Dumpster Diving Wars

I saw Dumpster Diving Dan this morning on my walk. He was parked behind the shopping center just down from my house pondering what to do. He started to tell me about being harassed by the police this morning for diving in the dumpsters behind the shopping center.

“I don’t bother any body,” He said. “I mind my own business and never do any harm. They just throw this crap away and it will go to waste if someone doesn’t use it.”

“What did the police say to you?” I asked.

“They said there had been complaints from someone and for me to ‘cease and desist’ diving in the dumpsters,” Dan replied. “That said I fit the description from the complaint.”

“Man that is a shame. They throw away perfectly good food daily and you keep it from going to waste,” I told him.

“It was that damn hog man that complained,” Dan replied with an air of paranoia surrounding him. “That bastard is trying to encroach upon my territory. He needs to find his own dumpsters to dive in.”

The past few weeks have been a furious tussle between the “hog man” and Dan over dumpster diving rights. They have both been hitting the dumpsters earlier and earlier trying to beat each other out for the goods.

“Keep a watch out and see if he still scavenges in the dumpsters,” I replied. “And then you will know.”

“He feeds hogs with this perfectly good food!” Dan exclaimed. “I am trying to feed myself.”

“Well Dan, don’t you have an income and isn’t it enough to feed you?” I asked.

“Yeah, it is enough to live on, but dumpster diving saves me a lot of money on food,” He said. “I am a cheap bastard and just like to do it. It is a hobby of mine.”

I laughed at the thought of dumpster diving being a hobby.

“Ah, I see,” I replied. “I tried it once, but it just wasn’t to my liking.”

“Don’t you start stealing my food as well,” Dan said good heartedly as he smiled.

“Oh, don’t worry,” I replied. “I just don’t have the heart to dumpster dive. And don’t worry about the police. They were probably just bored and won’t bother you again.”

“Well, I hope not,” Dan replied.

“See ya later bud,” I said and then walked on around to the front of the shopping center to see if any of the gang was around.

Big S was sitting in front the grocery store on a brand new bench that still smelled of fresh paint that had just dried.

“Big S, Dan was telling me about the police harassing him this morning,” I said.

“They asked me to stop loitering this morning too,” Big S replied as he wiped the sweat from his brow. “I walked over to Sarah Jay’s to eat breakfast and then came back after they left. It is all just a show of force. The police are full of shit.”

“Man, let me borrow two bucks,” I then asked Big S. “I have let you borrow a dollar and cigarettes many times.”

Big S pulled out his wallet and gave me a $5 dollar bill.

“Don’t expect me to do this all the time,” Big S replied with a scowl.

Oh, how the tables have turned that I was having to borrow money from Big S. Usually, it is the other way around. It was downright embarrassing.

“I will be sure to return the favor soon when you need a few,” I said.

I walked on inside the grocery store and bought my morning Gatorade and a couple of bananas. Breakfast was served. I then walked on home as I drank my Gatorade and munched on an almost too green banana. Just like I like them. I can’t stand too ripe bananas.