Interesting to Say the Least…

It always intrigues me when my mother calls and asks what day it is and what time it is.  Why can’t she just walk into the den and ask my father?  He is at home tonight making bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches as I write this.

“Momma, you ought to know what day it is,” I told her. “You got your hair fixed Monday.”

“That’s right!” she exclaimed. “It must be Wednesday!”

Momma’s got an alarm clock by her bed, but she says she doesn’t trust it or believe it.

“It is 6;00pm in the afternoon,” I told her. “What have you been doing all day?”

“I’ve slept all day and I am fixing to go make some hotdogs,” she replied. “I don’t want what your daddy’s fixing.”

Harrumph!

Hello? It’s That Dastardly Phone Again…

For a guy with phone phobias and anxieties, I sure do talk on the phone a lot these days. Laura called me tonight and went on and on about Wayne – her soon to be live-in boyfriend.  They are going to be shacking up in paradise according to her. 

“It is going to be like paradise,” she told me. “He is going to treat me like a real woman.”

“You better hope he does,” is what I was thinking.

I didn’t say it, though. I was being polite tonight.  She showed me a photo of Wayne the other day and he looked like quite a rough looking fellow if you know what I mean – the burley biker type. Why do some women gravitate to bad men?

“I am coming to get you if that doesn’t work out,” I told Laura sternly. “I’ve already looked on the map about how to get to Statesboro.”

I do very well expect for me to have to drive far east of Atlanta and come and get her. Paradise is not a camper trailer behind Wayne’s sister’s house.  The darned thing doesn’t even have running water or a bathroom.  I bet that thing is hot as hades on a hot Southern summer afternoon as well. Daytime television will only carry you so far before boredom sets in while Wayne is at work.

Photo Credit:  http://www.campinglife.com/category/rv-and-trailer-reviews/rv-reviews/

Medication Moments…

9:08pm – Mom has come and gone with Maggie’s heartworm medications.

“What would you do if you had a wreck?” I asked mom worriedly about her driving over here in her pajamas, slippers, and housecoat. 

Mom also brought Maggie Vienna sausages.  This has gotten Maggie, my alarm dog and Papa proximity detector, off schedule and out of tune.  She is now out barking at the neighbors who are sitting on their patio. What time will Papa arrive tonight? No one knows.  I am betting it will be 9:30pm if he doesn’t fall asleep after a glass of wine in the recliner.

9:30pm – Bingo! I got it right tonight.  My father just has left. He was drunk as a cooter tonight with Charlie ferrying him around. Charlie cleaned my kitchen and took out the trash cussing all the way as my father spoke drunkenly of completely silly stuff about Maggie’s royal lineage.

“Is Mauritania and Mauritius French or English?” he asked me quizzing me as he slurred his words. “You need to know this stuff about Maggie!”

“Now John! Get your ass in the car and quit talking all that silly shit!” Charlie exclaimed to my father.

Photo Credit:   https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Unidentified_white_wine_in_glass.jpg