A Heart to Heart with Slop

I had walked down to the Pig to buy a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. As I rounded the corner I saw HIV/AIDS Guy peddling his wares in the parking lot. HIV/AIDS Guy has the same spiel every time. He tells this sob story about how he is dying of AIDS and needs your spare change to keep him alive. He even wears an old ID band from the local hospital to prove how sick he is. Anybody with any common sense realizes he is full of shit. He saw me and made a beeline straight in my direction. “Fuck,” I muttered under my breath. He had seen me smoking a cigarette.

“Hey man, would you let me bum a cigarette?” He asked.

Everyone down at the shopping center knows not to ask me for a cigarette. I do not let people bum cigarettes. If you give one then everybody sees you as an easy mark and will constantly bug you for another.

“I don’t want to give a dying man a cigarette,” I said. “Your health is already bad enough. It would make me feel guilty.”

“Oh, come on!” He said. “One cigarette ain’t gonna hurt me that much.”

“Sorry man,” I said as I kept walking. “I couldn’t live with that on my conscience.”

I had used his spiel against him and felt vindicated for all that times I had to stand there and listen to his bullshit.

I walked on up towards the Pig and saw Slop sitting on the bench between the dollar store and the grocery store. I sat down beside him to finish smoking.

“You seen George?” I asked.

“Nah, I ain’t be seeing George for a few days now.” Slop said.

Slop was sweating profusely as always. He had a red cotton rag in his hand he was using to wipe away the river of sweat running down his brow.

“Slop, don’t you get tired of sitting down here in the heat everyday?” I asked.

“I don’t be havin’ anything else to do,” Slop said.

Slop is one of the laziest men I have ever met. I am always astounded that he manages to navigate his great bulk down to the shopping center everyday to panhandle.

“You don’t be havin’ an extra dollar I could borrow, do you?” Slop asked.

“Slop, you are on disability, right?” I asked.
“It be going to my sista tho,” Slop said. “I be helpin’ to see about her kids.”

“Well, you probably have more money than me and I get goddamned tired of you asking for a dollar every time you see me,” I replied.

Slop chuckled.

“I will be leavin’ you alone from now on,” He said.

“Now, for that, I will give you a dollar.” I said.

I handed Slop a dollar. He promised he would never bug me again, I didn’t believe him thought. I headed on up to the store to finish my shopping and then walked home.