It is 4:00 AM in the morning and I am wide awake as usual. The first thing I did when getting up was to take my medications. I neglected them yesterday. That always happens when I drink. It is a vicious cycle. I just haven’t been feeling well lately mentally and I was hoping a good drink would make me feel better. I only felt worse. I always have to learn things the hard way. That is the nature of my life. I just had a very stressful weekend socially and faltered.
So far there haven’t been any repercussions thankfully other than my mother being disappointed in me. Carolyn didn’t come over last night as she was tired and went to bed early. If my father knew, then he would no doubt be over here last night raising hell with me. I really shouldn’t use this blog as a confessional as all it does is upset my good friends. I should have just kept what I wrote last night to myself. You do things when drinking that you wouldn’t normally do.
8 comments:
Good friends WANT to know when you are doing it tough. They want to be able to help and offer support. Life isn't a bed of roses, it's full of ups and downs and good friends are there for both. From what I've read here you have some really good friends Andrew, I'm sure they would agree with wanting to be there for you during the good and the bad.
-Sharon
My husband is an alcoholic. Today is just another morning after. Last night his behavior was so over the top that I lost it and asked him if he knew just how f*cking crazy he really is. He once again blamed me for his drinking. Of course that made me crazy and I started arguing with him and then realized that arguing with a drunk makes me the crazy one. So I walked away.
You don't want to live a life like mine. Trust me.
Don't ever feel like you have upset us. We really care about you so much. Don't look at it as a confessional. We all need someone to talk to when we have moments of weakness. Just know that I am always here for you.
Hi Jonathon,
Life IS filled with good times and bad. Good choices and not so good. We deal with both as they come, sometimes more successfully than others. What's great about you is your honesty and how well you express your feelings. You've built this community of people that care about you. We share your joy and your disappointments. We're just here for you, as you are.
Sir:
You did not upset me nor anyone else, I suspect. In my post to you, I was simply acting my "profesorrial" self and trying to put a more comprehensive spin on what had happened yesterday. I was hoping to have you examine the full picture and not just be angry, upset, and frustrated at the moment that was yesterday.
Again, in the greater scheme of things, you do a damn good job with drinking and pretty much all you do. A rougher day here-and-there is nothing to become despondant about... just accept that your life is not going to ever be "perfect"... but is more about the average feelings and average successes... and by most scores (except perhaps your father's) you are pretty damn successful most of the time.
PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com
Don't beat yourself up. We all have days in which we feel like failures.....today is my day.
I'm praying and thinking of you...
Blessings,
Lisa
Jonathan,
I can only echo again what the others have said:
1) You do a remarkable job
2) Sharing what you are going through is sharing how you are human
3) We want to support and help...not heap guilt or burden
4) We are here for YOU, not some fictionalized sanitized account of what you think we want to hear.
You are in my prayers.
Becky
I can't add anything that hasn't been said, because it's all what I was thinking as well. Hope you're doing better!!
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