I turned out I was two days past due on my shot for my schizophrenia. I have a terrible time keeping up with it. My father is to take me down there this morning. I am waiting on him to arrive.
I am trying so hard to be positive this morning. I am alive. I am healthy except for some anxiety. I have a warm house and my Maggie. Mom is buying me groceries today. It is so easy to get mired in the negatives though.
Dad was really harsh with me last night when he came over. He was sure to tell me of everything I have ever done wrong and even brought up my homelessness and my failed marriage. I felt so bad and just wanted a loved one to be there for me. I kept holding his hand, squeezing it tightly, and telling him I loved him. He didn't stop, though. He ran me into the ground.
I don't know what I am going to do about my car. I was hoping I would have heard something by now, but I haven't. I think it is long gone. I guess I better get used to walking as my father told me last night, smirking.
I plan on hanging out at the shopping center this morning. Maybe I can get up something creative and more pleasant to write. Thank you to those of you that are sticking around. I promise you things will get better once I get my shot and I am more mentally stable. Thank you for sticking by me through this hard time. I don't know what I would do without my blog and it's readers.
21 comments:
I don't mean to be nasty or anything but your dad seems like a real bastard.
I hope you have a good day :)
Andrew I just wanted to make sure you knew that I'm thinking of you. I don't comment every single day, but I'm here. Reading your posts lately has plucked an empathetic note on my heart strings. Not because I feel sorry for you, but because I can relate in some way to the way you have been feeling. I wish I could just give you a big hug and say everything is going to be alright.
With love and wishes of peace in your life...
Cindi Ann
Andrew,
Good Morning! I am SO happy to see that you are up & about.
I'm sorry that your father decided to remind you again about the past.
It's a new day & by tonight things will be better. Know that I am thinking of you & praying that the sun will shine brighter for you today!
Big hugs! Kirs ~
I don't think your father realizes by putting you down he is not helping you, you are not his punching bag.
I can relate to you so much as my husband father past alway long ago but treated my husband the same way your father treats you, my husband is so in a bad place still after all these years we just talked about this just this morning. I really don’t know why parents treat their own children so bad, well yes I do your father feels he failed you so the only way he can make himself feel better is to say all the bad stuff to you. You’re in my thoughts today; love your blog positive or negative.
dear sweet friend...i am happy that you realized what was going on with your shot being needed. i am sorry to know that your dad was being nasty yesterday evening. i want you to know to remember it is REAALY OK with me if you emotionaaly vomit to in email to me. one of the many thigs that i like reading your blog is because you so real when i read it. i will have a busy day but plan to email you a few times.......
hey there my brotha...
mighta been a rough one, but you made it through another night. good for you--and even if he was hard on you..he cam to be with you-- some dads just don't know better--they just do the best they can. ya know.
anyhow--- funny you should "ask" for something creative to write about--- i just tagged you..go see my post.
latah
Be strong and know that your father is doing all he can do emotionally with you right now. He loves you and if he didnt, he wouldnt even come to give you the medicine he gives to you. See this and know I care...
B~
Andrew,
Just wondering how often you need that shot. It seems that every time you get "mentally interesting" it is because of a missed shot. Looking back at old post I saw your last one was Dec 11 (I think), are they every 2 weeks? If so I am sure some of your readers can help you keep up with it by just posting a reminder in the comments section when the time is near.
Well, yeesh, that's the last thing your father needs to be doing when you're already going through the whole stolen car fiasco and all the other stuff.
maybe set up an electronic reminder on your computer so you don't forget your shot. It seems to make a real difference and you can maybe avoid all your anxiety. Your dad is so controlling, I am surprised he doesn't remind you. The car thing will take a while. If I am not mistaken they have to wait a certain number of days to make sure it isn't located before they pay off. Did you check to see if you had rental reimbursement? I hope you begin to feel better today.
I'm sorry but your dad is such an ass to do that to you. My mother was like that. She had a mental card file of everything I had ever done wrong my whole life. Get your shot and you will feel better.
With Love,
sharyna
Hi Andrew, I don't comment very often but it doesn't mean I don't read and keep up with you. I do. And I do care... I'm glad you realized you missed a shot before it got too bad.
I'm not trying to take up for your Dad, but, do you think he is a little emotionally drained as well? It seems he has a lot on his plate to take care of. Don't take what he says too personally, I'm sure he doesn't mean it that way.
Take care! darla
Sometimes I wish your father read this blog, then he could see what an ass he acts like at times.
Today will be better.
:)
Andrew,
I just caught up with your posts from the last few days. They were full of honest introspection and emotional truth. While reading them, I was inspired by the way you examine your own life and work through your struggles. After being away for a short period of time because of the holidays, coming back I realized how much your blog means to me.
I wish your father was more sensitive to what your needs are. A lecture was the last thing you needed last night. I hope today is a brighter day for you. Take care, Andrew.
Mike
I hope that you will feel much better today after your shot.
Sorry that you didn't get the comfort that you so needed from your dad. When parents know better, they can do better.
Take care, Andrew
Lena
Keep being brave Andrew!
You are so strong.
Hey, luv,
I haven't been reading at all for a while because I've been in my own dawnward spiral of late. Don't worry though, I haven't abandoned you. Your father does sound like a bastard to me as well, but then I don't know what you might have put him through or anything like that so I won't harp on it.
I do think that its perfectly ok for you to vent any emotional baggage you have on this journal because its your space. If a person doesn't want to be confronted by your harsh realities they shouldn't read it. Ok, I'm going to try and appear normal now so my mother won't know how unstable I really feel today.
Be well, Andrew
Andrew, it doesn't seem like it, but your Dad does love you. Perhaps you might tell him how bad it makes you feel when he brings up your past. We all make mistakes, even your Dad. Hopefully, the shot will improve your mental state.
Peace Brother - I send you wishes of peace. I can't know what your going through, but I'm sending you good thoughts.
Hi Andrew, I hope you start feeling better. I am sure that you know by now that your blogger pals are here for you. Take care and keep writing! Hugs to you! :)
Post a Comment