I once again ran into the Celtic beauty at my nightly AA meeting. Her red hair flowed down around her shoulders and her perky lips were a subdued rouge complementing her hair as she sat a few chairs down from me. She also had on a pair of comfortable looking grey sweat pants and a L.A. Lakers sweat shirt. I wondered if she liked basketball. Her name is Dana.
During tonight's AA meeting we discussed the twelve steps as a road to recovery. Much was said of Alcohol being a disease of the mind and of the spirit. I thought of all the terrible things done while drunk – things said rashly – that I would never do when sober and of a rational mind. The say alcoholism is a form of insanity – always doing the same thing and hoping for a different outcome. I agree with that.
The meeting ended and I walked Dana to her car. I thought we were becoming fast friends. Reality brought my hopes to a screeching halt.
"Would you like to go get some coffee and talk over at the Waffle House?" I asked, mustering up all my courage and subduing my social anxieties for a brief moment.
She smiled uncomfortably and said, "I am just coming out of a terrible divorce. I would rather not get involved, but I am flattered that you asked."
"Damn!" I thought as I was shot down in flames - spiraling to the ground. I could feel my knees grow weak, faltering and a sweat broke out upon my forehead out of nervousness and shame.
"I'm so sorry," I said, apologizing profusely. "I didn't know."
"It's okay. Don't worry about it," she said. "Will I see you tomorrow night?"
"Yeah," I replied, trying to regain my composure as my voice squeaked. "I will see you here."
She shut her car door and drove off to home. I felt like such a fool. It was not the first time I have been turned down by a woman, but it felt as if it was the worst time. I just knew from the other night that she wanted to get to know me better. She seemed so outwardly friendly with me – mixed signals. Oh well, at least I tried. I would have never known unless I asked. Better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all – and I had already fallen in love with the idea of dating this woman. Next time, I will stick my toe in the water to test the temperature more carefully before diving in.
13 comments:
I wouldn't take it too hard. At least she was upfront with you right away. There may be still be a potential for a friendship there as well. Besides, your approach to her didn't 'expose' you as much as you might think-asking her to talk over coffee is not the same as actually asking her on a fancy date. The fact though that she still asked if you'll be there the next night shows she IS interested in you as friends. Good luck!
jenera
andrew
don't take her refusal as a permanent no. obviously she is aware that now would not be a good time to get involved with someone, coming fresh off of a terrible divorce. it's a good thing she knows it, too, because if she was a mess and tried to start a new relationship, can you guess how your relationship would go? it would be dysfunctional and make both of you unhappy and possibly even work against the efforts both of you are putting forth going to aa. however, she IS friendly with you and seems willing to talk at the aa gatherings. so, you can continue being friendly with her at the aa meetings when you go, talk to her, get to know her a bit and let her get to know you somewhat too. maybe when she feels more ready she'll even suggest that coffee at the waffle house! but for now, you would probably be happiest anyway developing an acquaintanceship and then friendship with this lovely lady--perhaps when you are both more comfortable, things might have a chance of progressing in healthy ways. you deserve a chance at happiness and healthy relationships. you are a good person and working hard at taking care of yourself, and it is good to see when i check here to see what you and your "gang" have been up to.
I was sorry to read that she shot you down...for now... read what other women here are sharing with you :)
Don't lose heart over this Andrew. Rome wasn't built in a day, just give things a little time and be a friend. You might be surprised later.
I agree with Eric's comment! Be a friend and watch what happens! Eveyone needs friends!
The first thing I thought of when I read this was that you should mention something tomorrow night. Reassure her that you weren't coming on to her, it's just sometimes easier to talk to one person than a whole room. Like with you and Wanda sometimes.
As long as you don't appear to be coming on to her and treat her like you would treat a friend, I'm sure things will go smoothly, whichever direction they may take.
Even though she didn't want to go out for coffee with you, I'm glad that you overcame your social anxieties and were able to approach her. That's not easy!
she didn't give mixed signals. she may want to get to know you better, just not in the way you hoped. she may not know what she wants at this point. i think her being up front with you let you know that she wasn't looking for romance, but the fact that she asked if she would see you again shows she is open to being your friend. friends are what we all need the most of. you should never feel foolish for asking someone out.
Andrew--
Please don't feel embarrassed!!! I ditto, ditto, all above. Ease up on yourself and just be YOU. She will see the wonderful person you are--believe me!!!!
i like your transparency here. You are open and caring. There's a warmth and sensitivity in your writing which draws people back. You ought not take her initial decline to heart as she is needing space and probably feels vulnerable...cautious. Just remain consistantly pleasant and gentle. It's good to guard your heart, and give her time to get to know you from her own comfortable distance. See that you are safe and good company. Nice blog!
I agree with the above comments--focus on friendship. The best things always start that way.
hey you did great dude!! After all you just asked her to go for a cup of coffee no harm in that.
What she said was not a "no" just a "not yet". She definitely wants a friend because she asked if she would see you tomorrow. Take it slow and she will come around. I just know it!!!
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