I've been lucky these past few months not to experience any real symptoms of my schizophrenia. Imagine my shock this morning when I woke up feeling mentally buzzed and strange. I was hallucinating both visually and audibly. Mom and Dad were sitting my room as I lay on the bed. Mom asked me a conversational question and I replied loudly. Talking out loud brought me back to reality and my parents disappeared. This was no dream.
Also my short term memory is shot to hell. I will get up to do something and can no longer think of what needed to be done. This happened at least a dozen times today.
I am lucky the symptoms I am experiencing right now are benign for the most part. My delusions and hallucinations can almost be comforting in a way as I can get lost in my own little world for hours. Populated by the people I love, and other loves lost. This house has gotten lonely lately.
17 comments:
Andrew, do you have a zoo or some type of animal shelter, pound, or refuge near your home? You might enjoy volunteering at a place like that. You seem to love animals...and that would help you from being so lonely hanging around your house.
Prayers are on the way for you my friend.
I hate it that you are so lonely. I know that must be hard on you. I think we have all been there at some point.
Keep the faith, Andrew. You are not alone.
Sir:
The difficulty is of course that a) you CRAVE human contact and interaction and yet b) your mental health issue sometimes makes you fearful of human contact.
This difficult mix of emotions you experience was why you had such great success with George and the Gang at the Piggly Wiggly. When you felt up to it, you could go have fun with them, shoot the breeze, have friendly interaction, etc. But when you felt the fear, you could stay away. And they would accept and enjoy your company whenever it was available.
Perhaps seeing them is in order? It may help you once again feel more at home in your own skin?
PipeTobacco
I hope you feel better soon. I have been having voices lately myself. Let's hope we can weather the storm without an increase in medicine.
That title is a real grabber.
I'm sorry you're so lonely. I haven't heard you talk about work in a while. Is that over? It seems like you need something to fill your time. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my job.
I see you've changes some things around on your blog, especially your blog list. I haven't tried that yet.
It got really cool here, like in the 70's. It feels almost cold! How is it down there?
Hope your night is better than your day.
Feel Better Andrew...don't seclude yourself, ok...make sure you go out, and take you're walks etc! :)
Are you coming off your Klonopin? I just read that if you don't do it gradually, hallucinations are one of the withdrawal side effects.
Consult with your doctor, but I am sure you have done that, why wouldnt you? Find what works, and give it time! Prayers for you, dear one.
B~
I think that Pipe has a good idea. Are you still working?
I agree with Pipe as well. You need some human interaction. Are you still working for you Dad? You had contact with people and helped people as well, AND you can check on the gang at the Piggly Wiggly.
I just read your latest twit. Will your dad spring for a new PC? How about a laptop? You must be excited with the prospect. Last legs mean soon no legs, right?
Andrew, I like your attitude towards your hallucinations - comforting in a way. It seems as though fear is discarded with that approach.
Take care!
I am thinking of you and hope you are feeling better!
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. I think some of the comments left by others have helpful advice.
If your meds have been adjusted recently perhaps that accounts for the hallucinations. Do they need fine-tuning?
Hope you're feeling better today.
I can relate to lots of what you wrote. I am really trying to find a place to voluneer. I have had more people in my place lately with people helping me. I do not have any appointments next week since both al and nan are going to be on vacation so going to try to think of things to do so that I will not get down with not getting out and will try and make myself get out if it is to go to the mall or to borders and perhaps go swimming too..........i hope that you are taking good care of yourself hang in there i know it can he rough
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