I wasn't listening to her. There I was, sitting on my porch, momentarily alone and comfortable, sunset, a cherry hinted cigarillo, in my porch swing, single mindedly enjoying the first katydids, just back from a leisurely stroll for the evening in an effort to lose at least ten more pounds. She came out asking me more questions as she commonly does, but I didn't want to play our game last night. "What is it about women that make them so nosey and make them ask so many questions?" I blurted out, callously, and then blushed. Snippety. I had crossed the line between conversational and brusque. You quietly left to go sit in the den and pout with me. I felt terrible. "I'm sorry," I said walking through my porch door. "I didn't mean to be so blunt." You smile and forgive me. I am taken aback because my ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, Carolyn, wouldn't have spoken to me for a week for doing such a thing. Your kindness and understanding made me feel inadequate.
Some people live for the drama of an intimate relationship. I abhor it. I can stumble through a delicate situation like a blind man in an unfamiliar room full of furniture. These little social tangos are the most exasperatingly complicated dance of rules, feelings, and heightened emotion. It takes a special soul to be able to put up with my social foibles and misgivings and Rosa seems to be the one. She can read me like a book and knows my moods. We finished the rest of the evening on the porch as darkness fell, cigarillos in hand, with Maggie at our feet. The katydids and you were comforting. All was forgiven.
8 comments:
Andrew
I've been browsing blogger for a few months and would occasionally come across you. Recently I book-marked you and now probably drop in about once a week. I've been a social worker in mental 'health' services and a counsellor in A & D clinics and am now a pastor - doing something positive instead of always reacting to the negative stuff. Like most people I know I'm wrestling with being human on a daily basis. Reading your posts is encouraging, the good stuff and the bad because all of it's true. Thank you for putting it here. I wish you well with Rosa.
Seems to me that you and Rosa are heading in one direction........
Everybody needs some time alone and the important people in your life realize that. Maybe you were a little blunt with Rosa but the people in your life closest to you should be able to tolerate a little bluntness, especially when softened by an apology later. Relationships are indeed exhausting and some aren't willing to do the mental work necessary to improve the relationship. You and Rosa both seem to work hard at making your relationship better. It IS a dance. Sometimes you'd rather be a wallflower.
Have a great Sunday.
I believe some of what you like about Rosa is partly because she is older. When I was young and in my 20's, I would do the same pout for a week. I eventually realized that this really made me more miserable than my husband. It just wasn't worth the effort. When I got rid of him (and I'm so glad of that) I lived alone with my daughter for about 10 years. I had many dates and a couple of boyfriends before meeting my now husband. Lots of learning experiences. I suppose I am more volatile that Rosa as I sometimes blow and then it's done. That is the part that is unique to her personality. She doesn't blow. That is a good thing. You are a lucky guy.
Hi Andrew, I've always found your blog fascinating and inspiring. I love the honesty in your writing and I'm particularly enjoying the last few posts. Very creative...More power to you!
Hi Andrew!
I like this one very much.
Honest, insigthful, healing, peaceful.
Best thoughts,
Laurent
" I could get used to you." Your words could not be truer here.
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