"Can't come over again today," Rosa said over the phone. "You know who is coming over."
"Okay," I said as I began to sulk knowing she meant her daughter and granddaughter.
I hung up the phone and ambled into the kitchen to get some breakfast started. I so wanted Rosa to come and I was so disappointed. I am suffering from a terrible rash of loneliness lately.
After breakfast, which was some eggs and toast, I gathered myself after a shower and set out for my morning walk. Through my neighborhood I traversed noticing the beauty all around me. My father keeps telling me I should be in prison for drinking and driving and I have been giving myself pep talks about how nice it is to not to be in prison.
"You wouldn't have enjoyed that squirrel in the tree or this cigarillo," I told myself as I walked. "You would be stuck in a cell all day with nothing to do, but waste time."
These pep talks seem to help and I was soon walking with a renewed vigor in my steps. My elderly black friend was sitting back out on his porch this morning. When he spoke to me, I stopped to talk.
"Cool morning," he said.
"It got down to 45 degrees last night," I replied. "Autumn is here."
"What's your name?" He asked.
"Andrew," I replied. And I said my last name.
"Do you walk every morning?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Most mornings. I walk to pass the time."
"Most people walk for exercise," he said as he smiled.
"I can be kind of odd," I replied, smiling back.
"Well, you have a nice morning," he said, lighting up a cigar.
I bid him farewell and continued on with my walk. Down into downtown I traversed -- the old part of downtown now almost dead. It the center of the square is a fountain and I walked across and sat next to it listening to the water gurgle. It seemed to be the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in the middle of this dead downtown. One lone bastion of beauty amid floundering commerciality.
"Your lucky," I told myself. "Lucky to be experiencing these things. Lucky to be alive and healthy. You have a beautiful day ahead of you."
I felt so much better as I walked home eager to write about this morning. So glad to talk to my elderly friend. So glad to experience the water fountain. So glad to have my cigarillos to smoke. So glad to not be in jail as my father keeps reminding me.
20 comments:
I havent been here lately to read your blog. I want you to know that we all have our demons and that i am very proud of you for being able to "face" them.(I havent been able to) Just to let you know i still look up to you.
Leslie,
Thank you! Take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up about your demons. We all have them.
Andrew
Interesting blog. Thanks for sharing.
It's a good feeling to recognize what we have and be grateful for it. Makes a great post too:) I hope you've lost that lonely feeling and your Sunday afternoon is going well!
i think if we all make at least one contact with someone during each day we feel better dont we? saying hi to that man was a very nice thing to do and im sure he as well as u feel much better for it. he is prob lonely too and craving someone to talk to as you are. have a great day . it is nice to be free and not in some prison. you have the freedom to take a walk when you like and talk to diff people dont forget that . freedom is sometimes all we have. have a great day . and be supportive of rosa , like she has always been with you . she is a special lady . :)
Isn't it great when you have one of those moments that make you feel truly lucky? Something as simple as the sound of water in a fountain. Throw a penny in next time and don't forget to make a wish!
You are lucky. Being from the Northwest, and upon moving to the South, I absolutely fell in love with the old porchfront conversation culture. It is so natural, so beautiful, the world is out watching the rest of the world go by and sharing in it-storms and sunshine. It often reminds me that I am, in fact, not alone...I'm now "borderline" South but that culture exists here, too...not like in N'Awlins where I lived before, but enough to validate my existence when needed.
Good post.
Too seldom do we stop and enjoy the simple things in life. I'm glad you've taken the time to do just that.
Giving thanks feeds the soul.
I'll make sure to do the same today.
I ran across your blog today doing random surfing. I'm glad I did. I am linking to you at my blog today where I moan about how I can't just randomly surf any more without coming up on porn. I like how you write and what you are doing.
Very nice post Andrew. Nice and smooth and casual, just the way life was meant to be. Have a good one. :)
I like how you made a decision to appreciate the good things in your life. I think I'm going to take a walk tomorrow and do the same thing. I'm sorry you're so lonely and Rosa is caught up with her daughter and granddaughter. Strange how that went from no contact to overwhelmed. How's Rosa handling that? I was thinking, do you ever take a book with you when you walk? I can picture you finding a favorite spot and getting lost in a story.
I'm going to check out some blogs, then add to my own. I hope it's a good night for you.
hmmm I see a new friendship in the future...good feelings with this nice fellow it seems..
we all make mistakes..you're a very intelligent man and the fact that you play close attention to your actions shows that you care!
Hang in there Mr. 4th we're rooting for you!
Always,
Crusty~
I keep asking but you never answer. Why don't you take Maggie with you for walks?
I have four dogs and walk with them always, it eases the loneliness!!!
Just curious....
Cigarillos.
Sir:
I am once again going to attempt to comment less. My only comment is that I think it is not kind to be told by a loved one that you "could be in jail".
PipeTobacco
Walks can sometimes be the best for of therapy. For me it is driving as it helps to sort out my thoughts.
Gratitude journals are a great way to track what it is that you are thankful for. Putting it in a walking form is good for your health, and also a way to see other people...I am jealous you have that! You are always able to see something beautiful around you, I admire that about you!!!
Keep what is good, and trash what is bad--
B~
once in a while, we stop and learn to appreciate even the small things around us, then we realize that we are indeed luckier than others, i am happy for you that you learn to appreciate the people and things around you andrew^^
Yes, my nephew is in prison and we write back and forth. It is very lonely for him. He gets to go out only 1 hour a day.
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