I spent a long time this morning helping Joyce's sister clean up Joyce's yard. It was cathartic and I needed something to occupy my mind. I couldn't help but look at Joyce's elder sister bitterly, though. It is my belief that Joyce would still be alive if they would have kept Joyce in her home and had caretakers come in to help with day to day tasks. Joyce was not happy at assisted living.
It is all water under the bridge now.
I have a good supper planned for tonight. Beef Lo Mien which was always a favorite dish my mother would fix when I was a child. I love the crunchy lo mien noodles.
Maggie has slept all day snoozing on the back of the sofa. She will occasionally grunt leading to furious barking when someone walks by on the road.
Thank you for the outpouring of support in the comments on my last post. It was truly heartwarming to know that many caring people are reading the blog. You all are my treasured support group and I appreciate it. I wish I could more tangibly return the favor.
23 comments:
Truly sorry to hear about Joyce.
Just wanted you to know I've been thinking of you, friend.
Hugs...
C.A.
Be extra kind to yourself right now - grief isn't for the weak.
This will be tough and I'm glad you're going to the funeral. Do you know if she had other health issues besides the mental ones? If so, then who knows if she would have lived longer at home?
I'm sure that Joyce's sister is probably feeling some guilt too.
Big hugs to you.
I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you and how you're handling your grief. You're WRITING about it and NOT DRINKING. Writing is very cathartic - don't minimize the power it has to help you. I subscribe to a magazine called The Sun, and each month, it features a section where people write in around a specific topic. In the August issue, a prison inmate wrote about how he defeated a lifelong addiction by writing about his feelings. Previous to learning how to do that, he struggled with all of the nasty by-products of addiction. I read what you've been writing over the past few days, and that came to mind. I'm very, very proud of you, Andrew. Joyce would be proud of you, too, I'm sure. And don't be bitter at Joyce's sister. I'm of the mind that when your job on earth is finished, you exit. Joyce's personal mission was finished and she is now off to either her rest or another mission. But either way, she is at peace now.
Hugs from Connecticut.
I am so sorry to hear about your friend Joyce. She had a good friend in you, and I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you gave her unconditional love and acceptance when she needed it so much in her life.
I also wanted to let you know that I find encouragement in reading your blog. I just had a baby, and depression and mental illness, including schizophrenia, run on both sides of the family (mine and my husband's). I'm worried about the cards we may have dealt our son - but I know that he can have a good life no matter what he ends up having to deal with. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your stories.
Blessings to you, Andrew. It's always difficult to say goodbye to a friend. I feel like she was "our" friend, and I'm sad she's left us.
Like your other friends, I'm very proud of you for keeping your sobriety. My, how you've grown. <3
Hello Sir:
Again, I am sorry about Joyce. Do you know what happened? If I recall, she was only around 60 or 61 correct? Unless she had a major physical illness, it seems unlikely she would simply die in her sleep at that age.
My first thought was that perhaps they overmedicated her to keep her more "quiet" for them and she did not respond well to the new medication regime. It is just speculation on my part, but I am always VERY suspicious of hospitals (which is to my way of thinking what an assisted living facility is) especially during the last several years when my beloved mother declined. I think the medications they gave her in many ways did more harm than good... especially in hindsight.
Please let us know if you find out any information about why she passed away at this time.
PipeTobacco
To me your blog is tangible. (-: Having you out there writing your story is comforting to me as a reader. I am glad that writing the blog and receiving support is comforting to you.
Andrew Handrew: chow mein noodles are crisp while lo mein noodles are soft. So I think you'll be having beef chow mein not lo mein.
Maybe her facility was different but here in VA, an "assisted living" is a bunch of small rooms/apartments in a large building with staff to help residents TAKE meds, not perscribe them. They do their laundry, feed them in the lunch room and provide activities to keep them busy.
Was Joyce in a different place? Sounds like PipeTobacco is thinking of a "nursing home" type place where doctors perscribe medications.
In any event, Andrew..."it's appointed a man once to die, then the judgement." That's out of the Bible. Joyce's "time" was appointed the day she was born and nothing, no one, or no other environment, could have stopped it. Try not to be angry at the family. They did what they thought was best for Joyce. From what you say, she was not well at all mentally and needed supervision.
I am sorry for your loss too. You shared her with us alot and always had nice things to say about her.
I am so sorry to hear about Joyce, Andrew. It is true that assisted living shortens the life span of those engaged in it.
Keep well Andrew.
Thanks for sharing this.
We are thinking of you. and Joyce.
Praying for Joyce's wellbeing at this time will help her I'm sure.
Your continued success in your life is tangible enough. It is heartwarming to read and see you doing well. I'm so sorry that this has happened. I know you were a friend to Joyce when she really had no one else.
Andrew, I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. I know you cared about her deeply, and I'm sure she cherished your friendship. Please take care of yourself.
I have to say that I thought the same thing when I read that Joyce had passed. As humans, we just can't help but let our minds wander to the "what if's?" I know that had to be hard for you to help and to help with grace. Keep writing.
you showed her so much kindness, made her smile, did not judge and truly understood her - that's what it takes to be a fully formed human being. my thoughts are with you.
if only joyce knew how many people in the extended world of the internet knew about her and cared abou her through your insightful writings - it's lovely. this community can be amazing sometimes.
love
jane
So sorry to hear that Joyce is gone. You brightened her days. Because of you, many of us felt that we knew her.
I'm sorry to hear the sad news about Joyce Andrew, I know that she meant a lot to you. Keep pleasent memories in your heart and she will always be with you.
Oh no! I just read the news. This is very sad. I wish this hadn't happened to her - or you. My thoughts are with you, Andrew. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
OMG , I have been out of the blog reading for a while now. I am so sorry Andrew. I know that phrase is so insignificant.I hate it.
But what can we really say that conveys it?
I haven't even begun to get caught up on your blog , so I really don't even know what has happened.I do know that you were a wonderful friend to Joyce and hopefully she is well and happy now,in Heaven.
Hugs to you .
Smocha
I'm so sorry about your friend Joyce. You were a very good friend to her.
I'm so glad your friends 'came out' to give their support. A lot of people really care about you. You know I'm one of your biggest fans, and always will be.
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