One of the A.A. goers called me late last night surprising me. It was one of the fellows I had exchanged phone numbers with which is customary for newcomers to do with old timers.
“We missed you tonight,” He said on the other end. “We had a great speakers meeting. It was Jay M. from Phoenix City. You know; the guy that never wears shoes.”
“The weather kept me inside tonight,” I replied. “I hate I missed it though.”
“You up for a cup of coffee?” He asked. “We could meet at the Waffle House and talk.”
I hesitated not sure if I wanted to get out in the rain that was falling with gusto outside my windows.
“Sure,” I finally said casting all cares to the wind after a few moments of mulling it over.
I got in my car and met Tim over at the Waffle House and he bought us both a slice of apple pie and a hot cup of coffee. We talked for what seemed like a long time.
“You really need to get a sponsor,” He told me at one point earnestly.
“I know,” I replied. “It just this damn phone phobia and social anxieties I have. I won’t call them.”
I explained to Tim how my social phobias affect me. He listened with a nonjudgmental ear and encouraged me to work on those issues. He said that things would get better with practice, time, and sobriety. He sounded like my therapist.
“You’re not much different from a lot of alcoholics I know,” He said. “It’s a lonely disease for many.”
We finished our coffee and pie and said goodbye after a long talk. I felt better just having a friend to talk to other than George or any of the gang. This person was down to earth and had walked in my shoes for a few miles so to speak. His story mirrored my own minus the mental health issues. One could argue though that alcoholism is a form of mental illness all on its own. It certainly will make you insane.
I arrived home, undressed, and got ready for bed. I and Maggie curled up under my warm sheets and comforters to a dark and cool bedroom. I thought about, as I lay there, when was the last time someone just wanted to help me with no strings attached. It was the first time in a long time I had a friend I could talk to without them being drunk or wanting twenty dollars to get even drunker. I felt a calmness and collectedness I hadn’t experienced in years after my little rendezvous with Tim over coffee and apple pie. I rolled over, pulled my covers over me tightly, and slept sounder than I have in a long time to vibrant and peaceful dreams.
10 comments:
"It was the first time in a long time I had a friend I could talk to without them being drunk or wanting twenty dollars to get even drunker."
Ouch.
But good for you.
What a GREAT post! You have made me feel so good reading this. Thank you for the glimpses into your life. (Although our lives are SO different, I can relate to you so many times. The loathing of the phone...friends taking advantage...) Man! I want to go back to bed just so I can sleep soundly on these thoughts! But alas, the day calls and I must answer...
One day of not feeling so good turns into a night of calmness and goodwill and sleep. Very good to hear.
Great post, thank you for sharing
I am glad you seem to feel comfortable talking to this guy!
Sir:
Perhaps Tim would be willing to be your sponsor? He seems like a very nice fellow. And, his calling you like that is a good indication he may be willing to be that sort of partner/friend for you.
You stated:
"It was the first time in a long time I had a friend I could talk to without them being drunk or wanting twenty dollars to get even drunker."
That statement made me feel sad. Although it feels that way for you, I doubt that George looks at your friendship as just a source of cash. I think he also is a true friend. He may drink all the time, but that does not make him not think of you as a real friend as well. It is simply that in his current frame of mind, he is a person who drinks.
Also, sir, please keep in mind, when you are feeling "friendless" like you suggest in this post, that we, your many Internet friends are also here for you. I know there are many. I, for one, consider you an important friend, and I hope you feel similar. There are no strings attached to our friendship.
So, in closing, even though you may feel blue about not having a huge cadre of friends like are shown in a typical television sitcom, I hope that when you look at it more broadly, that you do see the large number of people who are your friends. Not all of us are perfect (I wish I could be, but I know it is impossible for me.), but we ARE there for each other.
PipeTobacco
I know what you mean Andrew... Just keep going and it should get easier.
"someone just wanted to help me with no strings attached"
I experienced the joy of this kind of friendship 4 years ago ... by email ... at a time when I really needed to be shown the difference. It was the beginning of my healing and the start of inner peace.
Tim sounds like a rare person and one to appreciate. I also agree with Pipe. Online friends can be every bit as 'real' and 'there for you' as those 'in the flesh'.
Andrew, sometimes it is worth to make an effort and meet somebody. Nevermind the rain or the snow, we are like pets, we also need some empathy from somebody else. So I am glad you went out for that cofee, I know sometimes is hard to make the move but sure more of the times it is rewarding, and of course I am not referring to the apple pie!!.
I agree with MrPipetobaco, he seems a nice guy and could be a good sponsor.
take care
i can relate much to what you share even though some things are the same with my mental illness(s) and some quite different...today was a very rough day and tomorrow will be one also and i found myself seeking comfort in reading your blog knowing someone out there does get it and knows what it is like....thanks so much for sharing i was able to for the first time today take a deep deep breath in and felt much calmer. liz aka mosaic mind www.mylifewithed.blogspot.com
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