Comment Replies...

Blogger Kran's Crackers said...

Does WOW have one of those online chat things where you type a question and a live person on the other end types back? You should check their site and see if you can handle that.
- Sharon -

Andrew Replies...

Sharon, thanks for the suggestion. I don't think they have that service and I would need the last four digits of my father's Social Security number to gain access to the account.

The Christmas Tree is Up and Lit...

We Both Proclaim this Day to Be a Quiet and Uneventful Monday...

Did you know that snow is in our future forecast? That's like lightning hitting the same place twice for the South. I will carefully watch the forecast for the next few days to the point of obsession.

I Declare Pizza to Be Good!

I just got off the phone with my father. We both agreed our pizzas last night were delicious.

"I don't see how they make money selling large pepperoni pizzas for $5," my father told me.

I told him about Maggie loving the end pieces of the pizza slices. She would grab an end piece and run into the bedroom to eat it and then come back into the den for more.

"Why does she carry it into the bedroom?" dad asked intrigued.

"That is just one of Maggie's little quirks," I replied.

Time to put up and decorate my Christmas tree!

The only thing I needed from my father today was an extra pack of cigarettes. I've been smoking like a chimney these days. Dad remarked about it.

"You sure seem to be smoking a lot," he said nonjudgmentally.

"It will pass," I replied. "Just as everything about me cycles."

At one time, I had six packs saved up and was way ahead of the game.

Dad and I then both agreed we were going to have a low key and quiet Monday -- nothing on our agendas. I forwent my urge to tell him to call WOW! about my internet.

Sorry Papa John's -- Little Caesar's it is...

Dad and I were brainstorming tonight on what to eat. We have both grown wearily tired of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

"Amen!" I muttered under my breath concerning this change for the better.

"Let's get a couple of those $5 dollar Hot-N-Ready Little Caesar's pizzas," I suggested.

"That sounds like a great idea," my father replied.

We left Charlie at my house as I and my father went to get us up something to eat. Charlie was cleaning my fridge the last moment I saw him.

"Can you have enough half-empty jars of mayonnaise?" he asked me jokingly as I shrugged my shoulders.

I needed gasoline badly. I told my father my low fuel warning light was on in my car.

"Let's go fill up both of our cars first," my father told me. "I need gas as well."

Dad was in "my" car or I should say my late mother's Honda. He keeps saying it is going to be mine soon.

It was $2.11 per gallon of regular unleaded gas and it took exactly $30 to fill up my car completely. We dropped my car off back home and we were on our way on the quest for various vittles.

It took us about 30 minutes due to a long and slow drive-thru line at KFC. Charlie insisted on the pot pie $5 dollar fill-up. We had to order Horsefly's chicken strips meal as well. It took only about 5 minutes to get our pizzas at Little Caesar's. The smell of the hot pizza in my lap was heavenly as my father drove us home.

An Egg McMuffin Morning...

Hey! That's not Charlie!

Late last night, I heard this extremely loud screeching and squelching noise, and then dead silence coming from the front of the house. I feared it was my coveted home theater.

I got up to investigate as Maggie jumped off the bed to follow me. It turned out to be my alarm clock I've had for 20 plus years. It had decided to give up the ghost. I quickly unplugged it fearing it was a fire hazard. It was making a buzzing noise.

It was chilly in my house so I was quickly back under my still warm covers as Maggie followed my lead once again. I woke up this morning with Maggie as close as she could get to me. That is such a good feeling. Mags and I are two peas in a pod. I got up and turned on some heat.

Your Kitchen Needs a Makeover...

Charlie arrived late this morning with breakfast. Bless his dear soul, he has been bringing breakfast biscuits for years now. I welcomed him inside and he went directly to and looked at my kitchen.

"Your kitchen isn't bad, but it could use some spit and polish," Charlie told me. "We will start to work on it tonight when I bring your KFC supper."

I am sure my father is just going to love that (sarcasm).

After Charlie left, I washed all the dishes in my sink and carried out all the trash. I also wiped clean all my countertops. I wanted to minimise the impact on him tonight. No matter how much I prepare, he will still find something to clean tonight. Time to go polish my glass top stove.

Excuse Me While I Cluck...

"You answered the phone!" Charlie exclaimed sounding astonished as he laughed.

"Tuleana quit calling and harassing me," I replied. "I am back to answering the phone."

"What do you want for lunch?" Charlie asked.

"Surprise me," I told Charlie being nice.

"Your daddy just wanted me to check on you while he is in Atlanta for that damnable football game."

"I'll tell you what," Charlie then said. "I am going to bring you your favorite chicken sandwiches from Chick-fil-A when Horsefly gets out of his movie."

"That sounds great Charlie. I would really appreciate it," I replied.

"It'll be after dark, but we will get there."

Comment Replies...

Blogger Summer said...

Were you taking all of those at one time each day?

Andrew Replies...

Yes, Summer, I was taking them every night all at once in one big gulp followed by a big swig of water. That means I was taking five Klonopin all at one time.

For All the Grumpy People Who Read My Blog...

Let's Break Some Bread Together...

"I'm headed to the Piggly Wiggly to get some bread," I told my father.

"What happened to all the bread you bought at Kroger Monday?" dad asked incredulously.

"The sandwich white I bought is stale and you can't eat it," I replied. "The honey wheat I bought was delicious, but I have run out. I still have a whole canister of chicken salad to eat and some pimento cheese spread as well."

Dad mumbled something about me going to Kroger and to see if they would give me a fresh loaf. I wasn't about to get entangled in all of that for a $1.99 loaf of Sunbeam bread.

I am more impressed every time I go to the Piggly Wiggly. They've been under new management for a few months now. The store is well lit and squeaky clean. The food is fresh, and the customer service is top notch.  I grabbed a loaf of Piggly Wiggly "King" white sandwich bread and headed home after checking out with the help of a delightful and cute young lady who actually smiled and said hello.

I Just Sent My Christmas Order to Matt at the Pharmacy...

A Newegg Computer Christmas...

On Tenuous Ground...

First and foremost, Skinny Minny and Jan, thank you so very much for your suggestions and help. You all gave me lots of great ideas and it took you two quite a while to write all that in those little comment boxes. I get my medications in a blister pack separated by the time and day as above. Dad gave me a half weeks supply to get me started.

Well, I woke up this morning and took my two Klonopin and my Coreg. All are for anxiety. At lunch, I will take another 1 mg Klonopin, another Coreg, three lithium, a Depakote, and a risperidone tablet. I will take two more Klonopin and a Coreg when the evening gets here.

I can't believe my father went for it. You should have seen the pained look on his face when he agreed and handed me the medications. I am going to have to be so very careful these first few weeks. Dad is so extremely afraid I will take out all the Klonopin and get supremely drunk. I have often called him the feel good police.

"If I get a whiff of any funny business," he said to me harshly. "Then we are going back to the way we were doing things."

So, I am on very tenuous ground to start. I kept hitting home the point that we need to be doing things that will improve the quality of my life and not what is just convenient to him.

I also take an over the counter medication to help me sleep and my father decided to keep them and give me my two nightly pills when he comes over every night. He was afraid I would abuse them as they are very addictive and habit forming.

Running the Gamut of My Mental Illness...

"What is the biggest way your mental illness affects you?" my nurse, Rebecca, asked me this morning in a moment of candidness.

"I am constantly scared of being in mental misery and anguish," I told her. "That's is why I am so keen on and aggravating to my father about my medications."

"Blunted emotions and empathy, too!" I then blurted out and added. "I couldn't cry when my own mother died."

My injection was extremely painful this morning, but I didn't show it. I gritted my teeth and smiled -- stiff upper lip as the British would say. It would've worried Rebecca to death if I told her. I hugged her goodbye as Dee Dee met me at the door with my next appointment card. They take really good care of me at Kamath Medical.

"Can we beat Georgia twice?" Dee Dee asked of the SEC championship game.

"I'm already nervous," I told her faining interest.

I was also riding solo this morning. Dad was off of work by a fluke change of plans and left me to handle the injection on my own. I showed up at his house with the next appointment card and the receipt for the injection and he was so ecstatic about my being able to handle all of that on my own accord.

"You've come a damn long way, son," he told me as I stood at his back door.

"Medications at 1 pm or 2 pm?" I asked unabashedly and my father said that was okay.

I also urged him to call WOW! and see what the holdup is. That's been going on for a month now and I am tired of waiting. He said he would give them a call this afternoon.

A Shot in the Dark...

My father has this incredible and insatiable need to stay in control. I think it comes from running a pharmacy for 47 years. I am going to ask him to let me keep my medications and have him stop by every day to see if I am taking them as prescribed. That way I can take my morning and noon medications, and nightly medications as intended.  I know it is a shot in the dark, but I am going to give it the good college try. If I could just explain to him and convince him that it would increase the quality of my life tenfold.

My Experience With Dating...

"Like an angry apple tree, I'll throw my apples if you get too close to me."

-- Ingrid Michaelson from her song Locked Up.

The Dawn of Yawny...

Yes, my name is Yawny this foggy, overcast morning. The Magster and I have just gotten up and I am nursing a diet Coke hoping the caffeine will jolt me into life. I was very pleased this morning when I realized I had three left from last night. Conservation is my friend.

Maggie and I were sitting in the den waiting for my father to arrive with medications last evening until a car pulled up. We both grew very excited. It wasn't my father, though. It was actually Charlie. Maggie redoubled her barking efforts. Beta Dog!

"We are going to super clean every room of your house starting tonight," Charlie told me holding a big bucket full of cleaning supplies. "And you've got to do your part to keep it that way."

"Sir! Yes, Sir!" I replied in salute and in military fashion as Charlie chuckled.

I thought my bathroom was pretty clean, but Charlie worked on it for a good hour and a half. He was a sweaty mess when he finished. I couldn't complain, but it messed up my nightly after medication routines. I can be just a little anally retentive sometimes. Blame it on my mother.

Dad finally arrived on the scene and had returned from buying me cigarettes and picking Horsefly up from the bowling alley. He hung out until Charlie was finished after we had taken my medications. I had a house full last night. Horsefly was going back and forth to every room turning the lights on and off. One time, Horsefly left my father and I sitting in the dark to the harsh glow of the television.

I noticed Maggie sat out in the backyard and barked the whole time. Maggie, bless her nervous soul, can't take all that noise Charlie was making -- the scraping and the scrubbing. She was also worried she might get a bath as well which she hates. If you run the water to the tub, then she is out that dog door in a split second.

My Best Amateurish Efforts...

It is Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas...

The outside Christmas lights are up and lit. I'll put up a photo after dark. It is amateurish at best unlike my father's refined and frou frou Christmas decor that I've got to help him put up this weekend. Putting up his Christmas decorations is meticulous and tiresome. We need to breathe some fun into like pass out cocktails to an audience who can cajole and heckle us.

I am going to override my father and buy my Christmas tree Saturday. I can't wait to put it up. I will have to get some of that Christmas tree preserver and keep it well watered. I have a very nice stand to put in on with a large water reservoir.

When I was a kid, my mother began taking down the Christmas decorations Christmas night. We would get in the biggest fights over that. I will leave them up to New Year's Day.

"Martha, let them enjoy Christmas," I can hear my father say in my mind's eye.

Mom wasn't having any of that. She wanted it done and over with.

That Meddling Mental Illness...

The cycling continues. A few weeks ago, I couldn't sleep at all and now I sleep all night.  And? The Magster and I took a 5-hour nap this afternoon. I hope I sleep tonight, though. The Magster loved us piling up in the bed and sleeping like that. I was just going to take a quick nap as I got up at 7 am and that is early for me.

Jermaine to the Left and Freedom to the Right...

A record-breaking grocery shopping trip tonight. I left the house at nine and returned home at nine thirty. I was a man on a mission tonight and knew exactly what I wanted and where it was at. My only impulse buy was a $1.49 big bottle of cranberry juice cocktail that was on sale. I ended up spending only $71 Papa pleasing dollars.

"I'm headed to the grocery store," I had previously told my father over the phone. "Meet me there and I will probably be finished shopping by the time you arrive."

And I was right! My father came walking into the store as I stood to the side of an aisle ready to check out. I was waiting for him.

Earlier, as I walked into Kroger, I heard Jermaine talking away and I headed in the opposite direction towards produce past the checkout aisles. Bless ya heart good buddy, but I wasn't in the mood for any jibber jabber tonight.

I had a moment of price or pleasure as well. They finally had my lemon meringue pies in stock. Two were left and they were on sale for $4.99. I almost bought two but chickened out fearing it would be too expensive. In hindsight, I should've bought two and thrown caution to the wind.

One Diamond, One Heart...

My current music fixation is the Smashing Pumpkin's Oceania. I have always been a big fan of the Smashing Pumpkins since the 90's. I have already listened to this album I bet twenty times. I didn't like their last album, Zeitgeist, nearly as well as this album. This album reminds me of the Smashing Pumpkin's eclectic album Siamese Dream.

Bjork also has an album called Oceania by the way. I remember it being strange sounding and avant garde as only Bjork can produce.

I jumped the gun...

I couldn't wait any longer and drove over to my father's house at 1:45 pm to get my medications. It amused my father and he told me I was just as impetuous as my dear departed mother.

Call Me Mr. Clean...

A past Christmas tree at Andrew's

Last night was the deadline for getting my whole house sparkling clean. I've been working on it all week in spurts. I was a flurry of busy activity all day yesterday. Charlie and my father were dazzled and more so bedazzled when they saw my house last night as they brought my Sunday evening supper. Of course, Charlie found something to clean as well and worked on my bathroom sink for a good while. The bathroom was the hardest room to tackle for me. It looked like a bunch of homeless people took a bath in my sink.

"I'm ready to go home and eat my fried chicken before it gets too cold," my father told me grumbling as we sat in the den watching the Weather Channel.

He said that last week as well as Charlie cleaned my kitchen and took out the trash.

Charlie was doing his thing. He is the master of cleaning. I will never forget when my dishwasher leaked and Charlie had the water cleaned up in a matter of minutes. Boy, did he come in the nick of time.

Today, I am putting up my Christmas decorations in the front yard and on the front of the house. I started last night, but I got cold and came inside. I have to wait awhile for my Christmas tree as I like live trees and it would get too dry by Christmas if I get one now. Dad just told me to wait two more weeks.

"Let me know when is a good time for you to give me my medications," I just told my father very delicately.

"Let's make it 2 pm," he told me which thrilled me to death.

It will make for a nice relaxed afternoon and a good primer for getting my groceries tonight. As part of the conditions of cleaning my house, my father is supposed to go out to WOW!'s office to see what is taking them so long today, but I didn't push the issue. He's content watching that ballgame all day on YouTube and I will let him be. #6 Auburn beat #1 Alabama and it was like Christmas come early for my father and brother.

Comment Replies...

Blogger glittermom said...

I thought you were taking them earlier in the day? Or is that just random?

Andrew Replies...

Glittermom, it can be kind of random depending on what is going on around us. The BMW usurped my medications the other day. I will probably take them this afternoon sometime since my father is home all day. Charlie always brings them around two or three in the afternoon which is much appreciated.

Because He's My Main Man....

One of the worst feelings in the world. 

The head honcho himself has just left the premises.  We got Whoppers and onion rings for today's treat. We also got one hell of a gigantic coke much to my supreme delight.

Yes, it was Charlie. He had been painting his new house and his clothes had paint all over them. I rushed out to the car excited to greet him as Maggie barked fervently inside as well.

"Are you taking Horsefly to the movies?" I asked seeing the paint.

"I paid Mrs. Sandra to take him for me," Charlie replied.

Mrs. Sandra was my mother's best friend and she is getting my car when my father finally hands over the keys to mom's car which he says will be soon.

"Hey, Mr. Charles!" I loudly said smiling as he laughed.

One thing about Charlie is that he trusts me unlike my father. Charlie just put all my numerous medications in a Ziploc bag and handed them to me. He didn't come inside to make sure I took them.

It also makes me realize that I take a shit load of medications when you look at the bag. I didn't realize it, but I take five Klonopin every day. No wonder I get withdrawal symptoms when I don't get them in a timely manner every afternoon or evening.

"I just got a ticket driving Erin's car for having an expired tag," Charlie told me with a frown before he drove off. "I went over and got your daddy's car."

That explained why Charlie was in my father's Honda.

Comment Replies...

Blogger PipeTobacco said...

Sir:

What is the cause of Horsefly' s handicap? Is it a birth defect, a genetic disorder, or were there severe complications with delivery that deprived him of oxygen?

PipeTobacco

Andrew Replies...

Pipe, the consensus is that his umbilical cord got wrapped around his neck during birth depriving his brain of oxygen. I do believe there is some autism in Horsefly as well.

Horsefly and the Handcuffs...

Horsefly and my brother and sister.

Horsefly's had many fixations over the years. Thank goodness he is no longer fixated on urinals and urinal cakes. Currently, he is fixated on cans of shaving cream and plush Yoda dolls. Dora the Explorer is passe now.

When we were kids, one of his fixations was police issue handcuffs. Charlie would have to call and search for the real deal or there was hell to pay. Horsefly didn't accept plastic, toy handcuffs.

One call for Handcuffs by Charlie resulted in the proprietor saying you and your wife must be going to have some kinky fun.

"Dammit!" Charlie said. "They are for my son."

One time, my brother and I handcuffed him to the fence in the backyard. Mean old Mrs. Irene across the road called my father and complained to him we had that poor retarded boy handcuffed to the fence.

"He loves it!" dad told Mrs. Irene. "He wouldn't have it any other way."

Horsefly was standing out there laughing joyously like only he can laugh.

There were many occasions were Horsefly would get handcuffed to something and the key would get lost. Charlie would have to call the real Police to come and get him loose.

Someone Please Save this Poor Wretched Soul...

It happened again. I need my medications mid-afternoon instead of late in the evening when they are normally brought. I realize I am completely addicted to these psychiatric medications for my well being. Sometimes they leave my bloodstream faster than other days. I have that feeling of uneasiness like I am about to have an anxiety attack. It is a miserable, wretched feeling.

Well, I just called my father to ask if I can come and take my medications.

"I'm having trouble with the BMW and I'm at the dealership in Columbus," he told me sounding solemn.

It felt like someone stuck a dagger in my heart -- like a bolt of electricity surging through me.

"I will call you when I get home," he told me. "And you can come and take them."

That could be hours from now. My head is hung low in defeat.

The Cavalry Couldn't Have Arrived Sooner...

I've got to start going to my family functions. I need a nice haircut, shave, and some nice clothes. I also quite possibly need the right frame of mind as well.

I got so lonely here today by myself and Maggie slept the whole day away without a care in the world. She slept until I mentioned Charlie was coming tonight. She then got in the window on the back of the couch and held vigil.

Charlie finally arrived at 7 pm and I have never been so grateful to see such a soul. The cavalry, as I love to call it, had arrived.

"Andrew!!!" Charlie excitedly hollered from his granddaughter's car as I walked out to help him bring everything inside.

He had his hands full of stuff for me. I had a big plate of Thanksgiving food from lunch, two regular Coca-Colas, a bag of ice, six diet Coca-Colas, a packet of cigarettes, and a big bag of medications for me to take.

On an interesting note, Charlie and I were discussing some of Horsefly's famous phrases...

• I gotta go make some stink...(as kids we would snicker and giggle when Horsefly would say this)
• I love my covers...(he will say this very affectionately as he squeezes your arm)
• Everybody bowls a gutter-ball sometimes...
• I am gonna stomp my feet at Johnny Otis...(angry rantings)
• I am going to fart on Brother Gene Webb's desk...(this meant the shit was about to hit the fan)

You Dream Flat Tires...

"Well, did you get Erin home safe and sound last night?" I asked Charlie over his phone at noon.

Janice and he had already arrived at my brother's house for Thanksgiving dinner.

"It was just a flat tire," Charlie replied over a din of busy talking in the background. "Nothing major. I should've brought you along. It wouldn't have taken you ten minutes to change it."

I was glad to hear it wasn't anything major wrong with Erin or the Car.

"I am bringing you a big plate of Thanksgiving fixins later this afternoon," Charlie told me. "Look for me around 5 pm."

"Sounds great, Charlie," I replied. "And Happy Thanksgiving!"

I've Felt Broken Down Myself a Few Times as Well...

The phone rang and it took me a second to recognize the voice. It was Charlie's wife, Janice. This bode unusual and extremely out of the ordinary.

"Charlie's bringing you supper," she said. "But he forgot to take his phone with him and Erin's (Charlie's granddaughter) car is broken down 30 miles south of Atlanta. She says she feels entirely unsafe."

Charlie arrived with a Big Mac value meal, giant Coke, and medications. I walked out to his car to see if he needed help bringing anything in and he did. We had my six nightly diet Cokes to contend with as well.

"Call your wife," I said handing him my cellphone once he got inside. "Erin's car has broken down south of Atlanta."

Charlie told me to dial the number and then hand the phone back to him.

"Meet me at the end of the driveway with my phone and a glass of tea," he told Janice and he was on the way to rescue his granddaughter.

I told Charlie I would be glad to go and help him. If it was a flat tire, then that would be right up my alley. Charlie was worried about how my medications would affect me if I had to drive.

Happy Thanksgiving From Andrew!

Our Pre-Thanksgiving Sunset Tonight...

You Bunch of Jive Turkeys!

jive turkey

a. One who speaks as though they know what they're talking about...though they do not. b. a bullshitter.

Dad bought the biggest turkey I have ever seen. It must weigh 30 pounds. It has taken a week for it to defrost. It is now in the oven and will take hours more for it to cook. Dad said he got up at eight this morning and started cooking.

Dad's kitchen smelled wonderful as I stepped through the back door. There were a lot of concoctions bubbling away on the top of his stove.

"I've got to feed 30 people tomorrow," dad told me a moment ago almost with an air of boasting.

I had stopped by to get a pack of cigarettes out of his coat closet.

"You're welcome to come tomorrow," my father told me.

He didn't believe me when I told him such conflagrations were mentally painful for me. My father is the epitome of an extrovert. I'm your quintessential introvert and wallflower.

"Well, I will make sure you get a big plate of food," he told me. "Charlie will probably bring it by late evening tomorrow some time."

Waiting for the Sun to Shine in...

Gosh, it gets so dark so very early that it can be depressing. As a child, I suffered terribly and severely from SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. It still gets to me as a grown man sometimes. I want summer, warmth, and lightning bugs back from their hiatus.

I spent two hours this afternoon hoping to see some trains and didn't see not one freight come roaring through town. I sat on the same bench my homeless friend, Ferret, slept on years ago.

"If you ever get homeless and have to sleep on that bench," he would tell me. "Get some cardboard out of the Pig's dumpster to insulate you. That cold concrete will sap the heat and life right out of your ass."

He would also complain about all the trains that would wake him up at night. I wonder sometimes what happened to all of them -- the gang that George and I hung-out with in Cherry Valley Shopping Center.

Potted Meat Food Product and Peckers...

We Have a Green Light for Grocery Shopping...

I came. I shopped. I only spent $74 dollars. Yes, Papa was proud of me and I still got a lot of food to eat. I am going to have me a Mrs. Grissom's chicken salad sandwich as soon as I finish with this blog post.

Jermaine was lurking in produce when I walked by the stand full of bananas. I grabbed a bunch and snuck off down the potted meat aisle as I call it. I got a six pack of Vienna sausages and some tuna for lunch tomorrow. I've just been on a sandwich kick lately.

I don't want to seem mean to Jermaine, but he will talk incessantly for a good ten to fifteen minutes. About the time it takes for me to do all my shopping. I was in a race against the clock trying to finish all my shopping before my father arrived as he was meeting me there. I wanted a pain and delay free shopping experience tonight.

I left my father as he was going to do some shopping of his own for Thanksgiving. I just have called him from home and told him I forgot Maggie's dog food. He said he would pick me up a bag. He was still in Kroger so that worked out well.

Round and Round We Go -- The Seasons Melt Like Snow...

I am in a mood for giving thanks for all I have today. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Why not? It is the reason for the season.

I have so many things to be thankful for. Especially a family who loves me and wasn't going to let me be just another drunken mentally ill homeless statistic. Dad fought me both tooth and nail to get me on medications for my mental illness. He can have a bulldog like tenacity about such things. For many years, he has been coming by to give me my medications everyday. They got me stabilized and sober and my father then gave me a house and a car.

"The best thing you ever did for me was bringing Maggie into my life," I admirably told my father a moment ago sitting in his den as we took my medications.

I will never forget my father standing at my front door with a little flea ridden, whimpering puppy he had found in a trash can out at the rest area on the interstate.

"She's been a good companion to you," my father replied with a warm smile. "She certainly has a ton of personality."

My veterinarian says Maggie won the Georgia lottery when we adopted her as part of our family.

My Cup Runneth Over After a Slightly Longish Delay...

10:30 am rolled around and Charlie had still not arrived with our usual Sunday morning biscuits.  I gathered up some serious moxie and called his cellphone. Charlie can be funny about such things thinking you are hurrying him up.  I hate talking on the phone as well. Charlie's wife, Janice, answered.

"He forgot to take his phone with him," Janice explained. "He's off to a very late start this morning. I am hungry for a biscuit as well. "

I was just glad he was okay. My vivid imagination conjured up car wrecks and severe illnesses.

Soon, I heard Maggie start yelping gleefully as Charlie pulled up to the curb.

"The biscuit man is running late," Charlie said as I met him halfway across my front lawn.

"It is cold as shit out here and you are wearing shorts and a t-shirt," I told Charlie chuckling.

"What do you want for supper?" Charlie then asked me.

"My usual chicken pot pie fill-up and don't forget or eat my cookie!" I exclaimed.

"I am going to start calling you the cookie monster," Charlie said smiling as he was getting into his car.

OMG! WOW!?

I just have gotten a call from a WOW! customer service representative. I asked him what was causing the holdup and he said he just got the "work order" this morning. He was going to try his best to fulfill my wishes. I explained to him that I no longer want cable (this always stymies them). I want the 500 Mbps internet with voice over IP instead of a traditional phone.

"Do you want to rent the equipment from us?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied.

I couldn't convince my father into buying a cable modem and voice over IP equipment.

"I am going to call you tomorrow and set up a time to exchange your modem," he said. "What will be a good time?"

"As early as possible," I told him. "I will be here all day."

Getting that modem changed is the key to my master plan. Then, I will have much faster internet.