A Place to Hang my Proverbial Hat

“You’ve got to start picking up that phone and calling folks when you have a hard time with your drinking,” Wanda told me as we sat outside smoking after our Alcoholics Anonymous meeting last night.

“I know,” I said. “I just have a phobia about the phone and will not call people with my problems. I feel as if I am bothering them.”
“Tell me,” Wanda then said. “What are you going to do the next time you want a drink?”

“I am going to pick up the phone and make some phone calls,” I replied, shyly and unsurely.

“That’s what I like to hear,” She said as she gave me a hug. “You call me anytime of the day or night and I will be there. You are not alone.”
“You help other alcoholics by sharing your problems,” She replied. “It is through the service to others that we stay sober.”

Wanda was right. I wish I was one of those gregarious persons who could just call on a whim and talk for hours. I am so terribly shy though when it concerns the phone. I have little to no self esteem in such matters.

Our meeting last night was pretty routine. We discussed step one of the twelve steps – admitting we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. It is so hard to admit you don’t have control or the willpower to conquer something though. My life had definitely grown unmanageable when I was drinking. Homelessness and a horrible divorce was a pretty good sign that something was terribly wrong in my life and that I was addicted. It is sad that I have always had to learn my lessons the hard way. I have always taken the least easy path through life which has been my curse I must bear.

“Tell me,” Wanda then said. “What are you going to do the next time you want a drink?”

“I am going to pick up the phone and make some phone calls,” I replied, shyly and unsurely.

“That’s what I like to hear,” She said as she gave me a hug. “You call me anytime of the day or night and I will be there. You are not alone.”

I then put out my cigar and walked on home. I thought of all the wonderful people in those hallowed halls that had walked many days in my shoes. I realize A.A. is akin to a religious cult, but there is something so comforting about being around people who have dealt with those same trials and tribulations experienced when dealing with alcoholism. Alcoholism is such a terribly lonesome disease and it was nice to not feel so alone anymore when I first started going to Alcoholics Anonymous. I felt as if I had arrived home after a very long and lost journey. I finally had a place to hang my proverbial hat by the door.