I was asked that today by a friend. Not the persona I portray for the world and my blog friends. I still struggle a lot with my mental illness. I hide it from those around me. It is almost as if my parents don't believe me when I tell them. "You seem to be doing so good," they say.
Lately, it is the anxiety attacks. I woke up with them this morning. Last night, it was the sound of rushing water through pipes continuously keeping me company. I didn't even tell my psychiatrist about this latest auditory installment as he would only medicate me further.
But you know what is awesome? The good days. The good days are like the best orgasm. I walk through life smiling, so relieved to have a break in the storm. I smell the air and there is a spring in my step. I want to tackle the whole world and talk to everyone. I want everyone to be happy just like me. And the good days give me a reason to go on. There is life left in me yet.
7 comments:
Isn't that true? Without the bad days, I'd never recognize the good ones.
Hope today is a good one, Andrew. *hugs*
Here's to the good days!! Hope you have more of them!!
I'm so glad you have good days!!
I sense more good days in your future.
I've only ever had one anxiety attack and I thought I was going to die! I was pregnant, in the last stages and I think it was stress and the baby pushing on my lungs. I couldn't get a breath, I really thought I was going to have to call 911. I can't imagine having them on a regular basis. You're a tougher person than I.
People comment about my mother, she looks so good. Well yes. But looks are deceiving.
Thank goodness for good days and tomorrows :)
I stumbled on your blog today as i was flipping through, i found it helped me in a lot of ways..i too get anxiety attacks and find them almost impossible to talk about to friends & family..and I often lie awake at night just like you describe..then other days are better and you feel so free..i always tell myself... 'i am never going to get like that again'..but i always do..yet most friends will never know...thank you Andrew for sharing..i hope you have more & more good days.
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