I drove by the shopping center this afternoon. It was a late evening setting sun. Skies were cloudless and blue. It just looked cold and I shivered in response. Nobody was to be seen. No Big S. No Dexter. The cold had chased them inside, or the lack of benches chased them away. I sometimes miss that crazy group of misfits I called the gang. I don't miss the hangovers, though.
I am still not up to snuff. My mind is a tangled emotional mess of wants, needs, and desires. I keep telling myself I should be so thankful for what I have now. It took homelessness and a near death bout with alcoholism for me to find gratitude about such things.
10 comments:
I do admire you for being you. You give me inspiration on the days you feel the worst.
Sweet dreams tonight.
I don't miss the old gang. They were interesting for a while, but no good for you, and I want better for you. I hope you're feeling up to snuff soon. Give it time.
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Maybe they were watching Obama's inauguration! :)
Andrew - look over at that counter of yours! 428 days!!! Be glad that for whatever reason, none of the "gang" was around. I'm not so sure you wanted to have that argument with yourself today!
Stick with Molly and the other pieces of the support network you've got around you. I know - You're tired of being treated with kid gloves, right?
Well, here's the gloves off version. Stay the hell away from anyone who may be able to drag you back into that hole you're just about out of! Damnit - you've worked too hard to get this far!
Okay, lecture over - - Give Molly a hug, smile at that beautiful 428 and tell yourself what a good job you're doing!
Grannie in Florida
It's gonna be alright. New meds always take time to adjust to. Just tell yourself you need this time to relax and look for something you can do that is entertaining but not too much for you.
Do you journal? Getting stuff out of your head helps immensely, even if it makes no sense.
You have come so far since the old gang! Look at that sobriety counter--428 days. You have risen above the old gang, they are still stuck in a rut, a deep rut, probably never to get out. You are out of that rut and moving on to better things in your life. Surround yourself with people that are trying to make something of themselves.
Keep going... don't let this bad spell bring you down... don't dig a hole you can't get out of. Keep the faith!
Sir:
You are definitely correct about a medication change taking a while to affect your mental state. So, try to keep that in mind if things seem to remain challenging for a while. It *should* diminish and get better.
As for the "gang"... I differ from some of your other commmenters here in that I personally think it is wonderful that you are thinking about the old gang again and I believe you would benefit from hanging out with them again sometime. They are and have been your friends, and you share a good history with them. I would encourage you to keep thinking about visiting with them, and when the opportunity presents itself, do so! Or, additionally, perhaps heading over to have dinner with George and his mother would be another fun, social situation for you to enjoy.
From my way of thinking, I suspect that some of your less than happy emotional feelings during this time may be in part due to feeling almost "cloistered" away from alot of your friends and especially because of the Winter weather, you are primairly interacting only with your parents... and that even may be somewhat limited due to weather.
So, again, it is only my opinion, but I believe that your desires for more fun and friendship is some of what you are feeling now, and that going to visit and hang out with friends may do you a whole heaping of good.
Your friend,
PipeTobacco
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