Pizza and a Charlie Cut…

Charlie sure has been feeding me a lot lately. Charlie called me this evening and said he was on the way with pizza and Cokes. I thanked him profusely and he arrived moments later. It was one of those large $6 Little Caesar's Extra Most Bestest pizzas and it was delicious – full of mozzarella, pizza sauce, and pepperoni. Maggie helped me eat it and we managed to finish the whole thing in one sitting. I feel like a beached whale at the moment.

“Don’t wash your hair today as I am cutting your hair tonight,” Charlie then told me. “I give a better haircut when your hair is dirty.”

Charlie was too late as I had already taken my shower early this morning. I’ve been using some high powered apple scented dandruff shampoo and it has really cleared up my scalp. I know Charlie will be pleasantly surprised tonight.

Comment Replies…

glittermom said...

Wow! This is getting better and better! You will now have a friend for life. What will your father say about buying the radiator. It’s done so nothing he can do about it.

Andrew Replies…

Glittermom, I’ve already told him about it and he said it is coming out of my $200 of aquarium money I have saved up until it can be repaid.

“It’s your money,” he said to me implying that I probably won’t get paid back.

Jermaine gets his government check at the first or third of the month I believe and I expect him to pay me back then. I love working on cars so this is fun for me. A labor of love as they say.

Jermaine's Land Yacht Update…

I found a radiator online to fit his car for $89.73 at J.C. Whitney. It also had the automatic transmission cooler built in which we needed. It is supposed to be drop and fit so we shall see if I am biting off more than I can chew. I think I can handle the install, though. I went ahead and ordered it and Jermaine can pay me back when he can. I just called and told him and he is ecstatic. He said he is tired of bumming rides off of everybody. 

This Continental is Not Done Yet!

Jermaine’s Lincoln was what we affectionately called a land yacht in mechanic’s school. The car is huge. Continental is an apt name for this car.

“Have you got a garden hose?” I asked Jermaine this morning. “We are going to fill up the radiator and let the coolant system pressurize.”

Jermaine came around the house with the end of a garden hose and I put it in the opening of the radiator.

“Turn on the water,” I told him.

By this time, Jermaine was severely winded and here I thought I was out of shape.

We filled up the radiator and I went to crank the car and it turned over and over and over and reluctantly fired to life. We used my car to jump the car off as the battery was dead as a doornail in the land yacht.

“How did you do that?” Jermaine asked flabbergasted. “My uncle said the car was dead.”

I could see the leak in his radiator and asked Jermaine if he could afford to buy one.

“How much is going to cost?” he asked warily.

“Probably around $150 to $200 (guessing) at AutoZone,” I told him. “They will have to order it. We need to get some antifreeze as well and we might as well flush the system with some cooling system cleaner.”

He said he would try to get up the money.

It was getting close to noon and I had to leave for lunch and to take my medications. I told Jermaine I would get back in touch with him about things.

A Mission of Mercy…

“Charlie?” I asked this afternoon over the phone in between thunder claps. “How would I go about getting Jermaine’s home phone number?”

Charlie can be so hard to talk to over the phone at times. I was in phone phobia mode today anyway and it was trying to scuttle my efforts.

“Dial 411 and ask for the number of a Jermaine B---k that lives in our town,” Charlie said. “That would be the best bet. B---k is Jermaine's last name.”

I dial 411 and the lady gives me the home phone number for a Jermaine B---k in our town. By this time, my phone phobias are already supremely reeling. I am going to call that number and see if I can get Jermaine tomorrow. I’ve done enough today. I want to look at his car and see if his engine is really locked up or he just needs a new radiator. Jermaine is learning and mentally impaired and may not quite be diagnosing his car correctly. I could put a new radiator in his car.

My only other option was to hang out in Kroger’s parking lot tonight around nine and wait for him to arrive. I think he goes up there about every night at the same time. It is his social outlet.

I was so lucky to get basically a brand new car that I want to pay it forward and help out a friend in need. 

Two For Four Dollars Mix and Match…

“I got you and Maggie two bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits and some hash browns,” Charlie said walking across my yard this morning as I stood at the front door.

Yay!

“How did you come out at the dentist?” I then asked.

“I’ve got to get a crown,” Charlie said with an aggravated tone to his voice. “The dentist loves my money.”

Maggie has to sit and watch her food for quite a few minutes before she eats it. I just looked and she has eaten the bacon, cheese and egg. The biscuits are for burying and making a cache for hungrier times.   

Feeder’s Club Local 36801…

The phone began to ring and I hurried inside to answer it. I almost didn’t hear it at first. The wind was just howling outside. 

“Just what are you two doing?” Charlie loudly asked me over the phone when I answered.

Maggie and I had been sitting on the porch awaiting some storms to arrive. I had my tablet computer and was checking the radar with it periodically. The storms bypassed us, by the way, much to my chagrin.

“I’ve got you three Chick-fil-a sandwiches and a big Coke,” Charlie said. “I will be there in five minutes.”

Charlie arrived and came inside for a little while. Maggie was in ecstasy at this unannounced visit. Charlie was joking and laughing and so jovial in general. It lightened all our moods. Especially my disappointment over the storms fizzling out

“Now, I’ve got to go to the dentist tomorrow morning and then I am bringing you and Maggie breakfast biscuits and hash browns around ten. You’ll get a big Coke as well.”

I couldn’t thank Charlie nearly enough. This was such a nice surprise this afternoon and will be a nice diversion in the morning as well.

Bless Maggie’s heart. She gets so tired of that dogfood and wolfed down one of those Chick-fil-a sandwiches or should I say inhaled it then spit out the pickles.

Eww! Stinky Litter Boxes!

Tracy wanted to switch things up today and do the dogs while I took care of the cats. I swear I scooped up enough shit today that I am chock full of shit. I must’ve scooped thirty litter boxes, then I would give each cat fresh food and water. Each cat seems to have its own unique personality as well and I can see why some people own them. I just couldn't deal with the litter boxes. I think Tracy needs to stick with the cats and I will do the dogs from now on.

Waiting on the 1st of July…

On the 1st, I will have $200 dollars of aquarium money to spend. I am so excited. I am going with Walmart and getting a 29 gallon tank and stand for $169 dollars.  It was the best price I could find on that sized tank in a kit form. I wanted the 55 gallon tank kit something badly for $179 dollars, but I would have to wait until next month to purchase the stand as I am working with a $100 dollar a month budget here and it would further delay my getting fish and plants.

I’ve got to save up to get a CO2 injection system to grow live plants vibrantly and successfully. I will probably need more robust lighting as well. It is going to take months to finally get this aquarium up and running and stocked with plants and fish.

The substrate is going to be organic potting soil with a medium thick layer of fine river gravel on top. The plants should love that.

5 Gallon Betta Tank Setup…

Many times you go into your pet store and see Bettas swimming around in little bowls. They can get away with this as Bettas are anabantids meaning they are in a class of fish that can breathe air by taking air bubbles into their mouths. Although doable, it is not good for the fishes' long term health. This is how I want my Betta tank to look. It must have a filter and a heater as well. A Betta will thrive in a temperature range of 78° to 80° Fahrenheit.

 

Oh Happy Day! Rebecca Returns…

Dad had put a LOT of trust in me about this injection this week. I was determined not to screw things up and let him down. Charlie called me at eight this morning to make sure I was up. I immediately showered and washed my hair good – scrubbing clean my dangly bits. I then headed down through the Valley with my injection on the passenger’s seat at 10 minutes till 9:00 AM.

I had just taken my seat in the lobby after signing in. Mary, a nurse, poked her head out and said Rebecca had just arrived and would call me back shortly. I was so excited to see her. Rebecca and I have been doing this for ten long years and have developed quite a rapport between us.

“Andrew, come on back,” Rebecca said sticking her head out the lobby door.

“Oh, you are a sight for sore eyes,” I told her with a big grin.

“It is good to see you, too,” she replied. “I felt like I was gone for weeks.”

“What did you do on your vacation?” I asked.

“I sat out on the beach in a lounge chair and read books,” Rebecca told me. “It was so relaxing!”

I explained to Rebecca how all my surrogate nurses wanted to use the small deltoid needle instead of the 3 inch gluteal needle. She laughed.

“They can’t believe I want that monstrous needle,” I told her.

I think Rebecca may be pregnant again as she looked like she is showing, but I kept my mouth shut in case she just overate while she was on her vacation.

The shot stung like a bee sting today, but I didn’t say anything. It would just worry Rebecca that she did something wrong. That’s just how the ball bounces sometimes in this inexact science that is my Risperdal injection.

A Tale of Lincoln Woe…

“Head on up there and get started and I will meet you in the store,” Charlie said over his cellphone.

I got in my shiny new chariot and headed to Kroger. It is grocery night. I was finished shopping by the time Charlie arrived.

“I was putting gas in the white truck,” Charlie told me. “Did you have to wait long?”

“I just have finished,” I replied, parked in front of the batteries so people could get by.

We checked out and I turned to push my cart and Jermaine was in front of me blocking my forward progress. He was sitting in his scooter.

“You’ll never guess what happened,” he told me. “My engine locked up in my car. It is a big old Lincoln Continental. It had all kinds of radiator problems as well.”

“I hate to hear that,” I told Jermaine sincerely – worried how he would ever afford a used car..

Charlie stepped in and told Jermaine we were in a hurry. Charlie is always in a hurry. He had Horsefly at the bowling alley he told Jermaine. Jermaine had a hundred questions about Horsefly as they had classes together in high school. Charlie didn’t have time for that and told Jermaine he hoped he got a car and that he had to get Andrew home and his groceries put up.

“I’d still be in there chatting with him if it weren’t for you,” I told Charlie.

“You just need to learn how to handle Jermaine,” Charlie replied to me with a harumpff.

So much for Southern hospitality.

The Pitbull Dilemma…

Animal control brought in a sweet and very young brindle female Pitbull today. I was leery at first until I got her in her kennel and she started to lick my fingers affectionately and was trying to give me kisses on my face. She was just absolutely famished and thirsty. I spent some time with her today and she seems like a sweet dog.

People seem to be deeply divided on whether or not they are dangerous dogs, though. Kevin “The Homeless Guy” Barbieux once went on a weird tangent and started a blog on how dangerous they were which brought in a lot of vehement criticism by Pitbull owners.

Recently, a local prominent lady was mauled by a Pitbull as she went on her daily walk which further substantiates the fear and danger people feel about these dogs. Owners give glowing praise about these animals in juxtaposition saying Pitbulls are safe and affectionate animals.

2016 dog bite fatality statistics

In the 13-year period of 2005 through 2017, canines killed 433 Americans. Pit bulls contributed to 66% (284) of these deaths. Combined, pit bulls and Rottweilers contributed to 76% of the total recorded deaths.

Life Goes On…

I thought Charlie and my father would never arrive tonight for KFC Sundays. It was around 9:30 when Charlie’s car came creeping up to the curb. Maggie was beside herself with worry and fret. I had told her they were coming two hours ago expecting them much earlier.

“Charlie’s brokering something about his house on his phone,” dad said rolling his eyes as he came inside. “We sat in KFC’s parking lot for thirty minutes.”

Old Fuss and Feathers had Maggie’s and my chicken pot pies and some drinks. Maggie ate a whole KFC chicken pot pie tonight. I bet she is about to pop.

“Here’s your Risperdal injection. Let’s put it in the fridge,” my father said. “Don’t forget to get your injection this Tuesday. I’m putting a lot of trust in you. Charlie is going to call you Tuesday and make sure you’re up and going.”

“I won’t let you down,” I said as I promised. “I think you will be very pleasantly surprised if you put more trust in me.”

Dad is going out of town for a few days for some reason. He said something about my brother, but I don’t remember the details. It could be Evelyn’s funeral which I believe is Wednesday. I am not going as I don’t have any dress clothes to wear and I would hate to go in blue jeans.

Edited for Clarity and Inclusion…

The Aquarium Bug Has Bitten Me Hard…

I was “the fish guy” at a pet store in Birmingham, Alabama for four years. I am well versed in maintaining aquariums. I’ve long been out of the hobby, but now want to rejoin it and have an aquarium of my own. Rachel got all my many aquariums and equipment in the divorce so I am starting from scratch. I am going to use my computer part money to get back into the hobby. Dad thought it was very interesting that I use my coveted computer part money for something else, but wholeheartedly supported my decision.

A Clean Car!

The machined aluminum wheels I am going to have put on my car in a few months of saving money. It costs $299 for a set of four rims that fit my car. I am hoping to reuse my current tires. I am also going to get my windows tinted.

Sad News Today…

They found my cousin Evelyn in the front yard dead yesterday. It shocked me to the core. She was just 44 years old. Apparently she was going to get the mail and collapsed in the yard and died. A massive brain aneurism is the preliminary cause of death. She was an entomologist and barely escaped with her doctorate at Auburn University when early onset schizophrenia hit (it unfortunately runs in the family). Dad is in Prattville, Alabama with the family as I write this. He left very early this morning as it is a rather long drive. I called him this morning and got the news. Dad always liked to brag that Evelyn knew the scientific name of every butterfly that frequented the South and she surely did. She always was extremely nerdy. She never married or had any kids.

Tire Slick…

So, I got outside and washed my car in between thunderstorms yesterday afternoon. To finish the job, I needed what we call tire slick around here. It makes the tires all wet, black, and shiny looking – very popular with the African Americans that live here. I like the look very much as well. I also needed some engine degreaser as I was going to clean mom’s engine. I’d have chrome or alloy rims on that car if I could afford it. I called my father to let him know I was going to charge some tire slick and engine degreaser to my debit card at AutoZone.

“Come over and get some cash from me instead,” my father told me. “Be sure to bring me back the change and a receipt.”

Things like this are always complicated such as the simple purchase of some silicone gel for my tires. It’s a three ring circus. I have to make extra trips for all of this to come to fruition.

Well, I head to AutoZone and make my purchase. It begins to rain steadily and I cursed the heavens. I hurried back to my father’s house dodging puddles that would dirty my car.

Papa was drinking wine when I arrived and was very, very chatty.

“Come sit out on the porch with me and drink a few Cokes,” he told me.

Dad has a wonderful screened in porch on the side of the house. It is just full of house plants this time of the year and very green, welcoming and inviting. We sat out there and talked for about an hour. Dad was wanting to know how my mental illness effects me these days. We rarely talk about it. Dad says I am secretive about it. I don’t want to have to go back to the mental hospital.

“I get the doldrums sometimes,” I told him. “A deep, dark depression envelopes me.”

“I also can’t take a lot going on or any undue excitement,” I added. “It gets my nerves bad.”

I stood up to leave and dad begged me to stay longer.

“I need a cigarette and my cigarettes are at home,” I told him.

He walked me to the back door and bid me farewell. I hurried home to partake in a smoke. I was really jonesing by this time. 

That Irascible George…

George was standing at the edge of his carport when I pulled into my driveway this afternoon.

“I love your new car,” he said he wanted to tell me. “How many miles did you say it had on it?”

“It has around 42,000 miles on the clock,” I told George.

“Mine has 97,000 on the clock,” George said. “I am afraid it will be the last car I will ever own.”

Well, that was awful sanguine and morbid I thought of George’s comment.

“Honda’s are a good, reliable car,” he then told me. 

“Come on over and have a beer with me and let’s sit on the carport and talk,” George urged me pointing to the two chairs in the corner.

I know George has to get so lonesome as he never gets any visitors and he had imbibed a few beers and was very chatty as well. Oh, how I wanted nothing more than to sit with George, have a few Miller High Life beers, and shoot the shit as we say in the South.

“I have lunch cooking on the stove,” I replied to George with a weak and a lack of a better excuse.

That George is going to be the death of me yet before long.

“It is always good talking to you George,” I told him sincerely and then bid him adieu and escaped inside my humble abode.

You’re Going to Make Spaghetti with that?

That’s what my father exclaimed as we were standing in line at Kroger last night. I have a very simplified spaghetti meat sauce recipe now. It is one extra large bottle of Ragu Old World Style spaghetti sauce and two small cans of tomato paste with oregano, garlic, and basil. It gets good and thick on the stove after simmering for two hours. Dad has an elaborate spaghetti recipe with sautéed celery, onions, butter, and whatnot. I just want something quick and easy that still tastes good. My simplified recipe fits the bill.

I was extremely overjoyed this morning when I remembered I had one more soda in the fridge left from last night. I had bought three Baja Blast Mountain Dew drinks at checkout instead of my usual two – my favorite soda. I relished this remaining soda with an acute zest and quite a few cigarettes as I caught up on my favorite haunts on the internet. Savored would be a better word. Then, I got my spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove after I browned the 2lbs of ground beef. I like to emphasize the meat in meat sauce! The house smells wonderful right now. It is making me hungry again after Maggie’s and my big breakfast.

I got dad a funny “thank you” greeting card last night and filled it out in the car as he was loading his groceries next to me. It read “Thanks for saving my life. Love, Your Son”. He loved it and gave me a big hug. He can be an old softie at times. You just have to catch him at the right moment. He’s not all curmudgeon and criticism all the time although sometimes I wonder.

My big task for the day is taking my crazy meds at noon. Yes, that is it. I don’t have anything pressing to do today. I think I am going to get out and wash my new car late this evening after the heat and thunderstorms subside. 

Comment Replies…

PipeTobacco said...

Sir:
Whiskey helps you see them better! And it tastes good too. :)
PipeTobacco

Andrew Replies…

Pipe, I roared with laughter at your comment. Thank you so much for the humor. I needed it at that moment. A lighter moment with Pipe Tobacco.

A Place Where I Belong…

I’ve finally found a place where I belong. The whole staff at the Humane Society has welcomed me in as if I am family. It makes you want to work all the harder. I don’t think I could’ve taken another string of days with nothing to do but sit in front of my computer all day.

I was early this morning at eight when they opened. I got busy doing my chores and was finished by lunchtime. I brought all the dogs back into the inside kennels just as a young couple were surveying the dogs and trying to decide on one to bring home.

“We need a small dog,” they told me and decided on a little mutt much like my Maggie.

She’s a sweet dog and is going to get a great home I hope. I’d bring them all home with me if I had the space and a big enough backyard – just what my father warned me about.

Grocery Store Redux…

Dad forgot a lot of things the other night at Kroger and is going to go again tonight.

“Do you need anything? Do you want to go?” He asked.

“I would like the stuff to fix my spaghetti and I forgot my two boxes of unfrosted strawberry Pop-tarts Monday night.”

He said that was fine and he is going to pick me up at 8:45 PM. I was kind of stunned he said okay.

Jackalope…Myth? Or Reality?

They say the cowboys of Wyoming used to could lure them out with whiskey! They could probably lure me out with some whiskey, too!

Straight As The Crow Flies by Kim Richey

You know you can always count on me
I'm like the river to the sea
As sure as day follows night
But I won't run a crooked mile
And I won't wait for morning light
I'll come straight as the crow flies

Jermaine, Jermaine, Jermaine…

I hadn’t been in Kroger last night for 10 minutes when I heard my name called by an unmistakable voice. I turned to look and it was our Jermaine sitting in his Hov-a-round scooter. He’s too big to walk around the grocery store.

“You’re not buying any melons tonight, are you?” Jermaine asked excitedly.

He was hoping he could help me bless his soul. I was stuck in some kind of weird Deja Vu as it seems we've had this discussion before.

“I was going to get the kind already cut up in the plastic containers,” I told him to placate him somewhat.

“They’ll give you salmonella and they’re never sweet,” he said to my dismay. “Let me pick you out a cantaloupe.”

I played along as we made our way to produce. Jermaine studied quite a few melons as I stood there impatiently and then he handed me one.

“That one is at it’s peak of ripeness,” he told me. “Smell it and feel the skin.”

I sniffed it and graciously told Jermaine thank you. I then quietly escaped to go get my bread and powdered donuts for this week. I noticed Jermaine got himself a melon as well. “Who got the better melon?” I caught myself thinking.

I ended up spending $74 dollars. Just a dollar short of my limit. Dad spent over $100 dollars for which I chastised him playfully.

“Mister big spender,” I told him laughing.

“You are going to benefit from it,” he replied to me huffily.

I noticed he had the fixins for vegetable beef soup and grew excited. He had some frozen vegetable soup starter, some Knox soup flavoring, and a couple of pounds of ground beef. Oh, how I would love some homemade soup and cornbread this week. If you think Campbell’s or Progresso’s soup is good, then dad’s soup would knock your socks off.

Charlie the Great!

Charlie called me late this afternoon to congratulate me on the car. I was expecting my father when I answered the phone.

“It took long enough, didn't it?” Charlie said laughing.

“I had given up all hopes of ever getting that car,” I told Charlie laughing back. “I never even asked about it anymore.”

“Your mother would have been so proud,” Charlie said. “You always take such good care of your cars.”

“I’ve got a surprise for you so meet me at the curb. I am turning the corner down the street onto your street right now,” Charlie then said.

“Charlie’s here!” I said loudly to Maggie who quickly and alertly jumped up into the window.

Maggie squealed with glee when Charlie pulled up to the curb.

Charlie gave me a sack of ice cold leaded Coca-Colas and a big gigantic box of trash bags. I couldn’t thank him enough. Those Cokes sure would hit the spot. He had made my day. He had used my last trash bag last night taking out the trash on their KFC Sunday visit. This greatly increases my grocery budget tonight. It means I can afford that $10 worth of Mrs. Grissom’s gourmet chicken salad after all.

Me? Afraid of Poop? Pshaw!

“Tracy is going to be showing you what you will be doing,” Mrs. Barbara said not long after I arrived this morning. “Hon, do you want a cup of coffee?”

“No thank you, ma’am,” I told her.

“You’re not afraid of poop, are you?” Tracy asked me with a giggle as we entered the dog kennels. “We are going to be putting the dogs in the outside kennels and then you are going to power wash the inside kennels. Then we will bring them back in and feed and water them.”

“Sounds great to me,” I said chirpily and anxious to get started.

There were 30 kennels to clean which took me several hours. Tracy, a cute little lass, kept coming back to see how I was doing. She said she was emptying litter boxes where the cats are kept in a separate room. It seems to me that they were just glad to see a new face around the place.

My phone vibrated in my pocket while I was cleaning and it was my father. I turned the raucously loud power washer off.

“Call me when you get home,” he said. “We are going to get the insurance to your mother’s car in your name and I have a bill of sale drawn up along with the title. We’ll go by the courthouse and finalize everything about your mother’s car.”

This day was looking up by the minute.

I went into the bathroom around noon to take my crazy meds and hoped as all hell they didn’t make me woozy like they sometimes can do. I was taking them on an empty stomach. Normally, I would welcome the feeling. I forgot to pack a lunch not really knowing how long I would volunteer today.

“Honey,” Mrs. Barbara said. “That’s all you have to do today and we’ll need you to do it Wednesday as well if you don’t mind. I don’t want to put too much on you your first day. We appreciate your help.”

I told everyone goodbye and headed out for a rendezvous with my father after I called him on the phone and said I was leaving the Humane Society.

Dad met me at Progressive and we easily got mom’s car insurance in my name. It took all of five minutes. Our next rendezvous was at the courthouse annex just down the road. Charlie had handled all the paperwork and got it ready for my father. Everything went smoothly and I am the proud new owner of a Honda Civic LX.  They are going to mail me the new title for the car.

Dad and I are going to buy our groceries tonight and I am going to be one tired little puppy when I get home. I have just about zero groceries in this house.

You Are Looking at a New Volunteer…

Well, I drove down to the Humane Society around lunch yesterday. I’d rather meet in person than call. They were about to close for the day at noon. The director was sitting at her computer when I walked in.

“Can I help you?” she asked looking over her reading glasses as she turned to look at me.

“Yes, I was just inquiring if y’all need any volunteers,” I replied apprehensively.

“I can put you to work,” she said with a broad smile and a chuckle. “I am trying to hire someone as we speak.”

“How many days a week can you volunteer?” she then asked.

“I wanted to start out just a few days a week and add more as we go,” I replied.

“How about Monday’s and Wednesday’s?” she asked me.

“Sounds great!” I said excitedly. “I promise I won’t let you down.”

“I’ll see you Monday morning at nine then,” she told me and we said our goodbyes.

I was telling my father about it this morning hoping he would be supportive about the whole endeavor.

“You better not come home with another dog,” dad said. “You have a soft heart when it comes to animals. Dogs especially.”

I also asked my father what we are going to do about my car and Matt’s car tomorrow.

“Come over and get your mother’s car before you leave for volunteering,” he said. “Be sure to clean out your car of any belongings today and then you can leave it with me.”

It is a good thing I washed my car last week as it was filthy on the passenger’s side. It still needs a good vacuuming.   

I am going to need mom’s car as it is a long drive out to the Humane Society. I don’t know if my old car will hold up. Also, my father has lied to me for years now saying I couldn’t drive mom’s car because I wasn’t on the insurance. Suddenly, out of necessity, I can. I always wondered how Charlie could drive it for two weeks last year when his car broke down. Charlie certainly wasn’t on the insurance. Charlie put over 4000 miles on that car while he had it.

It is Time for Another Volunteer Position…

I’ve decided this morning I am going to volunteer again. I am going to drive down to the Humane Society and see if they need any volunteers this afternoon. I have far too much time on my hands and they say that is the devil’s work. Hopefully, they will be glad to have a helping hand to clean and do odd jobs around the place. I’m dependable. I will work hard and be down there everyday when they open in the morning. I just hope they don’t tell me no. I’ve kind of got my heart set on it already. If the Humane Society doesn’t need me, then I am going to try the Literacy Volunteers of America and The Salvation Army. I’ve already called Goodwill and they said they don’t take volunteers which I thought was odd.

Getting Mom’s Car Monday (Fingers Crossed)

Dad just called me and told me Matt’s, the pharmacy’s computer guru’s, car died so we are giving him my car Monday. I will finally be getting my mother’s car which is still basically brand new. It has 42,000 miles on the clock. Mom drove like a little old lady. It has been garaged all this time.

“You better be getting excited,” my father told me this morning to my blasé response.

“I can’t,” I replied bluntly. “I’ve been let down so many times.”

Churchill’s Black Dog…

The wartime Prime Minister of England, Winston Churchill, suffered from depression and he called it his black dog that followed him wherever he went. It seems lately darkness falls and I sink into a depression every night as well. I can’t imagine staying up all night like I used to do. I also think my medication levels are steeply dropping from my main dose at noon. I only take a Coreg and two Klonopin at night.

I called dad for a pep talk a moment ago and it did made me feel better somewhat. I told him I wanted to hear his voice. He told me to say “to hell to it all”. Not to worry about my bathroom that needs cleaning or the glass top stove that needs polishing.

“What would your grandmother do?” dad asked me.

“She would fix her a cold glass of sweet iced tea, sit out on the front porch, and listen to the katydids till she grew sleepy,” I replied. “And then she would go to bed.”

“And it served her well,” he said. “Sit out on your porch with your tablet computer and see if it helps.”

“I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow,” I told him and we said our goodnights.

Dad said he believes I’ve been trying too hard or doing too much in his own words. Each day, I shower and dress nice even though I only go to my father’s house once a day. It reminds me of that Reba McIntyre song All Dressed Up with No Where to Go.

“Go two days without a shower and shave and wear a t-shirt and shorts for a change,” he told me trying to lessen the load upon me mentally.

Lover, Beloved: Songs from an Evening with Carson McCullers…

My ex-wife wrote her dissertation on Carson McCullers and had me proofread it. I instantly fell in love with her and her idiosyncrasies. She was born and raised in Columbus, Georgia just down the road from me. Her main claim to fame was the book The Heart is a Lonely Hunter about a group of misfits in the South. Imagine my joy and excitement when a favorite singer and songwriter of mine wrote an album about her. Yes, Suzanne Vega wrote an album and a play about Carson McCullers. I have listened to it so many times I am about tired of it. Read up on Carson and check out the album some time.

The Album on Amazon.

The Album Wiki.

Carson on Wikipedia.

Whimper? Or a Bang?

It seems to me the blog is dying or petering out. The blog got less than 100 readers today and that is the first time that has happened since I first started blogging back in the early 2000’s. I wish I could come up with more interesting material to write, but I only have my life to write about. I try to write about it in an interesting way using dialogue and I hope what is descriptive writing. Where are George and the Gang when I need them?

Everybody that used to read my blog seems to be on Facebook, but I dislike Facebook for some reason. It seems too commercialized and helter skelter for my tastes to quote Charles Manson. It is also extremely time consuming if you have a lot of friends. I guess I am just an old dinosaur still stuck in the blog world. 

I am still going to write the blog for the faithful few remaining. Thank you for those of you who still read. I won’t just go out with a bang and quit writing suddenly and disappear. I promise you that. You have my solemn word.

New Routine Forming…

It seems dad and I are meeting around 12 noon for a sandwich and Dr. Phil everyday. I usually call him around eleven each morning and he will ask me to come over. I have to remind my father that Dr. Phil is making millions off of other people’s problems.

“I am waiting on Phil’s personal scandal any day now,” dad said chuckling today.

“I am wondering what they pay these people to get on national TV and air all their dirty laundry,” I replied. 

Dad cooked hash last night and we had hash, fresh baked biscuits, and pear salad for lunch. It was delicious and I brought some hash home for Maggie as well.

Comment Replies…

Sharyn Bellah said...

Oh, I forgot to ask, does Maggie have her own food budget? Pet food can be expensive and I never see it on your very modest budget….

Andrew Replies…

Dad usually pays for Maggie’s dogfood as it can run from $14.99 to $19.99 for a big bag. Your are right. It can be expensive and we buy an expensive brand which my mother chose and Maggie expects now. I guess I could buy Maggie Ol’ Roy or Alpo, but she wouldn’t eat it. She’s got to have her freeze dried venison and turkey. Maggie eats a lot of people food as well. We were munching on pepperoni which she loves just tonight.

Immediate Needs…

Sometimes you just need your back scratched, a fresh bowl of nibbles and water, and a nap. That’s were Maggie and I found ourselves this morning. I got on the floor by her side and scratched every corner and crevice that bothers Maggie. Then we got a fresh bowl of cool water and a bowl of fresh nibbles. Maggie was in ecstasy. She is now laying at my feet asleep satiated as I type this. I am having to be careful not to wake her, but I feel my bladder will be soon calling after all the cold water I have drank this morning.

I am not much unlike Maggie in a lot of ways. I need my crazy meds at noon. A peanut butter and strawberry preserves sandwich followed by a cold glass of sweet milk. Then we will lay down for a long afternoon nap with the air conditioner turned down a few degrees so it gets nice and cool in here. Guess who usually wakes me up? Yes, Maggie. She gets lonely and we have a house to guard and pedestrians to carefully watch.

Oh dear! The meter reader, Maggie’s arch nemesis, just walked into the yard. I wonder if she will sense his presence like the force in Star Wars. (Moments later she is now in the backyard barking maniacally and viciously. So much for tranquility.)

The Arduous Things Andrew Must Endure…

Two weeks ago, Rebecca had told me she would be on vacation this visit for my injection. She had told me not to fret as the other nurses would take good care of me. I had forgotten and my hopes sunk to the floor when Dee Dee informed me that it would be awhile before a nurse came available. The lobby soon began to fill up making me nervous – all of these coughing, sniffling, sickly people.

“Rebecca won’t let you get your seat warm before she calls you back,” Dee Dee told me with a smile and a chuckle.

I laughed back weakly in agreement.

“Rebecca spoils me rotten,” I told Dee Dee in response.

The nurse practitioner in residence, Leigh Anne, finally stuck her head out the office door and welcomed me back. Leigh Anne is so very sweet and wanted me to be and feel comfortable. She’s only administered my injection one time before.

“I promise I won’t hurt you,” she told me with a warm but worried smile.

You could see the worry furrows in her forehead form. 

“I’m fine,” I promised her. “I’ve been doing this for ten years.”

They always try to use the short needle and are surprised when I insist on the 3 inch needle.

“The short one is for the deltoid muscle,” I told her. “The longest one is for the gluteal muscle.”

“We need to get that medicine deep as we can into my butt muscle,” I then told her in layman terms.

“What took you so long?” my father asked upon my arrival back at the pharmacy. “I was beginning to worry you drove back home and got back in the bed.”

“I had to wait in the lobby for 30 minutes,” I replied to my father. “Rebecca is on vacation.”

“I was about to call down there and see what was happening,” my father said dotingly.

The Hard Sell…

Dad and I both spent $95 dollars on our groceries last night. I spent $10 dollars on chicken salad alone. I also spent $5 more dollars on that decadently delicious Qui French style yogurt. My biggest expense was car care products as I washed my car the other day and I wanted it to look nice. Tire slick, trim finish, etc.

“I can’t say anything to you about it as I am just as bad in what I spent,” my father told me consoling me about the lofty price.

“Damn,” I said as we escaped the jaws of Kroger. “I forgot my journal writing sodas.”

“Here’s $5,” my father told me. “Go through self checkout and buy them really quick.”

We were headed to our cars when a strange, rail thin black fellow with a wandering eye approached us.

“Excuse me sir!” he kept saying as we kept walking. “Excuse me!”

He hit my father up for $20 dollars very aggressively and menacingly getting right in his face.

“I just want a sandwich from the deli and a soda,” he told us.

“First, back away from me. Let me finish loading my groceries into my car and I will go buy you a sandwich and a drink,” my father told him.

Well, he didn’t like that one bit and just walked off without saying one more thing.

It’ll Warm Your Heart…

I was sitting in my Laz-E-Boy looking out the window when I told Maggie that Papa and Charlie would soon be here. I had just gotten off the phone with my father who gave me an ETA of 5 minutes. Maggie jumped up in the window and started her vigil. Soon, Charlie and Papa came pulling up in front of the house in the Caprica.

“Papa and Charlie are here!” I exclaimed as I jumped up out of the chair and headed to the door.

Maggie went just apeshit bananas.

I helped dad and Charlie bring in all the food and drinks on this our KFC Sundays. Charlie got on the couch and boy did Maggie get to “talking” to him as he baby talked her. Then dad got in on the act and Maggie got to barking very loudly and joyously. It was the kind of joy that can’t be contained and must be released.

Of course, the dynamic duo didn’t stick around too long. They were both hungry and ready to eat their meals while the food was still hot. Horsefly was certainly awaiting his chicken strips meal at home as well.

Charlie Knows Best…

I met Charlie at my father’s house this morning. I pulled into the driveway and saw his car. I got excited. It would be damn good to see him after this mornings biscuit ritual which was a brief visit.

“What are you fellows doing in here?” I asked as I surveyed my father’s fridge for something cold and interesting to drink.

I decided on some Simply Natural lemonade which was meant for the grandkids.

“It is going to give me heartburn, but I am going to drink it,” I told my father.

Dad was watching Queen Elizabeth’s birthday parade for the dozenth time.

“I need you to see after a TV at my house,” Charlie said. “The remote has quit working.”

I told Charlie I would soon be out at his new house after I commiserated with my father for awhile.

“Simplest things first,” I told myself on the drive to Charlie’s new house.

Nobody was home when I arrived so I let myself inside. I turned on YouTube on Charlie’s big 65 inch television. I tuned into the Farting Preacher just for kicks and amusement while I waited. Charlie walked in halfway through the video. Charlie laughed and laughed.

“Is this for real?” Charlie asked.

“Someone just dubbed in some farts, but his mannerisms fit them perfectly.”

“Is this also YouTube?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “And it seems to be streaming just fine.”

It turned out the remote was broken on his little Sharp TV (that’s what I thought after I tried the simplest thing first and that was to change its batteries to no avail) and that is why the other television wouldn’t come on.

“I have an identical Sharp remote at my house,” I told Charlie. “Do you want me to go get it and let’s try it? That way we can make sure it truly is the remote.”

The remote had been sitting in a drawer in my den for years.

“Hurry and go get it,” Charlie said excitedly.

I arrived back at Charlie’s house minutes later and it was indeed what I thought. The TV blinked to life when I hit the power button on my identical remote. Charlie was overjoyed and loaded me up on leaded regular Coca-Colas.

Maggie’s Home–Home Sweet Home…

I thought I would never get her back safe, but my fur kid is exhausted and asleep on the sofa. When she first entered the door, the order of the day was to get Andrew smell on her and get that yucky Veterinarian smell off of her. She put the den rug to good use rubbing back and forth on it and the sofa as well. I just turned a blind eye and let her go at it. I was just so overjoyed to have her home!

She’s got a mild ear infection and I have antibiotic drops to put in her ear everyday.  Otherwise, she got a good bill of health. I thought Dr. Jerry would tell me she is overweight, but he didn’t say a word about it. 

“Let me ask you this. How do you let your dog’s nails get so long?” Dr. Thomas asked me in a candid moment.

It had embarrassed me that Maggie’s nails were so long as if I was neglecting her care.

“She rarely goes outside and would never let me clip them,” I replied defensively. “If she hears me clipping my fingernails, she goes running out the dog door thinking she may be next.”

Dr. Thomas just chuckled and said, “Well, I swear.”

My Maggins…

My Dog Has a Name. It is Spelled M-a-g-g-i-e!

What am I going to do without my dog tonight? I know she won’t sleep a wink on the cold concrete floor of that kennel at the veterinarian. No cuddles tonight either as the air conditioner drops the temperatures into the low seventies as we sleep overnight. I won’t even have to let her down off the bed for a potty break and get her back in the bed when she returns. She’ll bark at me to let me know she wants up if I’ve fallen back asleep.

“I called you two weeks ago to bring her out here,” the Vet. technician said chastising me.

“Life got in the way and it is not exactly Maggie’s favorite place to visit,” I said in rebuttal. “I hate to put her through all of this.”

Maggie was shaking like a leaf as I held her. At least she didn’t urinate on me this visit.

Martha Mode…

“What’s wrong?” my father asked over the phone this morning after he answered and I said a feeble and aggravated hello.

“I am just in Martha mode this morning,” I told my father with much consternation. “Everything is worrying me and I have so much to do today. I need my shower as my hair is greasy, I don’t have any gas, and I’ve got to get Maggie to the veterinarian.”

“We’ll take this one step at a time,” my father said. “You take a shower while I take my daily walk. I’ll call you when I get back and you can meet me at the Circle K and we’ll fill up both our cars, and then you can take Maggie to the Vet.”

“Don’t forget to take your noon medications,” my father aptly added.

Finally, a game plan. I felt much better. It’s time for Maggie’s yearly checkup and I can’t put it off any longer. I am just going to leave her overnight so they can get everything done. She needs some TLC like her rabies vaccination, her nails clipped, a bath, and she might have an ear infection. I want Dr. Jerry to give her a thorough going over. 

I Beat You to the Punch!

My sister had a break in rounds at the hospital so she called me to talk music. I am loving that she is calling me lately. We were estranged for decades. Dad has a lot to do with it. He keeps telling my brother and sister how far I have come lately recovering from my addictions and my mental illness.

“Have you heard of the artist Little Boots and her album Hands?” my sister asked me. “The album came out in 2009, but sounds so eighties. I thought you would like her.”

“I’ve got all three of her albums,” I replied to my sister.

“Well, you are no fun,” my sister said laughing.

“Mary, I have over 600 Gigabytes of music on my main gaming computer,” I told her. “I have a little bit of everything.”

“What are you listening to this morning?” my sister asked.

“I am listening to Sonya Kitchell’s album This Storm.” I told her. ”She’s got a great voice – deep and husky for a woman. Great range as well.”

“I will have to look her up when I get home tonight,” Mary said.

I spelled out her name and my sister put a note in her phone for this evening.

My Hydrangeas Are Looking as Beautiful as Always…

We Passed Muster…

Dad was really walking around my house checking on things tonight. It was making me nervous. What would he find? My collection of Japanese Hentai? (just kidding)

“Oh, I love your Christmas lights in your bedroom,” he said at one point. “You need to make up your bed everyday, though.”

“The Christmas lights are my nightlight,” I told him and ignored the part about making up my bed.

That harkens back to his Army days.

“Your computer room looks just like a computer junkie would have it,” Dad told me.

“You’ve got your kitchen and laundry room looking so nice and clean,” he also said as we moved through the house.

He did say my bathroom needed some work.

“You’ve got ring around the toilet bowl,” he said.

We both sat back down in the den as Maggie vied for my father’s affection.

“I don’t want my hands smelling like dog,” he said with his nose turned up thwarting Maggie's efforts.

Dad complimented me on the music playing through the computer in the den.

“It’s my iTunes mix,” I said. “Some songs I have listened to over a hundred times.”

Imogen Heap was playing and dad pricked up his ears up when I said she was British.

A little note on dad’s army days. The army barracks stayed lit all night. Dad had a top bunk just under a bright light bulb. He could only sleep with a towel over his eyes. Still, to this day, he sleeps with a folded towel covering his eyes. I guess old habits die hard.

My Miasma…

It is already half past five and I haven’t had my shower and shave for the day. This is very unlike me. I just feel this bored complacency and a general ineptitude.  I hope when six arrives I will get cleaned up before my father comes over. He said he was visiting with Maggie and I tonight. He also wants to see that television in action when connected to a computer. I got it to work in 2k or super high definition. My games, TV shows, and movies have never looked better.

Yesterday was like the 12th day in a row I got on up, took a shower, and took care of business (that old perfectionist in me working). I certainly don’t want to buck that trend like I did today. At least I’ve got clean clothes in the dryer and they are going to smell wonderful when I put them on after my shower. Progress! Not perfection! Right?

Edit: Shower has been taken. Shave foregone. Clean clothes are on. I have spaghetti meat sauce bubbling away on the stove. We’re making progress this day. Better late than never.

Left of Center…

I decreed to my father early this morning that I was no longer to be called crazy, but left of center. It had a nice ring to it for us crazy folk. He laughed and laughed and said it was very witty. He had a care package for me to pick up was the reason I was over there. He had forgotten to tell me last night that he had cooked supper before our trip to the grocery store.

“I made bobby burgers early last night,” he had told me previously on the phone and I hurried over there for the leftovers which he readily offered. 

I adore my father’s bobby burgers. Luckily, my father is a feeder like Charlie. They both take much satisfaction out of making you happy with food. They love for you to brag on their efforts and cooking as well.

Bobby burgers are more commonly known as Hunt’s Manwiches except my father makes the sauce from scratch instead of opening a can. It makes a world of difference.

I got home and warmed up the meat sauce in the microwave and got out some hamburger buns dad sent with me. I ate five little bobby burgers and Maggie had two. They were savored with zest and were absolutely delicious.

Who Dat Be?

Judy was checking us out when I looked at the swinging doors and saw Tuleana and her mother walk into Kroger. I immediately hid my face, but it was too late. Tuleana had seen me and put on her happy face.

“Hey Mr. John,” she said to my father as she traded with him at the pharmacy for years.

“Andrew! What have you been doing? You’ve gained some weight!”

“Oh, nothin’ much,” I replied as she hugged me.

“Richard and me broke up,” she told me. “He wasn’t a man. A provider. I am living with Momma right now.”

“I hate to hear that,” I replied sincerely.

“Poor Richard,” I thought facetiously.

They headed onwards to shop and dad and I hurriedly left the store with lots to talk about.

“She just looks crazy,” was the last thing my father told me as I got in my car to drive home.

I forgot to remind him that I, too, am labeled as crazy.

Serving Up Andrew’s Spaghetti…

I haven’t really cooked in so long other than breakfast that I had to hunt for my spaghetti pot tonight. I also found the colander for the noodles. Yes, I am making my spaghetti tomorrow evening for supper. When did ground chuck get so expensive? 

Got ‘cha!

I told my father I fixed the television this morning. I was explaining to him on how I did it.

“How did you know to use the remote to reset it?” he asked

“I searched for how to reset it on the internet,” I replied.

“Do you want it back?” I then asked. “We could put it in mom’s room.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” my father replied looking smug in his pajamas.

He then said “Got ‘cha” really loudly and laughed and laughed.

“I know you had your heart set on getting that television. It is yours to keep,” he told me.

I told my father thank you and gave him a man hug as he was sitting down.

Goin’ to the Movies?

Solo A Star Wars Story was certainly met with many mixed reviews. My favorite film critic gave it 2 out of 4 stars and I trust him. His reviews are spot on. I didn’t waste my time on a movie ticket.

“Just another run-of-the-mill heist movie,” he said. “Move along.”

I have trouble concentrating and sitting through movies. There are so many movies I want to see like The Planet of the Apes series, Rogue One a Star Wars Story, The Arrival, The Martian, and Interstellar. See the science fiction trend I have going?

Show Your Support for the Colonel…

I was feeling lonely yesterday afternoon so I asked my father if I could ride with them to get our KFC supper. I thought it would be an interesting experience and it was.

“Sure,” he said. “We will pick you up at eight.”

We didn’t have to wait long in line at the KFC. They were quick with our order. Dad and Charlie also knew everyone who worked there and they talked and talked and bantered back and forth through the drive thru window. Charlie handed me my piping hot pot pies and put Horsefly’s chicken strips forefront on the dash.

“That means you are showing public support for the Colonel!” I quipped to Charlie.

Charlie and dad got to laughing and Charlie told me shut up playfully.

“Oh shut up, Andrew!” he said chuckling.

Charlie wanted to show me his new chimney caps at his new house so we swung by there. They were some nice and what I assume ceramic chimney caps. We then had to run by the river house and check the water level. Everything looked fine. The river house has really come a long way!

I found myself in front of my house no worse for wear. We all had to come inside to see Maggie who abounded with playful energy and sheer joy. Dad also wanted to see my kitchen cabinets as I had cleaned them out yesterday afternoon. He was pleased and I now have plenty of kitchen counter space with all my groceries put away. 

Charlie, of course, had to gather all my empty milk cartons and trash. I called myself Charlie proofing the kitchen, but he still found something to do.

Shh, Don’t Tell Old Fuss and Feathers…

Ah, the sweet taste of electronic victory. I managed to get the television working by doing a full factory reset on it. We’re not going to tell Papa, though. I hate all the subterfuge, but I don’t want to flaunt it to my father that I fixed it. It is a really, really nice television. That TV is going to be the new monitor on my computer room computer where he will never see it. I just hope it fits on the desk with room for my keyboard and mouse. It is going to be a tight fit. I was just overjoyed when I reset it and the setup menu showed up on the screen after it cycled. I let out a big, “YES!” and clapped my hands in excitement.

1. While the TV is On, press and hold the EXIT button on the Samsung remote control for 12 seconds. The standby light should blink the entire time without interruption. 2. The Factory Reset screen displays a warning message. Select OK to reset the TV.

The Big Gulp!

So nice to be an egg in Andrew’s fridge. Maggie and I enjoyed a breakfast fit for kings and queens this morning. I scrambled six cheese eggs, fried bacon and sausage, had toasted biscuits, and I also had a big glass of orange juice to wash it all down with. Maggie got so excited she would run out the dog door, run back in, and bark playfully at me while looking like she was going to pounce at any minute. I just wish Maggie would take time to savor her food instead of wolfing it down. Maggie got three cheese eggs, two slices of bacon, a sausage patty, and a biscuit. She ate everything but the biscuit which she buried in the backyard which means there will be a muddy biscuit in my future.

VISITORS!!!

That’s what Maggie seemed to be saying when Charlie and my father pulled up in front of the house in the white truck. She was putting on a grand show! It does my heart good.

“What are you two doing?” I said now standing on the front stoop with my hands on my hips ever curious.

“We are delivering your daddy’s broken TV to see if you can tinker with it and get it working,” Charlie told me.

“It was Charlie’s idea,” dad said loudly.

I had a few tricks up my sleeve I wanted to try on that nice large Samsung widescreen television.

“If you get it working, it is yours, but I am going to be mad as hell I had to buy a new television,” my father told me as they both precariously carried that 45 inch television across the yard.

“The sound is working,” Charlie said. “You can tune it to a channel, but you do not get a picture.”

“I’ll see what I can do with it,” I said wringing my hands in sheer delight and absolute contentment.

There could be no telling what dad pressed on that remote to cause this to happen. I just hope I don’t get electrocuted in the process.  I will scour the web to see if people have had similar problems and what their solutions were.