Ebbs and Flows…

I realized my writing and my stories have taken a turn for the worst these past few weeks. Please understand that I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia. I am not saying that for sympathy, but because it is a fact of my life and effects my persona and demeanor at times. It also affects me as a writer. I have to live a kind of sheltered and quiet life and the chaos involving my father these past few months has sent me into a tailspin. It is time to bail out and open the parachute. I am going to call that number Monday morning and get the ball rolling and changing my representative payee for my disability.

I realize that most don’t want to come here to read another whiney blog about mental health issues, social security disability, homelessness, etc. I try not to write about it, but sometimes ya just gotta vent, ya know? It’s my life and it colors my blog. It’s not like I can have a heart to heart with my closest friend, Sherman, on how goofy I feel today. Life experience has taught me to hide my illness. I foolishly let the cat out of the bag on this blog and was trying not to reveal that aspect of my life. People will and do judge you even though they have the best of intentions.

As with anything in life, my writing ebbs and flows. I will get on great sprees of a very creative period and then my creativity will fall off as my illness effects me. I live for writing these days and love to capture the stories involving Sherman and the gang. I often find myself giddy with excitement to get home and write about a certain encounter with the group after visiting the shopping center. I think that is why most of the people come here to read. They want to be entertained and not saddened or concerned about my personal life. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I believe it. I should know better by know with having lived with this mental illness for years.

I promise to get back on a regular schedule of writing more carefully crafted tales and get away from all this personal garbage I have been laboring my readers with. I am also going to try to get back on my daily walk that brings me into contact with the gang to have something interesting to write about. I hope some of you are still reading and will join along as we take this blog to the next level of vigor. I have noticed my traffic has drastically fallen off these past few weeks. I fear I have effectively killed this blog for all intents and purposes.