This was written at 9 PM this evening. I debated on posting it as it seemed too personal. Oh hell, let loose the dogs of war and love!
Cool is being loved by someone; someone who calls to see if you are okay; someone who deeply cares about you and your wellbeing. That is cool.
“Have you taken your meds tonight?” Carolyn asked me on the phone just a moment ago.
“Yes ma’am,” I replied coyly.
“Oh god, I am not that old,” She replied. “Don’t call me ma’am.”
“Yeah,” I said seriously. “I have taken all quadrillion of them.”
She laughed.
“You don’t take that much, do you?” She asked.
“Well, I take enough to anesthetize a horse,” I replied.
“Oh, quit carrying on like a baby,” She said. “You are so full of shit.”
I laughed in return.
“I miss you,” I replied toning down the conversation.
There was a long moment of silence on the phone.
“I miss you too,” She finally said. “Can I come over?”
I could hear her trying to compose herself. She had started to cry.
“I will leave the porch light on for you,” I replied.
“I can’t stay long as I have to go to work,” She said.
I told her I would see her in a minute and lit up a cigarette as I hung up the phone. She will be over any minute now and I can’t wait. I just want to be near her.
8 comments:
Well, it seems as though Carolyn is here to stay. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy.
I read what you said to our mutual friend. It made me cry. Thank you Andrew.
Abbagirl,
I love you to death, you know that? You make my blog worth writing with your comments. Yeah, I think Carrie is here to stay as I call her affectionately. She certainly makes my life more interesting and more livable. My parents would freak out though that I was dating a woman ten years plus my senior.
I love our mutual friend very much and wish I could repair the damage I have caused to create the rift between us. He has been through hell and I haven’t been much of a friend. I feel ashamed. I have been so caught up in my own shit and misgivings that I haven’t given him the time of day lately. For that, after all the hundreds of comments of support he has written me over the years, makes me feel like a scmuck.
Andrew,
I love reading the small tibits of conversation you have with Carolyn. You obvioulsy care deeply for her and I hope it works out for you and she.
She sounds like a very overworked, underpaid, high stress person. Help her to relax ;-)
Andrew,
We all go through a time in our lives when we forget about what others are going through. It's okay. You both have a lot going on right now and it will be fine.
I look at your relationship with Carolyn and I think, "Hey, she has found someone who can keep up with her!" I know what that is like myself.
Hang in there, friend. It's a good life.
Who cares what your parents think? They have each other. Do they want you to be alone? Do you need their permission for who you can love?
goody, goody! i am happy for you.
Andrew,
A sincere apology, since you're obviusly sorry as your words said above, might be enough to mend things. That and some time. Dear friends are hard to find. I hope things get better between you two. I truly do.
Liz
Embrace her and her love. Don't worry about what others may think. Do that for me.
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