I don’t like strife or conflict. I abhor them. I try to live my life one day at a time and take things easy for my mental health’s sake. Everything must remain cool and calm. I have been obsessing over the whole Carolyn and the beach deal since yesterday. She came over this morning after getting off from work and we talked.
“I don’t think it is fair you pressuring me into going to the beach with me,” I told her.
She sat and looked at me coldly.
“My father never gets time off from work and this is mainly for my brother after being in Iraq for months. I just don’t feel comfortable going down there and raining on their parade. I have to think of them first. They are my family.”
Carolyn got up and left crying. She pulled out of my driveway so forcefully that her tires screeched. I sat in my Lazy Boy and had a good cry as well. It was something I had to do though. I am not about to ruin my family’s week at the beach.
They told me earnestly during my AA meetings to wait up to a year before becoming involved with a relationship after getting some recovery and I now see why. Life can get so fucking complicated with them. I have a hard enough time just juggling my own personal wants and desires let alone someone else’s. If this means the end of I and Carolyn then so be it. I am not about to spend the next week in misery worrying over this sordid affair.
5 comments:
Hi Andrew,
I do not think this is a sordid affair. A complex one no doubt. But even though the took you step was a difficult one your reasons seem clear, you explained them honestly to Carolyn and from what you told us about her on the blog she seems like the kind of person who'll eventually understand the context of your decision.
I believe you'll have plenty of occasion to talk and share with her. My own opinion.... for what it's worth! was that yes indeed the coming back of your brother from Irak and week-end at the beach would have been an unfitted time to present Carolyn, and then the two of you might have been upset about your family not reacting too good to her coming.
So you courageously made a move, now I don't see why things could'nt be worked out between Carolyn and you. there's love and understanding between you two. Sh... happens, but when the relationship is strong as it seems to be between you two... then, it's only a matter of time and a little communication effort to get things back on track;
So best wishes, and again, congratulation for a great blog
Laurent
"... the step you took" instead of the "took you step"...
bloody french frogs!!!!!!
Laurent
i think she needs to understand your relationship with your family is delicate. while they love you a great deal, they (father) seems to think he knows what's best for you because you have a mental illness and (insert sarcasm) you couldn't possibly be able to make healthy decisions for yourself.
she needs to give you control of when and how they meet her, since you will be the main recipient of any bad reactions they might have.
why don't you invite your parents over to your house for dinner so they can meet her on your terms. or even out to dinner on neutral territory. i've been through a similar situation where i was nervous about my parents' reaction to my 9 years younger boyfriend (not to mention how soon after my divorce we started dating).
reassure her that you love her (i think you do from your blog posts) and explain what was running through your head - how conflict makes you feel - and i am pretty sure she will understand.
hope i wasn't too preachy - only trying to help. :)
I tried to post earlier today and wasn't successful. I feel that you have done the right thing and Carolyn will come to realize this.
Introduce her to your parents another time and also...Take her to the beach...just the two of you! How great would that be?
She loves you, she'll understand. I'm sure of it.
I can see Carolyn's point of view. She feels like her relationship with you means less because you won't take her to a family event.
But in the end, you have to feel comfortable with the time and the place of introducing her to the family, so your decision was right for you.
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