A freak happenstance……

I just had a visitor that shook my very foundation. I am still reeling from what happened. My old way of behavior would be to buy a case of beer and get drunk. Feelings have a way of getting pushed to the side and being brought back in full force. Boy, did they come to the forefront this afternoon. I still have butterflies in my stomach.

I was sitting here listening to Edie Brickell’s Volcano CD. I was enjoying a cup of Maxwell’s French dark roast and browsing my favorite web pages. I was having a grand time until the world around me went out of control.

There was a knock at the door and it surprised me. I kind of jumped as I had my music turned up loud. I turned the music down. My first thought was Alaine and I got up to answer the door. It was my ex-wife Rachel. She had brought our Boston Terrier Otis. She let Otis off his leash and he came storming into my apartment and began sniffing around.

“I brought the rest of your clothes. I hope you don’t mind.” She said. “Is it okay if I come in?”

I opened the door and stood there dumbstruck. I squeaked out a hey Rach. I really didn’t know how to handle this situation. We haven’t seen each other in months. She came in and sat down in my lazy boy recliner. I pulled a chair out of the kitchen and sat down in front of her. There was this uncomfortable silence. I sat there looking at my hands and twiddling my fingers.

“So, how have you been?” She asked.

“I’ve been doing good and you?” I replied.

“I have been okay. Your shirts are in the trunk. I brought all your sweaters too. I know it will get cold soon.” She said.

“I appreciate it. I am going to need them.” I said.

“Can I be honest with you?” She asked.

I took a big swallow and said yes.

“I miss you. I miss you so much.” She said as she started to cry.

She reached forward to give me a hug. I just sat there confused. My world swirled out of control. In one instance my confidence was shattered.

“Rach, you know we can’t live together.” I said.

“I am tired of being alone. I want you to come home. I don’t care what happens, I just want you home.” Rachel cried.

I started to cry as well and I put my face in my hands.

“Your dad says you are doing well now. He says you no longer drink. Is that true?” Rachel asked.

I just kind of nodded yes and kept my face in my hands looking at the floor.

“I can change if you can change.” She said.

Otis was sitting at my feet looking up at me for attention. I picked him up and put him in my lap. He exuberantly licked my face and wiggled as if I was the first person he had seen in years.

“See? Otis still misses you as well.” Rachel said.

I just sat there without saying anything. I have missed Otis so much and was enjoying seeing him. Rachel stood up and reached into her pocket. She held her hand out towards me.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“The key to our house. If you change your mind, come and get in the bed with me tonight.” She said.

I sat there and held the key in my hand looking at it. Rachel put Otis on his leash.

“Come out and get your clothes.” She said.

I walked outside and gathered all my shirts and sweaters and brought them inside.

“Will I see you tonight?” Rachel asked.

I didn’t know what to say. I told her good night and thanks for bringing my clothes. She got in our Volkswagen and drove off. I think it is a good time to go to an AA meeting tonight.