I had one of those shaky days today. I was about beside myself when dad arrived tonight with my medications. I wanted to take my Klonopin and go to bed. Dad then proceeded to turn on the TV to PBS. The "3 Tenors" were on singing Christmas tunes and dad cranked up the volume LOUD. I thought my head would explode. "Oh dear God help me," I muttered under my breath.
"I am driving you crazy, aren't I?" dad said, getting a clue.
"Just a tad," I said at my best effort in understatement as I shook my head meaning yes.
I think dad left with his feelings hurt. I feel like a schmuck now. I am going to bed and pray for a better tomorrow. I am tired of this anxiety attack shit. I would sell my soul to an astute doctor who would try to alleviate what is wrong instead of medicating the problem like they all do.
5 comments:
Oh that would have freaked me out too during an anxiety attack. Distraction yes, LOUD no. I know you are struggling a bit today, but you have been much better lately so focus on that when you are feeling better. Each day between attacks is a milestone and you have had many milestones lately. Hang in there. I could tell you about my life and really depress you. I am struggling a bit myself lately.
Methinks perhaps your Dad needs his hearing checked?
Lordy - wouldn't that be cool if they would/could treat the cause. Someday, fingers crossed.
I hope today's going better for you.
I still say you need someone advocating for you who ISN'T related to you.
I mean come on...he shovels pills at you, keeps your money and does nothing to motivate or encourage you, except throwing you a "bone" occaisionally. You are afraid of him so much that you can't even say SHUT OFF MY TV! Talk to social services. Tell them you need HELP.
LOL at Marsha's comment. I do sometimes feel bad for you, I know your family has helped you but they hold it over your head.
By the way, I gave you an award on my blog.
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