Last night's AA group was small. There was only three of us. I like the anonymity of larger groups and felt uncomfortable. I shared that I hoped my higher power was going to help me find a sponsor -- someone to guide me through the steps. This spurred the two older men in attendance with six years sobriety each to tell me their sponsor stories. I finally grew relaxed after a few moments and settled in.
"The first sponsor I had was terrible," one man said. "We were a complete mismatch. So don't give up at first."
I want to find a sponsor who has dealt with social anxiety or mental Illness, but my chances are slim. I keep holding out hopes that God is going to guide me to find him -- a God of my understanding. It is going to be a major hurdle for me to overcome to ask though. I have been playing various scenarios out in my head for practice.
"Hi. I am Andrew and I am an alcoholic. Will you be my sponsor?"
Or...
"I heard you speak in the meeting. Will you be my sponsor?"
Or...
"Help!!! I need your help!!!"
The last one sounds too desperate doesn't it? *laughs out loud* It is these social situations like this that can often mystify those of us with schizophrenia and social anxiety. We are like small children still being taught the ins and outs of social etiquette. I just hope that when the time comes I will know it and will use it to my advantage.
11 comments:
You'll find one I am sure. God won't disappoint. Just be patient.
Of course you will. Keep your heart and mind open and it will come.
I'm not exactly sure how the sponsor system works. What if you ask them, "have you ever thought about being a sponsor, you'd be good at it."
I think you'll find someone soon enough, it just takes time to get comfortable enough with someone.
Sir:
May I ask how you were able to include the quiz on your site? Is there a link to a site that provides you this capability?
I am hoping to scrape up enough energy this weekend to get back to posting and to also take your survey.
PipeTobacco
I think when the right person comes along you will know, Andrew. You will feel comfortable enough with him to ask without bothering to second-guess how to word it. Our higher power does tend to put the right people for us in our paths... just like has happened with you and Rosa! :-)
Hi Andrew...not only trust Him, but do pray too...and tell Him exactly what you want...what the person must be like...you know...that's how i met my hubby...i was having 4 men, VERY nice people, couldn't decide who to choose, i prayed and i told Him EXACTLY what type of person, even the colour of the eyes!! :)) and...my hubby is exactly that person...green eyes as i "ordered" him...but do know too..you have to believe it's going to happen too then..not only pray and say..."oh well, i don't think.." be positive!! think positive! and that person will arrive...enjoy the rest of the day....
hi andrew... ya, you will know when the right person comes along. make sure though that it is a person with not only quantity of sobriety... but quality. a person who has what you want. finding a sponsor is hard. just remember that they are human too. you'll find someone. don;t rush it.
have a good day.
"We are like small children still being taught the in and outs of social etiquette."--I liked that saying..
I still have anxiety when I walk Jackson to school and all the moms are off to one side while I stand on the other, my mind begins to tell me that they're standing over there talking about me...silliness, yes...but tell that to someone that has serious insecurities after being ridiculed her entire child life when she (I) Should have been learning etiquette...definitely didn't have good examples with my peers.
You'll find your fit-you found Rosa when you weren't looking, and I have a feeling that you'll find your sponser when you're not looking-she'll just appear in your world..(yes, I feel a she...)
Always,
Crusty~
I am sure you will find the right person. The main thing is that your are looking and trying.
Just found your blog today and have enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing, the way you write flows with an easiness that makes me feel as if I am there.
I think we all have social anxiety to some extent. I have no problems in public as long as I keep to myself and watch people... but if I force myself to interact... I second-guess everything I say and do... I talk to myself on the way home, wondering if I should have said this instead of that...
I'm trying to convince myself to not worry so much. People who like me will like me even if I don't say everything perfectly. And ditto for you. Just be yourself, and look for people you feel that special connection with.
I'm sure you'll find a sponser that you can trust, but I keep wondering...since I've heard about some bad experiences with them...if you can't get through the steps of the program without one. You seem capable enough to me, but then I don't know all the ends and outs of a twelve step program. Are they there to make the program easier for you?
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