That is my latest symptom of my schizophrenia, giddiness. You will often find me smiling or laughing when I am supposed to be sad or frowning. I told my sister, who is a physician, about it yesterday.
“You feel giddy?” my sister asked, fascinated.
“I haven’t felt this good in years,” I replied. “I can’t help but smile and laugh all the time.”
“Do you laugh and smile when you are not supposed to?” She then asked.
“Yes,” I replied. “It often happens when I am by myself or when something bad has happened.”
“Interesting,” my sister said. “I haven’t heard of this happening with schizophrenia. I like how you describe it as giddiness though. You have a way with words.”
Rosa also told me my giddiness is contagious. Every time I laugh, she will start smiling and laughing as well. My father thinks there is something bad wrong with me and is growing very concerned. He feels it foretells another episode with my mental illness.
“Are you okay?” he asked me last night for the hundredth time.
“I feel fine,” I replied, smiling. “It’s just kind of uncomfortable that I will do this at untoward moments.”
“You are worrying the shit out of me,” he then said.
“I can’t help it,” I replied, emphatically.
Today, we are having a big birthday for me and my sister along with barbeque, homemade ice cream, and a birthday cake. I am trying to find ways of getting out of it. I am sure my father has invited a hundred people over for the party and the social aspects of such a gathering will make me extremely uncomfortable and ill. My idea of a birthday party is just me and the family getting together for some cake and ice cream. Not this grand spectacle my father feels compelled to put on. Wish me luck on getting out of this mess today. I need all the help I can get.
20 comments:
Just tell your dad the truth, I'm sure he will understand.
I like giddiness too. Just reading this made me smile, until I got to the end of it. Ha! I hope it goes well for you. I know it's not easy. Maybe you could make an appearance,like for an hour, then go back over when all the guests have gone and it's just your family left.
Andrew,
Let's look at the giggling for a positive spin.
Any chance that it's simply a reflection of things going better for you and it's like you're recognizing it in the contrast of you and Ferret at this time?
So, you really like (love?) Ferret but you're really not liking seeing him go down that path again, and you happy that it's not you and that you're doing pretty well??? and then you feel - well - giddy - but you can't really say that directly because then you might feel you're betraying your friend so you and others label it as an unwanted problem...
Too convuluted? Welcome to my mind.
Anyway, enjoy the light rain.
Tim
P.S. have some extra cake and ice cream for me.
I hope the party is good and you do well with it. Someone I once worked for celebrated his birthday for an entire month. I liked that so I do it too. I call it the 30 days of Z.
Good luck with everything. I think the giddiness is a good sign. You are spreading smiles. I hope your day goes wonderful.
Sending you positive thoughts your way with the party. Maybe you could attend for a short time, then excuse yourself? Either or, have a super day!
My son gets something similar to this. He calls it feeling "cartoonish". He says it's also like everything is kinda wierd, unreal, and he's disconnected from everything else.
He's had a recent med change (they're starting a slow process of moving him from Prolixin to Respirdol) and these days he's getting a little "wound up"
Now, I kinda think your dad is being unfair to set up what might be an unpleasant social situation, if he really expects you to stay for the entire party and interact with everyone.
When we have social "to dos" I always set up an out or a quiet place for Chewy. I'm sure by now your dad knows that crowds make you uncomfortable, and will understand if you just drop in for a bit, or spend some quiet time intermittantly in another room of the house, away from everyone.
Dorid,
"Cartoonish" is a good way to describe the feeling. I just got rediagnosed as "schizo-affective" and they started me on lithium and took me off a few other meds. I wonder if this has something to do with it. The mind is certainly an interesting thing when it is malfunctioning.
If the party gets too much, then I can always just quietly dissapear and walk on home. It will depend on who and how many are there.
Thanks all for the comments! I wish I had time to reply to everyone individually!!!
Giddiness regardless of it's region is a good thing. I only wish that people wouldn't "assume" that it's the onset of an episode for you...what if it's just that internally you feel like things are good...you deserve to be giddy...it's contagious and healthy..people are too highstrung in this day and age. Laugh and enjoy the humor.!
always,
Crusty
I agree with your idea of a birthday party. I like it best when it is simple and unostentatious. Loud raucous fun IS fun, but it would be more fun when it is with a bunch of people you really care about.
Have fun!
Well, I can think of worse things. I mean, it beats breaking out into sobs for no good reason, right? I have a neighbor who has schiz, he has periods when he does that. He walks around the neighborhood constantly too, and sometimes I'll see him just laughing hysterically all the way down the street. It totally *is* contagious. I'll hear him coming, laughing all the way, and by the time he gets in front of my house the kids and I will be laughing too as we wave at him walking past.
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Andrew, Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday! I love reading your blog btw :)
Good luck. Happy birthday.
Peace, happiness and understanding.
Hi Andrew,
I hope the party was enjoyable.
I often break out laughing after a fall while snowboarding, (as long as the landing wasn't too painful ;)
Happy birthday Andrew. Maybe your giddiness will put off most of the guests and ond only family will be staying for cake and ice cream... home made!! I'm jealous...
hey man!
here´s a word from a brazilian blogger.
i think that smilling and laughthing can´t be so bad. Even when it´s not expected.
keep wrinting your ideas ever!
see ya!
This reminds me of that scene in Mary Poppins where everyone laughed until they floated.
Hope the party's better than you expect.
Happy Birthday!
So cake , eh?
Must be over by now but you'd think the rest of us could see a few photos of the cake and confetti?
I generally do the appearance and out act all the time, works for me.
It could well be the medication change. Chewy is changing meds right now and is going through something similar: he's complaining of feeling "cartoonish", dizzy shortly after taking his pills, and is having more trouble keeping regular hours. We're waiting a couple weeks to make sure this is the best thing to do despite the current side effects. If he can make the change he will have a great deal more freedom... be able to go on vacations with us, and I'll be able to be trained to inject his meds so he can leave the city anytime. Right now you can't get the script for the prolixin to travel with, only the risperdol consta, so travel is really rough on him, since it means ((shudder)) missing a dose if it occurs at the wrong time.
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