Lately, I've felt better than ever mentally. I am no longer morose or depressed. The paranoia is gone. I haven't had delusions in months. I do have what I call a busy mind. I can become easily overwhelmed with a lot going on. I am scared this will effect my job performance or my ability to work at all. My grandfather always said that the most important thing you can have is your health. He died at age 55 of a brain tumor. I believe him. I want my brain to be healthy.
I remember back to my younger and more virile days of my youth. I could do any job. And now a simple job at McDonald's has me worried and stymied. Rosa and I were eating supper as I asked, "What if I can't do it?" "Just quit," was Rosa's reply. "You don't have to do anything you are uncomfortable with." I want to do this though. I want a new computer. I want to be able to afford to get my license renewed. I don't want to have to call Mom and Dad every time I just need some cokes, cigarettes, or food. I am completely dependent upon them for my well being. I want to be a self-supporting man.
Oh well, I will know Monday night if I can do this or not. That will be the litmus test. If I can make it through that first third shift without a "busy mind" or my anxiety attacks, then I will have a major hurdle jumped. It is going to be an interesting ride and I can't wait to write about it Tuesday morning!
5 comments:
If this is what you want and you're happy, then I'm happy for you. Congratulations! You'll be a manager soon, I just know it!
I'm so sad I'll be gone Tuesday morning and will have to miss it. email me???
You'll do just fine. I have faith in you.
sharyna
I don't tire of you talking about work...
I'm really excited for you and hope working will be all you want it to be. And like Rosa says, If for some reason it's not working out for you, you can go back to what you have now, which is not an ideal situation for you, but it could be ever so much worse. Good luck!
I like to read about your work also. Lots of people have a busy mind, me included. I think it makes us better worlkers. You cook meals and write on the computer all the time. Mc Donalds shouldn't be any different. You on the 3rd shift will actually be better. I bet you meet lots of people like the parking lot crew at that hour and you are already comfortable in that situation where many of us might find it intimidating. Also there won't be overwhelming crowds which maybe breakfast or lunch would have. I have faith in you, have some in yourself. In a week or so you will have a whole new cast of characters to write about. Think of it as a place to gather new material.
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