I walked outside and looked up into that great expanse of sky as I took in a pipe. A harvest moon greeted me fiery red on the horizon. Soon it will be full again in a few days. “Unleash the crazy hounds,” I thought thinking of the, soon to be, full moon.
I know I shouldn’t be drinking, but I have tonight. I have been in a state of melancholy unbeknownst on this blog.
“Why are you slurring your words,” Carolyn asked me on the phone a few moments ago.
“I’ve had a few beers,” I replied.
“You never drink anymore. What’s wrong?” She asked me.
“Oh, nothing a little revelry in melancholy can’t cure,” I replied.
“Okay, that’s it. I am coming over.” Carolyn said.
Carolyn managed to get off early.
“God, you reek,” Carolyn said of my breath as she sat in my lap in my den. “You smell like a brewery.”
Carolyn got the rest of the Milwaukee’s Ice beer in my fridge and chucked it into the trash can outside. “No more beer for me,” I thought as those last cans tumbled away. I am far too cheap to go buy anymore. I guess that makes me a terrible “addict.”
“My ex-husband was a fucking drunk and I don’t need you acting like one as well,” Carolyn told me perturbed. “You are far better than this. I will not put up with it.”
“I know,” I replied feeling utterly ashamed.
I had let her down. I always let people down. It should be my caveat emptor.
8 comments:
you're no superman. None of us are. I don't know how bad it is for someone who stops drinking to go back to a few beers, even though I can begin to understand the problem (my dad's an alcoholic who hasn't stop yet... probably never will!).
But you're human, don't let the weakest part of you get the total control of your life. Ok, you drank again. Carolyn's here, your family and friends are too. So go back to your everyday sober life and don't let these few beers make a mess of your life, ok?
We're with you! If you feel like it, let us know how you are and feel, ok?
Best wishes!
Laurent
What Laurent said...Twice!
When I use words like "always" and "never" about myself it usually indicates a slide into a very dark place. Please please please don't go there.
You DON'T ALWAYS let people down. Sometimes maybe. But we all do, sometimes.
Have a less melancholy day, friend.
No you arent.
And i will NOT expand on this, sir!
Why so melancholy? Do not be so hard on yourself. Your friends are here through thick and thin.
I don't like you talking down about yourself like that. You are such a caring person. We all have days like this, sometimes even weeks like this!!!!!So you are addicted to alcohol, I am addicted to food and battle this demon everyday. When we fall off we just have to get right back on track and not say, "Well I messed up I might as well go back to my old habits" and good for Carolyn for setting you straight, I like this girl.
Ditto on the first two comments.
Never use "never and always". We're all human and fall from grace ocassionally. It's usually the people who love us (Carolyn in your case) who bring us back up and make us try harder the next time.
Thanks for allowing me to read your blog and the offer to listen to my "junk".
Blessings
Leann
hhmmmm, lots of advice here. I will keep quiet on this one for now.
Keep your faith.
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