Obsessions...

Rosa was being kind of demure on the phone early this morning.  Lots of sexual innuendo going on.  I wasn't interested and wanted to talk about homelessness.

"You are obsessed," Rosa finally told me. "All you think about is homelessness."

I just smiled, hung up the phone, and went to tell Maggie I loved her.  Maggie loves me, obsessions and all.

This morning no one was down at the shopping center which was odd.  I was feeling overly social and wanted to live vicariously through Ferret's experiences.  I wanted to hear all about the beer he drank the previous night.  The sleeping in his tent.  That first cup of alcoholic coffee in the morning he always has.  I started to realize Rosa was right.  I have an unhealthy obsession about things homeless and Ferret in general.  Why couldn't I get obsessed by online competitive gaming or the stock market?  Why couldn't I get obsessed about the game of life like normal people which involved getting married, working and talking about jobs, making money and paying bills, and gathering material goods?  I guess I am just not made that way.

Dexter walked up just as I was leaving.  He had a big goofy grin on his face and wanted to talk. 

"I-I-I g-g-got a job!" he stuttered excitedly.  It was picking up the parking lot over at restaurant row. 

"Great," I thought. "Dexter is retarded and can get a job, but no one will hire me."

I am putting all my eggs in the basket that is vocational rehabilitation.  I will do anything.  I just want to make money again.  That needs to be my obsession.  I have little bills and could live very comfortably off of minimum wage. I picture myself sitting in some factory assembling widgets for an hourly wage -- happy to be getting a paycheck.