Catching up…….

I’ve been kind of quiet the past few days. I just didn’t feel like writing. I have also been having a lot of negative symptoms (I think they fucked up my risperdal injection) and compound that with work and school and you get an interesting version of Andrew. (Jesus, I just talked about myself in the third person.)

I just read all these cool blogs with wonderful writers and feel inadaquent about my own abilities as a writer. I realize this blog has turned into nothing more than just a personal journal and not the interesting stories I used to tell. This blog used to be about telling stories about the characters and interesting events intermingled into my life. It seems as my life becomes more “normal” and “mainstream” the more boring and mundane my life and this blog becomes. Is that a good thing or bad? I don’t know. I don’t want to be a drone and I am always looking for the answers for life’s questions.

I am currently caught up in exam hell as far as school is concerned. Test after test after test comes my way relentlessly. This is not college; it is an exam anxiety and preparation assessment. I decided to take action the other day to relieve some of the pressure and to insure I stick to this. I withdrew from my music history class. It was, by far, my most involved class and caused the most anxiety. This should have been my easiest class. I had to study relentlessly to keep up with the assignments the instructor gave us. Good bye music history; hello life! Next time I get a syllabus with numerous expensive concert attendances, numerous essays to write, and very vague test assignments I am gonna drop that sucker faster than you can say, “Kiss My Ass!”

One very positive thing did happen today that brought great joy to my soul. I finally got my new car. I have spent all afternoon cleaning up years of dirt and grime and it looks presentable again and almost brand new. As I washed and waxed the exterior, a new car emerged. I don’t think my mother washed it or cleaned the thing in years. It wasn’t on her list of priorities which mainly entails sleeping 24 hours a day.

I am kind of hesitant to write about my new car because I don’t want the disability police after my ass as if a disabled person shouldn’t be able to drive or have a few nice things. I am also very hesitant to write about my new house even though I have done nothing wrong and all is perfectly legit. Most people think disability insurance is welfare and that is misguided. I don’t get food stamps. I work as much as I can to still remain legal with my disability insurance. I would actually like to be completely free from disability insurance but my father would scream bloody murder. I have been talking to him about it a lot lately and he gets really pissed about it. He told me he has paid hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxes through his business over the years and would like to see that meager $8000 dollars a year I get to still come to me as we never know if I will relapse with my illness or not like I have been doing lately. I have great months and some really bad weeks thrown in the midst. Schizophrenia is not something that can be cured but only contained to some degree. I await gene therapy but the right wing religious whackos would probably protest it as if it was messing with “god’s” design. Sigh. Poor Terri Schiavo. If I ever get that bad, someone please, please pull the plug on me. Maybe I need to talk to dad about a living will.