I Am Okay

I have just been really busy the past few days with Alcoholics Anonymous. I have been going to as many meetings as I can get to. I have read the Big Book for hours and have tried my best to find a “higher power” or in other words “a God of my understanding.” It does help. I have even tried praying for a change and doing daily devotionals revolving around the twelve steps.

I have also been struggling with quitting cigarettes, but just couldn’t do it tonight. I managed to make it twenty four hours and have just gone down to Fat Albert’s and bought some. I had some nicorette gum, but was afraid to use it as it had expired in 6/2005. I went a year one time without drinking or smoking and I was hoping by quitting cigarettes I could recapture that most healthy time in my life. I was even jogging every night. An old timer at AA told me not to try to quit too much at once after our meeting this meeting. He said I was setting myself up for failure. He is probably right.

As far as Dad is concerned, he has just been acting very distant and cold to me. I don’t think he is going to do anything any longer. We have gone back to our routine of him giving me $85 dollars every week for groceries, cigs, etc.

All of this just puts a lot of stress upon me and I get out of my usual routines. It affects my writing and demeanor as well. I don’t want this to turn into some “drama” blog though that constantly keeps my readers worrying about me. I am okay; just under a lot of anxiety at the moment. There is no need to worry I assure you. I am doing okay and am sober taking it one day at a time.