Reflections on an AA meeting…….

I have been struggling with my desire to drink lately. I find I have the hardest times in moments of melancholy and despair and those have been frequent lately for some reason. I have decided to go to ninety AA meetings in ninety days. The Lanett clubhouse doesn’t have meetings on Mondays and Wednesdays so I had to find an alternate meeting for those days. I found one in Lafayette Alabama for both those nights.

I drove to Lafayette Alabama to the AA meeting last night. It is about a twenty minute drive so it is not bad and the gas not too expensive. I was nervous as I walked in the door and sat down at the meeting table. I did see a few familiar faces but most were strangers. I have always been nervous when entering a room filled with strangers and unfamiliar faces.

Last night’s meeting was a twelve steps and twelve traditions book study. The twelve steps and twelve traditions are guidelines that a recovering alcoholic must work through to stay sober. I found it a much needed topic and the hour flew by.

We talked about step eight. Step eight states… "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all". I started to make a mental list of all the people I had harmed through my drinking and the list soon grew beyond what I could remember mentally. I also struggled with the issue of people who had hurt me as well and I thought about it but another person started talking about this and it made things more clear. We are not to dwell on who hurt us but whom we hurt through our drinking.

The time came for me to talk but I felt uncomfortable and just said…..“Hi, my name is Andrew and I am an alcoholic. I am new tonight and new to a twelve steps study so I will just listen tonight to what others have to say.” Everyone thanked me for coming and said hello to me by name. That is one thing about AA meetings. There is no such thing as a stranger.

After the meeting, I had several people come up and shake my hand and further introduce themselves. One lady came up and gave me a big hug and a welcome. I needed this tonight as I tend to be solitary and needed a room of caring people to welcome me into their fold. I did stay sober yesterday despite having a tough go of it and to me that is a miracle and so is the program. That old drunks like me can find friendship and solace amid a group of strangers and walk out in an hour as friends. Thank god for the program and especially last night.