I picked up the phone a while ago to call mom.
"You can't call and bother her!" I exclaimed and slammed down the phone after dialing just a few numbers.
Maybe I wanted someone to talk to. Maybe I wanted mom to drive down to the drugstore and get some of my "happy" pills, the Klonopin. All I knew was that I wanted relief from today's feelings. This knot in my stomach that feels like anxiety will get out of control. My father is useless in such matters except for administering pills.
I refrained from calling and got to watching "The Worlds Worst Jails." I was lying on the bed and watching these people made me feel better. It was almost like I was benefiting from other's suffering. I should be in jail. I had so many DUI's over the years it is amazing I am not in lockup.
"You're not in jail. You're not in jail," I kept repeating to myself as I watched. "You could be in far worse shape!"
I feel better now. The anxiety has somewhat melted away and my mind is clear again of unseemly thoughts. I realized that this would be prime drinking time for me. The alcohol would chase away my blues, the anxiety would disappear, and I wouldn't have a care in the world. Thankfully, I have a choice today and will just lie down and rest. All things must pass....
13 comments:
You're right it will pass and I'm sure in the back of your mind there are things going on to cause it. Your uncles holiday "revelation" surely must keep your mind busy either thinking about it or trying not too. Soon the holidays will be over and things will be more normal. Also I am sure your mom would love to hear from you. There is no reason you can't turn to your family. I know you feel you are an adult and should be able to handle things on your own, but everybody needs somebody to talk to and you don't come in contact with as many people as the rest of us. You are doing great and you are right with "this too shall pass". Maybe some Wii would soothe your soul.
Theres nothing wrong with calling mom when you need someone to talk to...As a mom I want my children to feel they can call me at anytime...And I'm sure you mom feels the same...
Well done Andrew! I am proud of you for not drinking. One day at a time my friend. Good choices make a good day.
Next time, try calling your mom. Like another commenter said, I would want my son to call me ...
I think the hardest thing that we as humans have to figure out is how to deal with our uncomfortable feelings in a healthy way. It's hard for me and everyone else I know.
We just want them to go away, and most of the time, without thinking, we'll do whatever we can to make them go away. Fortunately, you are learning to think first and consider consequences. That is successful, in my book.
We can't avoid the yucky feelings, but we can figure out how to deal with them in ways that won't hurt ourselves or others.
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better now.
hey ill call you if you get really !! bored. it might send you to sleep, but you never know! the offers there anyway... my email is friendofbill@fastmail.fm
:)
All things do pass, and you've been on the road of good choices for a while. And it's hard being alone. Your mom is always willing to be there for you. Us too.
((hugs)) I'm very proud of you Andrew. You are making healthy choices for yourself.
As the others have stated, as a Mom I would want my kids to call me. I treasure the fact that we are friends as well as family.
I'd really like your mailing address if you are o.k. with me having it. My e-mail is cozy_one@hotmail.com
I agree with the others - your mom would want you to call.
Good for you though for making a good choice. Sometimes it does help to know that other people are worse off than you.
Counting even small blessings can make you feel better. :-)
Calling my mother just to say hello is something that I often did. I think that she enjoyed it. If you need someone to talk to, any number of us are here. Or call your sponsor. Hang in there.
Good for you! As has already been said, you are making great choices for yourself - and pretty clearly seeing past 'errors of your ways' that caused problems.
Looks to me like you're doing really, really well!
I also agree that most Moms would be pleased to get a chatty phone call from their favorite son!
I'm 61 and it just tickles me pink when my 40ish son calls just to yack for a little bit!
Keep up the good work, Andrew!
Grannie in Florida
Call MOM...she needs you as much as you need her. As a mother, I too would want my girls to call me with any kind of issues/discomfort they may have.
Hey Andrew hope you are feeling a better now. Take it easy this new years as its Waaaaay to cold to go out and watch fireworks etc. Stay in and observe it all from the warmth of that !! cozy place of yours.
wishing you the best over what can seem a socially onerous and expectation riddled time of year. :)
Happy New year Andrew, I wish you continued success and happiness.
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