I had a dentist’s appointment today. It lasted from 8 AM this morning to after 12 o’clock. I dread the dentist more than anything in the world. I would rather be on the front lines of combat in a war than go to the dentist. It is just a phobia I have. I have a resistance to the numbing agents they use and despite all the shots and the nitrous oxide I still feel sensitivity and pain. My family dentist is a great guy though and helps put me at ease. If I have to go, I go to Dr. Jason Etherton. He knows all about my condition and is genuinely concerned and sympathetic and tries his best to put me at ease and make me comfortable.
I have had bad teeth for awhile now. In my times of great illness, I would not take care of my physical needs and now that I am trying to put back together the broken pieces of my former life, this is one of my goals. Just like I have to face my social phobias to get better, this is another phobia I have to tackle head on as well.
I got all the molars on my bottom left side fixed and filled today. It was painful but I made it through. Next week, I will get a fragmented tooth pulled and a bridge put in and will have a beautiful smile again. It makes me proud and will help me in social situations. I will be able to smile instead of grin in photos again for the first time in a long time.
It is expensive though. I have a deal with my father that he will front me the money which will be almost $2000 dollars in all before it is said and done. I will pay him back out of the large back payment check I am due from social security. I know I have talked badly of him in the past but he has done so much to help me lately and I love him for it.
I and my ex-wife both called the past few days and they say the check is at the payment center still. I told her it had been since last September of 2003 and she laughed and said it takes a long time. This is frustrating. My father says he and I are going to hire a lawyer soon and get things on the ball. If I owed the government taxes then they would expect it within days. This is the way the boat floats when it comes to dealing with social security though and I have come to expect it.
I have started to look for another job now. I feel well enough were I think I can go back to work on the ticket to work program that social security has. My father tried to talk me out of it today when I was at his drug store. He and my mother both worry they will use it as an excuse to take away my benefits. I want to work though. I want to save that extra money for future bills. None of that money will be spent. I will never be homeless again and will always plan ahead in cause I get ill again. I get tired of sitting here at the house with little structure in my life and working helps my self esteem and helps give me a “purpose”.
I think I will apply at the local grocery store down the street and see if they need a stock person or grocery bagger. I think I can handle that without making my arm too sore. I know I will not be able to push those many hundred pound groups of shopping carts at Wal-Mart like I did before though. I would be afraid to break my fracture again.
My ex-wife’s presentation of her thesis is this afternoon at 4 PM and I wish her the best. I have a vested interest in that I put a lot of hard work in it as well. I want her out of college and working full time so that she will be financially independent. I know I talk badly of her as well but I still do love her. I guess I am like that wife who will not let go of her abusive husband. Love can be so grand and so hard at the same time.
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