A read a certain blog that incites me and makes me want to revolt. It is also one of my favorite blogs and I have spent many long afternoons such as this one rereading the archives. It gives me great inspiration to write and express myself and my thoughts. This author of this blog is my version of a modern day Thoreau and I would someday like to emulate him.
I realized today that much of my life is like that of a trapped animal. I have very little free will or free thought. Because of my illness I am constantly watched and monitored. It is a frustrating experience to say the least. I feel trapped and stifled. I cannot express myself or be a free thinker. To do so would be a sign of mental illness in my caretaker’s eyes. I also have to go every two weeks to get a very painful injection into my posterior.
A moment ago I had a moment of lucidity. I weighed the options of just a few short years of living freely and possibly chaotically versus a lifetime of dreary dullness and conformity. Could I be like John Nash, stop taking my medicines, and learn to cope with schizophrenia? He could not be creative or free on his medications.
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