Freight after freight was rolling through town this morning. I took picture after picture until my camera's batteries gave out. I love, love, love trains and get so excited about Model Railroading. I dream of turning my computer room into a small model railroad empire some day; the Chattahoochee Valley Railway.
I also get a lot of derision from Ferret and the gang about my love for trains. They see it as childish. I just laugh it off, though, and go about my business.
Ferret spent the morning sitting in Merl's diner drinking coffee and staying warm. I wanted to join him, but I am saving what is left of my blog advertising cash. I watched as he walked up to the shopping center around lunch.
"Cold night?" I asked, knowing the temperature got down to around twenty degrees.
"Cold as hell," Ferret replied.
I wanted to give to Ferret the missive I wrote last night explaining how to get and keep a home. I couldn't draw up the courage to do it though. I worried he would think it was pretentious and preachy. Ferret knows how to get and keep a home. He just chooses not to. At least I hope so.
Struggling with that beast, alcoholism, today. I have money in my pocket, the day is young, and I am bored. All things foreboding a drinking session. The thought of those terrible anxiety attacks returning tempers my desire to drink somewhat, though. I wish I could say it gets easier and it does to a point. Times passes and you forget what a nightmare drinking can be. It is easy to slip back into old, comfortable habits -- habits I don't want to relive.
6 comments:
It will pass, just hang in there. I wanted to start a new blog. Is it okay if I use your moonlight picture in the header?
I know it can be rough when one gets bored but just think you have gotten by before..some ideas are to sketch out what you want the room to look like your railroad room to look like and how to mix it with the computer and such so that you have room for both of them....go to a meeting...in person or online...catch up on emails...hang out with joyce or rosa....have a pop and a good smoke....remember you have lots of people who like and admire you...including me......have a good evening my friend.
Remember H.A.L.T. Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Also, a thing we use over at WFS is "Think the drink through". Think of how you're going to feel if you drink, how you're going to have panic attacks. That should get you thru it.
sharyna
Is there a model train club where you are? There is one in the city where I grew up and they have a section at the museum with space to create as well as a couple of displays. There is a button where kids can make the trains start up and switch tracks. My kids absolutely loved it!
Model railroading is expensive. There is nothing childish about model railroads! Alcohol = depressant. If you drink alcohol it will definitely depress you. You have come way too far with being sober for 62 days.
Your influence on Ferret will do the same, Andrew. He will see how far you've come, when he is ready.
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