I showered, shaved, and put on my dress slacks with my favorite button-up long sleeve flannel shirt. I was all gussied up for an A.A. meeting. I noticed how cold and dreary it was outside as I walked to my car. It was a short five minute drive to the A.A. meeting hall. The hall was dark with the only soul being a haggard, older looking man standing out by the front door.
"You waiting on an A.A. meeting?" I asked him as I stepped up to the front of the darkened hall.
"Yeah," he said, lighting up a cigarette.
"Andrew," I said, holding out my hand.
He shook it and told me he was court ordered to attend.
"Do they have meetings on Christmas?" he then asked me.
"It doesn't look like it," I replied. "They usually have a meeting here at night, but no one has showed to open up and turn on the heat."
I talked to the fellow for quite awhile as we smoked. Alcoholics always seem to have tales of woe. He was estranged from his wife due to his drinking and was staying with his elderly parents this Christmas. He was court ordered to go to A.A. after getting several DUI charges.
"Night," I finally said, having had enough of the cold. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," he replied once I found out if he needed a ride home. He did not.
I drove home feeling better for just having tried to attend. The butterflies in my stomach subsided and I felt eerily calm after an anxious day.
9 comments:
Good job. Sometimes it's better to make an attempt than not. You did good.
too bad the doors were locked eh? but ya, at least you tried, and getting out for a while was good.
hope you had a good day today.
merry christmas
The way I understand the concept of AA 12 step type of recovery programs and, as simplistic or naive as it may appear to sound, once you showed up and you two starting talking like you were it was not merely an attempt at a meeting, but was an actual meeting between at least two individuals seeking recovery no matter how brief, nor why or whatever brought them to cross paths. An AA meeting can happen anywhere and the number of those in attendance is often of little consequence; although for certain people, sometimes a smaller meeting can be more helpful at times, especially during the holidays, etc.
I've just read all your posts from today. I'm surprised and saddened that your family didn't contact you today. But how you've handled it? Awesomely. You used the time to plan out some positive steps to improve your life. I had no idea there was vocational rehab. I thought that resources were really limited because of your location. The steps you plan to take to will lead to positive changes in you life. I'm so glad to hear you be so optimistic. Have a good night, dear friend.
It's fantastic that you gave it a shot. Sometimes you just have to get all dresses up for something, even if it doesn't really end up happening. You just like looking at yourself every one in a while and saying : Boy! I look good today!. Who doesn't? Hope your day continues to be cool, calm, and collected.
It's fantastic that you gave it a shot. Sometimes you just have to get all dresses up for something, even if it doesn't really end up happening. You just like looking at yourself every one in a while and saying : Boy! I look good today!. Who doesn't? Hope your day continues to be cool, calm, and collected.
When alone, I seldom experience loneliness; boredom yes, lonely no. I have felt most lonely in a roomful of people, even if the people were family.
I had intended to go out today~be a part of the world of Christmas cheer. I do not like the cold and when I was out yesterday it was warm enough for my liking. What I did yesterday was walk by Lincoln Park to give a ticket for Christmas dinner at the Reef to a homeless person. Later, I realized why the first guy I saw sitting alone was so thrilled to get the ticket.
The Reef is one of those ritzy restaurants. Their holiday meal is not just for homeless people but for poor families too. Last year I declined the gifts; they insisted. I rather liked the green Hulk stuffed animal. Having a fit soon after, I packed it up with some stuff to send to my grandkids back east.
Funny how many people give homeless people stuffed animals and stuff to carry around. I always thought it odd how many homeless people collect stuffed animals and stuff.
Anyway part of me wanted to go to the dinner to socialize with my peers; but felt a homeless person would benefit more from the free meal. I feel bad often, that I do not make the effort to cook something and take it down to Lincoln Park.
Going to a lot of meetings works for me. It helps to remember that I'm not alone, it gets me out of the house and it forces me to get dressed, showered and it helps me to get out of my head. When I go to meetings, my life is a lot more manageable and this year, several people from the meetings invited me over to their house. Last year, I was totally alone. So, I definitely understand what you are going through.
I'm so sorry it was a bust. It was such a wise choice to go to that AA meeting. Your brief company and conversation may have impacted that man or his evening more than you will ever know. Good luck with the new day ahead of you and your list of goals! I know you can make each and every one of them a reality:)
36 days! :):)
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