain times are the hardest such as when I awake from sleep or after a meal. All prime lighting up times. I am determined this time though. I no longer want to be a slave to big tobacco. I was also smoking up to three packs a day at the end there. That is forty dollars a week of my budget money freed up. I am going to act like that money is already spent and will just save it. I need to rebuild my emergency fund.
George called me this morning just as I was finishing scrambling a pan of eggs. I stood over the stove with my cordless phone upon my shoulder as he apologized for last night. Luckily, Pookie doesn’t have a car and it would be a long walk to my house from hers. Hopefully, no wayfaring crack heads will show up anytime soon. I still couldn’t help but to be still slightly mad with George this morning. I have asked him several times not to do that. I trust George, but not the company he keeps some days.
Yesterday evening marked one whole week of quitting smoking cigarettes. I am now officially over the physical addiction and must now just break the habit of lighting up. Certain times are the hardest such as when I awake from sleep or after a meal. All prime lighting up times. I am determined this time though. I no longer want to be a slave to big tobacco. I was also smoking up to three packs a day at the end there. That is forty dollars a week of my budget money freed up. I am going to act like that money is already spent and will just save it. I need to rebuild my emergency fund.
George called me this morning just as I was finishing scrambling a pan of eggs. I stood over the stove with my cordless phone upon my shoulder as he apologized for last night. Luckily, Pookie doesn’t have a car and it would be a long walk to my house from hers. Hopefully, no wayfaring crack heads will show up anytime soon. I still couldn’t help but to be still slightly mad with George this morning. I have asked him several times not to do that. I trust George, but not the company he keeps some days.
I’ve told him a Thousand Times…
George came by last evening with Pookie in tow. It pissed me off. I don’t particularly relish the idea that Pookie and friends knows where I live. Crack heads can’t be trusted. Don’t believe me? Befriend a couple of crack heads and give them free range over your house and see what happens. That shit will be stripped bare in a matter of days like a school of piranhas on a dead cow’s carcass. You can go buy back your worldly possessions from the pawn shop at a deeply inflated price as that is where they will be. George wanted to borrow twenty bucks for what I presumed was his Saturday night poker game at Pookie’s house.
“Let a brotha borrow twenty bucks,” George pleaded.
“George, my utility bill was two hundred dollars this month and I don’t have a lot of money to go throwing around at this time,” I replied.
“How bout ten dollars,” He continued to plead.
I walked into my bedroom to survey the contents of my wallet. It is going to be a meager Christmas with not a lot of gift buying this year from the looks of its contents.
“Sorry man,” I said walking back out into my den. “I just don’t have it.”
George looked totally dejected. I walked him to the door when I noticed Pookie sitting in the car looking hungrily at my house.
“Man!” I said angrily. “How many times have I told you to never bring her over here?”
“She ain’t gonna be doin’ shit,” George decreed.
“Hell!” I replied tersely. “She and those friends of hers will steal me fucking blind.”
“I will be responsible for any shit taken,” George told me defiantly.
“Hell dude,” I said. “You haven’t even got twenty bucks to your name. How can you be responsible for anything they take?”
George got pissed off at me for making such a big deal out of bringing Pookie over. He told me he would talk to me tomorrow when I had calmed down some. I am still mad. I had to lock my doors tonight just to get some sleep and I never lock the doors to this house. I feel naked as if there is a big, gigantic bull’s eye painted on the side of my house these days with big red letters reading “Come and get it!” Man, George can do some stupid shit some days and I wish he would just leave Pookie alone. She is bad news.
“Let a brotha borrow twenty bucks,” George pleaded.
“George, my utility bill was two hundred dollars this month and I don’t have a lot of money to go throwing around at this time,” I replied.
“How bout ten dollars,” He continued to plead.
I walked into my bedroom to survey the contents of my wallet. It is going to be a meager Christmas with not a lot of gift buying this year from the looks of its contents.
“Sorry man,” I said walking back out into my den. “I just don’t have it.”
George looked totally dejected. I walked him to the door when I noticed Pookie sitting in the car looking hungrily at my house.
“Man!” I said angrily. “How many times have I told you to never bring her over here?”
“She ain’t gonna be doin’ shit,” George decreed.
“Hell!” I replied tersely. “She and those friends of hers will steal me fucking blind.”
“I will be responsible for any shit taken,” George told me defiantly.
“Hell dude,” I said. “You haven’t even got twenty bucks to your name. How can you be responsible for anything they take?”
George got pissed off at me for making such a big deal out of bringing Pookie over. He told me he would talk to me tomorrow when I had calmed down some. I am still mad. I had to lock my doors tonight just to get some sleep and I never lock the doors to this house. I feel naked as if there is a big, gigantic bull’s eye painted on the side of my house these days with big red letters reading “Come and get it!” Man, George can do some stupid shit some days and I wish he would just leave Pookie alone. She is bad news.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Bright Moon Rising…
A very bright moon is rising high upon the horizon as I write this, casting cold luminescent shadows upon my backyard outside my windows.
“Uhg, your hospital needs a new interior decorator,” Carolyn said of my sparsely furnished room on the psychiatric ward.
She stood at my barred and grated windows looking out upon the recreation area in the courtyard. Inside my cold and barren room was one iron framed bed bolted to the floor. That was it. I sat on the bed with my face within my hands with my elbows propped up upon my knees.
“Are you feeling better?” Carolyn asked. “You scared me last weekend.”
I let out a sigh thinking of last weekend when Carolyn came over to find me nervously pacing the floor thinking my neighbors were spying upon me.
“Yeah, I feel better, but heavily sedated,” I replied.
Carolyn walked over to sit on the bed beside me and reached for my hand to hold it.
“I can understand if you want to turn tail and run,” I then told her as we looked at each other.
She hugged me strongly.
“Honey, I am not going anywhere,” She replied. “I think of it as you just have cancer and need a chemo treatment from time to time.”
The nurse then knocked upon the door to my room to tell us visitation hours were over.
“I will see you tomorrow night,” Carolyn said as she grabbed her purse and got up to leave.
The nurse was eyeing us warily standing in between our last kiss before saying goodbye. Carolyn turned at the door to look at me one last time meekly with a weak smile. The nurse opened the locked door to let her back out into the general public. I was left standing alone amidst the crazy denizens of this ward with a tear in my eye longing for more time with her. C’est le vie as the French are fond of saying.
“Uhg, your hospital needs a new interior decorator,” Carolyn said of my sparsely furnished room on the psychiatric ward.
She stood at my barred and grated windows looking out upon the recreation area in the courtyard. Inside my cold and barren room was one iron framed bed bolted to the floor. That was it. I sat on the bed with my face within my hands with my elbows propped up upon my knees.
“Are you feeling better?” Carolyn asked. “You scared me last weekend.”
I let out a sigh thinking of last weekend when Carolyn came over to find me nervously pacing the floor thinking my neighbors were spying upon me.
“Yeah, I feel better, but heavily sedated,” I replied.
Carolyn walked over to sit on the bed beside me and reached for my hand to hold it.
“I can understand if you want to turn tail and run,” I then told her as we looked at each other.
She hugged me strongly.
“Honey, I am not going anywhere,” She replied. “I think of it as you just have cancer and need a chemo treatment from time to time.”
The nurse then knocked upon the door to my room to tell us visitation hours were over.
“I will see you tomorrow night,” Carolyn said as she grabbed her purse and got up to leave.
The nurse was eyeing us warily standing in between our last kiss before saying goodbye. Carolyn turned at the door to look at me one last time meekly with a weak smile. The nurse opened the locked door to let her back out into the general public. I was left standing alone amidst the crazy denizens of this ward with a tear in my eye longing for more time with her. C’est le vie as the French are fond of saying.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Buzzy is the Word…
I am still not feeling one hundred percent. My head felt all buzzy during and after my three mile hike today. It was a swimmy feeling like I was drunk. I was even slurring some of my words. They increased my Risperdal up 3 mg and added 10 mg of Lexapro. I wonder if those are the reasons I feel the way I do. I just feel as if I am moving in slow motion. Even my shadow upon the ground, as I hiked this afternoon in the late afternoon winter sun, seemed odd to me and wavered violently and shimmered as I walked.
My hike was mostly uneventful. I did get to see one train pass which made my day. I stood off to the side of the tracks as the great locomotive came clamoring by pulling several other locomotives and possibly a fifty car unit coal train. I felt like a kid again like I always do when seeing such a magnificent sight. The train passed and I rushed over to kneel and put my ear upon that cold steel rail to listen to the train fade far off in the distance through the metal of the rails. It creates a resonance that is music to my ears and like none other.
It was another brutally cold day here in the south. We usually don’t see such temperatures this cold during the day throughout the winter. It got only up to 37 degrees today (2.7 degrees Celsius). I know. Don’t laugh at me you Canadians and Northerners. Us Southerners are not used to such cold temperatures and rarely do we see them so low during the peak heating hours of the day.
The evening, mom called me and Helen had fixed a wonderful supper.
“Come over and eat with me,” Mom said.
“I will be over as soon as I put on some warm clothes,” I replied. “What did Helen cook by the way?”
“Ground sirloin patties in gravy, steamed cabbage, mashed garlic potatoes, cornbread, and cole slaw,” Mom told me.
“Man, that sounds delicious,” I replied as I hung up the phone, dressed in some warm clothes, and walked over to eat.
After eating, my father arrived home from work and informed me he had arranged with a very good local restaurant for me to go everyday and eat lunch (meat and two vegetables, cornbread, dessert, and tea) everyday. Dad had already paid for this month. He is worried about my weight loss these days and hopes this will fatten me up some. I graciously accepted as this restaurant is awesome and that means one meal I won’t have to cook and wash up afterwards. I will just walk or ride my bike over everyday and eat my lunch as the restaurant is nearby. I am at my lowest weight level in years and years. Maybe that fattening and delicious restaurant food will put some pounds on.
My hike was mostly uneventful. I did get to see one train pass which made my day. I stood off to the side of the tracks as the great locomotive came clamoring by pulling several other locomotives and possibly a fifty car unit coal train. I felt like a kid again like I always do when seeing such a magnificent sight. The train passed and I rushed over to kneel and put my ear upon that cold steel rail to listen to the train fade far off in the distance through the metal of the rails. It creates a resonance that is music to my ears and like none other.
It was another brutally cold day here in the south. We usually don’t see such temperatures this cold during the day throughout the winter. It got only up to 37 degrees today (2.7 degrees Celsius). I know. Don’t laugh at me you Canadians and Northerners. Us Southerners are not used to such cold temperatures and rarely do we see them so low during the peak heating hours of the day.
The evening, mom called me and Helen had fixed a wonderful supper.
“Come over and eat with me,” Mom said.
“I will be over as soon as I put on some warm clothes,” I replied. “What did Helen cook by the way?”
“Ground sirloin patties in gravy, steamed cabbage, mashed garlic potatoes, cornbread, and cole slaw,” Mom told me.
“Man, that sounds delicious,” I replied as I hung up the phone, dressed in some warm clothes, and walked over to eat.
After eating, my father arrived home from work and informed me he had arranged with a very good local restaurant for me to go everyday and eat lunch (meat and two vegetables, cornbread, dessert, and tea) everyday. Dad had already paid for this month. He is worried about my weight loss these days and hopes this will fatten me up some. I graciously accepted as this restaurant is awesome and that means one meal I won’t have to cook and wash up afterwards. I will just walk or ride my bike over everyday and eat my lunch as the restaurant is nearby. I am at my lowest weight level in years and years. Maybe that fattening and delicious restaurant food will put some pounds on.
Bone Chilling Cold…
I don’t know about your neck of the woods, but it is bone chilling cold here tonight with a very blustery wind making it seem all the much colder. My little wireless weather station currently reads 17 degrees Fahrenheit (-8.33 Celsius) at 3:18 A.M. We are certainly not used to such cold this far in the Deep South.One of the hardest parts of my recent stay in the hospital was the cold. Our rooms weren’t heated for some reason causing uncomfortable coldness at night and most days. As you may know, we are all gripped in a mini ice age in the United States these days. You would often see the lucky patients with their warm coats and sweat pants on and the unlucky patients wrapped in those cheap and thin hospital blankets trying to keep warm. It was all rather draconian. Silent Peter spent his whole time at the mental hospital wrapped in two thin, pink blankets trying to stay warm.
I have a busy day ahead of me today. I have to drive down to Opelika, Alabama to talk to my therapist, Barbara. My social worker, Curtis, sent it up for me. He feels it is important that I talk early and often with a professional. I hate having to pay $75 dollars an hour just for me to ramble. I feel I do that on this blog for free and get feedback from you all via the comments.
I still haven’t smoked a cigarette since last Saturday afternoon and for that I am proud. Quitting smoking has to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It is amazing though that my sense of smell has returned and I can breathe through my nose again. Everything in my house reeks of cigarette smoke still. I never realized just really how badly the stuff stank until I quit for any decent period of time. Well, I am rambling. Let me get some more sleep and then get ready for my therapy session. I hope my car will crank in the morning after such a battery sapping, cold night.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Memoirs from a Mental Hospital Part I…
I do not think there are any more interesting places to write about than the confines of the psychiatric ward of a hospital. I’ve just spent the better part of a week locked inside of one so I have lots of writing material and I am just bursting at the seams wanting to get it all out.
It all started last Saturday night. I was feeling horrible and wracked with paranoia. I got my father to drive me to the hospital and voluntarily admitted myself. This distinctly surprised my father so he knew then, that I was in dire straights. My parent’s showed a lot of empathy and concern during this ordeal which surprised me even further.
Psychiatric hospitals are an interesting place to be for sure. It is kind of like jail except with decent food. Much of the people that are patients are court ordered and are under strict lock and key. You spend much of your time just pacing the floor of your room or endlessly walking the hospital halls until the nurses get tired of seeing you and state and ask you, “You sure are pacing and walking a lot. Should I let the doctor know you are not feeling well?” That was their way of saying, “You’re getting on my nerves. We will sedate you if you don’t stop what you are doing.”
I will start with a simple cast of characters followed by many tales as the days unfold this weekend.
To be continued…
It all started last Saturday night. I was feeling horrible and wracked with paranoia. I got my father to drive me to the hospital and voluntarily admitted myself. This distinctly surprised my father so he knew then, that I was in dire straights. My parent’s showed a lot of empathy and concern during this ordeal which surprised me even further.
Psychiatric hospitals are an interesting place to be for sure. It is kind of like jail except with decent food. Much of the people that are patients are court ordered and are under strict lock and key. You spend much of your time just pacing the floor of your room or endlessly walking the hospital halls until the nurses get tired of seeing you and state and ask you, “You sure are pacing and walking a lot. Should I let the doctor know you are not feeling well?” That was their way of saying, “You’re getting on my nerves. We will sedate you if you don’t stop what you are doing.”
I will start with a simple cast of characters followed by many tales as the days unfold this weekend.
1) Silent Peter – Silent Pete was a great guy and my favorite of all the patients I spent time with on the ward. He was in the hospital because he had tried to commit suicide a few days earlier by overdosing on his anti-psychotic medications. He rarely said a word and when he did, it was profound. He was a voracious reader and I think he consumed a good shelf of books in the dayroom while we were there. Pete usually hung out with me as I can be kind of quiet and reserved as well in real life. Pete also suffered from schizophrenia and extreme social anxiety so we had a common bond.
2) Endlessly Talking Bi-Polar Dude – This guy got on everyone’s nerves. The only time he quit talking was to sleep and he didn’t sleep much. Last night, they finally put him on continuous watch which gave us all a kind of collective sigh and revenge. He couldn’t even take a shit without a male nurse standing there and watching. He had been hiding his xanax under tongue until he got a sizable dosage saved up to get “high.” He forgot that they thoroughly search our rooms at random while we are there. His favorite saying was that he could “break three hundred bones, three hundred ways in a man’s body,” and “I am fluent in three martial arts.” He was full of shit. He was so fat, he couldn’t move a few inches without getting winded.
3) Gentle Giant Ben – Giant Ben was an interesting character. He looked like your stereotypical hillbilly out of the movies or TV. shows. He was also deaf so talked like a deaf person does in a Down’s syndrome kind of way. He had wild hair and an even wilder beard. I never once saw him take a bath the whole week I was at the hospital. He was the most amazing lip reader for being totally deaf. As long as he could see your face, you could carry on a fluent conversation with him although he was hard to understand sometimes. Gentle Giant Ben was famous for his projectile diarrhea and flatulence experience that explosively rang and echoed through the halls of the hospital one evening. To bad he didn’t hear it.
4) Streaking Kenny – Kenny was this tall and lanky African American dude that was there on court order. The police had found him walking down his neighborhood street completely stark naked. Kenny had a penchant for playing pocket pool and was uncomfortable to be around because of it. Pocket pool is where you masturbate via the pocket of your pants. Kenny also snorted and grunted like some wild animal the whole time I was there and it got on my nerves.
5) Rowdy Rodney – Rodney’s role within the group was flirting with all the nurses which he did with aplomb. He was a handsome dapper of a man. He was waiting to be transported by the local sheriff to the state mental hospital in Montgomery, Alabama. Rodney was a tiny little Italian looking guy, but a voracious eater. He would order two of everything on the little menus they would give us everyday to choose our meals. He would boast at mealtime, “I have the heaviest food tray out of all of ya’s!”
To be continued…
Quick Update...
I've been caught in psychiatric hospital hell the past week. I will update later on tonight when I have settled in at home. Thanks for all the calls and comments and well wishes. I will be sure to fill you all in my adventure in the evening. I had no online access while I was away, so had no way to communicate with the outside world. Sorry for my silence and the concerns.
Friday, December 01, 2006
People are so blithe…
I received an email tonight that I use “compound singular nouns incorrectly.” I am extremely sensitive and that hurt me deeply. It is just a fucking blog where I enjoy sharing my tales. I am not a technical writer nor do I aspire as such. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill as the person who wrote it means a lot to me. I kept thinking though why write such things unless it bothered them and not me? I will try not to let such daggers of the written word bother me too much.
On a more humorous note, George showed up tonight and gave me some heartfelt laughs.
“You never drink,” George told me of my recent escapades. “I knew when you got drunk the other night that something was wrong.”
“Oh well,” I replied. “We all bowl a gutter ball sometimes.”
George burst out laughing.
“I love you man,” George then told me.
“George, how much have you had to drink?” I asked. “You never tell me you love me unless you are drunk.”
“Only a twelve pack,” He replied.
“Dear god!” I responded. “A twelve pack would have put me in the bed.”
“I usually can drink a case before that happens,” George replied.
I burst out laughing and gave the fool a hug.
On a more humorous note, George showed up tonight and gave me some heartfelt laughs.
“You never drink,” George told me of my recent escapades. “I knew when you got drunk the other night that something was wrong.”
“Oh well,” I replied. “We all bowl a gutter ball sometimes.”
George burst out laughing.
“I love you man,” George then told me.
“George, how much have you had to drink?” I asked. “You never tell me you love me unless you are drunk.”
“Only a twelve pack,” He replied.
“Dear god!” I responded. “A twelve pack would have put me in the bed.”
“I usually can drink a case before that happens,” George replied.
I burst out laughing and gave the fool a hug.
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