Table Talk

Ah, my favorite time of the morning. It is 6:45 am. The horizon is awash in hues of orange as the sun will soon appear. It is about time to have my first pipe of the day outside on the porch to welcome in the dawn; my usual ritual over a cup of coffee.

Yesterday, it was interesting to hear my sister and brother talk “shop” about their professions. Over the thanksgiving meal, my sister casually discussed the two prostate exams she had given the night before. My brother talked about the tracheotomy he had to perform the week before. Not your usual conversations over lunch. They live on opposite sides of the country now and enjoy catching up.

My sister then told us the tale of a doctor nicknamed Squirrel whom she works with. She also went to medical school with him. She said during medical school he was notorious for having too much to drink and getting undressed at a moments notice. He was also notorious for cutting up and making light of dire circumstances. He once took the arm of a cadaver and was using it to hit a baseball like a baseball bat. We all listened quietly and laughed at intervals as the tale unfolded.

One evening, my sister and Squirrel were in charge of the hospital emergency room. A young black gang banger was admitted for a gun shot wound to the face. He asked his doctor, Squirrel, if he was going to live. Squirrel replied that, indeed, the good news was that he would live, but he had bad news as well. The young gang banger, who was very drunk and high at the time, asked cautiously what the bad news was. Squirrel replied that he needed a head transplant. The gang banger was smitten with grief and believed this news.

Squirrel then replied that there was even worse news. The gang banger urged him to tell him more. Squirrel replied that they were all out of black heads and only had Hispanic heads left. The gang banger cried with remorse and decreed that he would never be able to face his mother with a Hispanic head. Squirrel casually laughed and then told the young gang banger the good news and that he was just kidding. The gang banger sighed with relief and hugged Squirrel.

I thought this tale was hilarious, but it was hard to capture in words in the way my sister told it. I am not sure if I captured it’s essence of humor or not, but I tried. Anyways, good morning to all and here’s to the start of a wonderful weekend.