Blurring the Line

I do not know when Rosa and me blurred the line of friendship and a more serious relationship. I do know that most good friends of the opposite sex do not hold hands or snuggle on the couch. Such intimacy is reserved for more serious and sexual relationships. And yet we do not have a sexual relationship. I made myself very clear to Rosa early on that I am functionally dysfunctional sexually due to the medications for my mental illness. I have no interest in sex these days, nor do I miss it. This doesn't stop her from lacing our conversations with sexual innuendo, though. She takes great satisfaction out of seeing me blush and squirm, and can be very crass about it at times.

What brought this on was me reading my post the other day where Rosa, me, and her granddaughter were in the car. I said sorry and Rosa reached for my hand. It felt so natural at the time. Normally, such intimacy would make me uncomfortable, but with Rosa it feels sublime. It was as normal as the sun coming up in the morning or the katydids calling on a Southern summer's night.

Rosa and me did sleep together once. I broke with my sobriety and drank copious amounts of beer. She joined in on the party and we both ended up drunk and naked in the bed. There was a most extreme feeling of uncomfortableness when I woke up sober and hung-over in the morning and realized what had happened. It almost ruined our friendship and there was a tenuous few weeks of us avoiding each other intermixed with emotionally charged arguing. Somehow, our friendship weathered the rocky shores that were the banks of our indiscretions and we never slept together again.