I haven't worked for any period of time in years. It is not like riding a bike. Your skills as a worker grow rusty over the years and my skills as a diplomat and socially minded person have also degraded. I just went and applied for several jobs flipping burgers. I needed something simple and easy to handle (low stress being the key). I realized my father was going to hold that disability money over me until I get off of it in nine months (I have a nine month trial work period). Wish me luck in this endeavor and I hope to start getting some calls tomorrow. I just hope I can mentally keep it together to do this. I feel as if I am teetering over a black abyss -- a point of no return.
What I worry about most in my paranoia. Will I digress to the point where I think my coworkers are conspiring against me? Will I start to dream up grand conspiracies that has happened before with on a job? The pressure work puts upon me will only exacerbates this situation. And the Social Security administration only knows black or white. You can't just work and still draw benefits. I have often dreamed of going back to work -- grand dreams of being a man and handling my own finances. What most people take for granted can be hard for those of us with a mental illness.
10 comments:
I manage a very social job, and I am bipolar... VERY bipolar.
You can do it, dude!
Mage
Good luck :). I was going suggest a job in a newspaper office maybe but it might get a bit stressful I guess. Whtever job it is, I hope it will make u happy.
Have a good day.
Maybe a job where you can employ your very good compuer skills, is more what I had in mind. There are people too who (although you never heard it here)work under the table? :) Good luck.
Eric,
Me too! I was hoping these advertisements would pay off, but it is a paltry income to live on. I have only made $5 bucks on these new advertisements. I wish I could just write all day as that when mean less stress and less interaction with people.
In my opinion, as long as you take pride in your work, it doesn't matter what job you do. One of the best jobs I ever had was flipping burgers. There's something satisfying about giving people instant gratification! Mmmm...Burgers!
Didn't the grocery store want you back? I remember that from a post months ago.
You should get a job writing for a newspaper or a magazine or something like that. Your writing is very good. I bet you'd enjoy it, too. I would read your articles...
You will find what is meant to serve its purpose for you when the calls come and your paycheck is put into your hands..hard work but think of the things you'll experience. ANd if you do have a panic attack? You'll cross that bridge when you (if you) come to it..just think to yourself, like a long freight train who's light you see in the early morning hours, soon, the train will pass along as will the panic attack.
There was one moment in my relationship with Bigdogg when we first started dating (we worked together) and he had a horrific panic attack which involved a quick rushed trip to the ER...he was embarassed..but look, here I am years later..those that may judge you, screw them..they don't DESERVE your time!! Nor your friendship!
Always,
Crusty~
I dont have a mental illness and look at the mess I am in. You'd probably do a better job with them than me.
:)
Good luck Andrew! One step at a time. All you can do is give it your best. If it works out, wonderful! If it doesn't, then you can look down other avenues.
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