Reporting to Kroger, Sir!

My diet got really serious tonight. I didn’t buy 4 bags of powdered donuts and several gallons of whole milk with a side of sugary cereal. The big value boxes of unfrosted strawberry Pop-Tarts got left on the shelf. The hardest thing I gave up were my whole grain and cheddar crackers. Those things were irresistible to me, but six little crackers were 200 calories.

“Oh, I could eat you all up!” I muttered to myself as I passed the Hostess and Little Debbie shelves on my way to get a loaf of bread.

One time, my mother lost a lot of weight drinking those Slimfast drinks and I bought a case of them tonight. It was my biggest expense at $15 dollars and some change. That’s going to be my lunch. I also absolutely love Klondike bars and imagine my elation when they offered a sugar free version. I ate one when I got home and it was delicious. I couldn’t wait to try it.

Some of the other foods I got were fat free black cherry Greek yogurt for snacking, sugar free drink mixes to replace the copious amounts of whole milk I used to drink, and quite a few Lean Cuisine meals. I rounded out my groceries with my two journal writing sodas which were two diet Mountain Dews. I resisted buying the super calorific Baja Blast variant even though I wanted them quite earnestly. They have 380 calories per bottle compared to the 10 calories of the diet variant. I think I picked wisely.  

So, what was the damage dealt tonight? I spent $91 dollars. My father was fine with it realizing I was in uncharted waters with all this dieting food. I bought too many Lean Cuisine meals for the most part. Junk food is so less expensive as well. Four bags of Hostess powdered donuts will only cost you $8 dollars. A big bag of Cheetos puffs only costs $3 dollars. Whole milk is only $2.20 a gallon at Kroger.

“You’ll get better as you go,” my father kindly told me as we headed to our respective cars.

We were both glad we missed the big swath of rain headed our way. It started raining as soon as I arrived home and was unloading my groceries. Dad called me as I was unloading and said we had perfect timing on those regards tonight. I agreed.

And the Heavens Opened Forth and the Rain Poured…

I was without power after an especially nasty storm this afternoon. I guess I got what I asked for. I was happy as a clam in its shell, though. The skies just exploded with storms after lunch.

Breakfast Unannounced…

Charlie goes to McDonald’s every single day to get Horsefly his morning biscuit. Well, I was sound asleep in the bed at eight dreaming about model trains when there was a very loud knock on the door. I was startled awake and thought these better not be missionaries. I pulled these creaky old bones out of the bed to go answer the door. Maggie was already at the door wagging her tail and barking.

“I got you two bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits,” Charlie said. “I know they are your favorite. I also got you the biggest diet Coke they sell.”

I chuckled sleepily and thanked Charlie very much.

“I am in a hurry to feed Horsefly and get on the road to work,” Charlie told me. “Love you and I will see you later.”

Isn’t Charlie just awesome? What a special friend to have even though he is sabotaging my diet unwittingly. Maggie and I ate our biscuits and I relished the diet Coke as I sat at my computer and tried to get woken up.

Charlie will then go home and tear up Horsefly’s biscuit in tiny pieces so he will not get choked. He then has an hour commute to and from work.

The Cinematic Orchestra - Arrival of The Birds & Transformation

The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build a Home

Interesting Weather? Denied!

I am so sad and forlorn tonight. Sniff! Not a drop of rain fell at my house today despite storms being all around us. I didn’t get to hear the sweet sound of thunder rolling across the sky. Laura texted me that they had a big thunderstorm in LaGrange tonight. LaGrange is just up the road from us. It came in and built up with a boom and quickly dissipated on the radar, spent.

So Close Yet So Far…

We had a couple come in this morning and adopt a little Jack Russell mixed breed. Mrs. Barbara handled the paperwork and soon the couple were on their way after paying the adoption fee. We were all pleased that the dog had found a home. About two hours later, the husband arrives back with the dog in his arms.

“Is everything okay, sir?” Mrs. Barbara asked as he stepped into the office.

I just happened to be in the office area at that time. I was showing Mrs. Barbara how to do something on her computer.

“The dog has latched onto me and won’t let my wife come near me. She will growl viciously and snap at her.”

Mrs. Barbara refunded the adoption fee as I put the dog back in the kennels thinking this poor dog will never find a home. A single guy is going to have to adopt her.

Comment Replies…

glittermom said...

That’s odd..my cable box doesn’t have an off switch. Everything is done with the remote

July 29, 2018 at 11:07 AM

Andrew Replies…

I think Charlie’s and dad’s cable box woes are mainly caused by them sitting on the floor under the television. You have to get the remote at the right angle to turn them on or stand up and move a few feet away from them. I assure you I am not making this stuff up which I think was implied (or it could be my paranoid nature tonight). I can think of a thousand more interesting blog posts to conjure up instead of a post about Charlie’s cable box. Like a tantalizing tryst with Laura would be far more interesting blog fodder.

glittermom said...

Sometime it’s hard to get a post on your blog. You get pictures to click on all with cars or street signs, etc. pictures are hard to see. Doesn’t always ask for that. It’s annoying.

Andrew Replies…

Glittermom, I have no control of that. Those are Blogger’s doings to fight spam. Sorry, I know it is aggravating.

Excited About Tomorrow…

Tomorrow heralds in a new weather pattern for the South. Our summer popup thunderstorms return! I hope to be seeing some rain when I leave the Humane Society around lunch tomorrow. We have a 60% chance of storms tomorrow evening. It was so dry and hot today.

T-storms
Likely

Who’s Up For a Pizza Party?

“What do you want for your supper tonight, Chuck?” my father asked over the phone this evening.

“Is it okay if a get Little Caesar's pizza tonight?” I replied and asked. “I am getting tired of chicken pot pies.”

“Sure,” dad said. “Do you want to get an extra pizza for Maggie?”

“That would be nice,” I replied kind of astonished, knowing I would be eating most of it probably for breakfast.

“Charlie and I are heading out about 7:45 so we will probably see you around 8:30 depending on how backed up KFC’s drive-thru is. Horsefly has to have his chicken fingers. That’s the whole reason we do this.”

A Rough and Tumble Day…

My arch-nemesis mental illness was acting up today. That’s just how the ball bounces sometimes. I woke up with a buzzy and fuzzy feeling in my head and it went downhill from there. Paranoia has been today’s theme. I couldn’t get it together enough to even shower and shave today. I’ve spent most of today sitting in front of a computer listening to music which soothes and calms me.

Like Pack Mules…

Dad and I like to watch all the cooking shows on Georgia Public Broadcasting every Saturday. I had just asked about Charlie when he called as we were sitting in the den.

“Would y’all mind help me move some stuff?” he asked.

“We can give you a hand,” I said.

Dad got dressed and I drove over to the Charlie’s house by my father’s house. Dad soon walked over. Charlie pulled into the driveway in the white truck with just a shitload of furniture and stuff to unload. I moaned. It was already 90° degrees outside. I had to think of all the things Charlie has done for me over the years.

Dad and I both got busy unloading as Charlie directed us on where to put everything.  

“I know I am a hoarder,” Charlie said laughing nervously.

By this time, I was winded and Charlie then announced we need to load things back onto the truck to carry to his new house. We got ‘er done and soon we were all on our respective ways. I was just soaking wet with sweat and immediately took a shower and changed clothes when I got home.

It’s in the Water…

Dad and I were shooting the shit on his porch yesterday evening when my cellphone rang. This always intrigues my father when I get calls. His cellphone is constantly ringing. Mine seldom rings.

“It’s Charlie,” I said to my father. “He says one of his TV’s won’t come on.”

Charlie has a TV in every room except the bathroom and doesn’t watch TV except for a smattering of Home and Garden Television.

“I’ll ride out there with you,” my father said, eager for some more socializing.

It was the medium sized TV in the dining room. Charlie didn’t have his cable box turned on either just like my father earlier in the day. Charlie laughed and laughed. It was contagious and we all got to laughing.

“I can’t believe I got you all the way out here for that,” Charlie said apologizing and laughing at the same time. “I could have sworn I turned it on.”

Dad and I were both just glad to see him and didn’t mind the trip out North 14th Avenue. I was paid two ice cold diet Cokes for my efforts and for which I relished.

The Darnedess In Dedication…

I woke up at 8 AM so Maggie and I could walk when it is still cool. It is supposed to get up to 94° degrees today and was about 72° degrees when we left the house. Maggie got beside herself when I got the leash out of the computer room closet and away we went.

I didn’t walk as long this time. I have what is called a drop foot – nerve damage in my left leg. It comes from obsessively compulsively pacing the house before we got my medications situated years ago. I walked so much I damaged my leg. It makes me clumsy and I am always afraid I am going to fall while walking.

I want to get my Schwann mountain bike which Charlie has in storage. Dad told me to wait until Charlie is fully moved into his new house before I ask him about it.

“He has been so testy lately,” my father told me last night. “He might get testy with you about that bicycle.”

Simplest Things First…

Dad called me around noon. He couldn’t get his TV to come on and was in a severe panic. He thought the television or cable box had gone out.

“Calm down and check and make sure the cable box and TV are both on and that both are plugged up,” I told him not wanting to drive over there.

It turns out the cable box was turned off.  

“I don’t know what I would do without you, son,” he told me excitedly.

It’s a Start…

Well, I walked or should I say meandered around the neighborhood this evening trying to burn some calories. Maggie was with me and thoroughly enjoyed her outing. She balked when it was time to come back inside. She was having too much fun. We walked for about an hour.

I drove over to my father’s house a moment ago just to visit. I was feeling lonely and dad can always perk me up. We can talk about my mother’s antics over the years for hours. I needed a good laugh. I knocked on the door and rang the doorbell yet nobody came to the door. I waited and waited and then I checked the garage and both cars were there. I then called him on the phone. I should’ve called before coming.

“Where are you?” I asked miffed. “I am standing outside your back door.”

“I am at Zaxby’s eating supper with Horsefly and Charlie,” he replied.

I laughed.

“I thought you had fallen and couldn’t get to the door,” I told him. “I was about to let myself inside.”

“I am not that old and infirm just yet!” dad quipped.

We both then laughed.    

“Do you want me and Charlie to bring you something to eat?” dad asked.

“I’ve already eaten,” I replied, shying away from those fattening chicken fingers.

“I’ll see you when you get home,” I told my father and we both hung up.

This and That…

• Charlie brought by more Chick-Fil-A sandwiches again this evening. I don’t know how I am ever going to lose much weight if this keeps up. I am thankful for Charlie. It is just that I can’t resist eating them and they are very, very fattening.
• Yesterday, someone left some puppies in a cardboard box by the gate when I arrived at the Humane Society at eight. Thankfully, they had been weaned and were eating dry food. Just part of the job is what Mrs. Barbara said. We would have been in a mess if we had to bottle feed seven puppies.
• Chatting with Laura is downright awkward. There are lots of long pauses that make me uncomfortable. I soldier on, though. There was a long pause tonight and I just exited Facebook and went about my merry way.
• My shot kicked in late this afternoon making me extremely drowsy. I am having to fight taking a nap so I will sleep tonight. 
• I quickly lost interest in aquariums as they are so expensive. It would be November before I had a planted tank up and running with the proper gear. I am going to use my $300 dollars at the first of the month to order computer parts. I am getting a new wireless network adapter, sound card, Blu-Ray drive and other odds and ends to upgrade the computer in the den.
• Old Fuss and Feathers had to work 10 hours today. I am wondering if he is going to stop by tonight and see Maggie and I. I’ve already been straightening the house up some in preparation.

Dave Matthews Band - Satellite - Love this song!

Andrew? Come On Back!

“Those are the best words in the world,” I told my nurse, Rebecca, this morning with a big Cheshire grin.

She replied that I made her feel good – that it seems she is making a difference in my life.

“And you are!” I told her. “Without this injection I couldn’t function like a normal human being.”

Small talk today was about her kids going back to school in two weeks.

“They shorten summer for kids every year!” I exclaimed exasperated. “Kids need to be playing in the yard and not sitting still for hours in stuffy school rooms.”

You could tell Rebecca was biting her tongue – probably ready for the kids to go back and give her a break from finding childcare during the day when she and her husband were at work.

“You’re all done,” Rebecca then told me of my injection.

“I didn’t even feel it,” I told her and she said I made her feel good again.

Old Fuss and Feathers was waiting on me when I arrived back at the pharmacy. I handed him my next appointment card, grabbed two diet Cokes from the cooler, and told everyone goodbye. 

The Sky’s the Limit…

I managed to spend $125 dollars tonight grocery shopping! I think that is the most I’ve ever spent at Kroger. My father didn’t say a word and I kept my mouth shut as well. I had told him it might be high tonight as I needed laundry detergent pods and fabric softener. The laundry detergent alone was $11.99.

As we walked out into the parking lot, I was telling my father of this strange black fellow who was just wandering the store and talking up a storm. He wasn’t purchasing anything.

“He probably had one of those Bluetooth cellphone ear pieces,” my father said.

“I looked and I didn’t see any,” I replied.

“Then he sounds like a good candidate for the injection you’re getting in the morning,” my father said as we both chuckled quite a bit.

“Call me at eight in the morning!” was the last thing I told my father and I drove home to start the laborious task of unloading and putting away my groceries.

Laura, Laura, Laura…

Laura texted me today and asked me if I was mad at her – that she hadn’t heard from me in several days. I told her that I sent some texts, but she said she didn’t get them. I was so relieved when things were okay with us. I’ve grown quite fond of her these past few weeks we have been chatting. Now, if I can just remember how to get back to her parent’s house in LaGrange, then we will be in business. We both want to go grab some Chinese with her schedule permitting. We used to eat out once a week together several years ago, but lost touch when she left to live with that Wayne guy in Statesboro.

Sigur Rós - Ágætis Byrjun

I Can Be Bogart and You Can Be My Bacall…

Things with Laura aren’t going so well to me. I felt a kindred spirit in her in that she suffers from a lot of the same issues I suffer from, but our friendship feels forced and strained. Facebook chats have been really awkward as well. Maybe it is her mental illness and I need to be more kind and patient as I would hope someone would be with me. She said she wanted us to hang out a lot next month so we will just wait and see what happens. She says she has a lot of babysitting to do and doctor’s appointments till the end of this month.

A Train Roars Through Downtown…

Which always coincides with inclement weather. We’re under a severe thunderstorm warning and it is really pouring outside. I have never seen it get so dark this time of the morning. All the street lights have come back on. I had to turn on a lamp here in the den to see. The unlucky or hapless few on the roads have their headlights on brightly. I am just praying the power doesn’t go out. My iPod is kaput and I wouldn’t have anyway of listening to music. Strangely, the weather doesn’t bother Maggie. She is sound asleep on the couch as the wind roars outside our windows and the lightning strikes and thunder rolls.

Charlie woke me up at 7:30 AM with breakfast this morning. I relished the diet Coke and Maggie ate the two sausage biscuits. Charlie has taken real good care of me while my father has been away. He has truly spoiled me rotten with all these diet Cokes I so enjoy.

Johnny Otis should be back in town this afternoon. I am very, very eager to get to see him. Despite all his misgivings, he is still my father. He seems like he has been gone an eternity. I am ready to settle back into our old routines. I am also proud to instill in him some confidence that things don’t get helter skelter when he is gone such as me getting off kilter and not taking my medications.

Tuna City…

One time my mother started feeding their two cats canned cat food as a treat. The basement smelled like a seafood shop and it was just a messy business glopping that food on paper plates. In my father’s defense, it was pretty gross. My father vowed that when those cats passed away and he got another cat he would feed it dry cat food only as he does with Samantha now. This brings us to the part that he would be deeply against me getting Maggie canned dogfood due to the previous scenario. “It would be messy and smelly,” I can hear him now say. My hands are tied on this one unfortunately.

McDonald’s Courier…

The urge to shake the dew off my lily woke me up at 8:30 AM this morning. I stayed on up knowing Charlie was coming. Within moments, like clockwork, there was a knock on the door. Charlie had brought breakfast. I had never seen Maggie fawn upon Charlie so much.

“Does she still bury the biscuits?” Charlie asked chuckling.

“God yes!” I said with a laugh. “She will eat the sausage, though.”

“Well, whatever makes her happy,” Charlie replied with another chuckle.

Charlie brought me a giant diet Coke which didn’t last very long. I was so very thirsty this morning. Diet Coke is sublime with a cigarette or two or three. Some smokers would say the same about their morning cup of coffee.

Maggie got both sausage biscuits while I munched on a pack of whole grain and cheddar crackers. She’s already buried three biscuit halves with one more to go. She looks pooped out now, though, sprawled upon the hardwood floor on her side. Burying biscuits must be tiresome work.

Two Steps Forward and One Step Back…

I was just going to eat a simple pack of crackers for supper last night, but hunger got the best of me. I was just ravishingly hungry having only eaten a meager amount during the day. I got in the kitchen and stir-fried some Chinese noodles, garlic, soy sauce, mushrooms, carrots, and shrimp. The smells drifting into the den about drove Maggie crazy and she got underfoot while I was cooking. The whole house smelled like a Chinese restaurant.

I ate my fill totally blowing my diet to pieces last night. I was like a pill bug about to pop. Maggie was begging in earnest so I put the leftovers on the floor and she wolfed them down. It was her first meal in three days. She outwilled me. I was tired of worrying about it and I went to bed without a guilty conscience. “Shit happens,” is what I muttered to myself as I climbed into my warm and inviting covers in an otherwise chilly house. 

Charlie called me at 7 PM as he was leaving Dadeville this evening.

“I am running late. I’ve got to run by Lowes in Opelika, but I going to get you two large diet Cokes from McDonald’s when I get back in the Valley,” he told me.

Charlie brought the Cokes a lot earlier than I expected. He caught Maggie and I both off-guard. Maggie squealed with glee when he knocked on the front door. Maggie saw those McDonald’s Cokes and thought it was biscuit time. She whined and whined and Charlie said he would bring her two sausage biscuits in the morning.

I did well today with my diet. I forth went breakfast, had a PB&J sandwich and baked Lay’s potato chips for lunch, and ate a Turkey meatloaf and herb roasted potatoes Marie Calendar’s Delights meal for supper. The turkey meatloaf, despite sounding repulsive, was quite tasty with a roasted red pepper sauce. There was also a serving of turnip greens with the meal simply called a serving of “greens” on the box.

Sharing My Troubles…

“She’ll eat it if she gets hungry enough,” Charlie told me. “Don’t fret too much. You’ve spoiled that dog rotten.”

I was complaining about Maggie not eating her dog food. Charlie had called me earlier and asked me what I wanted for supper.

“Just two crisp, delicious diet Cokes,” I told him eagerly.

“I was going to get you a Big Mac extra value meal,” Charlie replied.

“I am going to eat a pack of crackers for supper,” I told him.

Well, Charlie brought three diet Cokes along with a cup of ice. I thanked him and thanked him telling him he made my day. I told him I loved him as well for which he reciprocated.

“Now, why did you bring Maggie's food and water bowls into the den?” Charlie then asked me.

“So I could better see when she is running low,” I replied. “Maggie drinks a LOT of water daily. That water bowl will run dry in a heartbeat sitting in the laundry room.”

Charlie picked up the water bowl to go empty it and refill it in the kitchen sink giving Maggie fresh water. 

Who Will Outwill Who?

This is turning out to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Maggie hasn’t had people food for three days and she refuses to eat her dogfood. Just a moment ago she barked and begged for something to eat. I walked over and and began to shake her food dish. She took about three bites then turned her nose up. It is worrying the shit out of me that she is going hungry. That damnable stubborn little dog.

Some Call Midnight Bedtime…

The last thing I remember last night was the TV droning on as I sat in my recliner. That show Without a Trace was on the Escape channel – one of the few channels I get. My dear Maggie was sound asleep on the couch softly snoring. I leaned back in my lazy boy to get more comfortable and a moment later it was light outside and the clock read 7 AM. Now, that’s what I call a time warp in this neck of the woods. I had to look at the clock twice to make sure the time was correct.

The phone then rang loudly at eight. I hurried into the computer room to answer it.

“Do you want me to bring you and Maggie some breakfast?” Charlie asked. “I am at McDonald's now getting Horsefly’s morning biscuit.”

“I better stick to my diet,” I told Charlie of those calorific biscuits from McDonald’s. “And Maggie can stand to lose a few pounds as well.”

I almost felt guilty for refusing. Charlie so enjoys feeding the Magster and I.

I looked out the window and George was rummaging around in his laundry room on his carport. That’s where he keeps his beer as he likes to drink it lukewarm. Soon, I heard the familiar cracking open of a Miller High Life as he lit up a cigarette and sat down to enjoy his wares. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Vices start early around here it seems. I worry about George, though. I can hear him hacking up a lung from the back room of my house.

George and the Gang Update…

Some of you may remember a character I wrote about called Dumpster Diving Dan. He supported himself by diving all the dumpsters around town. He was also a Vietnam War veteran. He was one of those lost souls that never quite recovered from the war. He lives in a home for veterans now I learned recently. Well, the city condemned his dilapidated old house and demolished it yesterday. It literally was falling in upon itself and I used to worry Daniel would freeze his ass off in the winter living in that house and the roof leaked like a sieve.

Ouch! Does that Hurt?

Charlie and I were checking out at Kroger tonight when Charlie just casually asks the clerk about her nose ring. Charlie has the gift of the gab that I don’t possess.

“Did it hurt to get it put in?” Charlie asked the very young and beautiful lady.

“It wasn’t that bad,” she replied with a warm smile.

She pulled on her nostril to show us how it was connected on the inside.

“Ouch!” Charlie yelped.

“She looked just like Amy Winehouse nose adornment and all,” I told Charlie as we left the store. “Just stunning!”

I had to explain to Charlie who Amy Winehouse was and how she came to her tragic end.

I spent $87 dollars tonight and Charlie said I should have spent more. He would’ve taken the blame. I knew I should have spent the $12 bucks for those Gain laundry detergent pods and Gain fabric softener. I am almost out, but feared the cost. I did get a a lot of diet friendly foods, though. I am really serious about this losing weight – more serious about anything I’ve been serious about in years. I want to be slim and trim in three months.

Someone Please Check My Pulse…

My cellphone woke me at seven this morning. Ugh! I threw on yesterday’s clothes and put on a baseball cap to hide my bed head.  I don’t take a shower or change clothes until I get home as it can be a messy job. I always put on ample deodorant. Soon, I was on the road in my trusty new Honda to the Humane Society. It is quite a long drive down through the Valley.

I was the first one to arrive at eight so I opened the gate and opened the building and then turned all the lights on. Tracy soon showed up followed by Mrs. Barbara. I was already power washing the dog kennels after putting the dogs in the outside kennels. 

I was there, but not there if you know what I mean. I could not get woken up and felt drugged. Tracy said I was stuck in zombieville. I still can’t get used to getting up so early.  I finished up my chores at noon, told everyone goodbye, and I headed home.

A Golden Heart…

Charlie told me I was his priority number one tonight when he stopped by with our Sunday KFC supper. I told him to quit carrying on so with a bashful grin. That chicken pot pit he brought hit the spot and I called him back after he left and told him thanks for supper – that I really appreciated him. Charlie had spent the afternoon trimming the bowling alley’s hedge and shrubbery. Something he does for free because the bowling alley is so accommodating to Horsefly.  I told him to come get me next time and I would help him.

“What time do you want to go get groceries tomorrow night?” Charlie asked me before he left.

“Dad and I always go about nine,” I told him.

“Then nine it is,” Charlie replied. “You go on up there at nine and get started. I will be along shortly.”

I am looking forward to grocery shopping tomorrow night. I am out of my whole grain and cheddar crackers I so love. I am going to try and stay away from the Hostess powdered donuts, though. I can’t resist them if they are in the house.

Maggie and Me? Maggie and I? Oh Hell, I Give Up…

Glittermom, I appreciate the recommendation of canned dogfood for Maggie. I might try some when I am at the grocery store tomorrow night. Do you have a preferred brand?

Day One… Zero Hour…

Today is Maggie’s very first day without people food. Maggie didn’t get her two sausage biscuits this morning despite many vocal protests. Many of you have told me that’s what’s wrong with Maggie – all these infections of the skin, ears, and eyes. They seem to be food allergies is the best I can surmise. I always have to learn my lessons the hard way – always have, but I want Maggie to be healthy and this calls for a little tough love on my part. I know some of you want to say, “I told you so”.

Give Me Some of that Hardcore Biscuit Action…

Charlie woke me up at ten this morning with breakfast. I showed up at the front door still in my white t-shirt and my undies.

“Put some clothes on,” Charlie said laughing. “You’re about as immodest as your father.”

Charlie then asked me what I wanted for supper and I told him the usual. I am going to eat one chicken pot pie tonight and save the other for tomorrow.

“Be sure to get diet Pepsis (also known as Coke in the South),” I told Charlie before he could escape my grasp.

We’re Making Progress…

Through completely auspicious beginnings I have lost 4 glorious pounds since I started my diet. I cut out breakfast, eat a turkey sandwich with light mayo for lunch, and eat a normal supper so as to not feel so deprived. It is against all odds in that Charlie keeps bringing me food. I just eat what he brings for supper – my big meal of the day.

Marital Bliss…

I drove over to Charlie’s new house this afternoon to see what was going on. There is always something interesting going on at Charlie’s house. He had a carpenter installing new kitchen cabinets today. They were gorgeous.

“I am getting a new glass black top stove after this,” Charlie told me. ”Just like yours, Andrew.”

“I don’t know how we are going to afford it,” Charlie’s frugal wife said looking at me.

I chuckled and Charlie jeered and mocked Janice playfully.

Janice needed something from Charlie’s other house, the house by my father’s, so we set off on a mission.

“Get you two diet Cokes out of the fridge before we go,” Charlie, the feeder, told me.

“You know?” I said to Charlie. “My grandmother always said everybody needed to be married at least once for the lessons about life it teaches you.”

Charlie laughed and agreed. It certainly was true for my ex-wife and I. It will teach you temperance quickly.

I happily obliged about the diet Cokes. They were ice cold, crisp, and delicious. We got in Charlie’s Caprica and away we went. I sat in the running car while Charlie brought out a big box of various things and put them on the backseat. I should have gotten out and helped him.

“You hungry?” Charlie asked as he got back in the car. “Let’s run down to McDonald’s and get us a big Big Mac.”

We got Janice and the carpenter something to eat as well after a phone call to see what they wanted. I headed home to eat my extra value meal thanking Charlie so much for lunch. The smell of that McDonald’s food about drove Maggie crazy. There was some serious begging going on and a pout when she didn’t get enough. 

“Eat More Chicken!” Said the Cow.

Charlie’s been by. He brought Maggie and I Cokes and Chick-Fil-A sandwiches. He called me and said he was on the way. I was so glad to hear from him.

“I forgot you're drinking diet drinks,” Charlie apologized to me worriedly.

“I can splurge tonight,” I said happily of the two cans of regular Coke now in my hands. “It is just 280 calories for two and I haven’t eaten much today.”

“I would have been by earlier, but Horsefly bowled six games tonight,” Charlie told me. “I thought he was going to drop dead from exhaustion. He was a sweaty mess.”

Horsefly, like Charlie and I, has been known to overdo it from time to time. Moderation is the key.

“Have you heard from your daddy?” Charlie then asked me as he sat next to Maggie on the couch..

“There is no cell service on St. George’s island,” I told Charlie. “I don’t think the beach house even has a phone. We probably won’t hear from him until he’s headed home Saturday week.”

Charlie worked all day on top of seeing about Horsefly, Maggie, and me. He was ready to head home and kick up his feet. In all honesty, he will probably have some project to do around his new house.

“I am supposed to be checking your medications to see if you are taking them,” Charlie said urged by my father. “But I trust you to take them on your own.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “You will certainly know if I am not taking them.”

Maggie and I stood at my screen door as we waved goodbye to Charlie and he drove off headed to home. Charlie’s last words were that he would see me before taking Horsefly to his Saturday matinee. He said he is going to bring Maggie and I something to eat and drink every day while my father is away.

More Beautiful…

Comment Replies…

glittermom said…

You know your father will buy a lot of frozen dinners..

Andrew Replies…

I got the biggest laugh out of this Glittermom. He sure did. I got a little over ten frozen dinners. I ate a Marie Calendar’s meat loaf, mashed potatoes, and vegetable medley meal for supper.

A Labor of Love…

Maggie's started to develop another eye infection and her yeast infection on her neck and chest is trying to make a comeback as well. I got the bright idea that I would just call Dr. Thomas instead of taking Maggie out to the Vet for a visit. I got a Vet technician on the phone and explained the situation and the problem.

“It is just sheer torture to Maggie to take her out there for a visit and I am not up to the task as well,” I explained to her. “Can y’all prescribe me some antibiotics and I come out and pick them up?”

She said she would talk to Dr. Thomas and would call me back. Well, about 30 minutes later she called me back and said they had a bottle of antibiotics for Maggie and some antimicrobial shampoo for me to pick up. I had never been so relieved in my life. You should have heard me sigh with relief. I quickly drove out to the clinic which is not far from my house and Dr. Thomas was at the door waiting on me when I arrived.

“If it gets worse, you are going to have to bring her in,” he told me after I once again described the problem.

Bless Maggie’s heart. She just couldn’t take all of that. I profusely thanked Dr. Thomas for helping me out and for being so accommodating. He has often said we are some of his best patients. Now, it is time for the hard part. Getting these pills down Maggie’s throat. She will pout with me for hours after I give her one. I am going to have to do it Martha style who was the master at giving our pets their medications. She could do it lightning quick down the old gullet before our pets knew what hit them. 

No Mas Food…

Old Fuss and Feathers leaves for a beach trip tomorrow morning. He won’t be back until Saturday week. I will be in the capable hands of mein Charlie. I had to strike while the iron was hot. I didn’t buy enough groceries and called him and told him. He didn’t sound very happy.

“I’ll come over to your house around one and then we will go to the grocery store,” he said. “I have to get my hair cut at noon.”

At least he was dressed and out and about. I reminded him that this is an extremely rare and odd occurrence and he sounded a little better after that. I knew I should have spent more than $62 dollars. I was impetuous and trying to get out of the grocery store as fast as possible and make it home. It is one of my least favorite tasks.

Addendum:

Papa and cousin Johnny are going to buy me groceries as we speak. It will be interesting to see what they buy me when they return. My nerves are bad today and I just couldn’t go. I am having one of my off days.

Enter Stage Left…

I logged onto Facebook for the first time in months yesterday and immediately my old friend Laura caught me via Facebook chat.  I haven’t talked to her in years. Let’s hang out again she said. Moments later she called me on the phone. She had been trying for years to get disability and finally did. I was happy for her. We talked about this and that for a good hour until phone fatigue set in for me. I expect her to call again today and I look forward to our conversation. I told Charlie and dad about it last night and Charlie jokingly said she just wanted to date me for my new car. I got a hearty laugh out of that. We’re not going to date per se. It is strictly a plutonic relationship..

Just Beautiful…

John Prine and Iris DeMent - In Spite of Ourselves

I was shocked when I looked for John Prine and found this duet with Iris DeMent. She's one of dad's favorite singers at the moment. She sings the song about agnosticism dad wants to be played at his funeral. Thanks go to Glittermom for suggesting Prine.

6:00 AM Wake Up Time…

I was up and going at eight this morning. My injection was at nine. I showered, shaved, and put on some freshly laundered clothes. I didn’t have the homeless look going on this morning that my father so disdains.

“Andrew, you can come on back,” Rebecca said as soon as I sat down.

Like sweet angels singing in my ears.

“You’ll never guess what my six year old daughter did this morning,” Rebecca told me. “I didn’t have to get up until eight and she set her alarm clock for six to catch some cartoon on TV that comes on that early.”

I laughed jovially.

“I got on up and fixed her a bowl of grits to eat while she watched it,” Rebecca furthered.

“I used to do the same thing,” I told her with a chuckle. “On Saturdays, The Mighty Orbots came on at six and I would inadvertently wake everyone up to go downstairs and watch them. It was my favorite cartoon of all time.”

I got back to the pharmacy and dad said, “Diet Coke!” as I reached into the drink cooler. I had told him to help with my diet anyway he could. I was just about to reach for the calorie ridden cherry Cokes that I would always traditionally get. 

Love Your Betta!

Buddy? Can You Spare Some Change?

Old Fuss and Feathers and I would have to get behind two aggravating people to checkout at Kroger’s tonight. One guy said strawberries were on sale, but they would ring up at the normal price. Thankfully, he gave up and left the store without buying the strawberries. The next guy paid for a gallon of whole milk in dimes, nickels, and lots of pennies. We sat there staring on as the process proceeded at a snail’s pace.

“That’s how you buy a beer when you are broke and got the shakes,” I told my father.

He laughed and laughed.

“You should know!” he said smiling as I cut my eyes at him with a jeering look that turned whimsical.

I spent $62 dollars tonight – well below my budget. Old Fuss and Feathers was afraid I didn’t get enough. I wasn’t hungry this evening and nothing appealed to me. My only impulse buy was some Dungeness crab southern style dip. I then had to buy the crackers to accompany it. I did buy a lot of Yoplait Greek yogurt for a low eighty calorie snack or meal. I also bought pickles as a snack as they have five calories per serving.

Just Rolling with the Punches…

I am tired after cleaning all day so this will be a short post. I still have to buy groceries tonight and how I am going to manage that I do not know. I am just so hot and exhausted. I might write again about my grocery gathering experiences tonight depending on how things go.

Maggie gladly greeted me when I got home. She’s not used to me being gone for such long periods of times. Her tail was just a wagging as I walked through the door. I then had to pass a sniff check – lots of interesting smells on me today. 

Diet +1

I went over to Charlie’s new house for awhile this afternoon. I helped him move around a few things, fixed a TV, and I drank a lot of diet Coke. Every time I turned around Charlie was putting another drink in my hands.

“Charlie? You and dad get me diet drinks from KFC tonight,” I urged him.

Charlie said he would, then he wanted me to play his grand piano in the front living room. I played a few songs to Charlie’s revelry. Dad then showed up and he had been drinking. He was loud, crass, and boisterous.

“Well, we are going to go get supper,” Charlie said. “Do you want to ride with us?”

“I’ll head on home and straighten up the house for y’all’s arrival,” I replied to Charlie.

Soon, my father and Charlie arrived with two chicken pot pies and three diet Pepsis (Diet +1).  Dad was in the mood for music as he often is when he has been drinking. I searched for stuff on YouTube and would play it for him. He has a fixation on Iris Dement and a song he wants played at his funeral: Let the Mystery Be. It is a song about agnosticism.

Charlie can’t sit for long so they were soon on their way. I was enjoying their company so you can imagine I was sad to see them go. I think it put Maggie into a slight depression as well with the kind of affection Charlie lavishes upon her.     

Conciliatory Measures…

“Come over and get your lunch,” my father said to me at noon. “I cooked you a baked boneless chicken breast, peas and carrots, and I boiled down some potatoes seasoned with salt and pepper.”

I thanked him profusely.

“About last night, we will just forget it ever happened,” he said. “I now realize you thought you were doing a good thing for your diet and for Jermaine.”

“Dad, I’ve got all this food at the house that is terrible for me. I was just trying to eat healthier,” I replied.

“I know you were,” he told me. “I am going to help you by cooking some healthy and less caloric foods until you get your weight back on track.”

Strike One on the Diet Front…

“Charlie?” I asked as he stood in the den. “Get me a diet Coke next time. I won’t be able to resist this regular Coke today.”

Charlie said he would. We gave each other a man hug and he was on his way to my father’s house with my father’s sausage biscuit and his senior coffee. Maggie went nuts as usual at Charlie’s arrival.

On the good side of things, Maggie got the biscuits. I ate a pack of Lance 190 calorie peanut butter and honey crackers for breakfast.  Far shy of the 430 calories in a McDonald’s sausage biscuit. I certainly did drink that 310 calorie Coke, though, as I munched on my crackers. It was heaven in a cup.

Tangy Chicken and a Tussle…

I got in a little bit of trouble tonight. It seems I am a branded a spendthrift. Dad says I am spending money right and left after I went back to Kroger and picked up some chicken breasts and frozen broccoli for supper. I baked them with some lemony tangy chicken seasoning and steamed the broccoli.

“You don’t have a lot of money,” dad berated me over the phone. “You can’t keep spending like this.”

I was trying to think of something less calorie ridden than the spaghetti and meat sauce I have leftover in the fridge. I’ve got to get serious about this diet. I had called him and told him of it hoping he would be happy I was trying to diet and cut my calories. His reaction took me completely off guard.

“Make you a tomato sandwich,” he said. “I gave you four tomatoes the other day from the curb market. Do you have mayonnaise and bread?”

I told him I did.

“How much did you spend on Jermaine today?” dad then asked.

“I bought a gasket, antifreeze, and some transmission fluid,” I sheepishly replied.

“I hope he pays you back which I doubt he will.”

“I’m getting off the phone now,” I told him. “You will just have to be outdone with me.”

I was starting to get mad and things were about to get really ugly. I hung up as I felt an anxiety attack coming on. I really can’t take a lot like this going on as I am fragile on these regards. I guess I have been spending too much, but my father could have handled it in a better way. Just a simple warning to spend less would have sufficed and I would have complied.  

Lincoln’s Back On the Road…

Well, I got Jermaine’s replacement radiator successfully installed this morning and he paid me $90 dollars so we’re even Steven. I was expecting the worse, but it was a pretty straight forward repair. “Drop and fit” as was advertised. I swung by AutoZone when they opened and picked up several gallons of 50/50 antifreeze, a couple of quarts of transmission fluid, and headed to Jermaine’s house about nine.

We have another project to tackle next weekend. His transmission fluid was brown and old when it should be a bright purple. I am going to replace his transmission fluid with fresh fluid and get that old stuff out. I swung by AutoZone again on my way home and ordered a new transmission pan gasket for a couple of dollars so we are all set as soon as AutoZone calls me when it arrives. I will most likely have to scrape the old gasket off to install the new one so I need a paint scraper as well. We’ll get that from Charlie.

Now that I have that $90 back, I can now look forward to heading to Opelika to purchase my new 29 gallon aquarium and stand. Old Fuss and Feathers says he is going to have to go with me and pay for it out of my computer parts money I have saved up. When will I ever get Johnny Otis to Walmart, though? And down in Opelika at that? Our Walmart doesn’t have it in stock and I shan’t dare have an aquarium delivered. It will most likely come cracked or broken as they aren’t packaged well for shipping – just a couple of pieces of Styrofoam on the edges.

Lamenting Breakfast…

I am struggling with weight gain right now. It is all going to my waist. I am getting what we commonly call a beer belly around here and I don’t even drink beer these days. I said I felt like a beached whale after a big meal the other day (Charlie’s large pizza) and it is true for most of the time now. It came on so suddenly as if my metabolism slowed down. I think a lot of it has to do with me getting long in the tooth or older as they say. I’m no spring chicken anymore at 46. Some of you have been reading me since my early thirties. I could drink and eat all I wanted to back then and still stay slim.

The first thing I cut out was breakfast earlier in the week. All that bacon, cheese and butter had to be piling on the calories. Poor Maggie is laying on the kitchen floor ready for me to get breakfast started as I type this.

One thing about dieting is you feel hungry all the time. I am weak when it comes to will power regarding food. I am going to Kroger today to buy some rabbit food like raw broccoli, carrots and celery to munch on hopefully to chase those hunger pains away. We’re going to give it the good college try. I will just have to resist the ranch or blue cheese dressing to dip it in. Oh, that celery would certainly be good with some Mrs. Grissom’s pimento cheese spread. There I go sabotaging myself again.

How about this outrageous breakfast? It’s not far from what I was eating every morning. That must be 3000 calories. It looks like a big breakfast from Hardee’s as those are outrageous as well.

New York Is My Destination

Moments of Bliss…

Maggie was very vocally letting it be known to me that she was hungry tonight. I went into my humble kitchen and fixed a bowl of her favorite dogfood: Purina One freeze dried venison and turkey. I set it down on the den floor and Maggie took a sniff and then looked up at me with her sad puppy dog eyes. It melted my heart. This was not suitable she seemed to imply. She looked so disappointed.

Plan B was to go back into the kitchen and put half a pound of shaved deli turkey on a plate. I microwaved it until it was just barely warm. I walked into the den and gently put it on the floor. Maggie sniffed it and looked at me with bright eyes like you’ve got to be shitting me! Maggie ate all one half pound of that turkey. She’s a happy dog right now. We’re crashed out on the sofa looking awful sleepy and complacent. Peace in our time.

What’s weird at the moment is that it is pouring rain and there is just a tiny little blip on the radar. Almost unrecognizable. We only had a 20 percent chance of rain today. I guess I should be happy as I’ve looked at the radar all day hoping some storms would pop up.

Segue 30 minutes…

I just called my father to see if it was raining across town. He’s having a moment of bliss as well.

“I’m sitting out on the porch with my pussy listening to it rain. She’s giving me love bites,” dad said jovially. “There is a wonderfully cool breeze and the tree frogs are peeping down by the creek as well. I am in heaven right now.”

Bill Withers - Lovely Day (Original Version)

I miss the seventies! It is a lovely day here. I hope you're having a lovely day, too!

Rough and Tumble…

I pulled into the gate at the Humane Society and locked it behind me this morning. I didn’t want any unannounced visitors or pet gawkers. My phone was ringing as I unlocked the door and I answered it. It was Jermaine.

“Andrew? That radiator hasn’t come in, has it?” he asked.

“You know FedEx won’t deliver today since it is the fourth of July,” I told him.

“Oh yeah,” he said.

“We will get it installed this weekend,” I told him reassuringly and we got off the phone.

I got free standard 5 to 7 business day shipping and that is why it is taking so long.

My first duty was to check the cats as some of the more intellectually impaired felines turn over their water and food bowls during the night. The dogs have big ceramic bowls they can’t jostle and turn over. I smiled broadly as I walked by the kittens. They were feeling their oats this morning and were rough and tumble play fighting and ambushing each other using their litter box like a kid would use a sandbox.

The dogs were fine today. I topped off their water bowls and then spent a little time with everybody. I headed for the door feeling my duty was then done.

A Prelude to Fireworks…

The night skies are all lit up around here. Especially to our South and East. Some severe thunderstorms are lighting the horizon in a glorious fashion – the clouds showing a burst of color. This is our version of the Aurora Borealis or Northern Lights. I’ve just come inside after sitting  on the steps outside on this humid  and hot Southern night. I had to call my father and let him know about it. He loves weather watching as much as I do.

“You can see lightning for 100 miles and hear thunder at 30 miles,” is what he told me walking outside with his cellphone to his ear.

Animals First…

Mrs. Barbara called me late yesterday evening and asked if I would come in today and help feed and water the animals before the holiday. I said sure and was at the gate at eight this morning waiting on everybody to arrive. I have learned my cellphone is an very effective alarm clock. I didn’t even take a shower this morning fearing I would be plenty dirty by lunch. “Take me as I am,” was that old hymnal song that was playing in my mind today – my earworm for the day.

You are looking at the proud owner of a set of keys to the place. I now have a key to the main gate and a key to the building. I guess this means I am one of the gang for sure now. They say the amount of keys on your keyring is a good measure of how much responsibility you have. I now have six keys on my keyring along with the remote entry to my car.

I power washed a few of the messier kennels while Tracy tackled the cats. Everybody got fresh kibble and water filled to the brim. The dogs get so excited when you are in the kennels that you can barely hear yourself think. They really bark up a storm. Everybody is vying for your attention.

I brashly volunteered to come in and check on the animals tomorrow since I have nothing to do. Mrs. Barbara thanked me profusely.  

Spaghetti Galore!

I managed to spend $72 dollars tonight. I thought I did pretty well with what I got. I got enough fixins to make spaghetti twice this week. I am just in the mood for it. Comfort food, ya know? I also got some Greek yogurt which I have never tried. I was trying to find a healthy snack with less calories. The Qui yogurt was great, but it was very expensive, in cumbersome glass, and you didn’t get much of a portion.

I will have a heaping plate of barbecue pork and all the holiday fixins brought to me on Wednesday night. I am looking forward to that. That will be the extent of my fourth of July plans and festivities.

“You’ve about got that car looking brand new,” Old Fuss and Feathers said tonight as we both loaded up our groceries into our cars. “Charlie said you would take good care of that car.”

“It is the closet thing I will get to a new car for possibly years and years,” I told my father while giving thanks. “I better appreciate it and make the best of it while I can.”

I told him of my grand aspirations to put new sporty looking and shiny new wheels on it and tinting the windows.

“Oh, and I want to add a tasteful spoiler on the tail as well,” I added.

I shut the trunk, buckled up, and headed home as soon as I was sure my father was cranked and rolling.

I feel I am cycling again as I periodically do. I am staying up later and later every night. Right now I am going to bed at midnight and waking up around nine in the morning. For months, I went to bed at eleven and woke up at eight or nine.

Dearest Father…

You don’t have to babysit me, ya know? I am 46 years old now. In my father’s eyes, I am still that shy, sensitive and timid teenager who needed help with everything decades ago.

I thought I would write a quick blog post while I wait on my chicken pot pies to cool down. They are always incredibly piping hot when they arrive. Yes, Charlie and Old Fuss and Feathers have just been by on this our KFC Sundays. Charlie had nothing to clean and actually pouted with me about it. I had cleaned the kitchen and taken out all the trash. There wasn’t a single solitary milk jug to throw away. I couldn’t do anything right tonight with either of the dynamic duo.

“I am going to run down and buy some gas when y’all leave,” I told my father as he sat on the couch with Charlie and Maggie. “I am going to put it on the debit card.”

The car was on half full when I got it and it has taken this long for me to need a fill up. I’ve put over 70 miles on that car so far. 

“We’ll follow you down there and I will put it on my credit card,” my father replied cautiously. “I am always afraid you are going to be tempted by beer when you go into the Circle K to get a drink.”

This is the same reason Old Fuss and Feathers gave me earlier today on why I can’t come to my sister’s barbecue on the 4th of July. Beer and mixed drinks will be flowing freely. I might put my hand in the proverbial cookie jar and open Pandora's box.