"Alcoholics can't take any addictive substances," Wanda told me on the phone a moment go. "You're playin' with fire son."
"I don't know what to do," I replied, lost. "The quality of my life was at it's lowest point. I couldn't go any lower."
"Are you going to take it?" she asked.
"I already have," I replied. "I've taken one today."
"It will only lead to you drinking again," she replied tersely.
Sigh! I told her goodbye after she told me to keep in touch. I stammered into my den to pick up my other pill and took it. I am at the point where I will gamble with this pill to feel better. I felt so badly. Maybe it is just the alcoholic in me talking, but I feel so much better. How can something that makes you feel so well again be so bad? These pills are scary and coy.
13 comments:
Oh please be careful! My ex-husband was sober for 10 years, then gave it all away to a perscription!
I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and wishing you a good afternoon. Do the best you can and I really hope you get to feeling better.
:)
i'm in your corner. not having any first hand knowledge of addiction, i won't presume to weigh in, but i did want you to know your well being and good health is always on my wish list. good luck for your continued recovery.
take care,
jane
AA is notorious for a "no drug" policy. Prescribed meds have been a concern of theirs since 1937. Hard core AAers are firm on this but I believe if you follow doctor's orders you will be ok. Sometimes we need our pills fine tuned. i.e. The klonapin wasn't working for me so I had to switch to xanax. It is a miracle drug for me!
sharyna
Sir:
It all depends upon what you do with the pills. Is there a specific dosage pattern the doctor has set up for you? Or is it on an "as needed" administration.
If it is on the "as needed" basis, you will have to be more careful, because it will be easy to slip up and take them for their euphoria inducing effect. If the doctor has prescribed a regular daily dose, that will likely be easier to control and not use recreationally.
PipeTobacco
Hi Andrew,
Just wanted to let you know that I care and hope that the medication helps you. I know if you follow the doctor's orders you're less likely to have trouble with the medication. Klonopin *is* an addictive medication and it could cause a problem if you don't follow the doctor's orders. Maybe that's why he didn't want to prescribe more until you run out. Don't let that worry you...he's looking out for you too. Hang in there, I'm pulling for you! :)
Thinking of you Andrew.
AA is the type of thing that you have to work your own recovery. Wanda can't work yours. You can't do hers. What works for her, may not work for you. I've known plenty of people in AA who take their prescriptions AS PRESCRIBED and are just fine.
For me personally, I have to be careful. One time I had a prescription for Lortab for a toothache and I mean to tell you, the addict part of me came out like a lion!!! It was hard to throw it all away, but I flushed those babies.
I agree with Tiffanie above... what works one person doesn't work for the next. If you take your meds as prescribed without taking more than prescribed. I have taken Klonopin since 1999 for my panic and anxiety attacks. Granted, I am not an alcoholic, but I do have an addictive personality. I only take the meds as prescribed. Yes, it is a very addictive medication, but so are many medications that people take all the time to deal with their symptoms. You are wise to be aware, and your knowledge is information and to your advantage. Your doctor knows of your addictive personality (I'm assuming) and he/she knows about the addictive properties of Klonopin. Your doctor is working to help you, and if it is helping the anxiety, then it's OK. It's OK to not follow the doctrine of AA to the letter... you have to work it for YOU, and only you.
I will be thinking and praying for you as you adjust to taking this new medication. I take Klonopin 3-4 times a week, mainly to sleep well and stay relaxed, and I've done this since 1999... going on 10 years. Because it works for me, I have no intention of changing it. I have been through SO MANY medications for my anxiety and depression... you take what works.
God Bless...
All good advice here, Andrew. I can't really add to it. I was so happy to see new posts from you! Thank you.
Everyone said it all but I know this is an absolutely very difficult time for you in your mind and body and a very REAL struggle....just wanted you to know I'm thinking/praying for you too. Much love and respect Stacy
I think you can trust your doctor. Just don't be afraid to let him know exactly what's going on in your life. It's your right to speak to your doctor without your father's presence. (He may not like it, but that's the law).
Charlotte S
www.gustywindacres.blogspot.com
Hope you are doing well today! :)
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