I spent much of the morning at the hospital. After physical therapy, I went up to see my Mom’s mother who was in the same hospital. She thought she was having a heart attack early this morning but it turned out to either her being scared or just heartburn. I love her but we have never really had a close relationship. She was always stern and critical to me as a child and I would avoid going to see her. She always scolded me about my weight as a child and I resented it for years. Now that I am an adult I try to overlook those past memories and do my best to help her.
As I was sitting in the hospital room, I realized how frail she has become. She is well up into her eighties. Despite her condition, she still took the effort to correct my English especially when I used contractions. This amused me and I thought to myself that some things never change.
One thing though, in all my 32 years on this earth I have never seen her cry or show great emotion. She cried today on the hospital bed in that she felt helpless and the tests they were giving her caused her pain. My heart melted and I realized I do love her but she could be such a shit to us all as I was growing up. I hated to see her cry and I knew then she was in bad shape. I held her hand and told her I loved her. I didn’t know what else to do. I just sat there and listened.
Being part of a family is so much responsibility and I can see why some homeless people who can’t handle this pain and discomfort cut themselves off from it. They leave and travel to an unknown place and restart their lives. They are missing much though. They are missing those times when that relative you almost hate opens up and you feel love for them. We are all human and have faults. Life is so complicated especially when it comes to family situations. It is some times easier to avoid them but you also miss some wonderful, beautiful moments as well. I love my Me maw despite some of the things she has done to me over the years. I do not want her to hurt or suffer. I want her to be okay.
Linda is an older black lady who cooks and cleans for my parents several times a week. I like Linda and enjoy our conversations. She is very matter of fact and forward and will not hesitate to ask me questions. I admire that in someone sometimes and like it when someone will not tip toe around you and be forward.
After getting back from the hospital, I was sitting in the kitchen of my parent’s house while Linda was making some supper. She was frying cubed steak, boiling a pot of butter beans, and making a casserole dish of macaroni and cheese. She also had a pan of cornbread ready to hit the oven.
She had also made some tuna fish salad and we sat in the kitchen after she had got the meal going well. We sat there together at the kitchen table and ate a sandwich and had a glass of sweet tea and just talked and laughed. She was trying to get information out of me about my ex-wife and my new friend. I told her what I could and she offered advice and I appreciated it. She is a wonderful cook and a good listener as well. I did tell her that tuna fish sandwich was one of the best ones I have ever eaten and she really perked up and enjoyed the comment. It was, in fact, the best tuna sandwich I have ever consumed.
Well, I will close for the night. Nova on PBS is coming on soon and it is one of the few programs that I will make the effort to watch. Good night and I hope this has found you all in good spirits and that your day went well.
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